Kareem, from his office in Manhattan, and Andrew (SubwayTakes Co-creator and producer), from his home in the Hudson Valley, recount Kareem’s Denver bachelor party weekend, how and where to get gonorrhea (aka the saga of Bathhouse), Kareem suffering from success, how many ways there are to die in New York City (specifically the peril of most window air conditioning units), the crooks behind the scaffolding industry, Kareem’s possible political bid as a socialist republican, the funniest and/or most-embarrassing way to perish, friend-of-the-pod Lev’s new drone footage account @globaldronetravel (tell him Kareem sent you), and the first taste of the SubwayTakes call-in line–did we discuss your take? Tune in to find out.

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Kareem, from his office in Manhattan, and Andrew (SubwayTakes Co-creator and producer), from his home in the Hudson Valley, talk over Andrew’s recent nuptials, his Vows feature in The New York Times, the liberal use of the word “creative,” making your own trophies, Kareem’s feud with the paper of record, an update on Andrew’s foray into social media, walking through Kareem setting up a Google Voice number (347-746-5518) where listeners can call in and leave their takes, how Kareem lived his own personal Garden State, an update on Kareem’s BMI, avoiding being washed in old age, more excerpts from Andrew’s Vows piece, campaigning for a bachelor party location, music during birth, some current trends in penises, and more. 

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From their studio and basement, respectively, Kareem and Ian rehash his original take, why Ian’s display name on the podcast app is Shrimp King, how the ‘90s were the pinnacle of…everything, the taxonomy of gremlins versus goblins, body dysmorphia in men, the etiquette of riding the subway as a public persona, the phenomenon of Ye’s latest track, moving to Thailand to sell carpet or wood paneling, everyone smashing their phones, life on the road, airport habits, the abolition of scrolling, how Kareem got disgusting, addictions, the ingenuity of the Autoblow (use promocode SKA at checkout), and, as always, Takes on Takes©. 

Host: Kareem Rahma

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From their offices, Kareem and Willa rehash Willa’s original take, how dating apps are like buying a used car, why SubwayTakes is a dating app, reminiscing on apps like Yik Yak, Grouper, and LiveJournal, Willa being mistaken for Cazzie David, Willa’s experience so far as the youngest-ever Editor-In-Chief of Cosmopolitan and Seventeen, the etiquette of declining a marriage proposal, how therapists are easily manipulated, the “waste of time”-style relationship, Kareem’s recent engagement to his wife, a handful of dating tips and, as always, Takes on Takes©.

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"People are real down on the subway lately but I still like taking it!!" Kareem and Michael continue on the train and talk about Michael's directorial debut, Eric Larue, directing as a way of developing every character in a movie, Kareem and Michael's future buddy comedy where they open an indie Target (and also their buddy drama where they're roommates), male best friend breakup stories as a new genre, Michael's love of R.E.M., doing a cover band, being a loafer, having a fake Chicago accent, Windsor Terrace, how being from the midwest makes you endearing, GoFundMe to pay for a star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, not being invited to the Oscars, there are too many screens on the subway, Michael's colonoscopy and other stuff.

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From their homes, Kareem and Rachel get down to brass tacks on vanish mode, signing documents, executive dysfunction, living alone, boarding schools, Rachel’s Carrie Bradshaw era, the West Village Girl phenomenon, Kareem’s old website, “real jobs,” the dynamics of the group chat and its accompanying drama, friendship fallout, national security issues, the amazing Zach Schiffman, the names of group chats, purpose-based group chats, the dream group chat, herniated discs, aspiring to chef levels, and, as always, Takes on Takes©. 

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From their home studios, Kareem and Jay revisit banana hammocks, saying “congratulations” for birthdays, what Jay calls “summertime penis,” the politics of a Speedo, the dongs of various Greek gods, Lenny Kravitz’s ever-present bulge (and infamous dick slip), the demographics of what we’re calling “the hat draft,” funky ass white boys, the great new band The Paradox, aging into our true selves, the merits of customer loyalty, mushrooms as Unc drug, a defense of bisexuals, the FUBU resurgence, and–as always–Takes on Takes©.

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From their home studios, Kareem and Paul re-litigate how Heinz is the best ketchup of all time and why fries must be included with the price of a burger. They also dig into bald-guy and gap-tooth representation (does David Letterman have a gap?), fashion tips for aging cool guys, wasting time in the gym, what are Miracle Whip, Clamato, and club soda exactly, the Italian race debate, Paul’s ties to the mafia, the importance of a butter bell, pancake strategy, cooking for their children, accidentally ordering bottle service, and–as always–Takes on Takes©. Also: why is Heinz ghosting Kareem and Paul after offering a trip to their ketchup factory?

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"Fundamentally, everyone is a good person!" Kareem and Ramy continue on the train, grab a meal at IBN Hamido in Astoria, Queens and and talk about finally peeing after you've been holding it for too long, probiotic yogurt causing sharts, Ramy's new animated show #1 Happy Family USA on Prime Video, turning into a dad with manic energy, babies eating sea bass and wagyu, maximizing the Chinese buffet, getting your beans confiscated at customs, Kebab Dylan, Ramy looking like Bad Bunny, how everyone can use a thousand bucks, going to Egypt every year, Ramy Salami, non-muslim people saying inshallah, mom-aganda, calling international with phone cards, Kareem getting the black lung by being underground so much, having a hot wife is haram and other stuff.

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From their homes, Kareem and Abdullah also discuss NYC smelling like worms, slugs are unhoused snails, Abdullah's alt take that was "we should make farting socially acceptable" but it had already done, two cat households, Kareem needing a bodyguard, brown guys at Vice, what it felt like when Abdullah got the phone call greenlighting his show Deli Boys, eating shit sandwiches in Hollywood, deciding to being the mysterious strong silent type at 34, America rewarding assholes, Abdullah's take was mansplaining, when your therapist is also your couple’s therapist, debuting the new sting for our weekly segment TAKES ON TAKES, no shoes households, Kareem getting cast for Deli Boys Season 2 and other stuff.

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