Talk About Cancer

Marlene told the story of how she first heard about her cancer diagnosis not from the doctor, but in a message from her grandfather who she’s never met, and why her cancer journey has ultimately transformed her life in a positive way.

You can listen to more of Marlene’s and others’ stories about surviving trauma on her podcast called Surviving Trauma: Stories of Hope and follow her page on Facebook at My Centered Life.
 
Want to hear other stories from cancer patients, survivors, caregivers, or family members like this one? Want to share your story? Get in contact with me at: https://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com/

Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. Would also be awesome if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.

Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Contact me on Instagram or email me at [email protected]. 

Thank you for listening!

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My reflections on the episode:

Listening to Marlene talk about getting her cancer diagnosis through her spiritual medium gave me goosebumps! As someone who did not grow up in a religious or spiritual environment, it was very fascinating and a privilege to hear Marlene share her experience. The image she described stuck in my mind - that she had a loving family at the hospital with her, but she also had her family from the spirit world watching over her. I found that idea to be very comforting, because there is similarity to how we pray to our ancestors for protection from bad things in the Chinese culture.

Also, her message about gratitude and what we do with our time was super important. As Marlene said, cancer is a terrible disease but Marlene recognized that she was fortunate to have had a very slow growing cancer so it actually gave her the chance to reevaluate and reset her priorities in life. That resonated with me because while I lost my dad to cancer and the last few months of his life were incredibly hard, one of the really important things I took away from that experience was to spend more of my time doing things that matter to me and propel me towards a greater purpose in life. 

Alicia described the ways in which faith has shaped her dad’s outlook and experience with end-of-life and why the last six weeks of his life were both the best and the hardest.

Want to share your story about your cancer journey as a survivor, caregiver, or family member? Get in touch with me! 

Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Contact me on Instagram or email me at [email protected]. 

Please follow the podcast if you enjoy the show. I would also really appreciate it if you can leave an honest rating and review in Apple Podcasts or Podchaser so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there. 

Thank you for listening!

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My reflections on the episode:

I had thought this conversation with Alicia would be a bit teary because we both had gone through the end-of-life process with our dads relatively recently. But it didn’t turn out to be that way because her dad had faith to lean on during his journey with cancer, which gave him the wisdom to let go of control and continued to find joy even when there was very little time left. It was a very powerful example of how faith can lift us up in the most challenging times. 

On the other hand, Alicia has such vivid memories of her dad - I loved the way she described the images in her mind for the listeners - like the way she would wake up in the morning to find her dad finishing bible studies or watching him watering plants without shoes on. Talking about those memories always brought a smile to her face and it made me realize what an incredible gift her dad had given her. Because of the way he was able to find joy even in the toughest moments, it allows Alicia to also find joy when thinking about this very challenging period of their lives. 

Ilene shared her journey as a 7-year metastatic breast cancer endurer and how picking up the pen and paper to write again has, in more ways than one, helped her continue to live beyond the statistics.

• Ilene's blog is called Cancerbus
• You can find her on Twitter @ilenealizah
• You can find out more about the wonderful retreat she went to at the Commonweal Retreat Center
•  She also mentioned the book The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully by Frank Ostaseski and the podcast On Being. 

Please follow the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer endurers, caregivers, and family members. I would really appreciate it if you can leave an honest rating and review in Apple Podcasts or Podchaser so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there. You can also share any feedback and suggestions directly to me by visiting my Instagram page or email me at [email protected].

Thank you for listening!

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My reflections on the episode:

We covered so many big and small topics during our conversation, but there were two things that really stuck with me even after the recording.

First, it was so powerful to hear Ilene explain how defining herself as a writer helped her live. I myself appreciate how therapeutic writing can be - I’ve actually done some journaling to process my dad’s death before I started this podcast - but what Ilene explained was way more profound because it wasn’t just about writing being therapeutic, but that it gave her a new identity which led her to make connections, build community, and find opportunities to give back. I know Ilene prefers to be called a cancer endurer, but that to me is thriving.

Second, I was so struck by what Ilene’s husband referred to as the “longest goodbye.” I even said so during the recording but couldn’t quite put into words on the spot what I was reacting to. So I reached out after to see if I can get Craig to share what he meant, and this is what he wrote back in an email:

“I live with the uncertainty of waiting for her health to deteriorate and ultimately when she won’t be with me anymore. It’s hard to watch the person you love and who’s your partner go through so much pain and so many treatments only to ultimately have them fail her. It’s also difficult to make future plans any further out than a few weeks. It’s as though she is packing for a trip without me, but may never return.”

