Stantonland

Regular TV commercials are like a friendly golden retriever trying to coax you to play ball. Political ads are a different breed. They’re more like rabid Dobermans brawling to the death.

Sensing there’s an edge to be gained, some brands are starting to pivot to this more aggressive strategy, mimicking the cutthroat ads that people love so much from their elected officials.

Here’s a sneak peek at a few scripts that are currently being tested.

With the summer Olympics underway in Paris, it seems like a good time to shine a light on a longstanding-yet-uncelebrated competition here in the U.S.

The Corporate Martyrdom Games are a year-round event where millions of people compete against each other with stories of the self-imposed sacrifices they’ve made for their jobs.

Fueled by caffeine, a lack of boundaries, and a dearth of hugs when they were children, these warriors work around the clock while neglecting their personal lives and health. But something they never neglect is the chance to one-up each other with tales of missed school plays, angry spouses, and sleepless nights bathed in PowerPoint’s soft, sad glow.

Throughout our lives we’ve all been told certain phrases over and over, usually to make us feel better. We repeat them over and over, usually to make someone else feel better.

These sayings are so engrained in us that we never stop to think about whether they’re actually true, let alone helpful.

Well, I did stop to think. What I found is that we lie more than George Santos on Tinder.

As you age, three things are true:

* Hair starts to grow in places where it never dared to before.

* The Weather Channel takes on an oddly important role in your life.

* You think music has gotten soooo much worse since when you were young.

That last one has been going on for generations. It’s not necessarily true, it’s just that no music is ever as meaningful as the stuff you listened to from about ages 12-25.

Having said all that, today’s music does seem to be missing something that made many songs in the past great: impenetrable lyrics. I don’t understand why everything today is so understandable.

Creative fear wants you to believe it’s protecting you, but all its disguises and slick fast-talking are designed to control you. If it were a cartoon, it would be a manipulative chameleon voiced by Robert Downey Jr. But once you know what’s driving it, things become more manageable.

You may have noticed that more people are behaving poorly, or even downright terribly, these days. Blame the rise in douchebaggery on the internet, politics, global warming, high fructose corn syrup, or lackluster movie remakes—I don’t care. The real reason it’s becoming more of a problem is that we’re letting people get away with it.

Breakups are never easy. You’d think it would be less stressful when the relationship is rooted in an exchange of cash for goods or services, but that’s not always the case. At least not for me. Not with Roz.

Roz was my therapist for over 15 years. I didn’t end things because I became a model of exemplary mental health. That said, mental health was a factor.

I love tales of ESP, ghosts, UFOs, whatever—if you have something paranormal or beyond explanation to talk about, I’m in.

That’s not to say I believe everyone who claims they can read minds, talk to the dead, or see the future. Probably 99% of them are frauds. But I do think there are some people who can tap into things that most of us can’t.

Most of you, I should say. Because, according to an app I recently downloaded, it appears that I have the gift.

A lot of people who are supposed to know what they’re doing, don’t. Realizing that is important.

Late one night, Pete decided he couldn’t stand to have his sofa in his apartment for another minute. He dragged it out the door, down the stairs, and to the complex’s dumpster. The sense of relief was immense, he told us.

It was that story that compelled us to invite ourselves over. His apartment was everything he’d said it was, and less.