The Authenticity Coach

Are you keeping a secret or maintaining a confidence? Explore 4 sets of questions to help you to determine whether you are colluding in shame or upholding in trust.

#1 - Does it directly involve me? Does it impact my ability to tell my story & receive the support I need?

#2 - Does it compromise me? Am I somehow complicit in wrongdoing or at odds with a duty?

#3 - Is it gray or clear? Can I articulate what is to be held in confidence & why? Can I identify who is & is not privy? Or are the "rules" vague & unspoken?

#4 - Do I feel shame or healthy pride? Is it a burden or an honor to hold this?

One of the most valuable & loving things we can do is protect what is shared with us in trusting confidence. And one of the most damaging things we can do is help hide shameful secrets. Make it your practice to ask yourself whether you are keeping a detrimental secret or maintaining a healthy confidence.

What's your Plan B? When you are sensing that your job, your relationship or some other situation that you are in may not advance to meet your needs & goals, you need a Plan B. You want to continue. You are committed. But the continuation of that commitment is contingent upon certain decisions & actions that are beyond your control.

Learn what a Plan B is & when you should have one. Understand how to go about forming your Plan B. Learn how to decide whether or not it is wise to share that you have a back-up plan. Recognize the value of setting a clear deadline -- even if it is not communicated to others. And appreciate the magic of continuing to give your full & best effort where you are today, while also holding a viable exit strategy. Tap into the strength of having a solid Plan B & enjoy its power to lift your spirits, boost your confidence & enhance your position.

Are you constantly pushing for the impossible? If so, this episode is for you. Identify the ways in which you strive to be, do & have the impossible. Recognize the chronic disappointment & dissatisfaction this causes & how much of your suffering is self-inflicted. Learn how to get relief -- by stopping your relentless striving to do what cannot be done. Embrace your uplifting dreams. Address the tasks that need your productive attention. Endeavor to grow & improve. But give up the grinding drive to be someone you are incapable of being & shut down the persistent pursuit of what cannot be attained.

Open yourself to a new mindset regarding transformation. Reconsider how peace & satisfaction may come to you. Rather than from being, doing & having the impossible, might peace & satisfaction be found instead from granting yourself relief from the impossible? Explore the possibility that your life's mission is not to be, do & have "the best" but rather that your "job" is to take the very best care of yourself. Grant yourself permission to be released from the impossible & set yourself free to enjoy the best life that you can live.

Your focus, fears & fantasies are your prayers. When we consistently give something our undivided attention, when we desire something above all else or when we await someone or something to "save" us, we are, essentially, praying.

In this episode, I share the 5 principles that my own experiences of heartache & hard times have taught me about prayer. Whether your religious beliefs are traditional or spiritual, take whatever wisdom resonates with you.

Lesson #1: Pray to God (or your Higher Power), not to a person, place or possession.

Lesson #2: Pray to be, not to have.

Lesson #3: Pray for guidance, not for gifts.

Lesson #4: Pray for the highest good, not for goods.

Lesson #5: Pray to support, not to solve.

Understand the guidance of these lessons & the power of asking for what you want -- or something better. Learn to identify to whom it is that you are praying. Become mindful of what it is that you are praying to receive. Have faith in the magic & mystery of the Universe. Be open to the unfolding of the unknown & infinite possibilities of innovations & arrangements that may bring your good to you.

Do you celebrate your accomplishments? If you don't, it's time to start! Celebration is not a frivolous waste of time & energy, nor is it a meaningless indulgence like receiving a participation trophy. Celebrating your wins can be as crucial to your on-going success as carefully planning your next course of action.

Learn why it is so important to recognize what you have accomplished & to revel in its achievement. Appreciate the value of feeling a healthy degree of pride & see how acknowledging wins creates a sense of satisfaction. Celebration signals progress. When we pause to applaud & enjoy what we have already accomplished, it sparks our motivation to continue to push & produce.

