Start with Small Steps

235 - Forgiveness Is Freedom

In this episode, the focus is on the profound and often misunderstood act of forgiveness. Exploring the concept through personal stories and insights from the book Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall, the discussion centers on why forgiveness is not about excusing harmful behavior or forgetting the pain, but about releasing ourselves from the grip of bitterness and resentment. This episode offers a heartfelt, honest reflection on what it really means to forgive—and how doing so can bring true freedom and healing.

Top Topics:

What Forgiveness Really Means
Forgiveness is not about saying “it’s okay” or brushing past serious hurt. It’s about choosing to stop desiring revenge and instead letting go of the emotional control the past has over us. The episode defines forgiveness as no longer wanting punishment for the offender, but rather handing over justice to a higher power or moral compass.

The Pain Behind the Need to Forgive
A personal backdrop of childhood neglect and family addiction reveals how deep-seated pain can evolve into lasting resentment. Understanding the origins of this pain, including the generational patterns and addictive behaviors involved, provides important context for why forgiveness is essential—not for the offender, but for personal healing.

Steps Toward True Forgiveness
Listeners are guided through practical steps to begin forgiving: acknowledging the pain, making a conscious decision to forgive, refraining from rehearsing the hurt, and even praying or wishing good for the person who caused harm. These steps are presented not as quick fixes, but as meaningful choices that open the door to lasting emotional freedom.

Forgiving Without Reconciliation
An important clarification is made: forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation. Sometimes, it’s healthier and safer not to reestablish a relationship. Forgiveness is about finding peace within oneself, regardless of the other person’s actions or attitude.

Dealing with Disappointment in God
The episode also touches on the spiritual challenge of feeling let down by God in times of suffering. By choosing to forgive even this divine disappointment, deeper trust and healing are possible.

Takeaways:

Forgiveness is ultimately a gift to oneself. Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison meant for someone else. It harms the one who carries it more than anyone else. Letting go is not easy, and it may feel unnatural at first—but it leads to emotional clarity, freedom, and peace. Forgiveness is not weakness; it’s one of the bravest things a person can do. Whether the offender ever apologizes or changes, the choice to forgive allows the heart to move forward and begin to heal.

Jill’s Links

https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJillday

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI

https://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallsteps

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps

https://twitter.com/schmern

Email the podcast at [email protected]

234 - The Secret to Lasting Change: It’s Not Willpower!

In this episode, I talk about the real reasons we struggle with making progress on our goals — and how to fix it. Inspired by the powerful metaphors from “The Happiness Hypothesis” and “Switch,” I explore how the mind is like a rational Rider trying to steer an emotional Elephant along a winding Path. When we learn how to motivate our Elephant, direct our Rider, and clear the Path, meaningful change becomes not only possible but enjoyable.

Understanding the Rider and Elephant
We often think our failure to follow through is due to laziness, but it’s more about a conflict between emotion and logic. I explain how the Elephant (our emotions) tends to resist change while the Rider (our planner) gets stuck in overthinking.

Motivating the Emotional Side
Fear doesn't move the Elephant — hope and small wins do. I share how reframing goals and celebrating tiny milestones can energize you to keep going. It's about making the process exciting and worthwhile.

Giving the Rider Direction
Too many options lead to paralysis. I talk about choice architecture — creating pre-decisions that make action simpler, like scheduled workouts or limited food choices. When the Rider has a clear map, it stops stalling.

Making the Path Easy
We need an environment that supports our goals. That means setting out gym clothes, automating finances, or prepping for quick getaways. These routines eliminate friction and help us act automatically.

Visualizing the Future
One of my favorite tools: the “postcard from the future.” I use AI to generate vivid images of my goals realized, which I keep visible in my space. They remind me why I’m doing the hard things.

Rallying the Herd
Support is crucial. If friends and family aren’t on board, online groups can be life-changing. When we surround ourselves with others chasing similar goals, their momentum lifts us up too.

Takeaways:
You don’t need more discipline. You need a better system — one that motivates your emotions, guides your plans, and clears your path. Every step forward starts with understanding how your mind works and building an environment that makes change easier. It’s not about giant leaps. It’s about small, consistent wins that make you feel capable and confident. Keep your eye on the vision, celebrate each win, and know that you've got this.

https://startwithsmallsteps.com/234-the-secret-to-lasting-change-its-not-willpower/

Jill’s Links

https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJillday

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI

https://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallsteps

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps

https://twitter.com/schmern

Email the podcast at [email protected]

233 - Tests to Understand What Makes Us Tick

Understanding personal motivation and behavior is one of the most powerful tools for self-improvement. This episode explores how personality tests can offer practical insight into how people work, what energizes them, and why certain strategies succeed where others fail. It’s not about putting people into boxes—it’s about using patterns and traits as clues to navigate life more effectively.

