Tell Us We're Funny and We'll Go Away

A young debutante frets that no one will become intimate with her face, Lauren happily betrays her country to a sexy Russian operative, and Dan tries his hand at writing lesbian erotica. Also, Miss Piggy has an abortion. The fun never stops!

It Could Happen To You: https://tinyurl.com/yb6ulmrm

Like an Austrian bodybuilder turned movie star turned mediocre politician, we're back! In this episode, we discuss whether there's an underlying sexual component to all cereal mascots, cruise ship hypnotist The Great Cambroni faces his greatest challenge yet, and Dan purchases a new office chair. (Probably should have led with that.)

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Washington-area eccentric and presidential impersonator Donald Trump stops by as his last remaining synapses disintegrate, Lauren goes door to door to confess a terrible (and adorable) secret, and Dan is concerned that Pierro might have become a "proud boy."

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Anne Hathaway volunteers to rescue those Thai children trapped in a cave, Dan attempts to find an actress that Lauren feels neutral about, and The Almighty has sort of an off day.

Anne Hathaway volunteers to rescue those Thai children trapped in a cave, Dan attempts to find an actress that Lauren feels neutral about, and The Almighty has sort of an off day.

Barack Obama stops by to offer his advice on how to tough it out until the November midterms, the world's worst superhero, Cinderella Man, foils a bank robbery, and Justice Anthony Kennedy makes love to a pile of garbage.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders sends back her cheese plate, Larry the Cable Guy tries some other lines of work, and Melania Trump visits the border wearing that sandwich board from Die Hard with a Vengeance. Also in this episode: a VERY hungover Lauren.

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Dan is threatened by Lauren's new podcast "Coming Out with Lauren & Nicole." We also discuss the wiping of Chris Hardwick from the historical record, briefly become a Bachelorette podcast, and at some point, learn the deeply underwhelming origins of Professor X and Magneto's rivalry.

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It's Pride Month! We figure out which Batman characters are gay and which are merely bi; Rosie the robot maid from The Jetsons goes on a lesbian date; and Lauren drags her tired ass into the voting booth because it's election day in California and we have a limited amount of time to unfuck the world. VOTE OR YOU ARE DEAD TO US. :)

Lauren gets in an elevator with Milla Jovovich; we have some wacky fun with the repeal of the Irish abortion ban; and our special guest, the grim shadow of Death, stops by to do a little improv with us.