Join the Swordboys as we sit catatonically by a river and contemplate Cut 7 of Braveheart. RSVP Campbell. And there is so much death, but on the plus side, there are so many free swords! Bobby Junior spirals emotionally as William starts literally dropping bodies. And against the advice of his closest allies, our hero steps directly into the Taint of High Treason! Will this be the end of William Wallace? Tune in next cut! Same Swordtime! Same Swordchannel!

Runtime: 2:09:53 - 2:31:11

Swordboys returns unkilled by the heathens, but we do look back...at Cut 6 of Braveheart, that is. Eddie Senior decides to use William's love of the French to trick him. But, faster than you can say New England Clam Chowder, Chef Wallace leads his Soupboys into battle yet again. But a mysterious Buckethead has joined the British ranks. Could this be William's undoing?

Runtime: 01:50:58 - 02:09:53

Time for a medal ceremony! Sorry Chewie. With no help from his sodomite cousin the prince, Mork from York is sacked and beheaded after the Riders of Rohan arrive. Meanwhile Longshanks throws Bran Stark out of a window, and Princess Isabelle and Nicolette pitch a tent for William.Runtime: 01:33:00 - 01:50:58

Soup's on! The Swordboys gather around a fire to sample some of William's audition for The Bear, seasoned from mysterious herbs hidden under his kilt. Enter Stephen: a man with God's ear, an island to himself and possibly a podcast. They stick their faces in chemical toilets and ride to Stirling for an epic battle not meant for Softboys. Is Campbell okay? Maybe we should ask Hamish's mother, amirite? Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity, to seize all the TCBOOs you ever wanted in one moment. Would you subscribe to it or just let it slip? Yo. Because you may take our free feed, but will you ever take....OUR PATREON!?!Runtime: 01:07:27 - 01:33:00

In this cut, William rides in farming aura, threshing faces with Scottish nunchucks, and leading his dirty boys in taking down Fort Shit and avenging the death of Maid Murren. Meanwhile, Lady Cluck tells tales of romance and Robert the Bruce Senior is just falling to pieces. MacAulish!!Runtime: 00:46:03 - 01:07:27

In Cut Two, the Swordboys are back in Shrek's boggy marsh, to welcome the adult William Wallace, with his clean-shaven face, perfect teeth, and stolen Highlander wig. Old William has returned to get into some good ol' rock throwing with McCloy, flip his old "house" and make a play for his childhood sweetheart. But, of course, the British cutthroats show up to destroy the vibe. Runtime: 00:21:03 - 00:46:03

Welcome back to the Highlands, er Lowlands! The Swordboys strap on their best kilts and their best Scottish accents to ride into battle for 1995's BRAVEHEART! In Cut One, young William Wallace is drafted into the Weapon X Program for his skills in the kitchen. Later on, Longshanks assembles his cabinet to Make Scotland England Again, while Robert the Bruce arrives in Edinburgh (not pronounced how it is spelled).

Runtime: 00:00:00 - 00:21:03

Is everybody Hydrated and ready to bone? It's time for the final cut of Jason and the Argonauts and finally we get to the long-awaited skeletons-with-swords scene! But before that, Jason finds the Golden Fleece, just in time for the holidays and battles the Hydra, a creature with wasted potential. Then, after one boring miracle and some gardening with Johnny Appleseed, Jason and his two men (the rest didn't get shore leave) find out what the skeletons use for money! Finally, we decide if this movie deserves our swords, and announce what is coming next!

Runtime 01:26:17 - 01:43:48

Happy Baby Argus New Year! Medea’s Family Shipwreck gets Jason’s personal attention. The two other survivors are being looked after. Meanwhile, Acastus gets tied up in knots and ends up betraying them all. Euphemus shows up dead as a doornail. After public shaming by King Aeetes, Jason and the Argonauts are captured but luckily Medea Goes To Jail to help them escape! Muster Your Men, Captain! (There better be skeletons next time…)

Runtime (01:08:43 - 01:26:17)

Happy holidays! Tune in as the Swordboys make topical and timely references that people love! The Argonauts dress for dinner and help a questionably-blind former Time Lord net some questionably-hot screeching bird women. After that, they sail the Argo into Nick Nolte's bathtub and Zeus insults Hera. Please send us your pictures of Charlie Starkist in a bowtie or your favorite Beastmaster nativity scenes.

Runtime: 00:51:55 - 01:08:43