Take These Ashes

If you grew up during the Purity Culture movement and it gave you confusing messages about your body or intimacy, this one's for you.

Join Heather Lobe Johnson and Dr. Camden, a Psychologist and Christian feminist, for this episode to learn:

• the definition of "purity culture"
• 5 myths of the purity movement, the impacts of those myths, and practical antidotes
• how to realign our theology around sex 
• the difference between guilt and shame
• how to create a "Teflon mind" and build shame resilience
• the best way to process the emotions and thoughts of these conversations with God

Connect with Dr. Camden on Instagram @drcamden, Facebook @drcamden, and her website drcamden.com, where you can take the free quiz "Which purity culture myth affects you?"

Dr. Camden Morgante is a licensed clinical psychologist and college professor. She lives with her husband and daughter in Knoxville, TN. She writes and speaks about Christianity, psychology, and gender equality and has been published in Fathom magazine and Christians for Biblical Equality’s blog Mutuality. She is currently writing a book on purity culture.

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This episode is brought to you by RE-ROOTED: A 6-week growth journey for women (offered by Heather Lobe Johnson, Spring 2021). Sign up here for more info:  heatherlobe.com/course 

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*Listener note: This episode is part of our 6-week BREAKING FREE series where we’ll be talking all about healing from sexual brokenness. While we’re mindful in these episodes to not discuss the graphic nature of these topics, they’re still mature conversations. Please be mindful of sensitive listeners nearby and your own needs as you enter into these discussions with us. Ultimately we want what’s best for your healing, and we hope these episodes will be a part of that path for you.

For both survivors and bystanders alike, why is it important to tell the truth about the power imbalances we see?

From Genesis 1 to Jesus’s time to purity culture, fraternities, and present day businesses, churches, and politics, guest Tiffany Bluhm guides us through the history of the oppression of women. Today, it shows up in every sector of society, both sacred and secular. So how can we join in the work of speaking up, fighting for justice, and advocating for those who can’t speak up themselves?

In this episode we discuss:

• Shame and power imbalances
• Why it's so difficult for trauma survivors to speak up
• The subtle psychology of believing certain narratives over others
• Jesus’s example of advocating for the abused and oppressed
• What bystander invention means & how to act on behalf of those who are hurting (“I will lend you my strength”)
• Dignifying the experience of those who’ve been abused (lament that this happens in all realms; listen well; learn)
• Love is not divorced from justice, and how justice is the heart of the Lord

Connect with Tiffany Bluhm on Instagram @tiffanybluhm, her website tiffanybluhm.com, and pre-order Prey Tell on her site for access to the Prey Tell Summit. 

This episode is brought to you by RE-ROOTED: A 6-week growth journey for women (offered by Heather Lobe Johnson, Spring 2021). Sign up here for more info:  heatherlobe.com/course 

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Tiffany Bluhm is the author of She Dreams and Never Alone, their companion Bible studies, and the forthcoming book Prey Tell: Why We Silence Women Who Tell the Truth and How Everyone Can Speak Up. She is a sought after speaker, writer, and podcast co-host of the popular podcast Why Tho, a show answering the existential and nonsensical questions we ask ourselves, with author and speaker, Ashley Abercrombie.

She speaks at conferences and events around the world, and her work has been featured in World Vision Magazine, Pentecostal Evangel, TODAY Parents, the Hallmark Channel, The Jenny McCarthy Show, and more. Her Bible studies on the Bible app have been downloaded more than 130,000 times and she was named a Woman to Watch in 2018 by Premier Media. Tiffany leads an engaged audience online around women’s issues, identity, and faith.

As a minority, immigrant woman with a interracial family, she is passionate about women’s equality, justice, and dignity.

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*Listener note: This episode is part of our 6-week BREAKING FREE series where we’ll be talking all about healing from sexual brokenness. While we’re mindful in these episodes to not discuss the graphic nature of these topics, they’re still mature conversations. Please be mindful of sensitive listeners nearby and your own needs as you enter into these discussions with us. Ultimately we want what’s best for your healing, and we hope these episodes will be a part of that path for you.

Sometimes the lies we tell ourselves come from past grief, pain, and trauma. So how do we “break up the concrete” around those old roots and learn truth?

