Sunflowers & Red Feathers Blogcast

Every bereaved parent’s grief journey is different. We want to be able to share what others go through to help bereaved parents to know that what they are feeling is “right”. It’s ok to feel the way you do. No one grieves the same way.

Stephanie lost a sibling at a young age, became a death doula, lost her son in January 2020, and now is certified in grief counseling. Hear about her grief journey and the advice she would give to those along their way. 

As young moms with school-aged children and younger, we are torn between parenting and loving those who are here on Earth and wishing we could parent our children who are no longer here. When you have children in Heaven, your heart aches in their absence. We will forever feel like a piece of us is missing. Every day is a constant battle of the wills as we long for the one not with us yet wholeheartedly love our other children equally. We see our missed children in their siblings’ faces, a familiar laughter echoing off the walls that were once theirs, and are constantly bombarded with memories of the same joyful play. Yes, we love our children here on this side of Heaven, but oh how we wish we could be in both places sometimes.

We had the privilege of being on Sierra Bizzell's from Beautiful Beginnings' podcast, Tea Time Talks with Sierra. Sierra is a fertility coach and doula. Unfortunately, there are times when she has to help bereaved parents through difficult times such as miscarriage and infant loss. We were honored that Sierra interviewed us and allowed us to use her episode on our podcast. In our interview, we talk about who we are and why we started Sunflowers & Red Feathers. #watchreadlisten to how our blogcast has changed us as people and the advice we give to those on their own personal grief journey.

My Yellow Balloon written by Tiffany Papageorge

Illustrated by Erwin Madrid

Published by Minoan Moon Publishing

This children’s book was beautifully written for children who are grieving. Kristina & Steffanie read the book and discuss how even adults can relate to the overwhelming sadness and daily struggles that Joey encounters after he loses his yellow balloon. #watchreadlisten to learn how Joey’s grief changes over time as he walks through his grief journey to a place where he finds both hope and joy.

The subject of death often is not something you generally bring up with just anyone, but most of the time when you do, it’s something other people can empathize with - the loss of a grandparent, a pet, or even to a tragedy such as cancer or other terminal illness. However, as a bereaved parent, not many people you come across on a daily basis can empathize with our struggle. Bringing up the fact that our child died is a taboo topic.

Some days we are just talking - having a conversation about our boys and how are really coping and getting through our days. That’s when our next topic pops up. It’s usually something that we are currently dealing with that brings something to the surface that we know you can all relate to. We still struggle on a daily basis. We are just human and our grief is just as raw as yours is. This is us - just talking about how our grief affects our physical health.

Some days we are just talking - having a conversation about our boys and how are really coping and getting through our days. That’s when our next topic pops up. It’s usually something that we are currently dealing with that brings something to the surface that we know you can all relate to. We still struggle on a daily basis. We are just human and our grief is just as raw as yours is. This is us - just talking about how our grief affects our mental health.

In this episode of Sunflowers & Red Feathers, we discussed a question from our weekly Q&A that we felt needed more than a simple two-sentence answer.  "When will this pain in my heart soften?"

The answer is that it will soften but not on any scientific timeline. The simple answer is that there is no timeline for grief, nor should there be an expected one. Nothing about child loss is normal and "grieving" the way we are taught in school to grieve is a very different ballgame when it's grief from child loss. 

The reality is that the pain will ease with time but you never truly move on after losing your child. You become a different person. There is hope though and if you look for joy, you will find it! That's what we hope to bring to you!

When grief is so fresh, it is consuming. Everything about your life has been put on hold. Your relationships are no exception. Friends don’t understand why aren’t the same person. Family doesn’t get why you don’t want to show up to holiday gatherings or parties anymore. However, you don’t have to be alone in your grief. We have found that there is no greater bond than the one you will find with other bereaved parents. Your hearts and ours know the same overwhelming loss and how heavy that burden is to carry throughout life. Allow us to help you to carry your burden. Use these resources to help you find your tribe. And, of course, you are welcome to join ours.

For most parents, finding ways to remember and honor your child is incredibly important to you. Your biggest fear could be that your child will be forgotten and it will be completely up to you to keep their memory alive. Naturally, you do what you can and come up with ways that keep their memory alive for you. Here is a list of ideas that may be helpful for you if you are new to this journey or even if you are a friend supporting a parent on their journey.