Today, we read the novelisation of The Muppet Christmas Carol, also known as the 1843 festive lit hit A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. Read by me, Helen Zaltzman; music, sound effects and additional vocals are by Martin Austwick of palebirdmusic.com.

Content warning: 200-year-old attitudes towards disability. Also warning for GHOSTS.

Scroll way down your podfeed or go to theallusionist.org/dickens-christmas to listen to the episode called How The Dickens Stole Christmas, which is about just why this book has such a big influence on festivities even nearly two centuries later. And it features podcasting luminaries Greg Jenner, Katie Mingle and Avery Trufelman.

There are also several other festive episodes of the show, including ones about why Santa St Nick Father Christmas Kringle Klaas has so many names, Christmas song lyrics where the letters sent to Santa go, and a portmanteau word that kicked off a lot of War On Christmas. They're all gathered at theallusionist.org/festivelusionist.

Support the show at theallusionist.org/donate and as well as keeping this independent podcast going, you also get to list your creative works in this year's Allusioverse Gift Guide, plus you receive bonus written material about every episode; regular livestreams with me and Martin reading from my ever-growing collection of dictionaries; and the charming and nurturing Allusioverse Discord community, where among daily sharing of thoughts and amusements, this month we will be watching The Muppet Christmas Carol and Knives Out.

Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… If I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow. 

Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk compellingly about your product, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:

• Greenwood Lake Roasters, purveyors of small batch craft coffee roasted just outside of NYC. Go to GreenwoodLakeRoasters.com to place your order - do it between now and December 31st and use the checkout code ALLUSIONIST to get 10% off small batch coffee and subscription orders.

• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.

• Rosetta Stone, immersive and effective language learning. Allusionist listeners get 50% off lifetime membership - that's unlimited access to all 25 language courses, for life - at rosettastone.com/allusionist.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

"I have never felt so naked. That's how exposed I felt at the idea that my handwriting was going to be seen by the world," says Tim Brookes, founder of the Endangered Alphabets Project and author of the new book about handwriting By Hand: Can the Art of Writing Be Saved? Writing the book (yes, by hand!) celebrates the act of handwriting, even overcoming the shame arising from his own.

Visit theallusionist.org/scribe for more information about Tim's work and today's topics, plus a transcript of the episode.

Support the show at theallusionist.org/donate and as well as keeping this independent podcast going, you also get to list your creative works in this year's Allusioverse Gift Guide, plus behind-the-scenes info about every episode; livestreams with me reading from my ever-growing collection of dictionaries; and the charming and nurturing Allusioverse Discord community, where among daily sharing of thoughts and amusements, we're watching The Princess Bride, the current season of Great Canadian Baking Show, and Game of Wool.

This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, on the unceded ancestral and traditional territory of xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Sḵwx̱wú7mesh (Squamish), and səlilwətaɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) Nations. Martin Austwick. Download his own songs at palebirdmusic.com and on Bandcamp, and listen to his podcasts Song By Song and Neutrino Watch.

Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… If I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow. 

Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk compellingly about your product, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:

• Greenwood Lake Roasters, purveyors of small batch craft coffee roasted just outside of NYC. Go to GreenwoodLakeRoasters.com to place your order - do it between now and December 31st and use the checkout code ALLUSIONIST to get 10% off small batch coffee and subscription orders.

• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.

• Home Chef, meal kits that fit your needs. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering Allusionist listeners fifty per cent off and free shipping on your first box, plus free dessert for life, at HomeChef.com/allusionist.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“The more we look into social structures, the more many of us realize we don't fit into them," says So Mayer, author of the new book Bad Language, "So each phrase or set of vocabulary is another piece of that dismantlement.” We discuss finding vocabulary for oneself, coming out as a speech act, growing up under Section 28, busting through oppression and shame, and joyous listening.

Content note: in the episode we refer to sexual abuse or crimes against consent, and to suicide, but we do not go into any detail about these things, or describe any experiences. Also there are some category A and B swears.

Visit theallusionist.org/disobedience for more information about So's work and today's topics, plus a transcript of the episode.