In this conversation, Liz Petty joins host Heather Lobe Johnson to discuss:

• How grief, codependence, and past trauma affect our thought life
• How we can learn to sift through lies vs. truth about our present situations and our identity
• Where we can ground ourselves when we are unsure about the truth
• The validity of our feelings and experiences, while also knowing that sometimes “our brains lie to us”
• Learning to answer questions like, “What’s true in this moment? What’s true about my identity? How has God been faithful in the past?”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Grounding practices (moving our bodies, paying attention to our senses, naming what’s happening in the present moment)
• The Body Keeps the Score (by Bessel van der Kolk)
• Connect with Liz Petty on Instagram @lizpetty431, www.lizpetty.net, or on Facebook
• RE-ROOTED: A 6-week growth journey for women (offered by Heather Lobe Johnson, Spring 2021): heatherlobe.com/course or email taketheseashes(@)gmail.com

When we pull up the old roots and look at them in the light, what do we plant next? 

After we identify our unhealthy patterns and peel back the layers to look at the roots (episodes 20-22), now we get to forge a new path forward. Today, we’re talking about planting new, healthy roots in our lives. Take heart, friend. This is brave and hard work but it is worth it. 

With a combination of practical and spiritual tools, this episode provides examples of how we can begin to live in a new way with healthier relationships and Truth-telling to care for our souls. 

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Neuroplasticity, support groups, therapy (generic resources, but feel free to google examples near you)
• Isaiah 43:19
• Psalm 139
• What Love Is (Kelly Minter’s study of 1st, 2nd, and 3rd John)
• Jesus Storybook Bible (Sally Lloyd Jones)
• Boundaries (Henry Cloud, John Townsend)
• Daring Greatly (Brene Brown)
• I Thought It Was Just Me But It Isn’t (Brene Brown)
• So Worth Loving (Eryn Eddy)

Connect with Heather Lobe Johnson on Instagram for prayer and encouragement.

"Thank you for the things that bring us to our knees." 

What would it look like for us to accept, and even be grateful for, our suffering? As you address the root causes of your pain, you may wrestle with denial, avoidance, bitterness, or bargaining away the pain. But it's possible to look at our past pain with acceptance, as those trials can lead us into intimacy with God and authentic community with others.

In this episode, Heather and Ryan Johnson discuss their separate stories of pain (addiction for Ryan, and unhealthy relationship patterns for Heather) and how they now look at their stories with gratitude. 

Resources mentioned:

• Suffering is Never for Nothing, Elisabeth Elliot
• 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (MSG)
• Connect with Heather Lobe Johnson on Instagram 

*Content warning: In this episode, we talk more specifically about addiction, rape, and abuse. If any of these topics are triggering to you, please listen with caution. 

Is there something in your life-- a habit, a painful cycle or pattern, an unhealthy coping mechanism-- you can’t seem to shake? Maybe it’s time to look a little deeper at the roots.

In last week's episode (episode 20) we acknowledged there might be some deeper reasons for our repetitive cycles and struggles. This week we dig into four different categories of those roots:

1. Inability to sit with hard emotions
2. Childhood wounds/family of origin
3. Unresolved trauma/hurt
4. Shame/secrecy

Heather Lobe Johnson shares more of her story of recovery from unhealthy relationship patterns by uncovering the root causes. She also invites us to slow down long enough to pay attention to our own. Next week we'll discuss how to move forward once we discover the roots of the pain. 

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Celebrate Recovery (nondenominational recovery program Heather mentions)
• Try Softer by Aundi Kobler
• Connect with Heather on Instagram @heatherlobejohnson

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

If you're stuck in a pattern you can't seem to break (unhealthy relationships, habits, or thought), there may be a deeper cause of pain at the root. Once we realize we don't want to stay in that cycle (when we're desperate for a different way of living), we can begin to take steps to truly change.

