Talking ‘Bout My Evolution

I talk about not being balanced or feeling even keel.  I keep over-correcting and swinging from one extreme to the other and it's frustrating.

I talk about how I tried on a bunch of clothes the other day and how none of them looked good on me   In fact, they looked so bad that I temporarily lost my self-confidence.  I was really bummed that the image in my head didn't match the image in the mirror.  I'm actually quite proud that the image of who I am in my head has improved so much and was quite taken by surprise that the mismatch between my internal and external realities was so great and that all the working out  and that all the strength I've developed still results in a whole bunch of fat still padding my body.  I definitely need to clean up my diet.

I talk about this painting project I'm doing at one of my part-time jobs and how I am feeling ignorant and criticized for not being trained well enough on how to do it.  This questioning of my abilities has brought up some earlier feelings of inadequacy that I've experienced at a couple of other jobs and places in my life.  I also discuss how I am learning as I go and speeding up my process in a very short time and how I don't want the past to control my future anymore.

I talk about the power of asking many questions, because of the work I'm doing with Victoria Garlick.  She asks some deep, probing questions about various aspects of setting up my business, offer, funnel, etc.  They are questions I hadn't considered before and I marvel at how the right question can unlock a wealth of information.  I'm learning so much about who I want to help and how and I love it.  I talk about learning how to be better at asking questions, because that's the only way to make informed decisions.

I talk about how I went to a charity card party and got to know and reconnect with people from my community.

I talk about Franny and how well he performed in his school play.  I also talk about how anything you create or manifest takes on a life of its own, for better or worse.  Manifesting is as simple as having a thought and turning it into reality.  Writing many thoughts down manifests as an essay, a poem or a book that others can read, love, hate, share, critique, etc.  Once you have that thought, idea, concept, aha moment and you send it out into the world, you lose control over what happens to it or because of it.  That's something to remember, especially when you are busy manifesting negative things via constant abusive self-talk and passing judgment on yourself and others.  

In today's episode, however, I mostly talk about how proud I am of Franny and his ability to find his place in the world.  He is a different person at school and it makes me happy that he has found his people and loves his life.

I talk about the energy clearing I had with my friend Sam and how many blocks still keep coming up to remove and replace with higher frequency emotions and energies.

I talk about how I didn't want to switch out my old tennis shoes, because I only have two other pairs of this shoe that I like and that fit well.  I talk about my tendency to hoard, not want to use stuff I own, because I'm afraid I will run out of it and never be able to find/buy it again.  I talk about my fear that the Universe won't provide for me and how silly that defeatist thinking is.

I talk about my fears and hopes about becoming more visible and present on social media.  I discuss some of what's held me back from talking about what I do and what is still holding me back from fully stepping into the light/my power.

I talk about "normal" people and how I can't relate to them very much anymore.