Spoilerpiece Theatre

We spend a lot of time this week on JUPITER ASCENDING, and not because it's good. Because - JAYSUS - it's really, really bad. Like, so bad. You think THE MATRIX sequels were bad? YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN' YET. This movie is a cesspool of overused ideas and underbaked plotlines. Gah. Evan and Dave absolutely lose their minds. Dave says "It's so stupid" about a million times. At least Sean Bean survives (holy shit)! And at least Kris makes an attempt at putting the movie in a broader cultural context (in his estimation: the Wachowskis made a Y.A. movie on purpose). Plus, Kris finally pissed Dave off, and not the other way around.

Then Kris briefs us on DUKE OF BURGUNDY (which he recommends) and THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE: SPONGE OUT OF WATER (which he reluctantly recommends). Tangents this week include a dip into TITANIC, the new MAGIC MIKE movie, STEP UP, how much arm strength actors have, PLANES, TRAINS, AND AUTOMOBILES,and the phrase "show your ass." It all makes sense in the end. We swear.

As the Beastie Boys said, "Another plane, another train, another bottle in the brain, another girl, another fight, another drive all night." What does that have to do with Spoilerpiece? IT'S MIDNIGHT, WHO KNOWS, DON'T JUDGE US. What we do know is that we got through 24 inches of snow (that's twice the length of "Informer," as far as we know) and convened for a late episode discussing the Mike Binder-directed Kevin Costner vehicle BLACK OR WHITE and J.C. Chandor's third flick, A MOST VIOLENT YEAR. We also got into tangents about parking, abandoning cars, and Kris had a great story about drunk wasps. Evan didn't leave his house for two days and there are birds in Dave's bedroom. It was, as Dave's college R.A. would have said, a fuggin' week.

As the Beastie Boys said, “Another plane, another train, another bottle in the brain, another girl, another fight, another drive all night.” What does that have to do with Spoilerpiece? IT’S MIDNIGHT, WHO KNOWS, DON’T JUDGE US. What we do know is that we got through 24 inches of snow (that’s twice the length of “Informer,” as far as we know) and convened for a late episode discussing the Mike Binder-directed Kevin Costner vehicle BLACK OR WHITE and J.C. Chandor’s third flick, A MOST VIOLENT YEAR. We also got into tangents about parking, abandoning cars, and Kris had a great story about drunk wasps. Evan didn’t leave his house for two days and there are birds in Dave’s bedroom. It was, as Dave’s college R.A. would have said, a fuggin’ week.

HEY-O! It's an especially dirty episode this week as we tackle movies with explicit sex and plots that make us swear in disbelief. That's right, gang! It's THE BOY NEXT DOOR, the Jennifer Lopez comeback vehicle that, if there's any justice, will soon be playing at midnight shows alongside THE ROOM. Kris and Dave could NOT believe how awful it is - and they highly recommend it. Plus, Evan lays out the coma-filled grief-sex feature SONG ONE, and Kris explains that, in many ways, STILL ALICE and CAKE are the same movie. Plus, we talk about "Law & Order: SVU," and we'd love to know from you what movies we should commentary.

HEY-O! It's an especially dirty episode this week as we tackle movies with explicit sex and plots that make us swear in disbelief. That's right, gang! It's THE BOY NEXT DOOR, the Jennifer Lopez comeback vehicle that, if there's any justice, will soon be playing at midnight shows alongside THE ROOM. Kris and Dave could NOT believe how awful it is - and they highly recommend it. Plus, Evan lays out the coma-filled grief-sex feature SONG ONE, and Kris explains that, in many ways, STILL ALICE and CAKE are the same movie. Plus, we talk about "Law & Order: SVU," and we'd love to know from you what movies we should commentary.

Well, it finally happened. A movie made Evan really, really angry. And the thing that made him angry is a movie he otherwise liked. That's right, gang! It's Michael Mann's BLACKHAT (which Dave didn't know was Michael Mann until five minutes before the screening), and AMERICAN SNIPER. Plus, Kris has the best line of the night in his one-sentence description of Chris Hemsworth's character in "Blackhat." Anyway, there are plentiful tangents, and we also wanted to say thank you for listening! Last week was our most downloaded yet.

Well, it finally happened. A movie made Evan really, really angry. And the thing that made him angry is a movie he otherwise liked. That's right, gang! It's Michael Mann's BLACKHAT (which Dave didn't know was Michael Mann until five minutes before the screening), and AMERICAN SNIPER. Plus, Kris has the best line of the night in his one-sentence description of Chris Hemsworth's character in "Blackhat." Anyway, there are plentiful tangents, and we also wanted to say thank you for listening! Last week was our most downloaded yet.

We promised it in last week's episode and we didn't deliver, so this week we finally get to the worst movies of 2014. Since we like to save the worst for last, we talk about two new movies we saw first: INHERENT VICE and SELMA. Tangents this week include veganism, pyschadelic drugs, THE BIG LEBOWSKI, and THE LONG GOODBYE among other things. The episode is a little longer than usual, but that's mostly because we were having so much fun talking about farts. That and Evan almost fell asleep editing the episode. We promise it will be shorter next time.

Happy new year, Spoilerpiecers! On this episode we each talk about our 10 favorite movies of 2014. There's a lot of agreement and lots of disagreement. And then, totally organically, we venture into talk about cocaine, Aviator sunglasses, and Kenny Loggins. (Gotta love the tangents.) We hit upon LOCKE, THE DOUBLE, ENEMY, FRANK, SNOWPIERCER, ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE, BLUE RUIN, COLD IN JULY, JODOROWSKY'S DUNE…just to name nine. There are a bunch more. We'll get to the worst movies of 2014 next time. Sorry for the abrupt ending, but these things happen around the holidays.

Merry Christmas! Happy (belated) Hanukkah! And, DUDE: Dave goes OFF on an epic anti-musical rant before we even get to INTO THE WOODS. Plus, Kris takes ANNIE apart, and EVAN was pulled in two directions by UNBROKEN. We make some Marky Mark jokes, and the ending is a little looser than normal, but that's because we all wanted to get home for tha holidays. Hope you got everything you wanted this year, from world peace to THE INTERVIEW On Demand!