Swordboys - Cut x Cut

Sexy Skeletor is now Master of the Universe and we are so happy for him! He has a huge staff, a costume change, a pig nose and a winged helmet that he stole from a Jun warlord. He gloats to Eternia ( Population: 8 ) but now that he is at the top, he is so lonely, something he shares with arch-nemesis, the very greasy He-Man.

The Earthlings arrive and blasters and shotguns are a-blazin'! A moment of silence for Skeletor's most loyal servant, Blade, who can't even die the death of a true Swordboy. He-Man finally has The Power and nothing changes except the room empties out for a budget-friendly fight! It's the unintelligible jock that everyone loves versus the sexy bad boy your parents warned you about! Who will win?

And, as we say "Good journey!" to this movie and hoist our Skeletor impersonations into the rafters (yeah right), we determine finally, did this movie not have enough sword to get our sword, or does it get a pass because of how much fun we had discussing it?

Oh gosh, this one is a doozy! We have arrived at the Last of Earth! Cut-out He-Man flies his pizza stone and finally pulls his sword out while Man-At-Arms and Teela shoot questions first and ask blasters later! We learn about Sexy Skeletor bits and the origins of Snake Mounting. Julie Ackbar gets her leg manipulated while Skeletor reminds Evil-Lyn to blast his cache.

We take the space butthole back to Eternia where there’s a really rude robot announcer and Blade gets to be a Whip Boy. Robin starts his Earth First campaign, Rick explains all the technobabble and Jonathan announces his epitaph in Cut 5 of Masters of the Universe!

Welcome back to the quiet desolate streets of Los Angeles, where the only place open is Charlie's Music Store. After Kevin autotunes his way out of the Collar of Al Jarreau and Gwildor tries on Julie's clothes (because comedy!), it's a race to Charlie's to find out the secrets of the cosmic key. You see, the universe is music and---boring!

Time for a shootout after Evil Lyn's swampboat pulls up. Woman-at-arms Teela shows us her blaster skills and a Ghost Mom makes Jonathan declare that the movie is now officially off-the-rails. But the Superman IV effects bring in more hoverboards, another Space Butthole and Skeletor's Dick Ship!

Hey. You like warehouses? Because we are in Pizzabox Alley again in this cut. But at least He-Man finally uses his sword in a movie which should have probably been called "Blasters of the Universe". And Blade has TWO swords and we gotta tell ya - it's pretty terrific.

Other highlights include the "piss moment" of the movie, the arrival of both Pawn Star Ernie and Marshall Strickland, a Triple Tech of the Ep, a discussion of cold vs reheated chicken, and trying to understand why Skeletor's robots come with chins.

Speaking of, Sexy Skeletor is still here and really wants you to butt dial him.

Clear out your gill slits and synchronize your personal locators! It's time to take the space butthole to Los Angeles where we meet Kevin and Julie, who discover a Torktum-proof Japanese synthesizer buried in the ground near Julie's parents!

We also spend some time at Robby's Ribs & Chicken where we learn some not-so-fun facts about what else happened there. There's also bounty hunters: chief amongst them is Swordboy himself Blade! We also find out LA's effect on Teela's diet as well as Julie's connection to The Carlton. And, of course, if you missed him: Sexy Skeletor returns! Good journey!

By the Power of Greyskull, we finally start to cover a piece of cinematic art with real history unlike our last movie: "MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE". The Gen-Xer Boys and the Baby Millennial Boy talk about their love of the toys they owned and the cartoon they watched religiously back in the old days. However, that does start us "somewhat disappointed" in how those iconic heroes, locations AND SWORD translate to the big screen, as only The Canon Group can. We get into Dolph's line delivery, Frank Lemonjello chewing the scenery, Meg Foster's eyes, Dildo/Blorko/Borgo/Boomer, blasters in a sword movie, Bill Conti phoning it in, Castle Greyskull's security, #NotMySorceress, and cape etiquette, before the discussion devolves into (animated) Skeletor impersonations.

The Swordboys rejoin the insurrection by yelling about arrangements and tracking down exactly whose sword killed Young DARt’s father. Cardinal Richelieu reveals that he’s a GunBoy under those robes (and potentially nude), but luckily Porthos holds x to revive Aramis.

So much swordplay between D'Artagnan and Craptain Roachfort, as well as the titular Three Musketeers saving the future McFlys. Other topics include evil whooshes, dungeon daddies, TPS reports, WiiSwords, death gurgles, and the secrets of the French Quarter. Finally, we shed some musket-tears as we bid adieu to another great sword movie.

But does it get our sword? Sean German joins us from The Next Scene Podcast and Casablanca Minute to finally give us the correct answer! All for one, and one for all! Runtime: 01:26:07 - 01:45:23

NEXT UP: MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE

The Swordboys jump on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney to cheer on the murders of all of the crew by Aramis and Platthos, everyone’s favorite bridge troll leading man. Assassin’s Creed is brought up a few times as Milady’s leap of faith becomes notable to the history of Disney, after her stay at the AirBnP. We return to Paris just in time for the Kingceanera, but what’s this?

An insurrection?! Dan Marfield, Wishbone’s biggest fan, joins us this week from A Free Podcast. All for one, and one for all! Runtime: 01:09:15 - 01:26:07

The Swordboys return to the tavern to hear Big Brother Athos talk of love and good-natured punches to the face. Next we take a milk bath with a gross tasseled pillow and a horny pope who just wants the Queen to bring him closer to God.

Then it’s off to avoid cannonballs and deliver maximum Star Wars quotes before we wish a hearty RSVP to Whitey Axelrod. Finally, we rate the handsomeness of King Louis’s bangs as well as the hero of this film: Angus the Boy Detective. Liz Whitaker joins us this week on her gentle stallion Sugar Muffin. All for one, and one for all!

Runtime: 00:51:45 - 01:09:15

The Swordboys travel from the depths of the horny Richelieu’s mancave to a wenching tavern on the outskirts of Paris. We explore questions like “How likable is Chris O’Donnell?”, “How many peasants did Porthos behead?”, “What’s in your sacred snack chamber?” and “Who were Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds?” We are introduced to Whitey, Bitey, Ricky, and Moe, we list our Depard-donts, and also learn about the Musketeers’ sacred rule of ABW. And we are again joined by a fourth Musketeer this week: Niall McGowan from Batminute and Miami Minute! All for one, and one for all!

Runtime - 00:34:32 - 00:51:45