We've got another live-play episode for you today wherein Scribando is our DM. This was requested by our Patron rootbeercutie, who said, "Okay, so this time I have stuff to talk about because this is bonkers...basically, Blood in the Chocolate is a role-playing horror game inspired by Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. And it's absolutely terrible. Instead of Oompa Loompas, they use "pygmies" (a real race), and it's filled with fat fetish material. Now this wouldn't be bad because I don't want to yuck anyone's yum, but it's just uncomfortable."

Bookbarella must team up with Dee and Jon from the extended Antiques Freaks universe to make it out of the bowels of psycho-sexual racial capitalism alive! There are no good choices in this game and it was rather miserable to play even based solely on the game's rules and structure. Listen as we all struggle to decide if we even should have done this episode!

References:

• Blood in the Chocolate
• Chenier's Tumblr Apology Letter
• Lamentations of the Flame Princess - Base Rules

In addition to our usual barnyard language, today's episode contains some discussion of sexual assault, body horror, child abuse, enslavement, racism, fat fetishism, poisoning, torture, and a bit of homophobia.

TBC is an AI-free production. Audio by Oselka Sound.

This week, it was Scribando's turn to dive into the Box o' Books (aka, The Book Hole). He emerged into another episode of READ, wherein he must speed-run the episode so the podcast doesn't blow up.

Once again we're fairly out of our depth with anything from the U.K. and have no real understanding of who Richard Wilson is. Published in 1995 by Michael O'Mara, this book is full of questionable factoids and 1990s-standup-level humor, so be prepared to not find any of the book's content funny.

Today's episode includes our usual barnyard language in addition to some sad excuses for humor from a few decades ago. TBC is an AI-free production. Audio by Oselka Sound.

Bookbarella is our Dungeon Mistress today as she narrates the first chapter of an interactive story which Scribando must try to survive as the sole player character. Can he make good choices after partaking in the wizard's leaf?

Our Patron Tin submitted this to the show - and, for once, we were actually excited about an author's self-submission: "I'm a long time listener and a recent $10/month Patreon member. I'd like to request a review of my game book, The Archive: Chapter One. It's the first installment of a much larger story, so it's inevitably going to feel incomplete. It should at least be a better gaming experience than Dragonraid, though, lol. Hope you enjoy the story! Thanks for entertaining me through all the boring parts of my day job!"

Resources:

• Download a $2 PDF or a $15 physical book of the adventure (sorry - the PDF was free at the time we recorded this, but inflation is escalating exponentially and aggressively, it seems!)
• Check out Tin's other artistic works as well

In addition to our usual barnyard language, today's episode includes some mentions of dismemberment, death, torture, and liminal horrors beyond your imagination.

TBC is an AI-free production. Audio by Oselka Sound.

Our Patron Lucek requested any, "...pop financial advice book with some well dressed person with a Rolex and no clue how to actually survive in the real world," so Scribando answered the call. He scrolled and scrolled through the Amazon Bestseller's list for Self Help books until he found this - a parable (that's right - no real-life examples here) about money management that somehow took two adult men to put together despite the fact that its content could fit within a single infographic.

Today's episode includes our usual barnyard language and a brief mention of fictional death. We remind you that nothing in this episode should be acted upon as finanical advice as we are just two random human beings who read books and not financial advisors.

TBC is an AI-free production. Audio by Oselka Sound.

Feeling rather uninspired and lacking the will to live, Bookbarella once more turned her gaze to The Box of Books that a friend sent her a few years ago (thanks again Morgan). Within, she found The Long Winter, originally published in 1962 by Fawcett Publishers. A supposed satire, this feels more like a story trying to be about racism and nationalism in a climate fiction setting and somehow failing at all of these elements in different ways.

Today's episode includes our usual barnyard language in addition to some 1960s flavored racial strife and soap-opera-level infidelity. TBC is an AI-free production. Audio by Oselka Sound.

Scribando ties on his apron and fastens his bowtie for his return to early 20th century American capitalist food business book hell! Our Patron JC suggested this in our Patreon chat simply saying, "I really enjoyed the Orville Redenbacher story. Get ready to GRIND IT OUT with Ray Kroc!!"

