Swordboys - Cut x Cut

Enter Valeria! Team Coco picks up another warrior to help them infiltrate the very smelly Snakehole Lounge. After that, it's time for booze, breathable gruel and boning! Finally, Conan, Subotai and Valeria are given a fetch quest to the Mountain of Power which might actually be the very place Conan was going to anyway! CROM!!!

Runtime: 00:40:20 - 00:59:59

Warm yourself next to the fire of Swordboys this week as Travis of the Bow returns for Cut 3 of Conan the Barbarian! After Conan gets some d-erection from a wolfwitch, he meets a surfing thief named Subotai and together they go on a black lotus-influenced rampage through Zamora's livestock. This had better not be Haga! CROM!

Runtime: 00:29:46 - 00:40:20

WHAT IS BEST IN LIFE? Having a Bowboy like Travis to stop by and discuss Cut 2 of Conan the Barbarian! We start with Young Conan strapped to the Wheel of Pain, where his sisyphean struggles turn him into Arnold Schwarzenegger! Eventually he's tossed in a Thunderbowl to fight for his life against various emissaries of Skeletor.

He's trained as a fighter and is rewarded with the pleasures of a woman. Eventually his best friend and slaveowner Tormund releases him and he finds a mysterious cave with a great sword. CROM!!!

Runtime: 00:14:57 - 00:29:46

Let me tell you of the days of high adventure! The Swordboys return to the Hyborian Age and dust off their Arnold impressions for it is finally time to discuss CONAN THE BARBARIAN! Do we even need to say the 1982 version? Even if it opens with a Kelly Clarkson quote? Of course not, because Jonathan really needs a win this time.

Topics discussed are the tragic tale of the father of the sword and sorcery genre, swordmaking, our favorite Nietzsche quotes, the patron saints of Swordboys, who is your favorite hench, Young Conan's Dad, Young Conan's hot mom, James Earl Jones's wig and how this all ties back to Skeletor. CROM!!!

Runtime: 00:00:00 - 00:14:57

You and I have unfinished business. Baby, you ain't kidding, because the Swordboys have finally reached the conclusion of KILL BILL: THE WHOLE BLOODY AFFAIR! Jonathan is on edi-Bills, Robin brings some not-so-fun facts and Rick praises Bill's parenting. They also discuss the infamous car crash, sword songs, thumbsuckers, Superman's secret identity, more reasons why Harvey Weinstein is the worst (is he dead yet?), whether there is streaming in the afterlife, what kind of ending was expected and finally: does this movie get our sword? After that, Jonathan reveals his pick for the next movie! How do I look? You look ready.

TWBA Runtime: 03:01:53 - 03:58:18

Volume Two Runtime: 01:21:15 - 02:16:00

Confused? Just watch Last Chapter - Face to Face

The Swordboys celebrate their two-year anniversary as the now-named Beatrix Kiddo crosses two names off her kill list.

Robin acts like a hot mess, Jonathan continues to be a lovable scamp, and Rick figures out a way this movie could have been better. Still, we give Daryl Hannah some props for being a crimefighting activist, and Elle Driver some props for writing all her fun facts and jokes down. Finally, we rattle off some scary facts about sneks. Hisssssssssss!!

TWBA Runtime: 02:43:46 - 03:01:53

Volume Two Runtime:

Confused? Just watch Chapter 9 - ELLE and I

The Swordboys travel to China with young Beatrix to undergo the "cruetelage of paella", which just may be the training she needs to escape her subterranean cell! Along the way, they discuss important topics such as their favorite pies, double knots, Dead Poet's Society, the best part of a rat, Quentin's nearly-disastrous casting, breakaway flutes, whooshy ponytails, MythBusters, Brian Burgers and, of course, WikiFeet. After so much banter, may we have a glass of water please?

TWBA Runtime: 02:19:53 - 02:43:46

Volume Two Runtime: 00:39:15 - 01:03:07

Confused? Just watch Chapter 8 - The Cruel Tutelage of Pai Mei

Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey! The Swordboys head to the strip club for Budd's shift as we finally get into some Madsen Facts. Michael Madsen - actor, poet, hot sauce maker, and Tarantino staple - plays the most conscientious DiVA, Budd, who is now living a humble life with a satisfied mind.

But The Bride is here for a payback that will leave one of them six feet under. Along the way, the Swordboys discuss our stripper names, cowboy hats, balaclavas vs shiesties, and the efficacy of a blast to the chest with rocksalt. Come for the strip club buffet, stay for the Carradine film reviews. My Oh My!

TWBA Runtime: 01:58:49 - 02:19:53

Volume Two Runtime: 00:18:10 - 00:39:14

Confused? Just watch Chapter 7 - The lonely grave of Paula Schultz

Come hang with the Swordboys as we start the Volume 2 half of the Whole Bloody Affair in desolate El Paso where The Bride and The Groom do a dress rehearsal of death. Arlene’s daddy, a silver miner from Perth, has arrived, flute in hand. But will he give The Bride away, or will this turn into a bloodbath? Give Daddy a kiss as he helps tie the knot.

Woo hoo! Time for the Swordboys to drift over to Tokyo and discuss Chapter 5 which is full of gallons and gallons of blood! More blood than a human could realistically geyser out of their body but, hey, Morbius is happy. What else does this chapter contain? Swords! Lots and lots of swords! So many swords that you might not wonder where The Bride pulled hers from. We do know that she's a real blood flicker.

Other topics discussed are what's your Liu View, are there actually 88 crazy people, and are you a sword person or a mall ninja? At the end of this podcast, those of you lucky enough to have your lives, take them with you. However, leave the limbs you've lost. They belong to the Swordboys now.