I’ve never met Craig, but it’s as if he was explaining what it was like for me to say goodbye to my dad. 

Dori helps us understand why open communication is so important when a family member is living with an incurable diagnosis and how she’s been working hard to be fully transparent and honoring the needs of her husband and children on their journey with cancer.

I’m super appreciative of the personal reflections Dori shared in this conversation. At the core, her message has been so consistent, which is that open communication is so important for families navigating the cancer journey. She demonstrated this beautifully with her children by being completely transparent about what was happening, checked in on how they were feeling, and gave them a choice about how they wanted to be involved.

What was even more amazing was that she had explicitly given her husband the permission to do as he wished, even if that meant not to continue living. I can’t imagine what courage and love it took for her to have that conversation. She also brought so much humility by admitting that even though she did give him permission, it doesn’t mean that there aren’t moments of real struggle still.

I was also glad that she pointed out how caregivers can sometimes get lost during the journey - not just because we often don’t prioritize taking care of our own needs, but it can feel like it’s our responsibility to fix everything, usually making sure that the patient is eating “right”. This unfortunately becomes an added source of stress for the patient at a time when they should be focused on relaxing and healing.

Crises like cancer can amplify existing relationship dynamics in a negative way so it’s important for caregivers to assess if the patterns in our relationships are really serving the patient, or if somehow, our own needs got in the way.

You can find more information about Dori’s work as a functional health practitioner at https://www.dorimartin.com/.

She also referenced the book Radical Remission by Kelly A . Turner.

Please follow the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. I would really appreciate it if you can leave an honest rating and review in Apple Podcasts or Podchaser so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there. You can also share any feedback and suggestions directly to me by visiting my Instagram page or email me at [email protected]. 

Thank you for listening!

Andy talked about the hard decisions he has had to make in taking a holistic approach to his cancer treatment and how having been grounded with the right mindset got him through one of the greatest challenges he’s faced.

If you are looking for someone who practices what he preaches, Andy is your guy. As a seasoned talent development coach, he walked into his cancer journey with a strong mindset for dealing with the challenges that life brings. That by no means meant that his cancer experience was somehow easy, but it was very evident that he had a foundation to lean on to navigate the many complex and difficult decisions he has had to make about this medical care.

Even more important was his message about taking ownership of the decisions each of us has to make in life. When I saw his Instagram post about his decision to not pursue the third round of chemotherapy, I was intrigued, because my natural reaction was that it would be safest to follow the advice of the expert. But once Andy explained what he has learned about testicular cancer and the holistic treatment approach he has been following, I understood why.

And what was even more impressive, was that Andy fully acknowledged that he could be wrong in making this decision but was also ok with the idea of dealing with the next challenge if and when it comes. In the meantime, he’s bounced back to feeling pretty much like his old self but with an even more profound sense of appreciation for the opportunities that lie ahead for him and his family.

If you are interested in learning more about Andy’s philosophy on mindset, you can find it in part 3 of his book, called: Own Your Career, Own Your Life. I don’t think Andy could have demonstrated more clearly how having the right mindset helped him navigate his cancer journey. You can find this book on his website: andystorch.com.

You can connect with him on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram

Andy mentioned a couple of therapies that I was not familiar with, so I did some Googling after and found these for reference:

• High dose vitamin C - National Cancer Institute
• How might banking soda boost cancer therapy - Ludwig Cancer Research

Andy also recommended a few books: 

• It's not about the bike by Lance Armstrong
• Chris beat cancer by Chris Wark
• Cancer Secrets by Johnathan Stegall

Many alternative therapies and nutritional regimens can be controversial because they haven’t been empirically studied. Neither Andy nor I am proposing that anyone should replace working with a trained oncologist with alternative therapies and nutritional modifications only.

Please follow the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. I would really appreciate it if you can leave an honest rating and review in Apple Podcasts or Podchaser so I know if I am serving the needs of you listeners out there. You can also share any feedback directly to me by visiting my Instagram page or email me at [email protected]. 

Thank you for listening!

Jason reflected on his experience of losing his dad as a child and how the cultural norms of the Vietnamese culture shaped his experience of grief and mourning. We also explore what he is doing differently as an adult now that he has had some time to reflect on his earlier experience.

