THE AUTISM ADHD PODCAST

PDA in Autistic & ADHD Kids: Demand Avoidance + 5 Strategies That Help

What if an autistic or ADHD child's "NO" isn't defiance? What if they're actually overwhelmed, anxious, or afraid?

You ask your child to put on their shoes. A teacher asks a student to open their book. A therapist suggests an activity.

And the response is an immediate "NO!"

Or maybe the child freezes, walks away, or says, "I can't."

It's easy to interpret these responses as defiance, oppositional behavior, or a child choosing not to cooperate.

But what if we're misunderstanding what's actually happening?

In this episode of The Autism ADHD Podcast, I'm talking about PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), also called Pervasive Drive for Autonomy, and sharing five neurodiversity-affirming approaches to support autistic and ADHD children and teens who experience significant demand avoidance.

For some children, everyday requests can trigger intense anxiety and a fight, flight, or freeze response. And when adults respond with more pressure, rewards, or consequences, things can get even harder.

The goal isn't compliance. It's to understand what's happening and help children feel safe, supported, and understood.

In this episode, you'll discover:

• Why PDA and demand avoidance are often mistaken for defiance or oppositional behavior.
• Why traditional behavior strategies, including rewards and consequences, can sometimes backfire.
• What may be happening when a child freezes, refuses, or says, "I can't."
• How everyday demands, sensory experiences, and expectations can contribute to overwhelm.
• Why understanding a child's capacity is essential—and what happens when adults don't listen.
• Five practical approaches to reduce pressure, support autonomy, and build trust.
• What parents, teachers, and therapists can say differently to encourage collaboration instead of power struggles.

Whether you're a parent, therapist, counselor, psychologist, social worker, or educator, this episode will help you look beyond the behavior and better understand the child in front of you.

"When we change how we understand a child's behavior, we change how we respond." - Holly Blanc Moses, The Mom/Neurodivergent Therapist

__________________________

For therapists, counselors, and psychologists

Want to strengthen your neurodiversity-affirming clinical practice?

I've created continuing education trainings specifically for mental health professionals who want practical approaches for supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens.

Explore my continuing education trainings

WANT Neurodiversity-affirming school accommodations?

You'll love the 135 School Accommodations for Autistic & ADHD Students Guide! The guide includes practical, neurodiversity-affirming supports for

• executive functioning,
• academics,
• sensory needs,
• emotional regulation,
• social support,
• self-advocacy, and more, with examples of each accommodation.
• PLUS - 3 student examples

Parents, click here for the Guide

Therapists, click here for the Guide

JOIN MY FACEBOOK GROUPS

Parents click here

Therapists click here

Learn about my private practice - North Carolina Center for Autism and ADHD

🙋🏻‍♀️ Join me on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube

❤️ If this episode helped you, please follow The Autism ADHD Podcast, share this episode, and leave a five-star review. Your support helps me continue creating free neurodiversity-affirming resources for parents and professionals.

About The Autism ADHD Podcast

Hosted by Holly Blanc Moses, a neurodivergent therapist, psychologist, mom, and speaker, The Autism ADHD Podcast offers neurodiversity-affirming information and practical strategies for parents, therapists, educators, and other professionals supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens.

We explore autism, ADHD, emotional regulation, anxiety, mental health, executive functioning, sensory differences, friendships, social interaction, school support, and more.

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes and is not a substitute for individualized medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

"Just for Attention"? Why This Assumption Hurts Autistic & ADHD Kids and How to Help

"How can they expect me to stay invisible? It's not like I can just stop existing."

An autistic ADHD boy said those words to me in my office. After decades of working with children and teens, it's still one of the most heartbreaking moments I've experienced.

He wanted friends. He wanted to be included. He wanted someone to notice him.

But his classmates called him annoying. And adults told other children to ignore him because he was "just doing it for attention."

What if the behavior we're calling attention-seeking is actually a child desperately trying to connect?

And what happens to an autistic or ADHD child's self-esteem and mental health when their attempts to connect are repeatedly misunderstood, criticized, or ignored?