Top Topics:

Recognizing Behavioral Patterns
Everyone has habits and responses that repeat, often without noticing. Personality assessments help bring those patterns into focus. By observing what consistently works—and what doesn’t—it's possible to better understand tendencies, motivations, and blind spots. That kind of clarity opens the door to intentional, sustainable change.

How Myers-Briggs Transforms Relationships
One of the most widely known assessments, Myers-Briggs can offer insights into how people process information, make decisions, and interact with others. Learning to appreciate the strengths and weaknesses in different personality types leads to deeper understanding and stronger connections, especially in friendships and partnerships with contrasting traits.

The Four Tendencies: Motivation in Focus
Developed by Gretchen Rubin, the Four Tendencies framework identifies how people respond to expectations—both external and internal. Recognizing whether someone is an Upholder, Obliger, Questioner, or Rebel makes it easier to build effective habits and avoid frustration. For many, it's the missing piece in understanding why traditional advice doesn’t always work.

StrengthsFinder and the Value of Self-Knowledge at Work
StrengthsFinder identifies what people naturally do best. Knowing whether someone thrives in problem-solving, communication, learning, or leadership roles allows for smarter career decisions and more effective teamwork. It shifts the focus from fixing weaknesses to building on existing strengths.

Exploring the Landscape of Personality Tools
Beyond the big names, several other tools—such as the Big Five, Enneagram, DISC, and Hogan assessments—offer additional layers of insight. Each test highlights different aspects of personality, from emotional stability to core values and work preferences. Understanding how these assessments differ helps in selecting the right tool for personal or professional growth.

Takeaways:

Personality tests are more than entertaining quizzes—they can be transformative frameworks for self-awareness. Knowing how someone responds to pressure, what drives their behavior, and where they naturally excel provides a roadmap for making better decisions, reducing friction in relationships, and achieving goals more effectively.

Rather than guessing or mimicking someone else’s approach, these insights allow for tailored strategies that align with how a person actually operates. When people understand what makes them tick, they can stop fighting their nature and start building lives that truly fit.

https://startwithsmallsteps.com/what-makes-us-tick-using-personality-tests-to-understand/

Jill’s Links

https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJillday

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI

https://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallsteps

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps

https://twitter.com/schmern

Email the podcast at [email protected]

232 - Owning Your Weak Spots

This episode unpacks a powerful but often overlooked concept: the value of understanding personal weaknesses. While much is said about knowing and building on strengths, there’s equal—if not greater—wisdom in recognizing the areas where performance or comfort naturally dips. This conversation explores how that self-knowledge can protect against missteps, accelerate growth, strengthen relationships, and create guardrails for personal and professional life.

1. The Danger of Ignoring Weaknesses
Avoiding weaknesses doesn’t eliminate them. Instead, they lurk in the background, ready to sabotage progress. Identifying them allows for awareness and intentional choices.

2. Patterns That Reveal Truth
Behavioral patterns—like procrastination or avoidance—often reveal underlying weaknesses. These patterns can be clues to areas that need reflection and potential growth.

3. Growth through Targeted Action
Once weaknesses are acknowledged, it becomes possible to improve with focus. Whether it’s through systems, education, or tools, targeting a weakness leads to faster, more sustainable progress.

4. Healthy Collaboration and Boundaries
Honesty about limitations fosters trust. Asking for help, seeking feedback, or teaming up with complementary strengths builds strong working and personal relationships.

5. Knowing What to Fix—and What to Drop
Not all weaknesses need to be “fixed.” Some can be left alone if they don’t significantly impact life or work. It’s about knowing where energy is worth spending.

Takeaways:

Recognizing weaknesses doesn’t mean failure—it opens the door to smarter decisions, better alignment, and sustainable productivity. Whether it’s choosing roles that align with strengths or avoiding burnout by declining the wrong fit, this kind of self-awareness is invaluable. Emotional honesty, strategic support, and thoughtful reflection can transform weaknesses from hidden liabilities into manageable realities. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s clarity, confidence, and growth on your own terms.

https://startwithsmallsteps.com/232-owning-your-weak-spots/

Jill’s Links

https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJillday

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI

https://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallsteps

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps

https://twitter.com/schmern

Email the podcast at [email protected]

231 - From Struggle to Strength

In this episode of Start With Small Steps, I share the deeply personal and transformative journey of understanding and owning my strengths. From childhood frustrations with writing to discovering a passion for math and science, I talk about how recognizing what you're naturally good at can shape your entire path forward.

