The Alpha Quorum Show

In this episode, hosted by Mike Olsen, we discuss boundaries in relationships and in the workplace.

What is the definition of “boundaries”?

What kinds of problems are created with un-defined, un specified, lack of clearly defined boundaries?

Undiscussed boundaries lead to resentment, disappointment, anger, frustration, sketchy behaviors, then excuses.

What happens when boundaries are overly rigid?

Isolated, boring life, stifling creativity and spontaneity, suffocation

What does it look like when you have healthy boundaries:

Negotiated between the parties, third party approval, free and safe to explore who they are / what they want to become, safety and security, permission to explore life, shared control.

Why men lack assertiveness in boundary setting? Fear, laziness, people pleasing

Effective ways to set boundaries?  What are the words to use?

Pro TIPS:

“I” statements: discuss what you are willing to do, NOT what the other MUST do.

Don’t duck out.  Don’t quit. If you need to take a break, do so, but don’t walk out entirely and not come back to it. Believe that at the end, there will be a solution, make it so.

Be as emotional as is warranted, and be free with those emotions

Put them in writing if you feel you can't communicate them verbally

Learn how to argue and negotiate, be gracious in your ‘defeat’

Accept that conflict is going to happen and be mature enough to endure it

“What do you expect the boundary to look like”

Define the  boundary title.  What is it you are trying to decide?

Examples of  when a boundary is crossed?

Finances

“Dates” or involvement with other people

Lying

Substance use

What is a HEALTHY way to deal with a crossed boundary

Relationships are continually re-negotiated based on new information or new situations as they come up, be mature and wise enough to see where you may have been wrong-humble and teachable

Communicate

Move out, sleep in a different bed, do what you gotta do.

Communicate effectively, right time and right space, that the boundary has been crossed.

Schedule it.

Allow your partner to prepare

Let them know that there has been a boundary crossed and it’s important to discuss.

Derik Johnson shares an important truth about the unmet needs of men: isolation will destroy you.  We need tribes of other men to hold us accountable, teach us about our own potential we may not be seeing, and call us out when we need it.  

He recounts a moment in a recent meeting where he was called out by Brad who used some uncharacteristic language to confront Derik with a challenge to become better.  Brad's comments are seconded my Taco Mike, Thunt, and Mike Olsen.  

This short episode represents a year of podcasting for the Alpha Quorum.  Get ready, dudes.  We've only just begun. 

Taco Mike describes three keys to living a healthy life: not throwing away your confidence, enduring difficult times, and not shrinking from the hardest challenges in life.  He describes a pivotal moment in his life when he had to realize that the road he was on wasn't taking him anywhere that he wanted to be and he had to "find an alternate route." 

Mike Olsen describes his recent "greasy cheek" colonoscopy at his 50 year-old physical with Dr. Cindy and relates how choosing temporary discomfort can prevent disease of the medical, emotional, social, or spiritual type.  He shares how it takes the courage to be vulnerable to feedback to live a healthy life. Hear how much he was entertained by nurse Myra's discomfort with her first procedure like this and Mike's relief that they only use their pinky!  

He asks himself: 

 In this short episode, Brad reveals a personal struggle  --and one he often sees in the men he works with--overvaluing one's own worth, contributions, and story as  KING BABY.  He teaches men how they should stop placing such high value on their own suffering and pain, and instead find those who are themselves in need of rescue.  This is the first of a few short episodes where each member of the Quorum teaches something they are learning.  Stay tuned as we prepare to celebrate our one year anniversary and re-calibrate for a new and even more powerful future. 

Taco Mike reveals one of the sources of his profound inspiration lately: thoughts he is channeling from his ancestor dubbed the "Price of Preachers," the great Charles Spurgeon from 19th-century England. The quorum tells of lessons they have learned from stories in their family histories. 

Negative emotions are futile to try to harbor.  Taco Mike teaches how he lets anger go by realizing he is only screwing himself and paying the price even when the person he is angry with has long moved on. 

Thunt makes a return to share an update about the loss of a friend he felt he was overly dependent on. 

Stress tests are how some systems are evaluated for their strength and integrity: the cardiovascular system, the foundations in buildings, fire systems, and certainly relationships. 

See those tests coming before they even happen. Stress points us to our weakness. 

Derik teaches men that expectations are often what gets us so tied up in knots. We share again the benefits of having a tribe of men to share your thoughts with and men who will challenge you and push you through the difficult times that will inevitably come. 

