The Long Term Investor

Stop Keeping Score: Power & Fairness With Money Ft. Heather and Doug Boneparth (EP.228)


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Most financial mistakes happen because people don't see the full picture. My Net Worth Worksheet helps you track everything in one place—so you stay informed. Get it now.

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Money talks fall apart when couples keep score. In this episode, Heather and Doug Boneparth show how fairness—not 50/50—actually works in real life, and how power shows up through invisible labor, access, and decision rights. You'll hear practical ways to reset the dynamic so conversations feel collaborative instead of adversarial.

Listen now and learn:

► A fairness framework to replace 50/50 splits and tit-for-tat bean counting

► How to surface invisible labor and shift from "tell me what to do" to true task ownership

► The anatomy of a money date (time/place, start with wins, then goals → cash flow → net worth)

► Reconciling different risk appetites by agreeing on shared capacity, timelines, and one step outside each comfort zone

Visit www.TheLongTermInvestor.com for show notes, free resources, and a place to submit questions.

(00:00) Introduction

(02:45) Fairness vs. Equality in Couples' Finances

(11:24) Resentment Red Flags in Relationships

(13:47) Invisible Labor to Task Ownership

(18:26) Financial Transparency for Couples

(21:49) Money Dates That Don't Derail

(26:48) Different Risk Tolerances in a Relationship

(31:00) Co-Authoring Money Together

(33:32) Lightning Round for Couples

Editing and post-production work for this episode was provided by The Podcast Consultant (https://thepodcastconsultant.com)

Disclosure: This content, which contains security-related opinions and/or information, is provided for informational purposes only and should not be relied upon in any manner as professional advice, or an endorsement of any practices, products or services. There can be no guarantees or assurances that the views expressed here will be applicable for any particular facts or circumstances, and should not be relied upon in any manner. You should consult your own advisers as to legal, business, tax, and other related matters concerning any investment.

The commentary in this "post" (including any related blog, podcasts, videos, and social media) reflects the personal opinions, viewpoints, and analyses of the Plancorp LLC employees providing such comments, and should not be regarded the views of Plancorp LLC. or its respective affiliates or as a description of advisory services provided by Plancorp LLC or performance returns of any Plancorp LLC client.

References to any securities or digital assets, or performance data, are for illustrative purposes only and do not constitute an investment recommendation or offer to provide investment advisory services. Charts and graphs provided within are for informational purposes solely and should not be relied upon when making any investment decision. Past performance is not indicative of future results. The content speaks only as of the date indicated. Any projections, estimates, forecasts, targets, prospects, and/or opinions expressed in these materials are subject to change without notice and may differ or be contrary to opinions expressed by others.

Please see disclosures here.

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The Long Term InvestorBy Peter Lazaroff

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