The Power of Knowing Your Strengths:
Growing up, I learned the hard way that forcing yourself to be good at everything leads to frustration. Once I accepted that writing wasn’t my strength and that I lit up around science and math, my entire academic and career trajectory improved. Knowing your strengths isn’t about limitation—it’s about focus.

Interest vs. Ability:
I talk about how true success comes when interest meets ability. You might love a hobby, but if it doesn’t match your strengths, it can drain rather than energize you. I explain how to distinguish between fleeting passions and lasting competencies.

Feedback and Assessment Tools:
Friends and coworkers revealed strengths I didn’t even know I had. Tools like the Clifton Strengths Finder and High Five Test added unexpected insight. These moments of reflection helped me reframe how I see myself.

When Imitation Backfires:
I share the story of how I tried to mimic a successful coworker to get promoted. The turning point came during a work trip where she told me she could never do what I had just done. That moment helped me realize the importance of being the best version of me, not someone else.

Takeaways:
Recognizing your strengths brings clarity, energy, and direction. Use feedback and assessments to identify your unique talents. Don’t waste time chasing someone else’s strengths—grow what’s already within you. Build your life around the things that feel effortless, exciting, and empowering.

Jill’s Links

https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJillday

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI

https://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallsteps

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps

https://twitter.com/schmern

Email the podcast at [email protected]

230 - Say Yes to Yourself

n this episode, the focus is on one of the most pivotal mindset shifts anyone can make: saying yes to opportunity, beginning with the internal yes. It's not just about being open to change—it's about understanding how to negotiate with ourselves, assess our limits, and move forward with clarity and confidence.

Sometimes, the biggest changes start with the smallest steps. Whether it's saying yes to something you're unsure about or redefining what a yes looks like, this discussion offers real, personal insights into how a thoughtful commitment can lead to lifelong passion, purpose, and transformation.

Saying Yes Starts Within
Every new opportunity begins with a decision. But the hardest person to convince is often ourselves. This episode explores how internal resistance can block growth—and how saying yes internally is a vital first step toward real change.

Understanding the Inner BATNA
Using negotiation theory, the concept of the “Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement” is applied inwardly. Instead of giving a full yes or a full no, it’s possible to shape a commitment that feels right for where we are now. Examples show how to create flexible agreements with ourselves to avoid burnout while still moving forward.

The Worst-Case Scenario (WATNA)
What’s the actual cost of saying no? Sometimes it's not failure—it’s missing out. There’s a thoughtful look at how evaluating the worst realistic outcome (instead of imagined fears) can help in decision-making, particularly when opportunities feel risky or unclear.

The Five Whys and Finding the Real Motivation
Peeling back the layers with the “Five Whys” technique leads to the real motivation behind our desires. Whether it's career, health, or creative pursuits, getting to the root “why” makes it easier to say yes with conviction.

Growth Through Stretching
Growth doesn’t come from staying in a comfort zone. Saying yes often means learning something new, stumbling a bit, and adjusting along the way. These stretch moments—while uncomfortable—create the capacity for greater confidence and fulfillment.

💡 Takeaways
Saying yes to opportunity isn’t about being blindly optimistic or overcommitting. It’s about tuning into what really matters, understanding personal boundaries, and crafting a yes that’s sustainable and aligned. By negotiating internally—through clarity, compassion, and practicality—it becomes easier to face new opportunities without fear or guilt.

When that first internal yes happens, it opens the door to growth, adventure, and impact. Life expands not through perfect planning, but through the willingness to try, stretch, and keep going. This mindset creates momentum and gives permission to grow into the version of ourselves that’s been waiting.

Saying yes—especially when it’s shaped with care—is a practice that builds courage, reveals purpose, and transforms the path ahead.

https://startwithsmallsteps.com/4094-2/

Jill’s Links

https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJillday

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI

https://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallsteps

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps

https://twitter.com/schmern

Email the podcast at [email protected]

229 - How We Learn Matters More Than What We Learn

Learning is more than taking in information—it's about transformation. The way learning is approached often determines how deeply it takes root and impacts daily life. This episode explores why being intentional about the learning process makes all the difference. From methods like teaching, project-based work, and reflecting through struggle, to considering how technology like AI fits into the process, this discussion offers a roadmap to learning that leads to growth, resilience, and even joy.

