Tales from the "LiberryCAST"

And now, continuing my tale of finding myself in the untenable (yet fun) position of being an unreliable narrator of my own blog, today's podcast presents the second part of the Moving Days episode. In it we are given our final appearance of the Patron Who Must Not Be Named, as well as the penultimate appearances of some other rogue patrons.

(BONUS REPOST IN HONOR OF MR. KRESKIN'S APPEARANCE ON THIS WEEK'S PODCAST)

One of the most astounding figures I encountered during my time at the "liberry" was our board president, Mr. Kreskin (not his real name). He was a very nice and capable human being, tirelessly juggling multiple complicated projects on the library's behalf. And from those projects arose many questions, only our two librarians were capable of answering for him. Unfortunately the ONLY time he was ever known to phone us at all were on the rare days when both librarians were out of town and unavailable. It was more reliable than Old Faithful.

(This episode also includes a cameo by Mrs. Carol Satan.)

When writing the original Tales from the "Liberry" blog, I often wrote multi-part stories some of which would span a week at a time. In July of 2008, I began a 21 part epic story called Moving Days that not only chronicled the journey my wife and I made in moving from Tri-Metro to a new home in Borderland, but also my library's move into a brand new building. And I finished that epic story in September.

The thing is, I'd been playing something of the unreliable narrator for a while before starting that particular tale. This was mostly due to the fact that I'd not actually alerted any of my readers to my library moving buildings, even though that particular move had occurred well over a year previous. Yep. Just forgot to mention it. Hoped no one noticed. Just went right on writing stories set within the new library, but failed to make note that the tales occurred in a new library. And since you can't move the contents of a library from one building to another without a bunch of drama, there were loads of stories I'd been itching to tell for quite some time (some of which have already been adapted previously on this podcast). So Moving Days laid it all out and told the tale in somewhat less-excruciating detail than it actually occurred, but possibly more detail than it needed to.

This episode part 1 of a 2 part episode which adapts some of that tale in even less excruciating detail. Included in Part 1 is the battle between my library and Rogue Patron Mr. Smiley, Second Grumpiest Old Man in all the World, with the fate of the new library project in the balance.

(BONUS REPOST IN HONOR OF MR. SMILEY'S APPEARANCE THIS WEEK)

Booksales. They're a necessary evil when it comes to "liberries." Where else are we going to get rid of the piles upon donated piles of Chicken Soup for the Dickweed's Soul, or any given Mitch Albom book? But they're a colossal pain in the ass to have to organize, physically set up, and, eventually, take down, not to mention all those people you have to turn away donations from cause they insist on trying to give you the one thing you DO NOT ACCEPT: text books. And there's the matter of the horrible fate that awaits all the copies of The Five People You Meet in My Ass that are left over after the sale is through. Oh, and then there are the asshat used book sellers who refuse to play fair with other customers, try to sneak early peeks at potential prized tomes and who throw loud public tantrums when confronted about their asshattery. We know how to deal with them, as you shall see when you listen to this week's ep.

SPECIAL GUEST STAR: Mr. Smiley, 2nd Grumpiest Old Man in All the World.

This is a special episode that doesn't directly adapt any of the entries from my original Tales from the "Liberry" blog, but which does feature an interview with a fellow former library blogger who was an influence on my blog. Natalie Biz was the author of Bizgirl, a library blog in which we got to read her adventures as a 20-something librarian in New Zealand. Along the way, we meet many of her coworkers and patrons, including a kid called Artemis who proved to be wildly inventive.

When I first thought about what I wanted to achieve with the Tales from the "LiberryCAST" as a whole, interviewing Natalie was top of the list. For she managed to acheive a degree of library blogging fame that probably surpasses that of any other library blogger, at least to my knowledge. For Natalie was the first library blogger I was aware of to be fired from her job due to her blog. And the story of how her employers came to learn of her blog is one for the ages. So I thought it best to let Natalie tell her own story, via a recorded Skype session from New Zealand.

There are lots of blogs out there, and some of the bloggers who blog upon them blog about their workplace, coworkers and sundry crazy people they encounter on a daily basis. One does not have to look very far before discovering stories of bloggers who were busted (outed) as a workplace blogger and even horror stories of these busted bloggers subsequently being fired (or Dooced) for it.

One might wonder, did I as a library blogger ever come close to such a Doocing scenario? Or, at the very least, was I ever "busted" as a "liberry" blogger?

The answer (as you bloody well learned in Episode 121) is, of course, yes. But that was far from the only busting incident I endured. Nay, there were several others, the most disturbing of which was the day my bosses were told of my blog by none other than a former "liberry" employee. But which one? Find out in this week's podcast!

(A BONUS REPOSTED SHOW IN HONOR OF THIS WEEK'S EPISODE "BUSTED!")

An odd tale of an odd bird encountered in the wild, AWAY from the "liberry" proper. Doc Ock Fetishist Woman was never a patron, but she was about as nutty as any of our patrons ever got. Not a bad human being in the slightest, just exasperating. In fact, if she has committed any crime, it's probably that she cares too much... about inanimate objects.

Also included in this tale is the story of the first time I was busted as a "liberry" blogger. Having your secret identity revealed to you is always disconcerting, but is even more bewildering when it comes with a large dollop of synchronicity on top.

(BONUS REPOST IN HONOR OF CHESTER'S PENULTIMATE APPEARANCE ON THE PODCAST THIS WEEK)

Pedophiles: Public enemy #1. You've tried smelly sprays and perverticides, but pedophiles can smell too. They avoid sprayed areas and keep coming back for more. What you need is CHESTERKILL...

...Oh, I can't do it anymore. I so want to make light of our library's resident pedophile Chester the (Potential) Molester, but I just can't stand to do it. He was never a joke to us when I worked there and he's still not now.

Unfortunately, guys like Chester, who have more than a dusting of interest in underage girls, are a part of life when you work in a library. They don't tell you in the interview that it's part of your job to defend the patrons these sick bastards might (or might not) like to prey upon. But when you see them in action, you gladly do it because every fiber of your being screams for you to.

And Chester was particularly infuriating for many reasons, but two primary ones: 1) monitoring Chester's activities when he's in the building becomes a full time job from the moment he arrives; 2) Chester above all other patrons can magically appear at the sound of his own name.

This is less of a Funny Ha-Ha episode and more of a Holy Shit, I Can't Believe That Guy Is Walking The Earth, Where's Chris Hanson When You Need Him? kind of episode.

I personally had many enemies (rogue patrons) during the writing of the original Tales from the "Liberry" blog. However, the collective library staff and at least one of the members of its board of directors had an arch nemesis for the better part of a year--a "book hoarding bizatch" I called Kammy K. She was a lady who managed to keep an interlibrary loaned book on the topic of retarding the effects of the aging process for well over 9 months, resulting in our library being banned from any more loans from the library that had loaned it to us. No amount of letters, phone calls, or personal visits we attempted were met with any success in getting it back, to the point that legal action was our only recourse. Learn how it all came to a head in this very podcast

Also features an appearance by Mrs. Carol Satan and the penultimate podcast appearance by Chester the (Potential) Molester

An assemblage of seemingly random tales (no, I didn't roll actual dice to choose them this time), of fun, frustrating, exuberant, and occasionally mystifying experiences I had from across the spectrum of my "liberry" career. Guest stars include, Cap'n Crossdresser, Barbara Turdmurkle (though you have to squint to see her), a bunch of patrons asking questions with perilously obvious answers, and a rather famous personage once portrayed by Mr. Robin Williams.