Swordboys - Cut x Cut

Welcome back to the Highlands, er Lowlands! The Swordboys strap on their best kilts and their best Scottish accents to ride into battle for 1995's BRAVEHEART! In Cut One, young William Wallace is drafted into the Weapon X Program for his skills in the kitchen. Later on, Longshanks assembles his cabinet to Make Scotland England Again, while Robert the Bruce arrives in Edinburgh (not pronounced how it is spelled).

Runtime: 00:00:00 - 00:21:03

Is everybody Hydrated and ready to bone? It's time for the final cut of Jason and the Argonauts and finally we get to the long-awaited skeletons-with-swords scene! But before that, Jason finds the Golden Fleece, just in time for the holidays and battles the Hydra, a creature with wasted potential. Then, after one boring miracle and some gardening with Johnny Appleseed, Jason and his two men (the rest didn't get shore leave) find out what the skeletons use for money! Finally, we decide if this movie deserves our swords, and announce what is coming next!

Runtime 01:26:17 - 01:43:48

Happy Baby Argus New Year! Medea’s Family Shipwreck gets Jason’s personal attention. The two other survivors are being looked after. Meanwhile, Acastus gets tied up in knots and ends up betraying them all. Euphemus shows up dead as a doornail. After public shaming by King Aeetes, Jason and the Argonauts are captured but luckily Medea Goes To Jail to help them escape! Muster Your Men, Captain! (There better be skeletons next time…)

Runtime (01:08:43 - 01:26:17)

Happy holidays! Tune in as the Swordboys make topical and timely references that people love! The Argonauts dress for dinner and help a questionably-blind former Time Lord net some questionably-hot screeching bird women. After that, they sail the Argo into Nick Nolte's bathtub and Zeus insults Hera. Please send us your pictures of Charlie Starkist in a bowtie or your favorite Beastmaster nativity scenes.

Runtime: 00:51:55 - 01:08:43

We're starving on a boat and need to stop off on the Island of Bronze. Hercules is told the rules but just like that little monkey from Aladdin, he steals something and all hell breaks loose as a giant man tries to slowly kill the Argonauts.

Don't worry, he has a bunghole.

Timestamp: Uh, does anyone even read these?

Happy Thanksgiving Swordboys! Here is a special patreon only episode for your holiday weekend. Go watch The Warrior and the Sorceress on Youtube and then listen in. There are a lot of boobs in this. Nuff said! (It also has David Carradine scowling around...)

Grab your kudookus and head on down to the Mount Olympus food court, because Yabba Dabba Zeus has got the games on - the Olympic Games, that is! That's because Jason is assembling a crack team of absolute dickheads in diapers to head down to Georgia and we have "trivia" about every one single of them. Two Poops, Castor Oyl, Podcastus, Euphemism, Spyro of Skyland, Timothy Olmundson and Jack Dawson all get a shoutout. Then we head to the Isle of Bronze to just grab food and water. Right, Hercules? Right, Hercules???Runtime: 16:30 - 34:37

Greece is the word! By way of Southern Italy that is. Hey, how depressed is Ray Harryhausen? Could a depressed person make this? Because we are setting course on an epic adventure filmed with Dynamation in cut 1 of 1963's "JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS"! Pelias and his soothsayer smoke a bowl and get directions from Fred Flintstone Zeus, but my guy cannot stop defiling Hera's temples! We mere mortals are just chess pieces for the gods to play with (and also actively have sex with), so now Pelias is marked for death! But 20 years later, a man with one brown sandal returns to kill Pelias and retake his rightful throne. His name is Jason and today is his birthday. However Pelias instead sends him on a quest to retrieve an itchy golden fleece with magic powers (cue harp noise). But first, the soothsayer turns into a giant toga-wearing Michael Palin and it's two to beam aboard the USS Olympus!

Runtime: 00:00:00 - 00:16:30

In our final cut, our intrepid swashbuckler races to stop the dastardly plan to give General Santa Anna back his own gold to buy California, and murder all the peasants that mined it! This time we have dual duels because, while Al is here to set several fires and explosions off in his fight against Captain Love, Don Diego picks up his sword to take down his evil baby-abducting archenemy Don Montero! Along the way, we learn about sword gleams, sword banter, sword scars, exploding animals and kisses from Hollywood royalty! Who will live to spend their lifetime loving the beautiful Elena? Will this movie get all our rapiers or will someone be the foil?? Find out as we wrap up “The Mask of Zorro”!Runtime: 01:52:05 - The End

We are feasting on swords and neighplayers this week! Zorro escapes with the map and is surprised by how properly instructed Elena is! They play a game of flirty swords before Elena is vigorously undressed! After that, Clompy and new friend Tad team up to deliver one of the last old school horse stunt spectaculars! But now it’s personal for Don Diego as he faces off with Don Raphael like it’s an episode of Maury Povich! Will Elena find out who the father is? Saddle up and don’t forget where your hat is! "Robin's Lil Swordloops" is a registered trademark of Swordboys Dot Biz. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use, reproduction, or imitation of this trademark is strictly prohibited.Runtime: 01:36:18 - 01:52:05