It was so interesting to listen to Jason reflect on his experience of grief as a child and what his perspective is now as an adult. I especially admire the way he was able to reflect on his experience in a non-judgmental way. Because sometimes we can fall into the spiral of regret when it comes to losing a loved one - thinking back over the things we should have said, could have done differently - and just beat ourselves up. So I love that he is at a place where he is accepting of what has happened but also moving forward in a way that better serves his emotional needs while in grief.

One thing he said that really humbled me, which was that - while it’s really hard to lose someone you love to cancer, and to anything really, the emotions you feel also means that you’ve had a meaningful relationship with that person, and that is something beautiful to be thankful for. I also loved what he said about keeping his grandmother “near” after death by embracing all the emotions he’s experiencing now from her passing. It is something that’s been surfacing for me lately, which is how to continue to remember my dad and honor his life as time continues to pass. I feel grateful that in listening to Jason’s reflections, it helped me realize that what I am doing with this podcast IS my way of continuing to remember and honor my dad.

That’s a wrap for today. Please follow the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. I would really appreciate it if you can leave an honest rating and review in Apple Podcasts or Podchaser so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there. You can also share any feedback and suggestions directly with me by visiting my Instagram page or email me at [email protected]. 

Thank you for listening!

We have our first sister duo on the show to share their story with us. You will hear about how they managed stress family members and friends had unintentionally caused and how they were always a team in getting through every situation. 

I had fun chatting with the sister duo Bella and Tonia. As someone who didn’t grow up with a sibling under the same roof, I marveled at the close relationship they have with one another. But what was very interesting to me was that, even as close as they were, they still needed to find support and release away from each other sometimes. Like how Bella talked about feeling like she was on an island during treatment even though Tonia was at every doctor’s appointments, or how Tonia would only cry when she wasn’t around Bella, because Tonia knew it would have only stressed Bella out more to see her in distress. I’m glad they both then also talked about what helped them get through, like how Bella found the support groups on FB so she didn’t feel so alone anymore and Tonia would take time out to do things she wanted to do and not be anybody’s caregiver every once in a while. 

One thing Bella said that opened my eyes was to surround yourself with people who not only love you, but more importantly, people who will challenge your decision because they know you are making them based on fear or anger. I’m a big advocate for respecting a patient’s decision about their own treatment, especially when it comes to the decision to not pursue treatment. But Bella helped me understand that sometimes a bit of reasoning may be warranted, especially if you can tell that the patient’s decision-making process may be too clouded by negative emotions. 

Lastly, I loved their message about there being no shame in asking about resources that may be available to cancer patients. A bit of TLC - whether it’s free massages or gift cards - isn’t going to make everything better but it can help in getting through one day to the next. And as in the example they shared, unless you ask, you won’t always be told what’s available… which honestly boggles my mind but that’s a topic for another day.

Here are some of the resources Bella and Tonia shared: 

• https://www.cancersupportcommunity.org/
• https://imermanangels.org/ For survivors and caregivers, website  also in Spanish
• https://www.sephorastands.com/classes_for_confidence/

Please follow the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. I would really appreciate it if you can leave an honest rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Podchaser so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there. You can also share any feedback and suggestions directly with me by visiting my Instagram page or email me at [email protected]. 

Thank you for listening!

Victoria talked about turning to alcohol to numb the anxiety and pain she experienced in the aftermath of cancer treatment and reminded us to let go of the expectations we put on ourselves and get support to develop healthier ways to cope with trauma.

I so appreciated Victoria for coming on the show to share her story about the trauma she experienced with cancer and alcohol abuse. She brought so much humanity to an issue that may not be talked about very often - which is that in dealing with the mental and physical trauma of cancer, some of us might unintentionally end up coping in ways that are harmful to ourselves and those around us.

The truth is, alcohol use is so common in our society, especially during this past year when almost everyone has had to cope with the disruptions brought on by the pandemic. So many of my friends and family drank just to relax from the workday so it’s not hard to see why people would turn to alcohol when dealing with the trauma they are experiencing from cancer.

Victoria’s message about giving yourself grace in a situation like that is so important. Everyone’s experience with cancer has so many dimensions so even if you’ve had a successful treatment outcome, for example, it doesn’t mean everything else goes back to normal. Victoria and I continued to chat after we stopped recording for a bit where we talked about how many human experiences are really not an “either-or” dichotomy, but that often, seemingly contradictory things can be true at the same time. In her case, she was absolutely grateful that her cancer treatment worked, but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t hard to work through the trauma that came with it.

