Telling your child or children that a parent is coming out as transgender is one of the scariest moments. There is a lot of fear of the unknown; so many questions and sleepless nights leading up to sitting them down to share the news. Two things I’ve learned: 1) how you and your spouse or partner treat one another will impact your child and 2) kids really are resilient.

Mentioned in this episode and extra resources:

• PFLAG (PFLAG International)
• COLAGE 
• Muppet Babies Gonzo-Rella episode, Season 3, Episode 19
• Book - The World Needs More Purple People
• Book - It's Okay to be Different
• Book - Red: A Crayon's Story
• More books -  a great list on the Mombian website
• UCLA The Williams Institute: Data Regarding Transgender Parents (2020)
• Article: How LGBTQ+ Parents Can Handle Coming out to Their Children
• Article: Here's a Way to Start a Conversation with Kids... 
• Article - Coming Out Trans to your Kids
• Article - Going from "Daddy" to "Mommy": What will I Tell My Kids
• Lambda Legal: FAQ About Transgender Parenting

Other stories with spouses or family members of a transgender person: 

• The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
• Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
• YouTube Channel: The Rage

Information for allies:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

It is normal to feel grief when a spouse or partner comes out as transgender, this is a big change. Give yourself time to work through the emotions and focus on how you would like your future to look. Take the steps, write down goals, to move toward a new version of happy.

Mentioned in this episode:

• OurVoices podcast, season 4, episode 4 with guest Priscilla Tuft
• HER podcast with Gabbi and Priscilla Tuft

Other stories with spouses or family members of a transgender person: 

• The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
• Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
• YouTube Channel: The Rage

Information for allies:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

This episode focuses on therapy and support groups after a spouse or partner comes out as transgender. Throw out any stigmas about therapy and keep moving forward. 

Mentioned in this episode:

• PFLAG National and International (great organization, highly recommend)
• Local example - Pacific Center for Human Growth
• Local example - Ingersoll Gender Center
• Psychology Today
• Please note: the link to one support group I mentioned has been removed due to ongoing, permitted transphobia

Other places for partners to seek support or find a similar group/community:

• Reddit group: My Partner is Trans
• Facebook: there are several solid support groups for partners/spouses/families like this one and here's another
• Facebook: support group for ex partners of transgender/gender fluid individuals
• Check out Discord, too

Podcast site: evolving list of resources

Other stories with spouses or family members of a transgender person: 

• The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
• Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
• YouTube Channel: The Rage

Information for allies:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

Disclosure: the moment you find out your spouse or partner is transgender. It’s like a Hollywood produced explosion minus the special effects. Results are permanent but be patient and give yourself time to grieve, be angry, adjust, and accept.

In this episode, six coping methods are mentioned from a graphic in an article online. I was not the target audience for the article itself but the graphic helped me take a step forward: Six Ways to Cope when Your Spouse Comes out as Gay written by Sheri Stritof. 

Other stories with spouses or family members of a transgender person: 

• The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
• Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman

Information for allies:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

Trailer for Straight Wife Trans Life podcast. Follow the journey of a straight wife after her husband comes out as trangender after 13 years of marriage. First episode drops January 1.