Understand the distinction between an intentional celebration of something you have achieved & an indulgence you allow yourself as an a "reward" for enduring a miserable experience. Learn to identify the accomplishments & milestones that are truly meaningful to you. Develop methods of merry-making that are uniquely pleasurable to you -- & especially suited to each particular win.

Make it a practice to ask yourself & others, "How will you celebrate?" Cultivate a celebration mindset -- & see how a practice of celebrating supports your ongoing success & furthers your feelings of fulfillment.

If you want to receive the increase in pay, the promotion or the headcount for hiring that you deserve, you need to stop the narrative & start to present the numbers. Repeated complaints about working long hours or being "crazy busy" seldom bring the increased compensation, new title or needed staff we are seeking. In fact, complaining may hurt our credibility. Whining, however valid, can sound like static to those in senior management. If you want to get what you merit, you need to stop lamenting & begin to logically show why what you seek is warranted.

Learn why shifting from subjective talk of "my experience" to straight-forward showing of metrics can be the magic bullet to having requests fulfilled. Showcasing numbers, percentages, data & dollars may have miraculous results -- after your many imploring stories have long fallen on deaf ears.

Gain tips for how to clarify your ask. Learn how to gather convincing evidence. Understand how to tie your data to your request & then to present it in the language that your business leaders can hear -- & to which they will respond with the compensation, title & headcount you deserve.

How zealously do you represent yourself? Do you advocate for yourself with the same vigor as you would for your client, employer or someone you love? Or do you permit unwanted & unreasonable self-talk to interfere with your pursuit of your dreams & desires?

Learn how to bring to your own cause the same compelling confidence, courage & sound reason that you tap so effectively to advise & advocate for those you represent. Start "putting on trial" the thoughts & beliefs that no longer serve you. Become aware when you are ruminating upon "inadmissible evidence" & make it your practice to look for evidence that supports what you want. Take command of the hurtful & haunting voice in your head -- & claim the rewards that come from developing a strong practice of advocating for yourself.

Are you miserable because you missed your chance? Do you beat yourself up over what you screwed up, failed to seize or did not even see? Are you bitter because those who got there before you received a boon & participate in benefits you can't have? If so, it's time to end the myth of the missed opportunity. That chance may, indeed, have passed you by. But new chances present themselves every day.

Learn to be on the lookout for opportunities, rather than passively waiting for opportunities to come. Identify why the opportunity that eluded you holds so much meaning -- & what about it is so desirable. Recognize that no opportunity is perfect & that your lost opportunity would have had its own drawbacks & disadvantages. Appreciate the practice of letting go of what does not serve you in order to make room for better opportunities. Learn to support serendipity by making the most of unexpected encounters & noticing the valuable essence of unconventional forms.

Is your profession right for you? Should you switch careers?

There are 8 questions you can ask yourself to help you to assess whether or not you are on the right track.

1. How meaningful is the work?

2. Does the profession encourage you to become a better version of yourself?

3. Are your best talents & greatest skills being utilized?

4. Does this career pay you what you are worth?

5. Do you want the lifestyle of those who have risen on the track you are on?

6. How aligned is the profession with your needs as an introvert or extrovert?

7. Is the profession in sync with your natural preference to participate in groups, engage one-on-one or work alone?

8. Is the career sufficiently dynamic & challenging?

Discuss these questions with someone you trust. Do not come to regret that you did not stick it out -- or to regret that you wasted your life doing what was not right for you. Be honest with yourself & gain the clarity you need to be able to decide whether or not you are on a path that is right for you.

Anger is your ally. Anger, envy, worry, sadness, hurt & many other emotions & feelings are your loyal friends. They indicate when something is not right -- or is not right for you. And they invite you to take action. However unpleasant or unwanted, your feelings can be the richest & most powerful advisers that you could hope to have come to your aid.

Emotions are energy -- & you can choose where you want that fuel to propel you. Learn how to be more attuned to your feelings & to read feelings as maps that lead you to focus on your unmet needs. Recognize the invitation that each emotion presents, develop the skill of deciding which signs are right to follow & start to take the smart yet meaningful actions that will shift the trajectory of your life.