Speak LOUD

Today I’m talking with Eric Daddario, who travels to high schools to show students how they can immediately change the course of their own lives and the lives of others. His experience lies in watching his brother die of a drug overdose, which is when he realizes the importance of making positive choices. Eric’s program shows youth how their decisions can impact long-term consequences in their lives.

Speak Up When You Need Help

Eric’s message is to speak up when you or someone you know is in trouble from alcohol or drug abuse, sexual abuse, or they are suffering from mental illness. His brother struggled when they were teens, and even though they were in the same peer group, Eric didn’t go down the path of addiction while his brother did. Eric believes his brother made that choice because of his low self-esteem.

Struggling Through Social Anxiety on His Own

Eric’s brother struggled with social anxiety due to a physical appearance issue which his brother believed others were judging him for. Although he had plastic surgery to change his physical appearance, his brother still believed others were looking at him. Instead of reaching out to their parents for help, his brother turned to drink, believing it would calm his nerves. Next, he tried escaping with oxycontin, other prescription drugs, then cannabis and heroin. 

Eric decided to align his decisions with the success of becoming a professional hockey player. So although they were both exposed to drugs, Eric decided not to do drugs or abuse alcohol because it didn’t align with his goal to be a pro athlete. Of their group of 14 friends, only two of them stayed clean and sober into adulthood - many of them are dead or are still hooked on drugs and alcohol.

Your Inner Voice

He talks about your inner voice and how some people brush off the warning they are given by their intuition that their actions are negatively affecting their life. Eric knew that addiction ran through his family on both sides of his family, so he decided early on that he didn’t want to go down that path. In addition, training for his sports gave him the drive and focus to lead a healthy lifestyle to achieve his goals.

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Today I’m talking with Jarie Bolander, an author and entrepreneur whose experience runs from semiconductors to life sciences to nonprofits. He runs his own podcast, “Entrepreneur Ethos,” named after his latest book of the same title. Jarie  works to help clients convert concepts to strategies, but for today’s episode, he’s here to speak loud about what he calls “manly grief” and the process of grief for men in our society. 

Caring for a Terminal Spouse

Jarie first encountered an issue with grieving as a man when his then wife, Jane, died of leukemia in 2017. He recounts the two of them trying to prepare in case of her death but that it’s impossible to prepare for something like that. After her death, Jarie felt afraid and confused, and turned to substances to try and fill the void. 

While grieving, Jarie felt alone and like there weren’t many people who were able to support him the way he needed—even he didn’t know what he needed. He joined support groups for widows and widowers but found that the majority were women and that their experiences didn’t always overlap. Trying to deal with grief as a man in this society made Jarie realize that there was a gap for support for widowers and grieving men. 

Grieving the ‘Manly Way’

Jarie found that expressing his grief and sorrow was liberating, and began to think about how to help others, especially men who went through similar experiences. The idea of “manly grief” came from his wondering of how to deal with grief in a ‘manly way.’ He wrote a memoir about his story with Jane, mainly of caring for a terminal spouse and how to help other men who are grieving. Jarie saw a lack of resources from a male perspective and decided  to fill the gap himself. 

As an entrepreneur, Jarie has to see himself in what he wants to be—which is how his book came along. He thought that Jane would want him to write a book so others didn’t feel so alone if or when they went through something similar. The book includes personal accounts of what helped him during his grieving process and focuses on the caregiving spouse. 

Normalizing Stories of Grief

Jarie realized that the more he talks about his grief, the less scary it became. His challenge for listeners is to share their story, too: “I think we need to have these conversations and be thoughtful and compassionate with each other.” Cliche as it is, he says that whatever story you have, it’s important and needs to be told. Somewhere out there will be someone who needs it, too. By talking about your experiences and difficulties, Jarie believes that it normalizes and lessens the shame and sorrow around trauma. 

Listen in to learn more about what modalities Jarie has used in his healing process, what was the most helpful for him when he was grieving, and 

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Today I’m talking with Becca Ferguson, a licensed professional counselor in trauma recovery and an online course creator who brings her love for storytelling and teaching everywhere she goes. Her advice comes from years of both personal and professional experience and her main goal in her work is to make sure people know that they aren’t alone. Today, she’s here to speak loud for people who don’t know what they need—or are afraid to ask for themselves. 

Seizing Your Autonomy

Becca shares that something she’s learned both as a therapist and a client is that after experiencing trauma, there’s a struggle in knowing how much to tell. One of the reasons why she became a therapist was because of her upbringing. She grew up in a conservative Christian home, where she didn’t have a lot of autonomy, and experienced abuse and the guilt and shame that came with it. 

