Oh, the things we take for granted. Traveling as a family used to be something that was never given a second thought. Now, we travel on high safety alert with careful planning and awareness of our surroundings. This episode touches on a recent flight we took to Chicago, a family event in Indiana, and things to consider when traveling with or as a transgender person.

Mentioned in this Episode:

• Five Travel Safety Tips for Transgender Travelers by Aria Sa'id (2021)
• Equality Florida Issues (2023) Advisory Warning for Travel
• Video regarding transgender woman being detained in Dubai (six years ago)

IMPORTANT: For the First Time Ever, Human Rights Campaign Officially Declares 'State of Emergency' for LGBTQ+ Americans; Issues National Warning and Guidebook to Ensure Safety for LGBTQ+ (June 2023)

• Press Release
• Downloadable Guidebook

Travel Resources for Transgender, Non-Binary Individuals: 

• National Center for Transgender Equality: Know Your Rights - Airport Security  
• TSA: Information for Transgender, Non-Binary, Gender Nonconforming Passengers
• Harvard Global Support Services:  LGBTQ+ Travel Guidance & Resources 
• Asher & Lyric: Best and Worst Countries for LGBTQ+ Travel in 2023 

States to Avoid Travel: 

• Florida NAACP Travel Advisory (May 2023)
• Louisiana NAACP Considering Travel Advisory (June 2023)

Safe States for Transgender People: 

PinkNews: Activist Creates Map of the U.S. to Show Where it's Safe to be Transgender

• California
• Colorado
• Connecticut
• Hawaii
• Illinois
• Massachusetts
• Minnesota
• New Mexico
• New York
• Oregon
• Vermont
• Washington
• Washington, D.C.

News articles: 

• CNN: Traveling as a Trans Person: It's Complicated (2019 article)
• Washington Post: Trans Travelers Call for Change in Airports, TSA Protocols

* * * 

Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions. 

Today is Father's Day and this is the first Father's Day our family has replaced with a new day, a new way to celebrate. As my spouse likes to say, we are in a new situation and the old rules don't apply. This episode offers alternatives to celebrate a transgender parent when Father’s Day or Mother’s Day no longer apply: you can create a date to celebrate, share the traditional date, or consider Transgender Parents Day which falls annually on the first Sunday in November. 

Mentioned in this episode:

• Williams Institute: Demographics and Health Outcomes in a U.S. Probability Sample of Transgender Parents and a few more highlights in the press release
• National Library of Medicine: Transgender Population Size in the United States: a Meta-Regression of Population-Based Probability Samples
• LGBTQ+ Community Calendar via GLAAD

Guides for allies:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

* * * 

Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.

Groups can be disappointing but now isn’t the time to go it alone. If your spouse or partner has come out as transgender, it is beneficial to find others in this situation to help you heal, navigate the ups and downs of the transition, and move forward. You'll be surprised, there are many of us out there. 

Places to find peer-to-peer support:

• PFLAG National and International
• Open Reddit group may be helpful to find local resources or groups
• use search terms like SOFFA (Significant Others, Friends, Family, Allies) or transgender spouse support or transgender ally support or transgender center to find support near you
• OurPath (recommend the podcast)

Information for allies:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

The anti-trans movement can be overwhelming for those of us with transgender loved ones. This episode touches on the term transmisogyny and how transgender women tend to be the target, plus how we can support the transgender community.

Mentioned in or resources related to this episode:

• ACLU: Mapping Attacks on LGBTQ Rights in U.S. State Legislatures
• Equality Federation: All Anti-Transgender Legislation 
• UC Santa Barbara Resource Center for Sexual & Gender Diversity: Transmisogyny Education
• Julia Serano: writer, performer, speaker, activist 
• Forbes: The Ugly Reality Of Violent Misogyny In America Is Systemic, Endemic, And Normalized
• Human Rights Campaign: Fatal Violence Against the Transgender and Non-Gender Conforming Community in 2022 
• Prison Policy Initiative: What the Survey of Prison Inmates tells us about Trans People in State Prison

Information for allies:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

* * * 

Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.