You can find more information about Victoria’s coaching services and her podcast at: https://www.victoriaenglishmartin.com/

Victoria recommended the book This Naked Mind by Annie Grace for people who want to better understand alcohol addiction and recovery.

That’s a wrap for today. Please subscribe to the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. You can let me know which topics you would like to hear more about or share any feedback about the show by going to my Instagram page or email me at [email protected]. 

Thank you for listening!

Jason spoke lovingly about his memories of his mom - who battled three types of cancer for over a decade - and the ways in which he continues to remember and honor her legacy since she died in 2019. He also shared some interesting stories about kilts and prostate cancer awareness.

What a storyteller Jason was. There was literally a story to illustrate every point he made in our conversation! It was really interesting to hear how Jason’s experience as an officer for more than 20 years has influenced his perspectives about life and death.

One part that stuck with me was how Jason didn’t make it in time to see his mom before she died, which was so crushing but I could see that Jason was able to move forward from that because he had an important job to do - which was to MC the celebration of life she planned. I mean, what a gift she had given to Jason so that he knew exactly what he needed to do to honor her life and get closure. And then there were the actual gifts for the family as well! What an amazing way to let her family continue to experience her love beyond her death. 

I had a mini epiphany from our conversation. If you recall, at one point I was talking to Jason about not letting what happened during the last few months of my dad’s life consume my memories of him, because it was a small part and shouldn’t define his life and who he was as a person. When I thought about that more after our conversation, I realized that only when I was able to move on from those imageries of suffering in my head did the unexpected moments of breakdown start to happen less. Maybe it just took time for those imageries to become more blurry and be less painful in my mind. I do often wonder at what point will the unexpected moments of intense emotions stop occurring. Is it 5 years? 10 year? Or maybe never? I don't know yet. 

You can find Jason at: 

• What’s Your Emergency podcast: http://wyeradio.com/
• Kilted to Kick Cancer: https://www.kiltedtokickcancer.org/

A couple of books Jason recommended for people who want to better understand the experience of someone who is facing their own mortality. 

• Chasing Daylight by Paul Kalanithi
• When Breath Becomes Air by Eugene O’Kelly

Please subscribe to the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. You can let me know which topics you would like to hear more about or share any feedback about the show by going to my Instagram page or email me at [email protected]. 

Thank you for listening!

Stephanie took us through some of the toughest parts of her cancer journey, including how she had to postpone her wedding, how she got lost in the dark space, and what helped her to get through and eventually reconnect with life again. 

A big shout out to Stephanie for doing such a deep dive during our recording. She was so transparent in sharing some of the most vulnerable moments on her journey, and because she is such a great storyteller - which I attribute to her journalist background - I felt like I could see in my head the specific moments and conversations she described as we were chatting. 

One thing that really blew me away was the great communication Stephanie and her husband had with each other. As Stephanie described, getting a cancer diagnosis can trigger so many insecurities and emotions because of the physical changes and limitations you experience. In absence of a strong foundation to lean on, it’s not surprising that new conflicts will often come up between family members. 

I also really appreciated Stephanie calling out the importance of caregivers taking care of themselves, which is something we talked about in episode 8, but the message almost has more merit when it’s coming from a non-caregiver. Stephanie recognized that while it’s the patient who has to endure all the trials and tribulations in a physical sense, there’s nevertheless an emotional impact on the caregiver. 

And her message about leaning into the pain is so powerful, and something that many of us have had to do in the last year when life had to slow down during the quarantine, so the issues we managed to bury with our busy schedules and endless distractions on our phones eventually surfaced. In retrospect, it is one of the big reasons why I finally pushed this podcast through - that I finally had time and mental space to organize my thoughts - even though I had been thinking about doing this since 2018. 

You can find Stephanie at: 

Website: https://thepatientstory.com

Twitter: @Patient_Story or @StephChuang

I can’t recommend it enough as a resource for people who are newly diagnosed. Please check it out and share it with others who can benefit from it.

Please subscribe to the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. You can let me know which topics you would like to hear more about or share any feedback about the show by going to my Instagram page or email me at [email protected]. 

Thank you for listening!