It wasn’t until last year when Becca was seeing her own therapist that she realized that she had PTSD. She was abused in the church, had over-controlling parents and grew up with little to no autonomy. Since then, a lot of her story has come from accepting diagnosis and learning how to grow through it.

Getting Real with Clients

Becca’s own experiences influence how she approaches her career and her clients. While other therapists don’t believe in the power of self-disclosure, she prefers to be real and vulnerable by providing examples of what she’s talking to her clients about. She feels that this lets her clients connect with her as they can see that she knows what she’s talking about, and also aids in her own healing, as she’s able to process her own traumas in a validating way. 

“Mental health doesn’t make sense,” Becca says, which is why she takes a unique approach to every client she has. She works primarily with young adult females, who are often in similar experiences to what she went through. Becca loves relating to her clients, and being a therapist has been a healing experience for herself, as well. 

Values-Based Healing

Along with therapy, Becca is embarking on a virtual coaching adventure, and is launching her first virtual coaching group in June. Her goal is to focus on a different topic in each course and over five weeks connect with and educate women on that topic in small groups. The coaching groups will also use a workbook, another passion of Becca’s that she’s discovered, so that clients will have tangible tools to take back to their own therapists. 

In all her work, Becca wants to create a place where women feel empowered to discover and go after what they need to live their best lives. She works to make her own services as accessible as possible, keeping costs low and classes small. “It’s less about the experience that we went through,” Becca says, “and it’s more about why we’re healing from it.” Her values-based approach is what sets her apart as both a therapist and a speaker. 

Listen in to learn more about how Becca brings light and humor to her experiences, what modalities she uses for healing in her own life, and to receive a discount for her online courses only for podcast listeners.

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Today I’m talking with Rebecca Heidt, an artist and author of “Acceptance: The Beginning” and “Acceptance: The Reality”, the first two in her fantasy-fiction series. She’s won awards both for contemporary fantasy fiction and woman fantasy fiction as well as an LGBTQ+ fantasy fiction award. Rebecca believes in empowering others in not giving up on the life they want and claiming your own voice. 

Using Fantasy Fiction to Process Trauma

On her first appearance on the Speak Loud Podcast, Rebecca spoke about her own journey with trauma and acceptance, life experiences that influenced her to write her books. She’s currently working on the third book in the “Acceptance” series with plans for at least one more after that, along with an audiobook by December 2023.

Through her book series, Rebecca’s been able to heal from the major traumas of her life, a process that she describes as happening over and over. The fictional setting offers a playground to experiment with different narratives and parts of her life in a way that’s both healing and entertaining. She’s currently nominated for other awards, though the LGBTQ+ fantasy fiction award remains the most esteemed, in her opinion. 

Canvas Art and Writing as Therapy

Rebecca recounts that she turned to writing and art at the same time. After losing a family member in early 2020, she was struggling and found art as an escape.What she likes about canvas art as opposed to writing is that it provides a visual for what she’s feeling. She values being able to shut her brain off and let her heart take over. 

Along with art and writing, Rebecca enjoys meditation as a form of healing, which often translates into her art, as well. Over the course of her father’s illness, she’hs taken a new perspective on material things, and has found more peace and joy in prioritizing experiences over possessions. 

Learning to Be Bold

Since her last appearance on SLP, Rebecca has been learning to be more assertive, growing into speaking on her boundaries more vocally, something that can be especially hard for women. “I bring a lot to the table,” she says, “and if you can’t sit at this table and handle me, then you can go.” This sentiment is reflected in her writing and art, too, which are unapologetically vibrant and bold. 

Rebecca asks listeners to reflect on why they’re scared to say something, and to remember that the most important thing is to just say it. Opinions only affect the people who have them, so don’t worry about what others think. There is so much power in believing in yourself.

Listen in to learn more about Rebecca’s book series, what makes her feel empowered, and spiritual awakenings happening across cultures today. 

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Today I’m talking with Hildegard Koenig, proud mother of 2 who has dedicated her career to helping others. She’s a survivor of domestic violence and sexual abuse who has a burning passion to give her voice for victims of crime and cancer warriors. Hilde is the co-founder and president of the Ink Against Cancer foundation, a unique 501c3 that connects local artists to provide financial aid for cancer warriors. 

