Swordboys - Cut x Cut

Deathstalker's plan to honey trap Princess Kana with the pent-up juices of Vaniat works even though the tournament breaks down into drunken chaos. Dionara reveals to the surprise of absolutely no one that she is a princess, and tells her secret tale through the magic of using footage from a different movie. After facing Kana's rack, Deathstalker and the rest of the living combatants face an onslaught of stoned warriors whose bodypaint is mildly convincing. Fire happens randomly, Deathstalker inhales yet another princess's face, and cut to credits.Runtime - 00:50:49 - ENDNEXT UP: DEATHSTALKER (2025)

Yet another tournament begins in Cut 2 of Deathstalker IV: Match of Titans. Too much clanging causes Eldoron to get stoned in Princess Kana's quarters, Generic has to get into a cat fight using her fabled scissor attack. Dionara straight-up kills a girl, and Deathstalker has a hogshead of trouble in his fight with Vaniat, but nothing prepares us for Deathstalker and Dionara having to teach Vaniat how to be a gentleman. Get ready for a shopping montage!Runtime - 00:26:22 - 00:50:49

Corman and Cohen pull up their Argentinian stakes and head to Bulgaria (The Hollywood of Eastern Europe) to celebrate the fall of communism in DEATHSTALKER IV: MATCH OF TITANS. Rick Hill (the OG DS) makes his triumphant return, while younger versions of himself fight off marauders and little lion men. Strangely enough, he gathers new friends to fight in a tournament and help a princess reclaim her kingdom. Didn't we watch this already? Swordboy Rick is starting to sweat as we hear him muttering “I don’t know how much longer I can drag this out..." Robin spends his time examining diameters and milk fights while Jonathan starts to think about his daily regimen and conserving his vital juices. Yeah, we're still watching these things...Runtime: 00:00:00 - 00:26:22

Call Officer Big Mac, because we are about to lock Big Howard up for crimes against screenwriting in the final cut of Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell! A depressed Niceas is captured and put through the gentlest interrogation. The Warriors are slurping through nature's straws and having a hard time adjusting to modern society. Mirinda returns only to have her fate sealed in a blanket (since there's no aluminium foil).

Troxartes is having the time of his life until he has a final battle with Deathstalker through every single room in his castle. But so much is at stake because you all remember the importance of the magic stones, right? And, hey guys? You've been waiting for it...Pyron is back!!!Runtime: 00:56:35 - ENDNEXT UP: DEATHSTALKER IV: MATCH OF TITANS

Potatoes! They are what WE eat in Cut 2 of Deathstalker and the Warriors From Hell! Deathstalker is popular with the ladies as always - he gets to horse-shack it up with Mirinda the potato farmer's daughter, squabble with Elizena: Whinier Princess and fail repeatedly to seduce Camisarde. Meanwhile, Troxartes is just serving fits, giving Bela Lugosi eyes, and bringing Madame energy. Slay queen.Runtime: 00:28:24 - 00:56:35

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Grab a Corona, because we're headed to Mexico for the third installment in Rick's Revenge Season! Big Howard is back and he brought a lot of original ideas like our hero having a magical friend who holds on to his cup, an evil wizard conspiring with a hot lady, a magic gem, twin princesses with wildly different attitudes, pools of water to spy on the protagonists, and locations seen in other movies! Is this the worst Deathstalker, or will this movie redeem itself by the end? Find out in Cut One of DEATHSTALKER AND THE WARRIORS FROM HELL!(Disclaimer: not as exciting as the title or poster suggest)Runtime: 0:00:00 - 00:28:24

Soup's on! Cut 3 of Deathstalker II: Duel of the Titans starts with a SwordBoy staple. A lackluster swordfight follows, but at least we get to go to Jarek's sex rave after. One epileptic sex scene later, Deathstalker and Bachelor Party head into the castle, where Deathstalker has an extended meeting with Bachelor Party 2.This all leads to a huge battle between Jarek's guards and the Amazonians, and a pretty great final battle between our problematic fave and his foppish nemesis.NEXT UP: DEATHSTALKER III: THE WARRIORS FROM HELLRuntime: 00:51:03 - END

Is that your sword or are you just happy to see me? The Swordboys return for Cut 2 of Deathstalker II, where they learn never to accept a collect call from a prison or an evil sorcerer. From there, we go to a spooky graveyard with zombies, questionable grave markers, and a garbage masher kept in a mausoleum. After escaping that, Deathstalker is captured by Amazonians who put our womanizing hero on trial...by combat! No mercy! Will Deathstalker win the All-Valley Tournament against the mighty Gorgo? Not the hair! Not the hair!Runtime: 00:25:14 - 00:51:03

After a rough start, the Deathstalker franchise gets a little sassier in Cut One of DEATHSTALKER II: DUEL OF THE TITANS. That's because Clunk Cheesechest has regenerated like the Doctor and upgraded to Banter McSword. This guy has almost as many kills as he does quips, and that might make up for the fact that most of the actors, costumes, sets, establishing shots and sometimes even parts of scenes are recycled from the original! Watch Indiana Solo and Bachelor Party (and Clompy of course) escape superninjas, pirates and a team of legendary henchmen on the road to defeat a banana-fellating doppelganger, a babe with a grudge, and an evil sorcerer (is there any other kind?)! The Swordboys are reenergized by this sequel and we haven't even gotten to the Jimmy Eat World of this five-movie run! Hey, don't write yourself off yet!Runtime: 00:00:00 - 00:25:14