The ADHDads

Dr. Janie Funk is the clinical director of Behaven Kids, which focuses on building hope through mental wellness in children. They work with families and children to teach effective skills for succeeding in life and concentrate on ABA therapy, or Applied Behavior Analysis, which helps reinforce learning techniques around improving social skills in functional communication, as well as helping to decrease challenging behaviors and help educate parents on neurodiversity and ASD.

Dr. Funk discusses with the Dads the benefits of ABA therapy, as well as multi-disciplinary methods for success. Creating consistency and predictability is valuable for any neurodiverse person, but is it all that one needs? Listen to our discussion to learn more.

behavenkids.com

Behaven Kids on Facebook

⁠Behaven Kids on Instagram

⁠⁠Behaven Kids on LinkedIn

Becca Lory Hector was diagnosed on the autism spectrum as an adult and has since become a dedicated autism and neurodiversity advocate, researcher, consultant, speaker, and author. She now teaches a course called “Self Defined Living: A Path to a Quality Autistic Life,” which focuses on autism and neurodiversity consulting which promotes an active and positive lifestyle.

On this episode, Becca discusses with the Dads how a diagnosis can change one's life, bringing peace and understanding where there once was misunderstanding and loss of direction.

We appreciate your listening to this important, deep discussion on the value of learning and knowing oneself. As always, thank you for your support, and for more, check out theadhdads.com.

Links

https://beccalory.com/

https://www.trulyinclusiveleadership.com/

Becca on LinkedIn

Becca on Instagram

This week the Dads dive into how to press that ol’ restart button on your emotions. We all get triggered and have bad days, but what does accountability and forgiveness look like? How do we reset and forge a new path? Well, this week the guys give some strategies around just that. Learn how to hold yourself accountable, make amends, and plan for next steps. We all fall, but how we get back up and push forward is what really teaches our kids resilience. You don’t want to miss this week’s episode of The ADHDads.

For more content check out TheADHDads.com

And thanks for your support!

CJ’s 5 steps to a reset

Journaling

Get all of your thoughts out. Keep writing all of the good, bad, and the ugly. Get it all out on a page and purge your troubled mind.

Reflection

Reflect on your journaling and decide which areas you need to take accountability for and which actions you consider wins. 

Accountability

Make amends, to not only your peers, family, or friends, but yourself as well. Apologize and add other perspectives to your experience by talking with others you have affected.

Planning

Strategize and plan how you will handle triggering scenarios moving forward. What tools, tips, tricks, or techniques will you implement when you feel emotions rise?

Grace and forgiveness

Check in with yourself and others regularly and offer grace and forgiveness as you learn a new behavior and way of responding. 

The six elements of an effective apology, according to science (osu.edu)

Today the Dads talk about how to "choose your hard." They discuss strategies they've used in their own situations to navigate difficult life choices, where facing a challenge was and is the only option. Choosing your hard doesn't mean bad, but rather is an opportunity for growth.

Choose your hard is a motivational statement that encourages you to be proactive in facing challenges and difficulties inherent in life. It doesn't imply that life will be without difficulties, but rather that you have some agency in choosing which challenges you will confront. Here are some key aspects of this concept:

1. Acknowledging Difficulty

Life is full of challenges, and "choose your hard" acknowledges this reality. It recognizes that pursuing goals, making changes, or simply living authentically will often involve overcoming difficulties.

2. Proactive Choice

While we cannot control all circumstances, this phrase emphasizes that we have some level of control over which difficulties we face. It encourages us to consider different options and their potential consequences, allowing us to choose the path that aligns with our values and goals, even if it presents challenges.

3. Comparison and Awareness

"Choose your hard" can also encourage us to compare the potential difficulties of different choices. For instance, staying in a stagnant job might be comfortable in the short term, but it could lead to long-term dissatisfaction and lack of growth. Conversely, pursuing a career change might be initially difficult, but it could ultimately lead to greater fulfillment and personal satisfaction.

4. Growth Mindset

This phrase often aligns with a growth mindset, which believes that skills and abilities can be developed through effort and perseverance. Choosing a "hard" path often involves learning new things, stepping outside your comfort zone, and facing setbacks. However, the potential for growth and personal development can be greater on this path compared to one that avoids challenges altogether.

5. Embracing the Journey

While acknowledging the difficulty, "choose your hard" doesn't glorify suffering. It's about accepting challenges as part of the journey and focusing on the potential outcomes and growth that they can bring.

It's important to remember that "choose your hard" is not a universal prescription for all situations. External factors and circumstances can significantly limit individual agency in choosing their "hard." However, it can be a helpful framework for individuals who feel stuck or unsure when faced with life's complexities, encouraging them to consider their options, take ownership of their choices, and embrace the growth that comes with overcoming challenges.

Referenced in this episode

Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy

Andrew Kirkaldy is a father, lacrosse coach, recovering alcoholic, and pursuer of growth. In the latest episode of the Dad Den, the Dads discuss the evolution of men, from influences and inspirational figures in our childhood, to redemption through divorce and addiction. Life lessons can be learned and taught simultaneously, as the Dads dive into showing up for our kids with transparency and compassion while experiencing the highs and lows.

This episode is a raw and real conversation. You don't have to be an addict, or a divorcee, or even a father to gain valuable takeaways for yourself and your relationships in this conversation with coach Kirkaldy. Thank you for listening, supporting, and contributing to the ADHDads!

Dan Mitchell is one of our favorite talented and successful imports. He found a great opportunity with his company to move his family to the States years ago, and they have called America home for some time. In the years following the move, Dan reflects on the work that needed to be done within himself, and within his family. The Dads discuss today the importance of finding happiness for oneself, and for our families as they evolve into the space of co-parenting.