The Consequences of Domestic Abuse

Hilde shares that her first experience with sexual assault came when she was a child in Venezuela, and influenced her adulthood when she met her abuser and eventual ex-husband. She stayed in the marriage until nearly losing her life, and left with nothing but her two children—15 months and 2 months old, respectively—and was scared of what would happen. Hilde says she wishes she had known of more of the resources available for victims of domestic and sexual abuse. 

After sharing her story and getting a protective order against her abuser, Hilde started from the bottom once again. She endured many medical issues, both physical and mental, from the abuse, and still does today. However, despite her doubts and fears as a single mother, she stayed away from her abuser and eventually remarried to someone who adopted her children as his own. 

Starting a Non-Profit

Hilde’s passion for helping people overcome cancer led to her nonprofit, “Ink Against Cancer Foundation.” Not only had her mother-in-law passed away from cancer, but Hilde’s close-friend shared his frustrations with her about the lack of resources he had to even pay bills or make rent while out of work. Hilde organized an event where many of the artists who tattooed her friend, Wolf, came together and raised funds to support her friend. Wolf, before passing, asked Hilde to continue in his memory. 

“Ink Against Cancer” is now preparing for its 7th annual event, with over 90 applications from cancer warriors. Hilde and her husband, along with four other board members, work in their offtime to support in whatever way they can, whether it’s helping pay for gas, meals, or buying Christmas presents. 

Uniting Artists Against Cancer

The 501c3 provides last wishes for adults as well as children whose wishes weren’t able to be fulfilled during COVID-19. “Cancer does not discriminate,” Hildegard says, which is why the foundation works for cancer warriors no matter the age or cancer type. After the fundraiser, artists get to meet the families they’re helping and see where their donations go to. Hildegard says that while they only ask artists for 50% of what they make, the majority donate 100%. 

Hilde and her partners want to make a difference, big or small, in someone’s life. She hopes that listeners know that we all have our own story. “And it’s your story. No one can take that away from you.” 

Listen in to learn more about the effects of abuse on families, Hilde’s five-year-plan, and how to get involved with “Ink Against Cancer.” 

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Today I’m talking with Lynn Crook, author of “False Memories: The Deception that Silenced Millions.” After suffering sexual abuse as a child, she sued her parents for damages and won, which led her down the investigation path that inspired her book. Today, she’s here to speak loud about encouraging survivors to speak publicly about their experiences, and combating shame with compassion. 

Uncovering Repressed Memories

Lynn was the oldest of six children who were all molested. Her father forced her to repress the memory after punishing her for talking about it, and over her young lifetime, she eventually forgot about it completely. It wasn’t until 40 years later when Lynn was working in a sexual abuse response center that the memories started to resurface in panic attacks and flashbacks. 

It took Lynn months to speak about and accept what had happened to her, but when she did, she decided to sue her parents for damages due to sexual abuse. She had the means to go to court and wanted to make the world safer, eventually winning her case. However, her interest turned to the concept of ‘false memories,’ which her parents tried to use in their defense—attempting to claim that Lynn’s memories were made up.

Disproving False Memories

After the trial, Lynn’s excitement from winning died down as she heard more and more people talk about ‘false memories.’ People didn’t believe her or sided with her parents, showing her firsthand the impact of the false memory campaign. Over the next decade, Lynn dedicated herself to investigating false memory claims, and deducted that it was a complete scam. 

Lynn told the story of how the false memory campaign began and decided to put it in her book, believing that if people were able to read it, then they would learn more about how child molesters try to silence their victims. “You believed that?” Lynn will say now. “Really?” Her passion project has now evolved into her published book, after she spent 3 years compiling all the information she had learned over the decade. 

Living with Confidence 

Lynn shares that her panic attacks have now stopped, but the childhood trauma will be there for the rest of her life. She says that it’s up to the individual to find the tools that work for them in order to live a life that’s not impacted by shame or fear. For her, that’s seeing her therapist regularly and making sense of things through journaling. 

Lynn wants readers of her book to gain confidence in coming out about what happened to them—even if someone chooses not to believe them. With that confidence, she hopes people will be able to share their story, awful as it was, and start to stop it. 

Listen to learn more about where the false memories movement started, the role of women and spouses with child molesters, and what makes Lynn feel empowered today.

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Today I’m talking with Steve Simpson, an award-winning author, businessman, and volunteer. Steve started writing as a child to escape a traumatic home life, and through his experiences with foster care, therapy, and self-help groups, was able to create a new start for himself. Today, he is here to speak loud about his own experience with abuse and to assure other people that they aren’t alone. 

