Standards of Beauty: A Fiercely Real ANTM Review

We made it through casting of Cycle 3 and now it's time to dive in to the competition. Get ready folks. We have a stage 5 clinger on our hands.

We are back, y'all... and since we're kicking off a new cycle, we have a fiercely real-sized episode!

Over 30 top model hopefuls land in Los Angeles for semi-finals, but between late night bar fights and bathroom elimination breakdowns, the competition is whittled down to fourteen. There's no more Matrix sunglasses, but the pre-Karen haircut is in full effect.

This week's drag tips include: how to get into your favorite celebrity's DMs.

Meanwhile in Milan, the last three models have a final go-see with Dsquared2. Spoiler alert, Shanthrax doesn't make it. Then, Mercedes and Yoanna walk against each other in a final fashion show. And one of them is crowned America's Next Top Model.

This week, we get one of the most memorable moments from ANTM, of all time. While in Milan, Shandi cheats on her boyfriend and the phone call that results is... a glass case of emotion. The models pair off in a nude photo shoot, styled by Nolé Marin, but one of the girls oversteps her bounds.

CW: eating disorders.

This week is truly the best of times, and the worst of times. We get one of the most iconic lines in ANTM herstory. The model jet off to Milan and take part in go-sees, and pose in a high fashion sunglasses photoshoot. But it's at a dinner with Tyra where Camille accuses Yoanna, and the conversation heads south.

gofundme for our sister Frozaen: https://gofund.me/108ddbea

This week, the girls take a dancing class, while Sissy & Jeannie entertain themselves for the better part of the episode. Then, the models' choreography is put to the test while they perform as background dancers for Tyra Banks's world premiere of her first single, "Shake Ya Body".

This week, Camille suffers from an allergic reaction, meanwhile the only thing Sissy & The Other Jeannie are suffering from is being too high. The models get some acting training from Tasha Smith, which they put to the test in an high-flying action commercial for Rollitos (RIP). At least no one on this cycle is terrified of heights, right?

We're back like poltergeist, y'all! This week, the models open up about their personal backstories and they learn all about charisma. Then, they pose underwater for Quench and we meet Nolé Marin, and his Pomeranian Minnie! In judging, the women have to be pretend to be spokesmodels and it's... something.

Oofta, this week is a doozy. Some of it old hat: Catie is still crying and Jenascia is still short. The models meet Simon Doonan and Betsey Johnson, but at the photoshoot this week, the remaining nine impersonate famous celebrities, and Xiomara is given Grace Jones. So this is our first impasse of Blackface in ANTM, and it's rough to say the least. But at least Janice is having a great time.

A lot of tears are shed this episode, y'all. Not by Sissy or Jeannie, thankfully, but by our Queen of Wilmar, Minnesota: Catie. This episode might as well be a Destiny's Child song, because it is a lot of emotions. First, she cries because it's the quintessential moment of every cycle: makeover week. And then again we get more tears because this week, it is one of the most the iconic photoshoots in ANTM herstory. The models are suspended hundreds of feet in the air, but it still doesn't make Jenascia tall, and she'll be the first one to point it out.