The 100 Word Stories Podcast

The 100 Word Stories Podcast

By Laurence SimonArtsBooksFictionPerforming Arts
Download on the App Store

The 100 Word Stories Podcast episodes

  • Fire and brimstone

    Hell isn’t all fire and brimstone, you know.

    That’s just a little light show the welcoming committee uses to scare the new residents.
    Once you get past registration and assignments, it’s actually palm trees, sand, and a gentle breeze.
    Not that you’ll notice, as you’re dragged in chains.
    Dropped into the line for your eternal punishment.
    Demons sipping coffee, chatting with each other, as you wait in line for… for…
    “What are we in line for?” you ask.
    “We’re on break,” mumbles a demon. “Quiet.”
    The line never moves, the breeze never stops.
    And you wait… and wait… and wait…

    2 min
  • Doctor Odd Gender Reveal

    Doctor Odd was keenly aware that he wouldn’t live forever, and despite growing an army of clones to carry on his legacy of mad science, he had a strange feeling that he needed to have an actual child.

    So, he got married, and soon after, his wife became pregnant.
    At the Gender Reveal Party, Doctor Odd unveiled a quantum black hole generator hooked to a fusion reactor.
    “If it’s a boy, we’ll hurtle towards the sun,” said Doctor Odd. “And if it’s a girl, Earth will explode.”
    Nothing happened.
    “Well, shit,” said Doctor Odd. “Miscarriage?”
    Doctor Odd grew another clone.

    2 min
  • Fred the assassin

    Fred was an assassin.

    That’s what he put on his taxes: Assassin.
    He killed for money.
    But not just anyone.
    He only killed IRS agents.
    People with tax problems would hire him.
    You know, to kill an investigation. Literally.
    Then they’d write off Fred.
    And raise an audit flag.
    So they’d have to hire Fred again.
    Made for good repeat business.
    The IRS audited him one year.
    But all his books were in order.
    Everything down to the penny.
    The FBI showed up, but Fred had hired Joe to take care of them.
    Joe, being an assassin of FBI agents.

    2 min
  • The Rotten Apple

    So, the virus is spreading.

    And it’s spreading through New York like wildfire.
    What is it about New York that makes it dangerous and deadly?
    The huge population? Living so close together?
    Hanging out in parks and coffee shops and everywhere else so closely?
    So many diabetics? So many fat people? So many people with cancer, heart conditions?
    It’s no longer The Big Apple. It’s no longer Gotham.
    It’s now The Big Shitmagnet.
    Not Shithole, that’s Haiti.
    We all still look to New York.
    To see what they’re doing.
    So we can do the opposite. And not die like them.

    2 min
  • Weekly Challenge #1035 – PICK TWO Stings Low flying Supply Clothes pegs Stick
    • Lewie
    • Lizzie
    • Richard
    • Tom
    • Serendipidy
    • Norval Joe
    • Planet Z

      • The next topic is Twist

      RICHARD

      Plump

      “What do you think?”
      As pouts go, it’s fair to say this one resembled an inflatable dinghy stuck on her face in place of a mouth.
      “What on earth have you done?” I asked.
      “Bee stings” she replied, “It’s new at the beauty salon for the plumpest lips ever. It is rather expensive, though.”
      I asked her how much. She told me.
      “You have to be joking!” I spluttered. “I can do the same, for free.”
      She gave me a disbelieving look, “Go on then”.
      I grabbed a handful of clothes pegs.
      “Clip these on for a bit”, I said.

      LIZZIE

      It stings. How about this one? It stings too. But what is happening? All the dresses sting? The whole supply is ruined. Who bought the fabric? Some obscure assistant took a step forward. Where did you buy the fabric? Where?! The assistant spun around, and laughed demonically. This is revenge, she said, I should be the head designer. Now, everyone will die. She spun around again and ran away. Everyone looked stunned. The fabric was disposed of by biohazard teams. Everyone was checked at the hospital, and no one died. The financial hit was catastrophic. And that was the revenge.

      LEWIE

      Zip!

      “What was that?” asked John, as he dodged and touched his ear lobe.

      Phittt!

      John looked back. Nancy was throwing clothes pegs at him from her supply.

      “We are over!” she exclaimed as another low-flying peg clipped his forehead.

      “Over?” John asked. “We were together?”

      Another peg smacked his temple as he fell into the clotheslines.

      “Wait, wait, wait! Were we really together?”

      SLAP!

      Nancy tightened the strings around him with more clothes pegs.

      “Don’t ever tell me you’re tied up, unless I put you there,” she demanded.

      “I’m tied up,” he whimpered.

      “Good riddance!”

      “I love you?”

      “Fine.”

      TOM

      Döstädning

      A term in Swedish: to de-clutter so your friend doesn’t have to wade through the bio-mass of your stuff. Well, that didn’t happen so armed with def-con level three cleaning supplies I enter day 7 of: The night of a Thousand CDs. I soldier on despite the cat pee. Somewhere middle pile I come across a Cd labeled: No Strings. A groundbreaking work. I figure it’s a revival production. On closer inspection it turns out to the Broadway original. I pop it in the player and I drift back to my mom’s Living room in the 60’s. Not dead yet.

      NORVAL JOE

      “Yes, I want you for myself,” Mandi said, turning her back on Billbert. “It stings me that I knew you first. I fell in love with you immediately when we flew together on my birthday. Then all she had to do was stick that ring on your finger, and you were hers.”

      Billbert put a hand gently on her shoulder. “I do like you a lot. Probably more than Sabrina, but I don’t think we should leave her trapped in a magic magnifying glass.”

      Disappointed, but resigned, Mandi said, “Okay. Let’s go down to the kitchen to let her out.”

      SERENDIPIDY

      I went to school with a girl who was allergic to bee stings. Just one, and she’d swell up like a balloon.

      I thought it was hilarious.
      My grandfather kept a number of hives and made his own honey, so I had a reliable supply of bees, which I’d collect and capture in a jar. Whenever lessons got boring, I’d release a few into class and enjoy the mayhem that followed.
      I never got found out.
      Which is a good thing, really.
      Especially after she choked on her tongue and died on the classroom floor.
      Nature can be a bitch!

      PLANET Z

      The new girl showed up in a full body, black cloak and black gloves that completely covered her body. The kids that sat next to her later said she smelled like a dead person. Maybe she was? A zombie reanimated and scientist put her in a third grade classroom in Paducah Kentucky. Most kids would tease and torment a kid like that, but we were raised better and smothered her with politeness and kindness. I guess all the attention caused problems because after a week she was gone. Sam say she moved. Others say her family killed her for socializing.

      13 min
    • To the Victor came the spoils

      Uncle Victor had been in an iron long for 20 years. Aunt Millie hired a nurse to take care of them. He did stocks from a computer that he controlled with his voice and he did well, which is what paid for the nurse. Didn’t mind that Millie was off on cruises as long as she came back and showed him the pictures in the home movies. After one trip, Millie didn’t come back. No one knows what happened to her. The nurse left a letter. Victor told her to shut off the iron lung, take the money, and enjoy.

      2 min
    • Remote buttons

      My television remote has a Netflix button.

      So does my DVD player remote.
      I don’t subscribe to Netflix, so I find the button annoying. And I hit it by mistake a lot.
      I used to subscribe to it, but even then I’d use the SmartTV navigation on the screen to open Netflix and not use the Netflix button.
      There’s also Amazon and Disney buttons, and even though I subscribe to them, I don’t use those buttons.
      I only hit them by mistake, too.
      What I really want is a remote with shortcut buttons I’d use.
      Which means, none at all.

      2 min
    • The old tax fraud

      My father was a corporate lawyer in the restaurant industry for years.

      He retired to run a glass business.
      But he failed to send in the company’s share of income taxes.
      The IRS was on his ass, and he reached a settlement with them.
      So, I helped.
      After that, he did his best to sink his fangs into me, trying to sucker me into power of attorney and responsibility.
      I said no and cut him off.
      I should have let the IRS deal throw him in prison.
      It would have been cheaper than the old fraud running up Medicare expenses.

      2 min
    • Analytics

      It used to be that to find out what your users wanted, you asked them.

      You brought them in to a focus group or you sent out a survey.
      Then, companies started to monitor sales figures and markets.
      After that, they developed A/B testing, and moved on to behavior-tracking analytics.
      In the end, the people projecting their wants and needs on to the data were no better than the Greek augurs who played around with bird guts, or the old women who chewed wacky weed and called themselves oracles.
      That’s what the users tell me when I ask them.

      2 min
    • Every two weeks

      The last job I had, it felt like I was drawing a line with one hand and erasing it with the other.

      Every project I put any effort into got delayed or canceled.
      And if a delayed project were put back in play, I’d put effort into it until it would be delayed again or canceled.
      Endless meetings to discuss the next project to get canceled.
      I felt like I wasn’t accomplishing anything.
      “You’re doing great,” they said. “Keep up the good work.”
      The only work I was doing was keeping from blowing up.
      And cashing paychecks every two weeks.

      2 min

    About The 100 Word Stories Podcast

    From the publisher's feed

    Just say "Alexa, play the 100 Word Stories Podcast."