In this episode, as an intro to this series on addressing the roots of our pain, Heather Lobe Johnson shares an original spoken word piece. "ROOTS" is about this very place of surrender and readiness, as we turn to the Lord and others to help us begin the work of uprooting lies, shame, and old wounds still affecting us in our daily lives and choices.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Ephesians 3:16-19
• Connect with Heather on Instagram @heatherlobejohnson

Licensed counselor and boundaries coach Kerrah Fabacher joins host Heather Lobe Johnson to discuss boundaries in healing from relational wounds, and why boundaries are necessary in life.

In this episode Kerrah explains what boundaries are, why we might struggle to implement boundaries, how to actually practice boundary-setting, and whether boundaries are biblical (hint: look at Jesus for an example). She also helps explain why certain personality types, childhood hurts, and self-worth might affect our ability to set healthy boundaries.

A few helpful quotes from Kerrah:

• “At the core of a lot of boundary issues is fear.”
• “Good, healthy boundaries are set with mutual respect.”
• “We can’t be healthy humans without healthy boundaries.”
• “How can I communicate this in a way that honors me, but also honors the other person?”
• “When we put healthy boundaries up it actually brings more freedom.”

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Essentialism - The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, by Greg McKeown
• Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
• Enneagram personality types
• Connect with Kerrah Fabacher on Instagram @kerrahfabacher
• www.kerrahfabacher.com
• Be Known- Kerrah’s podcast on moving from broken to whole relationships
• Connect with Heather Lobe Johnson on Instagram @heatherlobejohnson

Where is God when we suffer? Where is the abundant life promised to us? What does Scripture have to say about grief?

In this episode, Heather Lobe Johnson is joined by Kristin Vanderlip to discuss how pain is addressed in the Bible, and how God meets us in our suffering. Through Kristin’s own story of unexpected loss, she came to see hope in a real, lasting way. She also found a surprising connection to a certain Bible story that may apply to you, too.

Show highlights:

• 2:30- Kristin’s story of how unexpected loss (of both her child and her father within a few months) changed her life and her faith
• 13:30- How pain forces us to look at Scripture in a different light
• 20:02- On persevering through hard times and cultivating real hope
• 21:45- How the book of Job in the Bible can apply to our lives today
• 29:15 “In the final chapter we see redemption for what Job has lost. But if you look at the whole book, its such a beautiful revealing of what suffering is and who God is.”
• 32:14 Kristin gives practical tips for how to get through suffering on a more day-to-day basis (prayers, journaling, counseling, movement, gratitude lists, having a mentor); Heather shares her list too (writing, community, therapy, taking things moment by moment instead of worrying about the far-ahead future)
• 46:58 The transformative power of journaling/writing to move through our grief

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Romans 5:3-5
• James 1:1-4
• The book of Job
• Emily P. Freeman’s podcast and book, The Next Right Thing
• The Power of Writing Down, by Allison Fallon
• Kristin Vanderlip’s Life Worth Living Journal
• KristinVanderlip.com (and free journal page when you subscribe to her email newsletter, The Restorative Pause)
• Connect with Kristin on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kristinvanderlip/
• Connect with Heather on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heatherlobejohnson/

*Some of the resources listed here include affiliate links, to help support the production of this show.

On our darkest days, we have to keep chasing after the light.

Author and speaker Dorina Gilmore joins Heather for this conversation about finding light when we’re living in the shadows of grief. This is also a timely conversation as we reflect upon the hard year of 2020 and head into a new year. A few highlights from this episode:

[2:14] Dorina’s story of walking through the fire of unexpected loss and grief, and what it means to be a “glory chaser”

[12:27] What does it look like to acknowledge the darkness but still chase after the light?

[16:50] On Dorina’s practice of gratitude: “I had to look for the tiny miniscule pinholes of light that were coming through. But when we actually name those and count those, it’s amazing how they lift our spirits.”

[20:19] Moving in and out of the shadows/light (the complicated nature of grief and the tangled yarn analogy

[24:00] What Dorina wants to tell you if you’re still in the thick of darkness

[27:18] On reflections of 2020, preparations for 2021, and giving ourselves patience when grief lingers

[33:43] Psalm 139 and how God is the light in our darkness

Connect with Dorina Gilmore:

-www.dorinagilmore.com

-Podcast: Walk, Run, Soar 

-Book: Walk, Run, Soar: A 52-Week Running Devotional 

-Instagram: @dorinagilmore