 BEST EPISODE EVER!!  Derik, Brad, Taco Mike, and Mike Olsen discuss the adventures that helped them become grown-ass men.  Brad discusses a recent trip to Zion National Park and shares a lesson about what to do when you get lost in life.  Derik describes a recent experience in a sauna with an elderly man in a Speedo and the colorful adventure he took traveling alone from Marseilles, France to Barcelona, Spain (alone) at the age of 18.  Mike describes his solo cross-country motorcycle trip where he learns love from a legless guy named 'Drifter' and how he lost three boy scouts overnight in a national park.  Mike Olsen discusses the Lake Mead bike race he put together with the once-homeless and former US Olympic Gold Medalist Alexi Grewal and a trip to a gay bar during a Las Vegas Metro Police ride-along. Derik 'the bear' tells how  disappointed when he was never ONCE hit on at a gay bar in California and wraps up this Alpha episode with a powerful summary of how adventure ultimately brings men closer to their Creator.  

In yet another voyage into new territory, the Alpha Quorum speaks with ordained Rabbi and licensed psychologist, Dr. David Brownstein. Our topic is LEADERSHIP.  

We each describe our personal leadership mentors or heroes and describe what it means to be a leader and the attitudes, actions, and attributes are of effective leaders.  

We discuss Brad's first clinical director: author, presenter, and licensed psychotherapist Dennis Ashton.  Taco Mike teaches about the leadership qualities of Ernest Shackleton, a 20th-century British explorer who led a heroic survival effort in 1914 after tragedy struck his team of expeditioners while trekking across Antarctica. Derik discusses the qualities that were modeled by former President Ronald Reagan and New England Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick.

Dr. Brownstein describes the inspiring and remarkable qualities of Rabbi Menachem Schneerson, known as the Rebbe, one of the most revered and influential Jewish leaders of the 20th Century.  

We describe what it takes to be an effective leader:

Dr. Brownstein teaches about the importance of promoting others and helping your team actualize their individual and collective strengths. This episode will help you take more responsibility in you own behavior and become the leader that the people around you are waiting for you to become.  Take your candle out from under the bushel and let your light shine.

In part two of a two-part series for WOMEN about how to understand men, we discuss some feedback from the previous episode (040 Bring the Honey).  Taco Mike teaches how men 'doing their part' isn't necessarily an aphrodisiac, but failing to do your part at home during the day can definitely kill her mood for 'business-time' at night. 

We discuss Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages, how men aren't mind-readers, and the importance of men having toys and the need for a masculine tribe of supportive men who challenge them to tell the truth and who tell THEM the truth.  

This is truly one of our best episodes yet, on all dimensions, and we speak to both men AND women about the experience of being a man.   

Derik ends the show with a promise to record the next show without his shirt on if we can get 10 comments on our Facebook page about this episode.  Twenty ratings and reviews on Apple Podcasts or iTunes demands Derik's follow-through on his commitment to do the next show with no pants on!  

With Derik's signature style of humor, Brad's clinical expertise working with men and women in a counseling setting, and Mike's experience as a recovery coach, the Alpha Quorum comes through BIG-TIME with part two of this one-of-a-kind series about how women can best understand some of the basic needs and perspectives of men.  

***This is an adult conversation most suitable for adults. 

 In a ground-breaking move, the Alpha Quorum addresses WOMEN for the first time as they review some of the principles illuminated in the best-selling book, "For Women Only," by Shaunti Feldhahn.     We specifically talk about two common complaints of men: 1) that the emotional environment is negative and what he needs is appreciation and 2) the importance of physical touch and sexual fulfillment, specifically. Women: he needs to be appreciated and his sexual interest in you is not merely a selfish desire for a sensual release but a desire to truly connect with you. If you want to own your man, say "thank you" and affirm him with touch Men: she needs to feel LOVED, lovable, beautiful and when she feels special with your compliments, she opens herself to you in a way that you may not have encountered before.   Brad describes why women should NOT reluctantly and begrudgingly accommodate him sexually when they don't want it, but that communication is the key to sexual fulfillment for both partners.  Taco Mike teaches how men can bring the intimacy to the intimacy and the importance of putting in the work and being attentive throughout the day. Derik explains how men *aren't pigs* who simply need a biological release, but they want a connection that is based in a desire for emotional connection.   While we try to address our comments to women, this hybrid-style episode will be informative to both women AND men.    **ADULT CONVERSATION, MOST SUITABLE FOR ADULTS.