Stuff You Should Know About Therapy

What are our values? Because some people don’t know, and if we aren’t clear about them, they can easily slip to something like “power” or “control.”

Talking about how the sex isn’t good doesn’t mean you’re not meant to be. It just means you need to work on the sex life! Everything that is mentionable is manageable. Mention it. Manage it.

Sex and love are different things, obviously. However, we all have a notion in our heads that they should be together. Or maybe we rebelled from that idea and think that sex is perfectly fine without love. I’m not here to make a moral claim either way, but let’s talk about why we have the inclination that they should be linked together. Is there any validity to that?

Sex and love are tied together as one is the expression of the other. Yes, you can have sex without love, but it is like dancing without music--weird, awkward, and no one enjoys it.

Sex isn’t meant to be a performance. There are no grades. In fact, the more honest we can be to ourselves, the more sex will feel like real and intimate connection!

When we come from a place of security and joy, not out of obligation or resentment, we want to make our partner feel good, and vice versa.

We have to know what our desires really are before we can find healthy ways to express them, and in order to do that, we have to look closely at the shame that keeps our desires hidden from us.

This self care journey never ends. It isn’t a game that we can win and stop playing. It is a river that goes on and on, some wins, some losses. We should embrace the journey of self-care as truly never-ending, and stop waiting for the day we will be “fixed.”

If you are lost in the darkness now, I want to say that it can get better. And sometimes it looks like big epiphanies and breakthroughs, but mostly it looks like doing just a tiny bit better every day. If you couldn’t get out of bed yesterday, and today you got up and made yourself coffee, you are a winner in my book. You only have yourself to make proud, and I hope you do. I hope we can all stop comparing ourselves to others so much, because we should never compare someone’s highlight reel to our bloopers.

Giving ourselves time for self-care, benefits not only our friends and family, but every single person we come in contact with, and every person they come in contact with. When we do it, know we are performing a radical good!