Passive vs. Active Learning:
Absorbing content without focus—reading while distracted or listening without engagement—leads to shallow understanding. In contrast, active learning, where there’s intention, reflection, and application, creates change. Engaging deeply with a subject by asking questions, taking notes, or testing understanding results in better retention and real-life utility.

Teaching to Reinforce Knowledge:
One of the most effective ways to learn is to teach. When explaining a concept to others, it becomes necessary to understand it fully. Teaching sharpens thinking, exposes gaps in knowledge, and forces organization of ideas. The process of preparing to teach something naturally deepens personal mastery.

Learning Through Projects:
Doing something hands-on turns theory into practice. Projects—whether automating a smart home system, organizing with software, or crafting a creative piece—reveal the nuances of a skill. Starting with small, achievable tasks and expanding from there helps build confidence while naturally progressing into more complex areas.

The Role of Struggle in Learning:
Discomfort is not a sign of failure—it's the place where growth happens. When a concept feels difficult or frustrating, it’s often the moment just before a breakthrough. Seeking out challenges, revisiting hard material, and wrestling with ideas help integrate knowledge on a deeper level. Struggle builds both competence and character.

Learning Styles and Personalization:
Recognizing how information is best absorbed—visually, audibly, or kinesthetically—can change the learning experience entirely. Tailoring materials and methods to fit natural preferences makes learning smoother and more sustainable. It's not about finding the "right" tool, but the one that fits how the brain works best.

Using AI to Enhance, Not Replace, Learning:
AI can be a powerful tool for structuring learning paths, brainstorming ideas, and breaking down complex topics. It accelerates access to resources and helps clarify confusion. But it should serve as a guide, not a replacement for real thought. Over-reliance on AI can prevent the necessary struggle and reflection that makes learning stick.

Unexpected Passions and Practical Payoffs:
Sometimes, what begins as an obligation or neutral task becomes a passion. Exploring new skills can lead to unexpected joy, relationships, or career changes. Other times, learning something unpleasant helps avoid frustration later. Either way, engaging fully with a subject—even without passion—can lead to worthwhile outcomes.

Takeaways:
The quality of learning depends more on approach than on the content itself. Passive consumption won’t create growth; active engagement will. Teaching others, doing real projects, embracing struggle, and understanding personal learning styles are all ways to turn ordinary learning into something life-changing. AI and other tools can support the journey but can't substitute the internal work required to truly learn.

Even when something doesn’t seem enjoyable at first, there’s value in trying it anyway. Passion can grow unexpectedly, and sometimes the reward is not in the task itself, but in the freedom or skill it unlocks. Learning is not about information—it’s about identity. Becoming a better learner builds confidence for tackling anything, from career changes to hobbies to everyday challenges.

https://startwithsmallsteps.com/4090-2/

Jill’s Links

https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJillday

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI

https://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallsteps (link corrected)

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps

https://twitter.com/schmern

Email the podcast at [email protected]

228 - From Dreamer to Doer

In today’s episode, I’m getting real about the trap of being a procrastinator and overthinker. I share how I spent years stuck in analysis, planning, and learning — but not actually changing anything. And most importantly, I talk about how I broke out of that cycle through small daily actions.

My Journey from Shelf-Help Scholar to Action Taker:
I open up about my old habit of endlessly gathering advice without doing anything with it — and the moment I realized dreaming wasn’t enough.

My Favorite Action Strategies:
I break down the simple techniques that helped me shift into action, like the Two-Minute Rule, habit stacking, friction reduction, and life scheduling.

Finding My Why:
I explain how connecting tasks to a bigger purpose (like my dream of hiking across Spain) kept me motivated even on the tough days.

How I Use the Five Second Rule:
I share how counting down from five helps me smash through hesitation and move toward my goals instantly.

Takeaways:
If you’re feeling stuck, you’re not broken — you just need to move. I learned that action, not thinking, is what builds a better life. Even if all you do today is take one small step, you’re already winning. I hope you walk away from this episode with new energy, new hope, and a simple truth ringing in your ears: you already have everything you need to change your life. You just have to start.

https://startwithsmallsteps.com/228-from-dreamer-to-doer/

Jill’s Links

https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJillday

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI

https://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallsteps (link corrected)

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps

https://twitter.com/schmern

Email the podcast at [email protected]

227 - Rebuild Real Trust

Trust is one of the most powerful forces in human connection—and also one of the hardest to rebuild when it’s been broken. In this episode, I explore what it means to trust again after growing up in an environment where trust didn’t come easily. Through personal reflection and real-world observations, this conversation unpacks how trust is formed, how it's tested, and how to rebuild it one small step at a time.