This episode is important not just for people who are separated with kids, but also for any person interested in finding a path in their personal growth so they can, in turn, find success in their relationships by developing core values and confidence.

Leanne Pritchett is a veteran Special Education Teacher and Advocate for the past 17 years. She is currently employed as a Teacher of the Visually Impaired and as an Orientation and Mobility Specialist. Along with teaching third year Hebrew, she is a licensed Speech-Language Pathology Assistant. She works with students that range from ages 3 to 22 that have numerous diagnoses that range from Autism, Cerebral Palsy, Learning Disabilities, to Physical Abnormalities, and kids who are Severely Emotionally Disturbed. The list goes on and on.. 

She’s also recently started a micro podcast at Swellcast, which focuses on educating the public about Special Needs and how to see the child, NOT the diagnosis. Our conversation today takes a special focus on how we see our kids and not their diagnoses.

Linktree

Swellcast

Let's be honest, no one can be the ideal role model at all times. Expecting perfection is a recipe for disappointment. In fact, perfectionism often pushes us further away from success. In this episode, we confess some of our recent failures, and we lift each other up through grace. Being the example is near and dear to our hearts, because we deeply care for our children and loved ones. In this first episode in a series of being the example, we will share some valuable tips, as well as what to look out for, on the path to being a good model for our kids. Stay tuned for more episodes on being the example.

Being the ideal example for your kids isn't about achieving perfection, but about living with intention and showing them values you consider important. Here are some ways to approach it:

Lead by example:

Open communication:

Remember:

Most importantly, show your kids love and understanding. Let them know you are there for them, no matter what. Being a good role model is about creating a nurturing environment where they can learn, grow, and become the best versions of themselves.

Thank you for your support! Check out theadhdads.com for more.

Have you caught yourself in an argument with your kids, and you know the only way out of it is frustration? As parents, we are modeling behavior for our children in every moment. When our kids are arguing with each other, they’re learning how to strengthen their position as well as how to navigate opposition. When our kids argue with, we teach them boundaries, listening, curiosity, and peaceful disagreement. Or, at least that’s what we should be teaching them!

In this episode, the Dads talk about parental strategies for having peaceful disagreements with our children, as well as how to argue with our neurodiverse kids. Here are some strategies for those times we find ourselves locked into an argument:

Be Clear About Rules

Parents should be clear about what the parameters look like. Make it clear as soon as possible what is negotiable, and what is not.

Positive, Difficult, Positive

Our kids will have strong emotions and opinions. They should have the space to express how they are feeling. That doesn’t mean they should get that space whenever they want.

Ask your child to state something positive, then explain why they are upset. Finish again with something positive.

Pause and Designate Time/Space for Upset

Basically, there should be a clear understanding about where and how they can voice their upset. It limits the chances of a circular argument. Does your child really want to keep asking questions to understand where you’re coming from, or are they asking questions because they are arguing for what they want? Let them have space and time to work through the upset, and give them the space to do that with you as well.

Set Clear Boundaries Before Any Argument is On the Radar

“If you interrupt repeatedly, I will tell you as calmly as possible that the conversation must continue another time. If that also isn’t respected, we will instill a consequence, or I will simply walk away and explain why.”

Affirm and Acknowledge

When an argument is being respected by your children, acknowledge their thoughts, feelings, and points to show them you also respect them. Model positive disagreements.

Focus on Good Behaviors

Give power to the good choices. Be specific when giving praise.

Links

Siblings without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

As always, thank you for your support! We are into our second year of the podcast! If you would be so generous to consider a contribution to the show, or to simply buy us a meal, we'd be so grateful. We are excited to hear from you this year!

Steve Anderson is a Life Coach for fathers, a stepfather, husband, the former executive director of the Boys to Men Mentoring Network of Minnesota from 2011 to 2022, and he has led men and boys through transformative weekends in multiple states across the U.S. and internationally. He is a Certified Professional Coach and completed the Certificate Program in Applied Neuroscience from The Neuroscience School.

For this first conversation with Steve, the Dads discuss the benefits, power, and privilege of carrying the title “Father.” To be able to embrace fatherhood regardless of our biology is an honor, and something not to be taken lightly. If you are a step or “bonus” parent, be sure to listen to this episode.

We also discuss the importance of self care. As fathers, we can find ourselves wanting to serve and provide for our families without taking into consideration our own well-being. But as we know, extending ourselves too far can take its toll at home as well as at work. In this first part of our talk with Steve on self care, we begin to affirm fathers and what we can do to strengthen ourselves to best show up at home.

You can reach out to Steve at his website, https://steveanderson.coach/. Steve’s program, The Best Dad Program, will move you from feeling hopeless to empowered to become the father you are meant to be, and build and maintain healthy relationships with your children.

About Steve

My dad wasn’t around much when I was a teenager, but I thought that was normal. He’d come home angry from work, go to his home office, and that was it. I started to get angry. I wanted a dad who was there for me, but I wasn’t the one who could make that happen. When I was 15, he had a nervous breakdown from stress at work, but it made little difference to me if he was at work, in his office, or detained for his own safety in a mental institution. Absent was absent. I realized I was on this path to manhood on my own.

When I was in my 30s, I was in a toxic relationship, and I realized that something needed to change, but I just didn’t have the strength or know-how to do so. I started on what was to be a long journey of self-discovery, with the help of many courses, support groups, counseling, and qualifications. Eventually, I had the strength to leave that toxic relationship.

My life changed from that moment on. I met and married a wonderful woman who already had two boys, aged 4 and 9. I adopted them after their biological father drank himself to death a few years later. This was hard for them, but I was able to be there and support them.

Being a son or daughter is hard, no matter what kind of parents one has. We are all shaped by our past and current circumstances. We are not trapped by them. I’ve spent the last 15 years developing the skills, knowledge, and experience to help men become better fathers.