If you want to clear a room, mention “relationship boundaries” and see what happens. This topic makes everyone cringe but boundaries are there to help your relationship, not hinder it. This episode explores how to set healthy boundaries with your transgender spouse or partner as they transition, you transition, and your relationship transitions. Yes, it’s all a transition. 

Mentioned in this episode: 

• The Book of Boundaries: Set the Limits that Will Set You Free by Melissa Urban
• Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab
• Talk it out with a therapist, find one via Psychology Today

Information for allies:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

* * * 

Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.

This episode offers a glimpse of what it is like to be out at dinner or visiting our child's school as a family with a transgender person. There are a lot of raised eyebrows that range from the curious what-am-I-looking-at stare to the negative look of disgust. My tip: ignore people you don’t know and you’ll have a great time like everyone else.

Kudos to allies who make life feel normal for transgender people ...as it should feel.

Information for allies:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

My spouse told me that if there was a “reverse pill” to avoid being transgender, she would take it. It is a heartbreaking time in the U.S. to see an increase of anti-transgender laws being introduced while living with a loved one who is trying to navigate their transition and live in peace. This episode explores how our treatment of transgender people can mean life or death.

U.S. Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call 988

For Deaf and Hard of Hearing: dial 711 then 988

Mentioned in this episode:

• We’re Here on HBO Max (Florida, Part 1 and Part 2)
• UCLA Williams Institute Report Suicide Thoughts and Attempts Among Transgender Adults 
• ACLU Mapping Attacks on LGBTQ+ Rights in U.S. State Legislatures 
• UCLA Williams institute How Many Youth and Adults Identify as Transgender in the U.S.? 
• ACLU Trans Students Should Be Treated with Dignity 
• Trevor Project National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health 2021 

Transgender Rights and Legal Help:

• Lambda Legal
• ACLU Transgender Rights
• Transgender Law Center
• Trans Health Project
• Trans Family SOS
• Bay Area Legal Aid (California Bay Area)

Information for allies:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

These are the top five questions I’m asked as the straight or cisgender spouse of a transgender person. Questions are great, just be sure to “read the room” and make sure the person you are asking is ready or open to talking about their situation. Thank you to those who check on spouses and partners; we are in a unique situation and appreciate you. 

Information for allies:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

* * * 

Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you.

Like what you hear? Consider supporting my podcast with Buy Me A Coffee

Telling your family that your spouse or partner is transgender takes a little finesse, planning, and a solid mindset to accept any outcome. You have no control over the reaction of others but you can be content knowing that you gave it your all. 

Mentioned in this episode:

• National Geographic Documentary Gender Revolution: A Journey with Katie Couric 
• Sam Killermann, author of A Guide to Gender: The Social Justice Advocate’s Handbook

Information for the allies in your life:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

* * * 

Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.

Like what you hear? Consider supporting my podcast with Buy Me A Coffee

Telling friends or acquaintances that your spouse or partner has come out as transgender requires preparation. First, you need to reach a stage where you accept that this transition is reality. This way, you are ready for the relief, acceptance, or rejection that follows. Two things I’ve learned at this point: 1) people you know may surprise you in the best ways and 2) you can handle any outcome.

Things to consider before telling friends and acquaintances:

• Does that person need to know?
• Who or why are you sharing the news?
• Preparation: figure out what you want to say and keep it simple
• Who is going to deliver the news?
• How are you going to deliver it?
• Allow people a chance to react
• Be okay with the outcome

Mentioned in this episode:

• National Geographic Documentary Gender Revolution: A Journey with Katie Couric
• Sam Killermann, author of A Guide to Gender: The Social Justice Advocate’s Handbook

Information for the allies in your life:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF file)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide