That Wasn't The Plan

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What begins as a chic business-class flight to Italy (because we’re grown now) quickly devolves into a transatlantic U-turn, a missing suitcase, an Amtrak sprint through Washington, D.C., a possibly intoxicated Uber driver declaring “Ma’am, I’m gonna get you there,” and approximately fourteen emotional breakdowns.

There are trains. There are planes. There is public weeping. There is emergency lingerie purchased at JFK.

And somehow—miraculously—there is also Italy.

This week, Emily recounts the 48-hour odyssey that proves three things:

1. You don’t need that much luggage.
2. Always keep the Xanax.
3. Lean into the chaos. It makes for better stories.

Buckle up. Or don’t. It won’t matter.

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At 22, Matt Holland dove into shallow water, broke his neck, and immediately knew something was very wrong. 

This episode has it all: lake house chaos, a midnight helicopter ride, ICU absurdity, fingers-in-the-butt medical exams, and erections. 

It’s funny. It’s uncomfortable. It’s very honest. And it’s about what happens when your body stops—but your will doesn’t.

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This week, Colleen Heiber joins us to discuss being left before the wedding… and almost leaving someone herself. Six weeks out. Invitations printed. Rose petals purchased. Dumpster involved.

We talk red flags, baby fever (and losing it), jam bands, online dating in your late 30s, youth-pastor energy, and the radical act of asking, “Are you sure?”

It’s funny. It’s brutal. It’s hopeful. It’s proof that sometimes the altar isn’t the ending — it’s the escape hatch.

Very much not the plan.

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What begins as a casual conversation about hair drifts, quite naturally, into fake fangs, missing teeth, addiction, dentures, dental debt, sobriety, and one impressively pragmatic trip to Mexico shortly after losing all top teeth. It’s painful, absurd, and unexpectedly funny—a story about shame, survival, and rebuilding a smile without the benefit of enamel. Dental insurance, as ever, is the real villain. Teeth optional.

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Bed bugs: not a moral failing, not a cleanliness issue, and definitely not part of the plan. This week, we’re joined by Dr. Dini Miller—Virginia Tech professor, urban entomology legend, and all-around badass—to talk what bed bugs actually are, how people really get them, why panic makes everything worse, and what actually works. Equal parts horrifying, hilarious, and strangely comforting. Lint rollers encouraged.

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Just because children never blessed our loins doesn't mean we don't kinda like them. Well, we do, and we don't. 

Babies, motherhood, and the quiet panic of doing life “wrong.” In Not My Circus, Emily and Courtney talk being child-free by choice, by chance, and by biology—with honesty, dark humor, rockin’ nipples, and zero judgment. A conversation about listening to your own small voice, loving the life you actually have, and accepting that not everyone is meant to run the same circus.

Show Notes:
In this episode of 'That Wasn't the Plan,' hosts Emily White and Courtney Holland explore the complexities of motherhood, personal choices, and the unexpected turns life takes. They reflect on their childhood experiences, discuss the societal pressures surrounding motherhood, and share their thoughts on love and relationships. The conversation delves into the joys and challenges of blending families and the importance of personal growth in navigating these dynamics. With humor and honesty, they address the realities of parenting and the diverse paths women take in their lives. In this conversation, Courtney and Emily explore the complexities of love, heartbreak, and the dynamics of family relationships. They discuss the joys and challenges of being involved with children, societal expectations surrounding parenthood, and the unique struggles faced by single parents. The conversation also delves into the importance of self-acceptance and personal growth, as well as the impact of teachers on children's lives. Ultimately, they emphasize the significance of listening to one's heart and making choices that align with personal values.

Takeaways

Courtney never felt a strong desire for children, filling her life with wild experiences instead.

Emily has no maternal instinct and never felt the urge to have children.

Both hosts acknowledge the societal pressure to become mothers and the guilt that can accompany it.

They discuss the concept of true love and how it can exist outside of traditional motherhood.

Courtney reflects on her nurturing nature towards animals and people, despite not having children.

Emily emphasizes the importance of personal choice in motherhood and the acceptance of different paths.

They share humorous anecdotes about their childhood play and how it shaped their views on parenting.

The conversation highlights the challenges of blending families and the adjustments required.

Both hosts express gratitude for their current lives without children, valuing their freedom and independence.

They conclude with reflections on the importance of being true to oneself in the face of societal expectations.  Courtney experienced heartbreak when she fell in love with a partner's children.

Emily shares her joy in seeing a partner's relationship with his kids.

Societal expectations often pressure women regarding motherhood.

Single parents face immense challenges and deserve recognition.

Teachers play a crucial role in shaping young minds despite the challenges they face.

Self-acceptance is a journey that enhances personal growth.

Listening to one's heart is essential in making life choices.

The conversation highlights the importance of being true to oneself.

Parenting is a significant responsibility that should be carefully considered.

Both speakers emphasize the joy and challenges of family dynamics. 

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Courtney’s original life plan was simple: keep drinking, keep using, quietly disappear. Sobriety was not the plan — but it turned out to be the thing that gave her a bigger, funnier, fuller life than she ever imagined. In this episode, we talk addiction, shame, strawberries, bad decisions, dark humor, and why getting sober didn’t end her life — it finally gave her a life worth living. 

Show Notes:
Summary

The conversation delves into the personal struggles of addiction, highlighting the impact of choices made during this time. Courtney shares her experiences with theft and dishonesty, particularly in relation to her family, and reflects on the consequences of her actions.

Takeaways

Courtney openly admits to stealing money during her addiction.

She reflects on a specific incident of stealing from her niece's piggy bank.

The act of claiming to be a designated driver while being drunk illustrates her struggles.

Addiction often leads to low points in personal integrity.

Family relationships can be deeply affected by addiction and dishonesty.

Courtney's story emphasizes the importance of honesty in recovery.

The conversation sheds light on the emotional turmoil associated with addiction.

Consequences of addiction can manifest in various forms, including theft.

Courtney's experiences serve as a cautionary tale for others.

The discussion highlights the need for support and understanding in recovery journeys.

Chapters

00:00 The Struggles of Addiction

00:20 Consequences of Choices

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Both Emily and Courtney have had their run-ins with homelessness—sometimes more than once. This week, we delve into what it’s like to live without a roof over your head—and the bizarre blend of humor, humility, and resilience that comes with it. The little moments, the quiet dignity, and the unexpected things you discover about yourself when stability takes a hike. Honest, imperfect, and somehow more human—and maybe a little funnier—than we thought.

Show Notes:

Takeaways
Courtney dressed as The Jesus from The Big Lebowski for Halloween.
She was surprised that no one recognized her costume.
The conversation highlights the cultural impact of movies on Halloween choices.

Summary

In this light-hearted segment, Courtney shares her Halloween experience dressing as The Jesus from The Big Lebowski, expressing her surprise at the lack of recognition from others regarding her costume.

Titles

The Big Lebowski Halloween Costume Surprise
Cultural References in Halloween Costumes

Sound bites

"Nobody knew who I was."
"It went."
"Get out."

Chapters

00:00 The Emotional Farewell to Kiki

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Friendship breakups: somehow more devastating than romantic ones, and with none of the sympathy cards. In Episode 2, we unpack platonic divorces, alcoholism, bad judgment, recovery, and how two former best friends managed to survive each other long enough to start a podcast. Poor choices were made. 

Show Notes:

Summary

In this episode, Emily and Courtney explore the complexities of platonic friendships, particularly focusing on the challenges and emotional turmoil that can arise when these relationships end. They share personal stories of friendship breakups, the impact of substance abuse on their connections, and the journey of recovery. The conversation delves into the importance of vulnerability, making amends, and the evolving nature of friendships as life circumstances change. They also discuss the healing power of friendship and the significance of reaching out for support during difficult times.

Takeaways

Everybody acts like they know exactly what's going on.

Friendship breakups can be as painful as romantic ones.

Substance abuse can severely impact friendships.

Recovery can change the dynamics of relationships.

Making amends is crucial for personal growth.

Friendships can evolve and change over time.

It's important to communicate openly in friendships.

Vulnerability can strengthen connections with others.

Letting go of past relationships is a part of healing.

New friendships can bring joy and fulfillment.

Sound bites

"I would date me?"

"I would love to date me."

"It'd be nice to hear from people."

Chapters

00:00 Navigating Post-Production Challenges

03:06 The Evolution of Platonic Friendships

06:00 Friendship Breakups: Personal Stories

08:44 Consequences of Substance Abuse on Friendships

11:50 The Impact of Recovery on Relationships

14:48 Friendship Dynamics in Recovery

17:47 The Complexity of Friendship Endings

20:52 Reconnecting After Years Apart

23:39 The Role of Apologies in Friendships

26:47 The Healing Power of Friendship

29:40 Making Amends and Moving Forward

32:44 The Shift in Friendships with Life Changes

35:43 Finding Joy in New Connections

38:11 The Importance of Vulnerability in Friendships

41:01 Letting Go of Past Relationships

43:59 The Journey of Friendship and Support

47:02 Listener Engagement and Sharing Stories

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Courtney asks Emily shallow questions about her breast cancer. We laugh and get real. It's not a joke until you wake up with a soul patch downstairs. 

Show Notes:

Summary

In this episode, Emily White shares her personal journey of being diagnosed with breast cancer, detailing the emotional and physical challenges she faced. From the initial discovery of a lump to navigating the medical system, the support from family and friends, and the impact of chemotherapy, Emily's story is one of resilience and strength. She reflects on the importance of having a support system and the emotional toll of her diagnosis and treatment. In this conversation, Emily White shares her journey through cancer treatment, detailing the emotional and physical challenges she faced during chemotherapy and radiation. She discusses the dark period of recovery, the importance of support from friends, and the unexpected connections she made along the way. The conversation also touches on the difficulties of dating after cancer and the lessons learned about friendships and personal growth. Ultimately, Emily emphasizes the significance of actionable support for those going through similar experiences and the importance of finding humor and light in dark times.

Takeaways

Emily was diagnosed with two types of breast cancer.

She initially dismissed a dent in her breast as normal.

Support from family and friends was crucial during her journey.

Navigating the medical system was challenging and frustrating.

The emotional impact of the diagnosis was profound.

She experienced a range of emotions from fear to determination.

Chemotherapy brought significant physical and emotional challenges.

Having a support system made a difference in her recovery.

Emily's story highlights the importance of early detection.

She learned to embrace the support of loved ones during tough times. The emotional toll of cancer treatment can linger long after the physical treatments end.

Support from friends can make a significant difference during recovery.

It's common for friends to drift away during long-term illness, leaving patients feeling isolated.

Recovery from cancer can be more challenging than the treatment itself.

Finding unexpected connections can provide hope and encouragement during tough times.

Dating after cancer can be a daunting experience, requiring self-discovery and healing.

Letting go of toxic relationships can be a positive outcome of a life-altering experience.

Actionable support is more effective than asking what someone needs during their recovery.

Humor can be a powerful coping mechanism during difficult times.

Personal growth often comes from facing and overcoming life's challenges

Sound bites

"It does a number on your brain."

"I had to go fund me, thank God."

"Just do, just do it."

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to the Journey

01:00 Emily's Cancer Diagnosis

05:47 The Emotional Rollercoaster

10:57 Navigating Medical Appointments

15:42 Family Dynamics and Support

20:39 Surgery and Treatment Decisions

25:36 The Impact of Chemotherapy

26:13 The Journey Begins: Chemo and Its Effects

30:34 The Hair Loss Experience: A Personal Story

33:34 Support Systems: Friends and Family During Treatment

38:22 Radiation and Recovery: The Next Steps

44:19 Life After Cancer: The Struggles of Recovery

48:10 Self-Discovery and Personal Growth

51:03 Navigating Relationships and Friendships

53:08 Reflections on Life in Los Angeles

56:49 Support Systems During Tough Times

59:53 The Importance of Actionable Help

01:03:58 Lighthearted Moments and Humor in Recovery

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