The STF Thorns gang is back, and we’ve got a lot to process.

Thorns are leaving town left and right — what does it all mean? Are the Thorns in better or worse shape than before? How are we all processing some emotional farewells? Sam, Phuoc, Melina, and Wilder talk through it all.

Then, we share our New Year’s Resolutions for the Portland Thorns. What do we wish for the Thorns in 2025? Listen on to find out!

Plus: Wilder is still somehow optimistic, Melina is still justifiably critical, Sam is still emotional, and Phuoc is still… also optimistic?

Happy New Year! Sam, Alex, and Luukas kick 2025 off with an episode chatting about all the recent Timbers news. A new winger is in town, there’s more links to forwards, and it’s the 50th anniversary of this weird, wonderful club — and the gang is here to break it down.

Sam’s transitions are even better. Luukas’ stats are even more insightful. Alex’s preseason excitement is incredulously even higher. New year, same old us.

In a Christmas Day special, the Merseyside Boys ride again to talk about the Portland Timbers. Rumored signings, some GAM talk, SuperDraft chat, and schedule analysis — this episode really is an MLS Sickos dream.

Featuring: perhaps Sam’s worst opening of all-time, and Alex’s thumbs-down to future references.

*Note: if it wasn’t obvious, this podcast was recorded before the Timbers signed Ariel Lassiter — which you can read about here!

On behalf of everyone at Stumptown Footy, we wish you a Happy Holidays! Thanks as always for all of your support!

Becky Sauerbrunn is hanging them up, so of course we had to chat about it.

Sam and Wilder reflect on her legacy, what it means for the Thorns offseason, and then touch on the newest rumored NWSL expansion team.

Then, Sam, Phuoc, and Melina dive into what the Thorns are losing with Sauerbrunn departing. They also chat about what other key signings Portland needs to make this winter.

All that and more in this episode, including: Sam’s summation of Denver soccer stadiums, Wilder’s reflection on altitude sickness, Melina’s bleak assessment of the Thorns midfield, and Phuoc’s holiday message.

The Stumptown gang dives back into the mailbag to answer more of your questions — this time all about the Portland Thorns! Phuoc, Wilder and Sam work through questions related to the critical and uncertain offseason for the Thorns, and the years beyond.

What needs to happen for next season to be an improvement for the Thorns? Who should be the head coach? What is the future of Soph Smith and Sam Coffey? What needs to happen for the USWNT to return to Portland? Listen to find out!

Featuring: Wilder “Cranberry sauce” Isom, Phuoc “Turkey is overrated” Nguyen, and Sam “Mashed potato” Svilar.

In honor of many of us traveling for the holidays, Sam, Alex, and Jeremy united to answer some of your questions about the Portland Timbers! Huge thank you to everyone who submitted Q’s on Substack and Blueskey.

What do the Timbers do next if (when?) Evander leaves? Who else on the roster might go? What are some potential transfers the Timbers might target, and why is Jeremy so hyped up about one of them? Listen on to find out!

Plus: Alex’s “Extremely Unpopular Tiers of Potentially Departing Timbers, Sam’s “Be Glad I’m Not a GM Corner”, and Jeremy’s “Guide to Finding Joy in Watching Sports in 2024”.

A month removed from their season reaching a very unceremonious end, the gang dives into the dead body that is the Portland Timbers’ 2024 season. Sam, Luukas, and Phuoc all grab their instruments and perform an autopsy: what went well, what didn’t and how do we feel about the year as a whole.

The vibes steadily deteriorate as we go along.

Featuring: Luukas’ interview for technical director, Phuoc’s verdict on the ceiling of the Timbers, and Sam’s depressing Timbers parallelisms.

The Merseyside Boys return! Sam and Alex hop on the microphones to check in with the Portland Timbers, and the “cold war” that’s been simmering between the club and Evander. The boys get deep into it and take a side (!), and then move on to preview some of the upcoming MLS trade and transfer windows and how Portland could be active.

How should the Timbers should handle Evander? How big of an offseason is this for Ned Grabavoy and company? Which players are likely to leave this offseason? What maybe-swear word does Sam nearly drop? Listen on to find out!

And just like that, professional soccer is over for the city of Portland for the year. The Portland Thorns 2024 season ended at the hands of Gotham FC in the NWSL Playoffs. What happened? Where do they go from here? Phuoc, Sam, Wilder, and Melina all got together to break down the game and talk about the high-stakes offseason that is to come.

Featuring: Melina’s sad trombone, Wilder’s spicy anger, Sam’s sad relief, and Phuoc’s patience finally running out.

Christine Sinclair celebrated her (likely) final game in Portland in style, leading the Thorns to a 3-0 win that clinched the playoffs in front of a raucous — and soaked — Providence Park. Phuoc, Sam, and Wilder hopped on the microphones to break it down and reflect on the latest magical night in Soccer City, USA.

Then, the gang previews Portland’s playoff match against Gotham FC. Do the Thorns stand a chance against the NWSL super team? What needs to happen for them to swing an upset? Listen on to find out!

Plus: Wilder is back to her optimistic ways, Phuoc has a swanky new title, and Sam urges the Thorns conjures some “nobody believes in us!” magic.