“If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less, but to dream more, to dream all the time.”— Marcel Proust

Thinking DifferentlyDreams involve a different way of thinking. We don’t get far by applying conscious thinking, which is linear, causal, and rational, to the holistic presentation that dreams employ.

We all have personal vulnerabilities, and this is normal. We all experience trauma and deal with depression. We complain about the bad things but not the good things. Are these good things real, or are they excursions into unsustainable positive emotion?

While there is nothing wrong with needing to breath, there is something wrong when you’re desperate for breath. What you need should be a regular part of your life, not an ecstatic or occasional experience. What makes you happy?

I met Stefan Deutsch online and sent him my Operating Manual for Enlightenment. He sent me his Love Decoded: Getting the Love You Deserve. Here are his “Nine Laws for Fulfilling Relationships,” taken from the introduction, along with my comments.

1. Love that has to be earned isn’t love...

2. Become aware of your own and others’ unloving, conditional behaviors as well as loving, unconditional behaviors...

3. Never reject others’ loving energy. It hurts them...

4. Never allow others to behave unlovingly without consequence. It hurts you...

5. Do not assume that there is any intentionality behind any act that hurts, disappoints, or angers you...

6. Assume all people, like you, are always doing the best they can...

7. Loving energy is real, nourishing, and visceral. Everyone needs to give and receive it in all our relationships, not just a few...

8. Loving energy is not to be confused with automatic, physical, and sexual energy...

9. The act of giving love must involve a conscious decision to be unconditionally loving even when you are upset with another person...

What I Consider Important...

In a wide ranging discussion, Daniel and I talk about the intersections of life and growth, health and sanity, parenting and education, creativity and architecture.

Daniel Thomas, a British transplant living in Germany by way of Australia, is a versatile storyteller, writer, actor, and filmmaker. He has been featured in commercials, TV & Film & has written & directed his own shorts. He also hosts & produces podcasts that showcase his creative range & passion for meaningful & collaborative storytelling.

Lincoln Stoller, an American transplant living in Canada, is a physicist and psychotherapist, with a focus on learning, healing, and growth, exploring connections between culture, heritage, and the mind. Lincoln’s work challenges institutional knowledge, emphasizing emotion, intuition, and insight. Through his books and speaking, he aims to expand perspectives by integrating learning, healing, and invention.

Gratitude is a combination of things, primarily two: a thought and an emotion.

Selfish gratitude is needy. You are grateful for what you’re getting. It’s contingent and dependent.

Gratitude offered with appreciation asks for no reward. And while gratitude so offered feels nourishing it can also feel empty.

Lincoln Stoller is a former mountaineer who now specializes in psycho-, hypno-, and neurofeedback therapy, in tandem with numerous other counseling and coaching services.

Lincoln lives well outside of the bounds of normalcy. He says we should “just keep doing out-of-the-box stuff. And if people aren’t calling you a little crazy or a little nutty, then you probably aren’t exploring enough of the boundaries.”

Today’s conversation revolves around the high-risk potential of hard-charging performers and achievers, whether they exist in sports, business, or other areas of life.

I’m in the minds business; I’m also in the programming business. I sometimes think of therapy as a programming problem. That’s not a bad idea, but you can’t take it literally.

Taken literally, “to program” creates a series of steps that always choose between right and wrong. Programming requires such steps to exist, that you can discern them, choose between them, and follow them to the end of the path. None of these requirements are met in the minds of real people, but we can still talk about those rare situations when they are. The right steps are often called “good ideas.”

As a therapist, my job is not to come up with good ideas so much as help people learn how to find them. I avoid the word “teach” because the process of finding good ideas is not taught. I can show a person how they’re sabotaging themselves, how to relax, and experiment, but there is no formula for finding good ideas...

“Life is the balance between holding on and letting go.”— Rumi

I felt it important to respond to a journalist who asked what people might expect at their first therapy session. Many come to me who are ambivalent about beginning therapy, and I’ve been to a few therapists myself.

I’ve not felt good about these first sessions with other therapists. A good therapist is wise but ignorant, and makes no attempt to hide it. No therapist is an expert because no two clients are the same.

An honest therapist knows as little about what to expect as you do. When I make my ignorance clear, everything goes beautifully because it’s you who guides me. I’ve never met a therapist as comfortable with their ignorance as I.

The journalist’s seven questions concern protocol, method, and service, but this is not what therapy is about. If you’re inviting someone to “therapise” you, you’ve lost your way at the start. No one is going to figure or straighten you out. You do this yourself, or else it doesn’t happen.

“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.”— Albert Einstein

Is Intelligence a Real Thing?The history of intelligence is odd. It’s variously defined and plays different roles. Even within one culture, different standards are applied to different genders, ages, and people of different inclinations.

Historically, intelligence was assumed as something you did or did not have. In the past, people did not have much education. More accurately, the lucky ones did and the unlucky ones didn’t. It was assumed that intelligence preceded your ability to learn and it could be measured by what you knew.

Despite now having tests to measure intelligence, it’s still rated based on what you have learned. Our IQ tests are supposed to measure a person’s fundamental aptitude, but this is a fiction. It’s convenient because it ends up justifying the original premise that your intelligence is what you can learn. What you can learn is measured by what a particular group, inevitably the group in power, thinks is valuable.

We’re told these IQ tests are justified because people don’t change their scores over time. This is a “low IQ” argument which is a good reflection of how notions of IQ justify themselves. People don’t change their scores on IQ tests over time not because they can’t, but because they choose not to learn how to...

“The term neural synchrony… refers to how the brains of people carrying out an activity together will start to behave in the same way.” — Morten Pedersen, technologist

MysteriesThe Keys in PsychotherapyPsychotherapy’s MysteryEmpathySynchronyBecoming Synchronized