Square Peg Round Hole

No one likes to admit the possibility they might create the majority of their own problems or that they are the source of their own pain. Even considering the idea is slightly embarrassing. Or shameful.

But is it true?

I hate to be the one to tell you, but it’s true. Most of our pain is self-inflicted.

Deliberately? Not usually. Inadvertently? Most likely.

Until we even ponder that possibility, we'll continue to suffer unnecessarily in areas completely within our control. This is true for both our internal and external battles. And it's especially true for our relational challenges and well-being.

Our personal struggles—private and public—are more solvable than we can imagine when we learn to recognize the signs of emotional self-harm. In this episode, Timothy Eldred unpacks three easily-remedied, self-harm behaviors that can improve your life once you learn to recognize the signs. They might be easier to change than you think.

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SHOW NOTES

During the episode, Tim addresses some self-harm behaviors. Here's a list of the three he mentions and a few more to consider for your life:

• Pretending
• Sharing with people who can't support you*
• Not asking for what you need*
• Judging yourself harshly
• Being inauthentic
• Thinking negatively about yourself
• Preoccupying yourself with other people's lives
• Expecting things to be perfect
• Allowing fear to stop you
• Choosing to remain silent
• Complaining without changing what you can control*

If you have thoughts or questions about any of these behaviors, please send an email to: [email protected].  We may address them in a future episode for everyone's benefit. Your voice matters, and we always appreciate hearing from you.

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Here are additional resources you may want to read for insight into this issue:

• https://myonlinetherapy.com/emotional-self-harm/
• https://themighty.com/topic/self-harm/types-of-self-harm
• https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/speakingoutaboutselfinjury/2020/6/can-self-harm-be-emotional
• https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/happiness-is-state-mind/201908/emotional-self-harm-people-pleasing-can-ruin-your-happiness

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Thanks for listening. Please follow on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. You can learn more about Tim here.

Send us a text message. We'd love to hear from you!

Thanks for listening. Please follow on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. You can learn more about Tim here.

We overthink.

And the thoughts bouncing around in our brains shape our world and become our reality. We also take life too seriously. Is it any wonder we are so emotionally stressed and uptight? 

What would happen if we chose to relax, care less, and see life as a beautiful gift? Because it is precisely that, my friends. That truth is available for everyone to experience every single day.

You don't have to take everything so serious or let others' thoughts dictate your days which means you don’t have to:

• Pretend to agree with everyone
• Take responsibility for how others feel
• Apologize often
• Always say yes
• Feel uncomfortable if someone disapproves of you
• Act like the people around you
• Need praise to feel good
• Go to great lengths to avoid conflict
• Succumb to the pressure of fitting in
• Believe you are less than others
• Tolerate toxic people

The choice to abandon these behaviors is 100% yours. No one else controls you. But only you can lighten up and stop overthinking. With that list in mind, here are a couple of questions:

1. Who is the person I am being in my life and showing the world? And how much of that person is the truth of who I am?
2. How am I using my public persona to hide my authentic self, and why do I feel the need to hide it?
3. Do I feel a disconnection between the person I pretend to be in the world and the person I connect with more deeply inside myself?
4. What would it look like for me to take off the mask and live more authentically?

I'm excited for you to listen today and find some long-needed freedom on your path to living with authenticity in an artificial world.

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Thanks for listening. Please follow on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. You can learn more about Tim here.

Most of the time, many people who are trying to make significant and lasting changes in their life do one major thing wrong—they go too far too fast. It's like quitting a habit cold turkey. You are either going to fail now or relapse later because you bit off more than you can chew.

Well, breaking free from the acceptance of others is even harder because of the emotional addictions we suffer from in life that keep us hooked on the praise and applause of people. And while we are busy living for the approval of others, we're dying a little bit inside.

The more and more we sacrifice our identity to gain acceptance, the less and less of us is left. So how do you move ahead as your authentic self in a world that requires you to be someone you're not? Slowly. One step at a time is the recipe for finally being free to be you. Or just be.

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Thanks for listening. Please follow on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. You can learn more about Tim here.

Have you heard the phrase (or used the phrase) I need to put on my face? It’s an idiom about putting on makeup; however, the concept can be applied in much broader terms. Because we all put on a “face” of sorts. Our face (or public persona) is the outward identity we reveal to others which may or may not portray the true, authentic you. 

In this episode, I talk about the idea of not only taking off your mask but actually choosing to not even put on your face in the first place. What would happen in the world if we followed this challenge? What if we let other people see our blemishes and brokenness? Would we be better as a society? Would we be healthier as the human race?

If you’ve listened in the past, you already know my answer to those facetious questions. If you’re new to Square Peg Round Hole, welcome. You’re about to know my answer, too. But regardless of how long you’ve been listening, I believe you will be brave enough to break some rules to become your true, authentic self in this artificial world. Cheers!

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Have you noticed that it's nobody's fault anymore? No one is responsible. For anything. Personal responsibility is becoming ancient history. It's no longer a virtue we value.

Everyone wants to fight for their rights. But few want to be held accountable for their behavior. For their personal choices. Does life actually work that way? Has it ever? 

I'm wading into that idea today with a point of view that the lack of personal responsibility is the greatest threat facing humanity. Not terrorism. No pandemics. Not climate change.

And yes. I'll take responsibility for my words. 😂

SHOW LINKS:

• Hope Partners International
• The Prime Belief | Article by Mark Manson
• The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F@$k

Comments? Questions? I'd love to hear from you.

• Contact Timothy Eldred

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Thanks for listening. Please follow on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. You can learn more about Tim here.

What is love anyway? Has it been so exploited or so poorly explained that we really have no idea anymore? Maybe our ideas about love are the very reason we don't understand it in a healthy way. Or perhaps it's only my perspective on the whole subject that is wrong. Who knows? But either way, that's my focus on this episode for your consideration. My goal is to be encouraging, but I'm fine with challenging our thinking on the topic as well because there's obviously room for improvement in our world where love seems to be misconstrued—or just missing.

SHOW LINKS:

• Hope Partners International
• The CompleMentor

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Thanks for listening. Please follow on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. You can learn more about Tim here.

The ‘middle ground’ of compromise is becoming scarcer and scarcer. Tolerance—once a cherished concept in our world—has disappeared from our human vernacular. 

We are a harshly divided world. Is that the way it has always been? Or is it getting increasingly worse? Are we broken beyond repair? Is there a bridge from the chasm of conflict to one of decency and dignity? We’d better start answering these questions.

In this episode, I will attempt to address those daunting questions with some ancient wisdom. And I will offer a common sense solution as well—a solution completely within our power that has existed as the cure for our greatest human crises since the dawn of time. Maybe this episode can become a catalyst for compromise and change.

If nothing else, perhaps it will spark some much-needed dialogue few are willing to have in our world today because it goes beyond the surface to the heart of the matter.

SPONSOR: Hope Partners International

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Life is change. And change is hard. That about sums it up, right. Every time we turn around we have to adjust to some occurrence in the world—or in our personal world at least. Obviously, that's not a newsflash. But how do you make good decisions when it comes to inevitable change? How do you discern where to invest your time, energy, and emotions and pivot to experience the greatest benefit? That's the heart of the question I want to discuss with you in this episode, as I challenge you to consider the difference between spending and investing.  What would happen if we paused as long to think about how we expend our emotional, physical, and spiritual energies as we do our financial resources. Would we see a greater return with life-changing results? I say the answer is absolutely—yes!

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Here are two truths: 1) Everyone has a story. 2) Change is hard. On this episode, my guest, Dai Manuel, discusses both of these realities from his life.  Our conversation is honest and practical for anyone seeking any kind of holistic transformation: body, mind, and spirit. If you’re looking to make changes to your life, please listen and also check out his simple but effective programs and training. I am on day 10 of his 28-day challenge right now and loving the impact this simple routine is having on my life already. 

Send us a text message. We'd love to hear from you!

Thanks for listening. Please follow on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. You can learn more about Tim here.