Support the show at theallusionist.org/donate and as well as keeping this independent podcast going, you also get behind-the-scenes info about every episode; livestreams with me reading from my ever-growing collection of dictionaries, and the charming and nurturing Allusioverse Discord community, where among daily sharing of thoughts and amusements, we're watching The Princess Bride, the current season of Great Canadian Baking Show, and Game of Wool.

This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, on the unceded ancestral and traditional territory of xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Sḵwx̱wú7mesh (Squamish), and səlilwətaɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) Nations. Martin Austwick. Download his own songs at palebirdmusic.com and on Bandcamp, and listen to his podcasts Song By Song and Neutrino Watch.

Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… If I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow. 

Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk compellingly about your product, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:

• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.

• Home Chef, meal kits that fit your needs. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering Allusionist listeners fifty per cent off and free shipping on your first box, plus free dessert for life, at HomeChef.com/allusionist.

• Rosetta Stone, immersive and effective language learning. Allusionist listeners get 50% off unlimited access to all 25 language courses, for life: go to rosettastone.com/allusionist.

• Uncommon Goods, which sells thousands of one-of-a-kind gifts. To get 15% off your next purchase, go to UncommonGoods.com/allusionist.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A change of scene for one episode: recently the brilliant poet and performer Molly Naylor interviewed me for her podcast Making Trouble, about creativity, and she kindly let me run a version of that episode here for you. We're talking about ideas, but also long-term creative careers, mortality, podcasting, external validation, and Molly offers some great prompts for either sparking ideas or making a dinner conversation a bit more lively. Find her work at mollynaylor.com, and listen to Making Trouble in the very place you listen to podcasts.

Content note: this episode contains category A and B swears.

Visit theallusionist.org/trouble for more information plus a transcript of the episode. And hit the Contact tab to send me a request for an etymological explanation, or a word problem you're having, or observations sparked by previous Allusionists.

Support the show at theallusionist.org/donate and as well as keeping this independent podcast going, you also get behind-the-scenes info about every episode; livestreams with me, Martin and my ever-growing collection of dictionaries, and the charming and nurturing Allusioverse Discord community, where we chat about language and not-language, and there are some plans for a Zoom Halloween get-together. Together we're also watching the current seasons of Great British Bake Off - donors also get a weekly work of flanfic about the show - and the Canadian version thereof; from 2 November we'll get into the knitting show Game of Wool; and on 8 November we'll be watching the gorgeous Mira Nair film Monsoon Wedding.

Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… If I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow. 

Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk compellingly about your product, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:

•  The Language Lover’s Lexipedia, An A-Z of Linguistic Curiosities: the new book by alumsionist Joshua Blackburn, who makes the game League of the Lexicon. Both game and book are packed full of language facts and fascinating tidbits. Get them where you buy books and games, and check out leagueofthelexicon.co.uk

• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.

• Home Chef, meal kits that fit your needs. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering Allusionist listeners fifty per cent off and free shipping on your first box, plus free dessert for life, at HomeChef.com/allusionist.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's Banned Books Week. Honorary youth chair Iris Mogul and Sam Helmick, president of the American Library Association, talk about what it is, why it matters so much, and how you can get involved.

Visit theallusionist.org/bannedbooks for more information and many links about today's topics, plus a transcript of the episode.

Support the show at theallusionist.org/donate and as well as keeping this independent podcast going, you also get behind-the-scenes info about every episode; livestreams with me, Martin and my ever-growing collection of dictionaries, and the charming and nurturing Allusioverse Discord community, where we're watching the current season of Great British Bake Off - donors also get a weekly work of flanfic about the show.

This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman. Thanks to Thanks to Charisse Barnachea, and to Liv for the Judy Blume books circa 1989. Martin Austwick sings and composed the music. Download his own songs at palebirdmusic.com and on Bandcamp, and listen to his podcasts Song By Song and Neutrino Watch.

Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… If I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow. 

Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk compellingly about your product, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:

• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.

• Home Chef, meal kits that fit your needs. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering Allusionist listeners fifty per cent off and free shipping on your first box, plus free dessert for life, at HomeChef.com/allusionist.