Oh boy, are we grinding it out here. Every day, the sun rises on a new McDonald's.

Today's episode includes our usual barnyard language. TBC is an AI-free production. Audio by Oselka Sound.

Several years ago, while Bookbarella was away for a few months, this 1980s fantasy book appeared on her desk and no one ever admitted to leaving it there. She saw a wizard on the cover and tossed it into the future TBC pile, thinking nothing of it.

Years later, she was consulting a friend about which books she should pick for TBC episodes this year and he helpfully reminded her that the wizard on the cover is a bit different from most wizards you see on fantasy book covers - he's sitting in a shitty apartment, having just cracked open a foaming beer above a bag of potato chips spilled on the floor. Naturally, she couldn't pass this one up.

Today's episode includes our usual barnyard language. TBC is an AI-free production. Audio by Oselka Sound.

Scribando tackles a rare author Patron's Choice this week which we tend not to do that often, since most authors and publicists just fire off an email to any podcast with the word "book" in it and want to be a guest on the show.

However, our Patron Jeff seemed to get what was going on here. When asked if he understood the show, he replied: "Honestly, after I had listened to a handful of random episodes both recently and a couple years ago, I think my book might just be on brand for your brand...the book is like an onion with layers and at its core it might be either sweet or stinky depending on your mood that day. I have attached one of the songs from the upcoming album I am going to release soon...after giving it consideration let me know if you want to tackle it."

Well, Jeff, it's an honest try - and you did join the Patreon, so technically within the bounds of patron requests!

In addition to our usual barnyard language, today's episode includes discussion of addictions of all kinds.

TBC is an AI-free production. Audio by Oselka Sound.

Sometimes you go to a pool party. Sometimes, that pool party also has a car with a trunk full of books. This was one of those books.

Resources & References:

• The Vampire Myth and Christianity by Dorothy Ivey
• Addictive Religion: Midnight Mass, Dracula, and the Prosperity Gospel by Alyssa Johnson

Important Show Update: This episode was mostly edited, but did not go through our final editing process because, most unfortunately, Scribando's laptop was lost in Canada yesterday. If any of you live in or near Montreal, we wouldn't mind some help retrieving it (seriously)! The show may need to take on a different character for a few episodes while we get our bearings to deal with this major loss of material. We were about to wrap up recording for the entire year in early June, so we may be faced with re-recording episodes or pivoting entirely for now and re-recording them later. In the meantime, we greatly appreciate your patience and sacrifices to Terriblo to remedy this.

This is the continuation of Episode 240. If you haven't listened to that, please go back and do so because otherwise this isn't going to make a ton of sense.

If you've ever wanted TBC to be a sleepy podcast to help you drift off into dreamland, you're in luck this episode and the next! Scribando worked really hard on this one but it is really just him retelling history, both real and imagined.

Our Patron Miles submitted this as his Patron's Choice this season saying, "This book was originally published online via the website Alternatehistory.com and then was later given an actual published release. Much like a lot of stories on that site, it's broken up into various segments detailing how things have changed leading up to a certain point. I suppose the best way to summarize this book is "What if Mussolini was Stalin?" Because he's very much still a dictator in this universe but he ends up becoming a US ally here and then rules for quite a while...I'll also say that this book contains a personal pet peeve of mine when it comes to alternate history, namely that the point of divergence, the moment where things truly become different, basically boils down to a moment that never happened in real life featuring people that didn't exist."

Now Miles has been a loyal patron and did try to keep to the roughly 350 page limit we have on requests for our sanity, since, well, when you go look at the physical copy on Amazon it sure seems like it's around that length. However, Terriblo had other plans. As a result, we're splitting this into two episodes so you heard the first half in Episode 240 and you'll hear the rest today.

In addition to our usual barnyard language, today's episode includes discussion of World War 2 and all associated atrocities. You know that big list of horrible shit that happened? It's in here. Sometimes double or triple!

RESOURCES & REFERENCES:

• alternatehistory.org

• https://reallifemag.com/considered-alternatives/

• https://www.alternatehistory.com/wiki/doku.php?id=timelines:timelines_and_scenarios

TBC is an AI-free production. Audio by Oselka Sound.