Stay Soft, Stay Open

This day marks 1 year and 10 months of 아빠's death. This was a really hard day. Leaving Korea is always so hard, and the final days are especially hard. I always feel so much regret about the things I didn't get done, but the actual problem is — we never have enough time in Korea.

We went shopping at Namdaemun — clothes for Haejoon, little souvenirs for myself. We ate 만두 and 팥빙수. We ate dinner with 이모부 — 김치찌개 and 두부.

I felt the weight of visiting Pyeongtaek, and I felt the weight of the trip, as it comes to an end. We went to Seoul to get my birth records from Severance Hospital. It was my first time visiting the hospital that I was born in. The maternity hospital was attached to the cancer hospital, so the hospital reminded me of Schar and our experiences with 아빠. I talked to 이모 about what it's like to have us visit Korea every five years, every ten years. I cried a lot.

We went back to 평택, and this day was more difficult than our first 평택 day, but so full of 인연. We actually met people who knew 아빠's family. We met someone who worked as a firefighter with 큰아빠, who remembered that his younger brother went to America to work at a 세탁소. He also remembered that 할머니 lived in this neighborhood, living with and helping 권 할아버지 before he died. We met a taxi driver who went to middle and high school with 작은고모. He said he could see my family in my face. "그 얼굴이 남아 있네요."

This was our first 평택 day. It was so intense.

We went to church with my 숙모 and 삼촌, we got lunch with my family afterwards, we went to a temple and the 감악산 출렁다리 with 이모 and 이모부.

This was an emotional day. I want to find my family's jokbo. We didn't go to 평택, but we did engage with 평택 things. We had a farewell dinner for the closing of 삼촌's cafe, Act 2 Cafe, and we gave him flowers. So many family stories.

"It's confronting how much I was willing to sacrifice and put on pause to make this move back to Korea." "You left Korea before you were ready, and you still have unfinished business." Quotes from the Adopted Feels podcast episode, Hana's Guide to Moving to Korea.

We saw 숙모, we shopped at 남대문, we ate so much food, our feet were so sore.

Korea, Day 8. A rainy day. I saw a giant white crane fly across the sky and it was a stunning image. We ate at Yang Sushi and got a bunch of 서비스 items. We went to Olive Young and tried a bunch of skincare products.

Korea, Day 7. 엄마 was supposed to go to 할머니's bank in Seoul, but 삼촌 ended up going by himself instead. I went on my morning walk. On my way there and on my way back, I was watching the people working in the neighborhood — at the 시장, the 옥수수 stands, the 떡집, the park — and I thought about how they all have stories. I wonder what their stories are? How did you start making 떡? How did you decide to start this 떡집?