• Rosetta Stone, immersive and effective language learning. Allusionist listeners get 50% off unlimited access to all 25 language courses, for life: go to rosettastone.com/allusionist.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In their heyday of the 1970s and 1980s, there were more than 200 - possibly more than 400 - feminist restaurants and coffee shops in the USA and Canada. These places were aiming to change ways of working, and upend the hierarchies of restaurants; to provide food that was ethically sourced and affordable to customers, while providing staff with a decent wage; to signal to particular kinds of people that a space was specifically for them. They didn't always succeed, and often they didn't last for more than a couple of years. But they sure did try things. Dr Alex Ketchum, author of Ingredients for Revolution, a History of American Feminist Restaurants, Cafes, and Coffeehouses, explains the ups and downs of how these places used words.

Visit theallusionist.org/breadroses for more information about today's topics, plus a transcript of the episode.

Support the show at theallusionist.org/donate and as well as keeping this independent podcast going, you also get behind-the-scenes info about every episode; livestreams with me, Martin and my ever-growing collection of dictionaries, and the charming and nurturing Allusioverse Discord community, where we're watching the current season of Great British Bake Off, and donors are learning that apparently it is a surprisingly productive source of writing inspiration for me.

This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, on the unceded ancestral and traditional territory of xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Sḵwx̱wú7mesh (Squamish), and səlilwətaɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) Nations. The music is by Martin Austwick. Download his own songs at palebirdmusic.com and on Bandcamp, and listen to his podcasts Song By Song and Neutrino Watch.

Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… If I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow. 

Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk compellingly about your product, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:

• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.

• Home Chef, meal kits that fit your needs. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering Allusionist listeners fifty per cent off and free shipping on your first box, plus free dessert for life, at HomeChef.com/allusionist.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Watching the film Legally Blonde one day with the subtitles on, numerous perfectly innocuous words were partially asterisked out, because of a technological problem I can't name here lest this episode be blocked from your podfeed, thus becoming an example of the problem itself.

Who's to blame? A 900-year-old man from Lincolnshire. Although he didn't ask for this either.

Content note: this episode contains SWEARS. Educational though!

Visit theallusionist.org/terisk for more information about today's topics, plus a transcript of the episode.

Support the show at theallusionist.org/donate and as well as keeping this independent podcast going, you also get behind-the-scenes info about every episode; livestreams with me, Martin and my ever-growing collection of dictionaries, and the charming and nurturing Allusioverse Discord community, where we're watching the current seasons of Great British Sewing Bee and Great British Bake Off, and our previous watchalong of Legally Blonde begat this episode.

This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, on the unceded ancestral and traditional territory of xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Sḵwx̱wú7mesh (Squamish), and səlilwətaɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) Nations. Martin Austwick sings and composed the music. Download his own songs at palebirdmusic.com and on Bandcamp, and listen to his podcasts Song By Song and Neutrino Watch.

Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… If I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow. 

Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk compellingly about your product, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:

• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.

• Home Chef, meal kits that fit your needs. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering Allusionist listeners fifty per cent off and free shipping on your first box, plus free dessert for life, at HomeChef.com/allusionist.

• Rosetta Stone, immersive and effective language learning. Allusionist listeners get 50% off unlimited access to all 25 language courses, for life: go to rosettastone.com/allusionist.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Listener Erica commented: "Perhaps an idea for a bonus ep of Four Letter Word season would be one on two-letter words: there’s an established list that Scrabble nerds end up memorizing, and it’s full of weirdness." In fact, there are TWO established lists, NASPA, the North American Scrabble Players Association, which has currently 107 two-letter words, and Collins Scrabble Words, formerly known as SOWPODS, used by the rest of the world and contains at present 127 two-letter words.

And this episode, we're going to hear all those two-letter words. If you don't agree with their Scrabbular validity, don't blame me! Some of the inclusions were a surprise!

Visit theallusionist.org/two for more information about today's two-letter words, plus a transcript of the episode.

Support the show at theallusionist.org/donate and as well as keeping this independent podcast going, you also get behind-the-scenes info about every episode, livestreams where I read from my ever-growing collection of dictionaries, and the charming and nurturing Allusioverse Discord community, where we're watching the current season of Great British Sewing Bee and soon the new season of Great British Bake Off.

This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, on the unceded ancestral and traditional territory of xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Sḵwx̱wú7mesh (Squamish), and səlilwətaɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) Nations. The music is by Martin Austwick; download his songs at palebirdmusic.com and on Bandcamp, and listen to his podcasts Song By Song and Neutrino Watch.

Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… If I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow. 

Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk compellingly about your product, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:

• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free 2-week trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

For today’s instalment of Four Letter Word season, we’re hopping from ‘bane’ to ‘bain’ to ‘bath’, via poison gardens, doll’s eyes, alchemists, placentas and waterborne curses.

Visit theallusionist.org/bane for more information about today's topics, plus a transcript of the episode.

Support the show at theallusionist.org/donate and as well as keeping this independent podcast going, you also get behind-the-scenes info about every episode, livestreams with me, Martin and my ever-growing collection of dictionaries, and the charming and nurturing Allusioverse Discord community, where we're watching the current season of Great British Sewing Bee.

This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, on the unceded ancestral and traditional territory of xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Sḵwx̱wú7mesh (Squamish), and səlilwətaɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) Nations. Martin Austwick appears and also composed the music, including his new song 'Poison Garden'. Download his songs at palebirdmusic.com and on Bandcamp, and listen to his podcasts Song By Song and Neutrino Watch.

Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… If I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow. 

Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk compellingly about your product, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:

• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free 2-week trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.

• Home Chef, meal kits that fit your needs. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering Allusionist listeners fifty per cent off and free shipping on your first box, plus free dessert for life, at HomeChef.com/allusionist.

• Rosetta Stone, immersive and effective language learning. Allusionist listeners get 50% off unlimited access to all 25 language courses, for life: go to rosettastone.com/allusionist.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The latest four letter word of Four Letter Word season is dino. 'Dinosaur' is derived from Greek 'terrible lizard', and they could have called it 'whopping great lizard' or 'sublime lizard' or 'hey cool lizard', but no. TERRIBLE. Professor Hannah McGregor of Material Girls podcast and author of the book Clever Girl: Jurassic Park explains humans' relationship with language for dinosaurs, and why 'terrible' might be a perfect choice.

Visit theallusionist.org/dino for more information about dinos, links to Hannah and her work, pics of the Crystal Palace Park dinosaurs, and the transcript of the episode.

TOMORROW, ie 22 July, at 4pm UK time, BBC Radio 4 is broadcasting (and internetting) our piece Souvenirs, a sort of tragicomic essay/documentary/musical? about the two friends who around 1900 founded the groundbreaking Doves Press then almost immediately had a big falling out and spent more than a decade fighting over their in-house typeface. And THEN things got weird. If you like stories about history and/or petty revenge, this is for you.

It’s some of my best work - I give it 7.8 out of 10 - and I’d love for you to listen to it, via radio or BBC website or BBC Sounds (it’ll be on there for a while after, I’m not sure how long). We're also having a live listening party during the broadcast in the Allusioverse Discord, so what a great time to join: theallusionist.org/donate You also get behind the scenes scoops about the making of every episode, livestreams with me and my collection of dictionaries, perks at live shows, the company of your fellows in the Allusioverse Discord, and watchalongs eg currently the new season of Great British Sewing Bee. And, you're keeping this independent podcast going, what great outcomes for your money.

This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, on the unceded ancestral and traditional territory of xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Sḵwx̱wú7mesh (Squamish), and səlilwətaɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) Nations. Martin Austwick provided music and editorial assistance. Download his songs at palebirdmusic.com and listen to his podcasts Song By Song and Neutrino Watch.

Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… If I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow. 

Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk compellingly about your product, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:

• Understance, a growing Vancouver BC company making thoughtfully designed, pretty and comfy bras, undies and sleepwear. They’re having a sale on June 26-July 1 so get over there and stock up at understance.com or at their stores in Vancouver, Burnaby, Calgary and Toronto.

• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free 2-week trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.

• Home Chef, meal kits that fit your needs. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering Allusionist listeners fifty per cent off and free shipping on your first box, plus free dessert for life, at HomeChef.com/allusionist.

• Rosetta Stone, immersive and effective language learning. Allusionist listeners get 50% off unlimited access to all 25 language courses, for life: go to rosettastone.com/allusionist.

• Quince, luxurious clothing and homewares at prices 50-80% lower than comparable brands. Go to Quince.com/allusionist for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.