Such Good Words

The erotic conclusion to S1-10 - Cher's throat learns how to drive, and we meet Benjamin Oats in a dream/vision quest /driving lesson. Let's watch. Let's also write some fucking reviews guys. Guys?

Xena and Gabrielle strike oil, and the guy who played Ernest (who was definitely not dead when this was being filmed) helps them negotiate land rights with a local tribe of fussy women. Meanwhile, Cher secretly binges on more water than she says she normally drinks (bitch), and something/nothing to do with centaurs. Why not.

The thrilling conclusion of SGW | Xena | S1-9, maybe. Broccoli gets a shout out at the end, and in an unwanted twist, you find out that you've been inside the podcast the whole time.

In an unexpected twist, Gabrielle's ovulation is transformed into a scented candle, and we're introduced to and immediately forget Sisyphus (so forgettable). Gabrielle tries to get slammed by a terminally ill acne-survivor. He dies. Celeste (also ovulating) gobbles down the leftovers.

Xena and Gabrielle try double dating (why not), but coincidentally end up time traveling and engaging in friction-heavy such and such, with alternative, trans-gendered, post-op versions of themselves. The date doesn't go well. Also a malth shop (look it up) that we have a reasonable level of enthusiasm for as adults is about to close we gotta' go. Karaoke disaster is in this one, probably.

Xena and Gabrielle try double dating (why not), but coincidentally end up time traveling and engaging in friction-heavy such and such, with alternative, trans-gendered, post-op versions of themselves. The date doesn't go well. Also a malth shop (look it up) that we have a reasonable level of enthusiasm for as adults is about to close we gotta' go.

Things get real (finally) when Gabrielle turns into a small bird, knowingly, but then complains a lot about the experience. She and the most fashion forward dinos from The Land Before Time roll their eyes at Scientology, and realize they've been confusing shitting for eating this whole time. （ ﾟ Дﾟ)

Xena rents a boat, but soon discovers that the high seas aren't all they're cracked up to be. Ares is suddenly stricken with a bout severe depression, and takes to marathoning the entirety of All My Children. Gabrielle attempts to pass the bar (she fails).

Xena joins forces with Sloth and the fat kid from The Goonies, and they set out to get nails done with Princess Lollipop. Unfortunately, an arms merchant with a penchant for sodomy refuses to honor their groupons for 50% off nail decals (they pay for the nails anyway). Also we meet a nice foot bath.

Xena and Gabrielle pull a full on baby-Moses heist, we meet Pandora and discover her complex choking and horse fetish, and that fish from the Pixar movies swims faster than any of us thought possible - even out of water (what's that all about).