Swordboys - Cut x Cut

At last! The legendary Zorro arrives and we get a spectacular swordfight to talk about this week! But first, we have to discuss: Brazilian steakhouses, Clompy's favorite scene, horse tunes, Elena Origins, Head Jar, removable mustaches, flaming Zs, the sounds of swords, Gymkata, and the literal Mask of Zorro! Get comfortable, grab yourself a glass of isopropyl alcohol, and let the sound of our voices calm you. Only Patreon members get their hair brushed though. Runtime: 01:20:51 - 01:36:18

Welcome to Hell’s Outhouse! No swordplay this week, but something is unsheathed! Fire up the Tango! Al and El hit the floor while Don Diego hits a guard. We learn about Don Raphael's sinister plan and see how massive his secret operation is. So that obviously means that our conversation is mainly about oral histories, Epcot Center, lobby dumps, the Macarena, Dirty Dancing, minor miners, and Three-Fingered Jack's awful disgusting feet. Forgive us, dear listeners. A shameless podcast at your expense... and we hope it won't be the last...Runtime: 01:04:59 - 01:20:51

Banditos! Senoritas! Caballeros! This is a house of God! The Swordboys follow the new Zorro into a confessional booth that has both Al and El looking for any (glory)holiness between them. After he escapes both lust and Love, Al gets a dressing-down from Double D and his whip, before getting a dressing-up for a bougie fiesta where he faces scrutiny from a rouge-y Don Montero. Merry Whipmyth!Runtime: 00:51:49 - 01:04:59

Cue the training montage! The very sexy Don Diego decides to sober Alejandro up after finding him drinking whiskey with limes and salt. But how "Miyagi" are his teachings? Once trained, Zorro Begins by setting his sights on a Black Beauty with hair that matches his own. Will Al be able to claim Torna-dos as his own, and how many soldiers will he accidentally blow up in the process? Los Muchachos Espada are here to break down every moment of this swashbuckling Looney Tune in cut 3 of The Mask of Zorro!

Runtime: 00:33:32 - 00:51:52

We meet the grown Murrieta brothers and their pal Tres Fingers Jack as the pull a scam on a group of Californian soldiers. But their plans are cut short by the appearance of Captain Love. A very ironic name, although he does love killing so I guess he never works a day in his life.

Don Diego slinks out of jail as the evil Don Rafael comes back to California with his daughter, Elena. Don't lose your head in cut two of The Mask of Zorro!

Time for a proper movie! Roberto, Ricardo and Juanathan are back to discuss the ONLY Zorro movie, despite what Legend says: THE MASK OF ZORRO! In this first cut, we are denied Antonio, but the real Zorro arrives first, played by a very agile 61-year-old! We talk Zorro origins, its ties to real history, what sword he uses and of course his gentle steed Clompo! Jess...

Runtime: 00:00:00 - 00:18:03

We come ARMED to our last cut of CONAN THE BARBARIAN! Conan, Subotai and the Wizard prep the beach Home Alone-style to ambush "Tulsa" Doom with the Princess as bait! With a final prayer to Jobu, Conan dispatches Thorgrim and is nearly killed by Rexor but is saved at the last minute by a tall blonde angel! And finally, Conan takes one last trip to Snake Mountain to get his vengeance. CROM!!!!!!!!

Runtime: 01:43:53 - 02:10:16

NEXT UP: THE MASK OF ZORRO

Soup's on! Conan, Valeria, and Subotai make their way into the sunken living room of Thulsa Doom's lair and there are so many questions. How does the fornication room work? How does it smell? What's the secret of the ooze? Why is Thulsa turning into a snake? How many penises does a snake have? And how much gasoline is needed for an Amazonian corpse to explode into flame? CROM!!!

Runtime: 01:29:37 - 01:43:50

Happy belated Easter! Get your Tree of Whoa talk here at Swordboys where the crucifixions come with some tasty crucifixins'! Then the Wizard half-asses some sort of spell to attack Conan's corpse with some ghosties. And finally, after some flexin' and sword kata, the trio head to Thulsa's Temple of Doom to help them get their kitchen nightmares in order. Yes Chef, I mean, CROM!!

Runtime: 01:15:50 - 01:29:37

Conan is alone now, and meets a wizard, adorned in felt skins, trading Clompy in for a couple of humps. After that, he uses his mime skills and attractive pecs to infiltrate the snake cult cast of 100s! But a pointy white hat isn't enough to disguise the enormous barbarian, and so finds himself face-to-face with his greatest enemy! CROM!

Runtime: 00:59:59 - 01:15:50