Living a False Narrative

In early childhood, Steve describes himself as the opposite of an ‘A student’: a ‘Z student.’ He was always cracking jokes and interrupting and consistently failed classes because of the physical and verbal abuse he was receiving at home from his father. He recalls being jealous of the ‘smart kids’ whose home lives he believed to be perfect. Steve developed the narrative that he was stupid and that it didn’t matter how much effort he put in—he would never succeed.

Steve says that he started cutting class as early as 3rd grade, and would go to the library and ask for a pen and paper, where he would write poems and short stories. He was always looking for a way to escape. At 11, he attempted suicide, telling people who didn’t understand: “I don’t want to die—I just don’t want to live.” 

The Power of Self-Help

A turning point came in Steve’s life when he entered the foster care system. He stayed in two homes, both of which he recounts as good experiences, but the real trigger for healing was the mandated self-help group he attended. He states that it was the best thing to happen to him. Suddenly, he felt welcomed, and discovered that the so-called ‘smart kids’ in his group were fighting many of the battles he was at home. 

The self-help group supported him not just in his personal life but in school. Steve learned how to study and found himself doing better in school, going from barely passing to achieving high honors. In his teen years, he finally realized that it wasn’t his fault, but his circumstances that were creating the negative narrative.  

Writing The Survival Handbook

As an adult, Steve has written four fiction novels that he directs towards teens and young adults who are experiencing abuse or considering suicide. The books are works of fiction with abuse victim handbooks hidden inside. Steve wrote the books as a way for the right tools to get into the hands of kids who otherwise wouldn’t seek out help or who didn’t feel safe. 

Steve says that he wrote the kinds of books that would have helped him. He wanted the reader to leave feeling better about themselves and encouraged to find help. “If you are an adult,” Steve says, “you are involved.” He believes that it’s the adults’ responsibility to call out abuse and support victims, especially if they’re children. 

Listen in to learn more about the impact of verbal abuse, the dangers of misdiagnosis in abuse victims, and Steve’s five-year-plan. 

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Today I’m talking with Jennifer Morris, a mother and author who decided to share her story of love and loss in order to bring comfort to those who have experienced death in their lives. Her book, titled ‘I Will Be With You Alway’ released last June in 2022, and provides children with a story on how to understand and cope with loss. 

Another Side to Trauma

Jennifer’s mother died when she was 5, and still too young to understand what death was. She recalls sitting at the dinner table and asking her family, “So, after the funeral, is that when Mom is coming home?” Eventually, Jennifer learned that her mom had committed suicide, and as a young girl told herself the story that her mother had left her deliberately because she was not enough. 

Her father’s struggle with alcoholism led to another narrative of Jennifer’s: “I’m alone with no one to take care of me.” She spent her life searching for someone to take care of her, willing to be whatever role they needed in order to feel loved. She felt like a ship in the middle of the ocean, with no control over what life brought. Jennifer recounts that it took 20 years for anyone in her family to talk about her mother’s death. 

Deepening Relationships with Others

Much of Jennifer’s healing came in the form of her relationships with her loved ones. She had lived a life where she felt like she wasn’t enough to keep her mother alive. She recalls a defining moment of bringing her first daughter home for the first time. She was struck with the realization that her own mother must have been so unwell to do what she had, because Jennifer couldn’t imagine leaving her child. It hadn’t been her fault. 

Jennifer always wanted to be closer with her husband and friends, and it took many intense therapy sessions for that to become a reality. Now, however, she feels love and deep joy daily by letting her loved ones know how loved they are, and by ‘going deep’ with everyone she meets.

Finding Love Where It Is

Jennifer wanted her book to be relatable for anyone who has had someone pass.Over years of therapy, self-healing and self-love, she’s learned that she will always still be connected to her mom. She imparts this journey in her book, ‘I Will Always Be With You.’

“Instead of looking for where they were,” Jennifer says, “find them where they are.” She thanks her mother—and father—daily for the magical moments in her life, and feels their presence always. Jennifer hopes that listeners know that whatever trauma they experience is not forever. There is hope. 

Listen in to hear the lessons Jennifer’s learned from writing her book, how her family dealt with trauma and shame, and what advice she has for listeners.

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Today I’m talking with Jason Hallberg, a friend of many years. He is a new podcaster, from the podcast ‘Rapping Life,’ which is currently in its early stages. Today, he is here to talk about childhood emotional neglect and the discoveries he has made through his soul journey. 

