Has it been five years already! How time flies when you’re enjoying yourself, don’t you think. Anyway, talking of things in fives, it seems that Theodore Pilkington-Rhubarb has been granted five precious minutes to impress management and get himself back on the wireless. Will he manage it, will he f… err, I mean, you’ll just have to listen and find out.

For more about Tales of New Albion please visit www.talesofnewalbion.com and buy one of their most splendid books. They definitely take more than five minutes to read.

All voices by Daren Callow, all music played by Charlotte Savigar. Photo by John Barker.

In a change to the usual programme, this week we present a “highlight” from the career of Theodore Pilkington-Rhubarb. This particular show is from his early works providing and English commentary for Jeopardy In Icing 1861, a second-rate cooking programme from Gaul. In this episode there is a surprise result. Who saw that coming? Certainly not the French!

Voice of the Announcer by Darren Gooding.

All music by Charlotte Savigar.

Well tickle me sideways with a kipper I do believe it’s time for the ARC Light Programme to return for your aural titillation. This week on Slumbertime Stories we finally get to the end of EAR-MOO B from Tales of New Albion Volume 2. In fact that’s actually the end of the book, so who knows where we go from here. Oh and Listener’s quizzes are orf for now, at least. Shame. Probably going to be quite a short one then.

For more about Tales of New Albion please visit www.talesofnewalbion.com and buy one of their fine books, if not the brace.

All music by Charlotte Savigar.

Wot ho and, indeed, ay caramba! It’s time for the ARC Light Programme to detune itself in real time once again. This week on Slumbertime Stories it’s the second part of EAR-MOO B from Tales of New Albion Volume 2. Beyond that is anyone’s guess. Another round of “Can You Guess What It Is That I’m Describing?” perhaps? Who knows?

For more about Tales of New Albion please visit www.talesofnewalbion.com and buy one of their fine books, if not the brace.

All music by Charlotte Savigar.

Chin up old thing, it’s time for the ARC Light Programme to return once again. This week on Slumbertime Stories Theodore reads the first part of EAR-MOO B from Tales of New Albion Volume 2. What else? Well I suspect they’ll try and do another round of “Can You Guess What It Is That I’m Describing?” but I’m sure that won’t go wrong at all. Nope, not a chance bound to be fine.

For more about Tales of New Albion please visit www.talesofnewalbion.com and buy one of their fine books, if not both. Indeed definitely buy both.

All music by Charlotte Savigar.

Photo by Corin Spinks.

In a change to the usual programme, this week the ARC Light Programme brings you a "Special" feature. To commemorate the fourth anniversary of him joining the ARC, Theodore Pilkington-Rhubarb talks us through an infamous on-air moment known as “A Martian Calls”. So pin back your lug holes and listen to this tale of utter catastrophe.

All music composed and played by Charlotte Savigar.

Egor the Almost Indestructible’s translator box played by James King.

Photograph by Corin Spinks.

A might huzzah is let forth from the mouths of men, women, children and semi-sentient dolphins as Tales of New Albion returns once again. This week there are the manifold delights of the second part of Crash Again (Again) read as always by the voice, legs and teeth of Theodore Pilkington-Rhubarb. On the downside there is also another chance to win 3 shillings with the Listener’s Quiz – “Can you guess what it is that I’m describing?” Where you have to guess what it is that Theodore is describing.

For more about Tales of New Albion please visit www.talesofnewalbion.com and buy one of their fine books, if not both.

All music by Charlotte Savigar.

Photograph by Corin Spinks.

Attention nation, please stand by for an urgent message from the ARC (Please note this is a pre-recorded message, so don’t bother phoning the Corporation to complain, there’s nobody here).

For more about Tales of New Albion please visit www.talesofnewalbion.com and buy one of their fine books, if not both.

All music by Charlotte Savigar.

Photograph by Corin Spinks.

This week on the Light Programme it seems that Theodore is still unavailable, due to an ongoing crisis of character. So, once again, we have the multi-award winning journalist, writer and think-tank contributor, PG Basilthorpe-Stilton OAE condescending to the populace. This week, presumably, reading someone else’s storyin a morbid fashion. Send help.

For more about Tales of New Albion please visit www.talesofnewalbion.com and buy one of the fine books.

All music by Charlotte Savigar.

This week on the Light Programme it seems that Theodore is unavailable, due to an unfortunate lapse in moral fibre. Instead, at very short (and expensive) notice, we have the journalist and writer PG Basilthorpe-Stilton OAE educating the nation with regards to the first Great Martian War, by reading an extract from his memoires – The Whole of History and How I Wrote It. Frightful bore.

For more about Tales of New Albion please visit www.talesofnewalbion.com and buy one of the fine books.

All music by Charlotte Savigar.