Stay Soft, Stay Open

I'm going to miss our backyard. I'm going to miss our living room chip parties. I'm going to miss our building. I'm going to miss our neighbors. I'm going to miss our apartment. I'm going to miss our home. I'm going to miss Silver Rice. It's important to hold rituals when we leave a place — to commemorate the time we spent in New York, and to remember all the time we passed here. I notice myself being more present and taking in all of these final moments. I wish we could live like this all the time.

I can't leave New York perfectly. I have so many people I want to write letters to. I have so many people I want to meet up with and say goodbye to. I want to be able to gather with people before I leave. I acknowledge that I can't do it all, and if all I can do is my stuff and myself out of New York, that's enough.

Your home makes you feel safe, and when your home is looking unstable, then I feel untable. I don't like having our bed in our living room. Our TV is being stored in the kitchen so Haejoon doesn't get hurt.

I want to hold space for all the ways that New York held me, for better and for worse. I am taking mind pictures of all of my favorite places. There's a grief in the fact that we can't take our favorite places with us when we leave them.

This episode is about slowing but surely moving out of New York, talking to Sonny, and the societal pressures of our 30s. My life happened out of order.

This episode is about telling 엄마 we're moving to 포항 and how positive of a reaction she had about it, which was shocking.

This episode is about driving down from New York to Virginia with our first haul of personal belongings.

This episode is about the addictive nature of technology and how these technology companies make them addictive on purpose. They're like pocket slot machines.