Understanding Early Lessons in Trust
Childhood experiences have a lasting impact on how we relate to others. When people around us are unreliable, inconsistent, or hurtful, it’s easy to adopt a mindset of self-reliance and emotional distance. That mindset can follow us into adulthood and shape every relationship we form.

The Circle of Trust: Not Everyone Gets In
Not all relationships require the same level of openness. There’s value in having different levels of closeness with different people—from casual acquaintances to deeply trusted friends. Being intentional about who enters each level of that circle helps protect emotional well-being while still allowing meaningful connection.

The Trust Equation
Credibility, reliability, and intimacy all factor into how much someone can be trusted. But when someone is overly focused on themselves, it weakens that trust. This equation offers a useful framework to assess relationships more clearly and make thoughtful choices about who to invest in.

Looks Can Be Deceiving
Charm and appearance often fool people into thinking someone is more trustworthy than they really are. That "halo effect" can be dangerous, especially when it distracts from consistent, trustworthy behavior. Recognizing this pattern can prevent misplaced trust.

Building Trust Over Time
Trust doesn’t happen overnight. It’s built through small actions repeated consistently—by noticing whether people do what they say, how they respond to conflict, and whether they show genuine care. True trust grows in layers, with each honest moment reinforcing the foundation.

Takeaways:
Trust is essential to living a full, connected life—but it’s okay to start small. Real relationships aren’t about perfection; they’re about reliability, mutual respect, and emotional safety. Paying attention to patterns, being mindful of your own history with trust, and gradually opening up to the right people can lead to deeper, healthier connections. Everyone deserves relationships grounded in trust—and it’s never too late to start building them.

https://startwithsmallsteps.com/trust-or-distrusst/

Jill’s Links

https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJillday

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI

https://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallsteps (link corrected)

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps

https://twitter.com/schmern

Email the podcast at [email protected]

100 - Can a Christian Be Stoic?

In this episode, I explore a question that has shaped much of my spiritual journey: can a Christian embrace Stoicism? I share how I discovered Stoicism at a young age and how its principles helped me build resilience during difficult times. Later, when I became a Christian, I had to ask whether those Stoic values still had a place in my life—and what I found was both challenging and enlightening.

Virtue and Character in Both Paths
Both Stoicism and Christianity call us to a life of integrity—emphasizing values like courage, wisdom, justice, and self-control. I talk about how these overlapping principles shaped the way I approach daily life, relationships, and spiritual growth. Even though the motivations are different—Stoicism is about inner peace, Christianity is about serving God—the virtues themselves resonate in both.

Emotions: Controlled or Embraced?
One of the biggest contrasts is how emotions are treated. Stoicism promotes emotional restraint. Christianity invites emotional honesty. I reflect on the emotional lives of Jesus and biblical figures like David and Hannah, and what that says about God’s design for our emotional nature.

Suffering and Resilience
Both philosophies prepare us to face hardship. I talk about how Stoicism taught me to endure, but Christianity taught me that suffering has a purpose. One builds strength through discipline; the other brings hope through surrender. Together, they have helped me become more resilient—not just tough, but spiritually anchored.

Where Stoicism Can Fall Short
I also share moments where Stoicism made me overly self-reliant. Sometimes I default to solving problems instead of praying through them. That’s where my faith checks me. Christianity invites me to lean on God, not just on grit and planning.

💡 Takeaways:

Stoicism gave me tools—clarity, discipline, emotional balance. Christianity gave me relationship—grace, hope, and divine love. I don’t have to abandon one to honor the other. Instead, I’ve learned how to thoughtfully integrate what builds virtue while staying grounded in faith. It’s not about blending the two into a new belief system, but about recognizing where timeless wisdom can sharpen spiritual truth.

Whether you’ve ever wrestled with Stoicism and Christianity or are just curious about how ancient philosophy fits into modern faith, this episode is an invitation to reflect, discern, and grow.

https://startwithsmallsteps.com/226-stoicism-and-christianity/

Jill’s Links

https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJillday

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI

https://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallsteps (link corrected)

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps

https://twitter.com/schmern

Email the podcast at [email protected]