Talking Paragraphs

Something horrible happened between four men and a lizard in India and MSN decided the world needed to know about it. Now we do. And we can't get it out of our heads.

Paul serves a one-podcast suspension for continuing to text his Wordle score to Dan. T-square pinch hits and podcasts from his closet, where his wife arranges his clothes by hue. Silliness ensues. Enjoy.

Dan and Paul talk about stuff and things. They try to be amusing. They often fail. But this is free. You get what you pay for.

Dan wants to know who UPS makes drive the Cologuard route.

Paul is obsessed with celebrities who have animals in their names.

Dan gets sleepy again. Don't worry. He's just tired.

Dan explains what happened to last week's episode; Little Caesars is hawking a Batman pizza; Coke, Starbucks, and McDonald's pull out of Russia, but traitorous Pepsi stays; Job opening: Grizzly Bear Conflict Manager; Man caught at Mexican border with 52 lizards and snakes in his pockets and "groin area." All that and more on the latest "Talking Paragraphs" with Dan and Paul.

I'm the problem with this podcast. Memphis Paul showed up. Let's be clear on that. We had material on animals doing strange things, the spelling of Andruw Jones' son's name, and a lot of background on Morris the Cat from the old 9 Lives cat food commercials. Paul brought his A game. Dan brought his Z game, as in "zzz." He kept drifting off to sleep, but not all the way. He kept talking, but the words coming out didn't make sense to either the topic or anything else. Some may argue that's always true. They might be right. After an evening trying to edit this mess into something worth listening to, Dan gave up. What follows is an hour of Dan snoring. Really. He's telling you straight. There's an opening and ending, but everything in between is the sound of his bedroom fan and him snoring. He dares you to listen to it.

Paul is with this week. Dan's voice is on the recording, but he's kind of out of it. There are silly topics. Paul carries the load. Dan babbles. It's really sad. Someone should talk to him about it.

The lights went out in Memphis around 10 a.m., Thursday, and our beloved Memphis Paul and his mother were plunged into darkness and cold for a week. How they made it through and other topics of great unimportance in this week's "Talking Paragraphs."

An ice storm in Memphis knocks out Paul's power. Guest host T-square Tyler pinch hits. He proceeds to have a genial political conversation with Dan which arises fears of the pitchfork and torches crowd. So, we cut it out. The remainder of the podcast, we hope, is banal enough to be amusing without offensive in a nation where being offended is the national sport.