Emotionally Absent Childhood

Jason Hallberg grew up dealing with emotional neglect throughout his childhood. His father was absent from his life and his mother raised him in the same manner she was raised. His mother’s boyfriend created an environment of verbal and emotional abuse as well as excessive drug and alcohol use. Jason was quick to lash out and fight in elementary school, and after being expelled in 4th grade and seeing the impact it had on his mother, became closed off and hyper-independent.

Jason recalls meeting his best friend in junior high whom he described as changing his life. His friend lived an entirely different lifestyle, with a functioning family and more money than Jason, who felt he didn’t bring anything to the table. Growing up poor, he recounts that everything seemed to connect back to money. However, that friend was the beginning of him changing his mindset and accepting that he could be loved and have value as a person, regardless of social status.

Noticing and Breaking Patterns

Jason’s soul-searching began about a year ago. He was unhappy at his job, and after he left and went through a breakup at the same time, began to notice patterns in the relationships in his life. He learned about attachment styles, which led to childhood trauma, and from there had a series of epiphanies about his own life and how his early years still affect him in the present day. 

Most of Jason’s healing has been done without a therapist, which he credits to just being honest with himself. He would take early morning walks, starting with affirmations and then later finding meditation. Ideas began to come to him about what he wanted, eventually leading to his podcast. 

Freeing Yourself From Your Thoughts

Today, Jason is applying the wisdom he’s learned to his own life. He accepted that something in his life set him down a different path than the people around him, and from there has made an effort to move forward. “Keep doing something that’s uncomfortable,” he says, “until it feels comfortable.” For him, that’s been being emotionally vulnerable with his mother and having more open conversations about his childhood. 

Jason tries to practice honesty with himself and with the people around him. He is aware of how our thoughts shape our reality and what other people tell themselves. In his day-to-day life, he tries to be more uplifting and honest with those around him. If he were able to talk to his younger self, Jason would remind himself that people do care about him and that he is not alone. To listeners, he hopes they know the value of open and honest communication not just with your loved ones but with yourself, as well. 

Listen in to hear more about childhood neglect, reconnecting with estranged family members, and setting boundaries with the people you love. 

Today I’m talking with Clayne Edward Wayman. He’s a sought-after mortgage professional, as well as a speaker, mentor, and founder of the Vasper platform where he shares spiritual insight and mentorship. He’s a recent author and a husband and father of four. Today, he’s here to share his story and talk about the importance of trust.

Growing Up in a Polygamist Sect

Clayne grew up in a Mormon fundamentalist polygamist community. His mother was a first wife of 12, and Clayne was the first of 45 children who were primarily homeschooled. He married his first wife when he was 21, and then remarried after their divorce. Both were members of the same fundamentalist community, based in Arizona. 

Clayne explains that multiple Mormon fundamentalist groups still practice polygamy. These sects view polygamy as a cornerstone of the religion. Growing up, Clayne thought his lifestyle was completely normal— ‘monogamist’ was the worst insult that he knew. However, in 2008 and 2009, he started questioning the environment he was raised in, and by 2017, had left the community entirely. 

Life Outside Religion

Clayne slowly came to realize that his life’s direction did not lie with the church. He began testing his doubts when the president of the community read from scripture that God would tell him if one of them sinned. Clayne found this as an opportunity to test it and began experimenting with women outside of his marriage. Not only did the religious leaders not immediately know, but they also called him to say that they wanted to arrange for him what they claimed to be a God-ordained marriage. This was his checkmate. 

Clayne fully left the community in 2017—with his second wife. He had shared all of his doubts with her before they married and later when he was contemplating leaving. Both times, the trust paid off. His wife left with him, and the two of them were able to step into a deeper and more trusting relationship. Clayne continues to stand, as he says, ‘on the rock of integrity.’ 

Spirituality and Self-Discovery

When telling his president that he was leaving, Clayne recalls the president telling him that he had never found a better way of life. He endeavors now to show people that there is a much better way. Clayne has had several spiritual awakenings and practices the shamanic ancient wisdom. He’s used ayahuasca, Psilocybin, and other plant medicines, and has learned to see the signs of divine love and wisdom in everyday life. 

Clayne’s book, “Echoes of Resounding Love,” shares his story as well as techniques for readers to learn more about themselves. He delves into psychology and how to trust your own unique process of discovery. “There are things the heart knows that the head may not even be able to fully wrap around,” he says. Clayne hopes that his readers, as well as the listeners of this podcast, learn to trust in the process—and trust that the universe has better things in store for you. 

Listen in to hear more about Mormon fundamentalists and polygamy, ayahuasca and plant medicine for trauma survivors, and generational trauma. 

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