Swordboys - Cut x Cut

The Swordboys have returned to the Abbey where Sister Monicaaaaaa frustrates Ranulf, Crow broods in the doorway, Tej talks Roman out of his greasy chicken (he honrgy) and Hawk reminisces on the time he was tied to a tree while Elaine dropped some sick burns on Voltan. But eventually, the Table of Five reserve a spot at Jabba’s palace, and Gort gets to play a game. Is it the hokey pokey? God’s teeth!

The Swordboys are back to join the Table with no tables. Did you know that the ride to the witch’s cave was spooky? It might also be on Krypton. But it’s time to get the party together! We get a giant played by a tall guy who’s not Shaq, an elf played by a machine covered in tomato soup, and a stinky fish-eating dwarf played by a short guy. And hey, if you’re not a giant, an elf or a dwarf - don’t worry. You are Ranulf. Oo-wee-oo-wee-oo! Runtime - 00:30:35 - 00:45:35

The Swordboys return for another slow “Casio-nic” gallop through the humid forest. What’s duller? John Terry’s acting or the Mindsword? Yes it’s true. This sword has no edge. Is there a secret Highlander in this film? Is Voltan more Darth Vader or Mr. Spock? Take care, listeners. Watch for us in the night…

The Swordboys are back with another classic 80s sword and sorcery movie: Hawk the Slayer! In our first cut, we discuss the King of Dubbers, the return of our old friend Clompy, the Mindsword, the varied acting of Christian Shephard and W. Morgan Sheppard, Dark Wizards, Skullfaces, glowing crystals, sandwich threats, amazing matte paintings and Jack Palance impressions so terrible that they may pass your understanding! Oo-wee-oo-wee-oo!

Runtime - 00:00:00 - 00:14:55

The Swordboys thought that they ended the movie last week, but what’s this? There is another ending to The Beastmaster? We discuss how well it worked, how “Beastmaster” the ending truly is, the rites of tar, the return of Clompy, sweet jumpkicks and sexy villains. And what would the podcast be without a classic swordfight breakdown between the Beastmaster and Naomi Jun? Heeeeere we Dar! Runtime - 01:41:46 - 01:58:20

Is this a crossover?! Hell yeah it is! We're happy to be talking about The Adventures of Robin Hood with Travis Bow from Minute of Thieves. This is PART 2 so head on over to Minute of Thieves to listen to PART 1.

Lots of swords and hams and Friars and hats!

https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/minuteofthieves

The Swordboys (including special guest Murren Kennedy from Point Break Minute and Cast and the Furious) escape from the kingdom of Aruk in Friar Suck’s cart of unlimited hay! But King Zed leads his followers (no freaks allowed) to be captured again! All hope is lost until the Beastmaster and newest beast Clompy race in to rescue, well, most of them, and defeat the evil Maax as we wrap up yet another movie…wait what? There’s more?? Runtime (01:24:19 - 01:41:46)

The Swordboys start this cut with the rescue of Kiri from some expendable red priests, but are confused about how their boat works. With some gentle persuasion, Dar agrees to hop in the hay with Kiri...and Tal and Kodo and Podo and Ruh...in the back of Sacco's wagon to infiltrate the pyramid and save King Zed. There they battle red priests, deathguards, deathwarriors and deathsoldiers to escape Maax once again. Bring out the Gimp! Runtime (01:03:36 - 01:24:19)

The Swordboys follow Dar to the great matte painting of Aruk, where High Priest Maax is still up to his child-murdering antics after all these years. After Sharak saves the child of a hapless villager, Dar and Ruh run into an ambush. Luckily, Seth and Tal help and our party bands together to save Kiri. In this episode, we talk about voluntary child sacrifice, how great of a god AR really is, creepy eye rings with cauldron Zoom features, Good Times, and familial connections. Why do I smell baby oil? Runtime (00:43:37 - 01:03:36)