Strahdo Mojado

Dali, meet Shovel. Hello Donavich. Maximus charms sand. Armo growls. Public Service Announcement. "Father!" Armo gets key, and frees Doru. March of the Dead. Maximus is already typing secret messages. Doru mourns Father. Maximus marches with the dead. Armo gets some Mad Mary. The Wiz enters town under protest. Dali discovers a Waffle Crew. The Wiz utters a warning. The spawn attack. Evelyn smites Maximus with her battle axe. Strix takes a misty step.

This is a Wet Maynard Production.

The Wiz Files, Thursdays at 9, goes off the map. Tinok sits propped up against a tree. Ken interrogates. There's no sides of the story. Liz asks the Wiz or the Biz or whoever he is, "to bite me"? Ken and Bluffy wrestle their webcams. Ismark invites the Wiz to get things chilled out. Hate the disease. Freek seems down. Yo, open the gates. The Wiz persuades closer up the wall. Ismark and Buffy vouch for the rest. Grant is totally persuaded. Ken propositions Myrtle. Father Lucian extends a questionable invitation. The Wiz knows where you sleep.

This is a Wet Maynard Production.

Three Buffies did a little human pyramid. You're starting to get hot. The Wiz can grind it out 15 minutes. A miniature Stonehenge. I am the Ancient, I am the Land. Arooooooooya! A small pile of children's teeth. Myrtle and... Freek?! Lisbet learns how to make an Arcana Check. Things really took a turn while Buffy was away. Ireena saw it, but no one's talking about it. Barking, howling, and snarling. That's a lot of fahking wolves! Arooooo bitches. Ken's got Tony Orlando and Dawn. Matt's got secret tricks. Can Lisbet use her little bag of sand? Buffy's Shield of Faith. The power of Christ compels you! Ireena stands petrified. Wolf steaks, and a Holy Crucifix of Ravenkind. Ken argues for the cross. The children are crying. Tinok?! Ken makes a Perception check. Buffy argues for the cross. Buffy agrees to toss it.

This is a Wet Maynard Production.

CHAPTER 5: ROAD TO VALLAKI

(Masters of the D): After the hagfight, it's been a long day. Fight and kill and go out in a blaze of glory? Relocate kitchen and reboot business? No more grinding children in the comfort of their own windmill? Rictavio's song. A path out of Bonegrinder. A pack of wolves. The Mourning Gate. What time will it be? A tour of Vallaki: Missing Bones, Coffin Maker, Baron and Mrs. Wachter, Blue Water Inn. How do you want it to go? Flyover country?

This is a Wet Maynard production.

It was a disaster. What happened? I'm just gonna knock here on my cauldron. The Wiz tips it over. Lisbet says burn the room. Bluffy tickles Morgantha, who takes a seat. The Wiz has a plan. Ismark says we are balls deep. Can we all do it at the same time? Ready! Ismark taunts with his thing. Buffy plays a game with Offalia. Everybody unloads. The Wiz makes water. Morgantha discovers a new vulnerability. Ken takes a breath. Buffy gets dressed. Morgantha drops. Lisbet and Ken torch it. All the Buffies say goodbye. The Wiz and Lisbet share a drink. Buffy checks in with Lisbet. Is the game over? Do we have to go?

This is a Wet Maynard production.

Our first quarantine edition of Strahdo Mojado. Youth, Laughter and Mother's Milk. Morgantha's Pin and Spider-Wiz. Lightning strikes, and arms turn. "Mother, our guests are gone!" Bluffy and Bella enjoy a third story view together. Ireena admires Bella's ugly skirt. Ken put a sock in it. Offalia is quite proud of Buffy's ugly name. Zap! Morgantha knocks. Ismark goes in for a hug. Lisbet says hello and goodbye, without any help. Machinery is Bluffy's jam. The Wiz gives Bella mouth to mouth, and is betrayed by Art. Ismark teaches geometry to Ireena. Bella leaves a pool. The Wiz wants housecleaning. Buffy gets mixed signals from Offalia.

This is a Wet Maynard production.

CHAPTER 4: HAGFIGHT

(Masters of the D): Arthur did things Anna would never have done with Morgantha. His vision to unite the party. How far away is Offalia? Hydra, Homonculous, Hobgoblin, Hellhound.... Nightmare Haunting, trap their soul. What about Vallaki? Rictavio. Walk on by.

Artwork and Animations provided by James' RPG Art, https://www.patreon.com/jamesrpgart, kindly used with permission. "Ka-boom (lightning)" by Leszek Leszczynski is licensed under CC BY 2.0. Music: "Orphanage" by Gregoire Lourme is licesnsed under CC BY-NC-ND 3.0.

This is a Wet Maynard production.

Prisoners are transferred to a darker cell. Buffy and Ken ponder Offalia and "AKA Bella's the hot one." Buffy moves some pie. Ken spies Bella in a compromising position. Offalia escorts Buffy back home. Tinok's repose becomes more gentle. Ken plans a daring maneuver. Make another Stealth check.

This is a Wet Maynard production.

Hey girl! I'm just gonna talk at you for a minute... Buffy and Offalia both know what it's like. Will they be besties? Is Buffy the worst roller? She's on a mission and she's not afraid to shake a large, scaly monster's hand. She's gotta make some controversial decisions.

What's going on with Ken and Ismark? They're going to have a moment. Ireena is definitely not making eye contact with those two lovers. Ismark is confused--he is really confused. Ireena goes over to hug Ismark. There are so many ways to fuck Ismark.

He has a meat pie. Walking down desert highway, there's a bus in front of him. Get on or get off, we're making things up all night long.

This is a Wet Maynard production.

Caught in the Bonegrinder, stripped down to skivvies. That's how Buffy likes it. But they are terrible guests, sorry! Ismark sings a new tune after a word or two from Offalia. Night falls and even with a pillow, Buffy has disturbing meat pie-fueled dreams. What's on the Meechum tapes? Why do we think we're her? Anyway, weird dream, don't eat any more meat pies everybody. Next morning, Buffy and Offalia swoop off to Vallaki to sell some pies!

This is a Wet Maynard production.