Stone Cold Paradise

In our season one finale, Irwin Durdles (Billy Merritt), Stone Cold's "Concert Santa Claus" makes a special Christmas visit to talk about his seasonal work as the big man himself. He talks about his evolution from regular roadie to stage mascot for Christmas concerts. The band also unearths some disturbing truths about Irwin's birth. Hawk coins a new term for flatulence. Roger sits on Irwin's lap. Allistair reveals some ogre heritage. And Barney explains his unique views on the birth of Christ.

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Renown Silent Harpist, Anthony Testutio (Jonny Svarzbein) graces Stone Cold with his presence to talk about touring with the band as a prodigy. He reveals some disturbing information about his maternal relations and explains why the band's music is bad. Hawk gets in touch with the dead. Allistair does an impression of his mother. And Roger catches Barney on camera. 

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World renown live-in Chef, Jacqueline Croissant (Sarah Claspell) graces the studio to talk about the band's favorite meals on tour.  She also imparts her hardline views on fake French culture and talks of lost love .  Allistair fishes for compliments. Barney makes a bad deal with the Canadian government.  Roger finds a word he can't say.  And Hawk talks about his fear of eggs.

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Animal wrangler, Maggie DeNardo (Mary Lou) pops by the studio to chat with Stone Cold about her role in procuring animals for the band's concerts over the years starting with the "Easter in Modesto" tour. She discusses her unique connection to the animals and her methodology for acquiring them.  Allistair has some sick chickens. Hawk gets involved with a new penguin charity. Roger gets peed on by wood. And Barney tries his hand at screenwriting.

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Stone Cold's marketing chief, Bear Talbot-Damp (Charlie Mihelich) drops by to check in on some lawsuits and failed branded products that the band has produced. Bear has a little computer trouble with disastrous consequences. They also reminisce about their first meeting on the live charity concert "Re-Habitat For Humanity", a competitor to Live Aid. Hawk tries to get Barney to marry him. Roger suggests some new nose wear. Allistair mentions his quest to find Tupac. And Barney has a new plan to get back at Elton John. 

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Expert cable man Stone Collins (Will Hines) joins the band to chat about their time recording the album Quantum Dumb and his tendency to fall for monster-themed pranks. He also reveals how christian U2's The Edge really is and whether Jesus was a show off.  The band shares the dark truths about their own childhoods and how they inspired Hollywood. Barney has yet another medical condition to be deal with. Hawk misnames a charity. Allistair tragically looses a chicken. And Roger gets a letter from an uppity mouse. 

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Ex-girlfriend to the whole band, Restephena (Lisa Gilroy) pays a visit to the studio to check in on how well the gang is getting over her. She chats about her pilot career and the various other band's she's dated. Barney reveals a horrible secret about a family member. Roger turns out to be a good father figure. Allistair discovers a long lost son. And Hawk has his first lesbian experience. 

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Former neighbor, Terence Waverley (Geoff Ross) takes a break from his forced stay in London to visit with Stone Cold and discuss their album "Table Settings for the Rapture" that they recorded while living next door.  The band has a few secrets to confess to Terence and decides to make things right. Hawk reveals how far he'll go to get a date with a flight attendant. Roger reveals a career as a street performer. Barney talks about his highly specific erotic film preferences. And Allistair resolves some confusion over English titles. 

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DJ Alfonse from Alphabet City (Jeremy Guskin) drops in to talk about SCP's first self-titled album, the misprinted "Stone Cold Parasite".  Alfonse talks about the quintessential New York City experience and how he "discovered" Stone Cold and introduced them to the United States. Roger talks about his experience with police horse brutality.  Allistair reveals his first classic car. Barney goes the extra mile to buy his tea. And Hawk lets slip his true identify as a very well known author. 

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Reality documentary producer Pretzel Doodle (Ronnie Adrian) joins the band to talk about the album "Raw Dog December" and the band documentary of the same name.  Pretzel discusses his work on the show "No Survivor" and his philosophy on long running times being the key to good film. Allistair talks about his father's tattoo. Roger explains how to succeed as a documentary performer. Barney attracts cats. And Hawk talks about the "rod in his member". 

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