In this episode of The Autism ADHD Podcast, I'm challenging one of the most common assumptions adults make about children's behavior—and sharing why it can be especially harmful to autistic and ADHD kids and teens.

I'm also sharing something personal: I've made this assumption myself.

This isn't about blaming parents, teachers, or therapists. It's about recognizing how easily we can misunderstand what a child is communicating—and learning how to respond differently.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Attention-seeking vs. connection-seeking: Why a child's behavior may reflect a need for belonging, friendship, or support.
• The hidden impact of "just ignore them": How this common advice can contribute to social rejection, loneliness, and shame.
• Autism, ADHD, and self-esteem: How repeated criticism and being labeled "annoying" or "too much" can affect a neurodivergent child's sense of self.
• Why social skills need to go both ways: How parents, therapists, and educators can help all children better understand different ways of communicating and connecting.
• The importance of finding their people: Why shared interests can create meaningful opportunities for friendships and belonging.
• Healthy boundaries without rejection: How to teach children to communicate their needs while still treating others with respect.
• Five practical strategies: What to do instead of immediately labeling a child attention-seeking or telling others to ignore them.

One important perspective shift

Instead of asking:

"How do we stop this attention-seeking behavior?"

What if we asked:

"What might this child need, and how can we help?"

That small shift can open the door to understanding, collaboration, and more meaningful support.

Because attention isn't a problem. Attention is a need.

And no child should have to choose between being invisible and being annoying.

Whether you're a parent of an autistic or ADHD child, a therapist, counselor, psychologist, educator, or another professional supporting neurodivergent children and teens, I hope this episode encourages you to look beyond assumptions and become curious about the child in front of you.

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with a parent, teacher, therapist, or someone else who supports autistic and ADHD kids. These conversations matter, and we can help change how we understand and support children.

For therapists, counselors, and psychologists

Want to strengthen your neurodiversity-affirming clinical practice?

I've created continuing education trainings specifically for mental health professionals who want practical strategies for supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens.

Explore my continuing education trainings

DOES YOUR CHILD OR CLIENT NEED HELP AT SCHOOL?

You'll love the 135 School Accommodations for Autistic & ADHD Students Guide! The guide includes practical, neurodiversity-affirming supports for

• executive functioning,
• academics,
• sensory needs,
• emotional regulation,
• social support,
• self-advocacy, and more, with examples of each accommodation.
• PLUS - 3 student examples

Parents, click here for the Guide

Therapists, click here for the Guide

JOIN MY FACEBOOK GROUPS

Parents click here

Therapists click here

Learn about my private practice - North Carolina Center for Autism and ADHD

🙋🏻‍♀️ Join me on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube

❤️ If this episode helped you, please follow The Autism ADHD Podcast, share this episode, and leave a five-star review. Your support helps me continue creating free neurodiversity-affirming resources for parents and professionals.

About The Autism ADHD Podcast

Hosted by Holly Blanc Moses, a neurodivergent therapist, psychologist, mom, and speaker, The Autism ADHD Podcast offers neurodiversity-affirming information and practical strategies for parents, therapists, educators, and other professionals supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens.

We explore autism, ADHD, emotional regulation, anxiety, mental health, executive functioning, sensory differences, friendships, social interaction, school support, and more.

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes and is not a substitute for individualized medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

What if the "behavior" you're seeing isn't simply behavior?

When an autistic or ADHD child suddenly becomes more irritable, anxious, withdrawn, aggressive, avoidant, or emotionally dysregulated, it's easy to focus on what we can see—and how to make it stop.

But what if the behavior is actually a clue?

In this episode of The Autism ADHD Podcast, I'm joined by my dear friend Dr. Purnima Valdez, a developmental-behavioral pediatrician and Associate Professor in the Department of Pediatrics at Duke University Medical Center.

Together, we explore medical, emotional, and environmental factors that may contribute to changes in behavior in autistic and ADHD children and teens—and why some of these concerns can be surprisingly easy to miss.

Because even a child who speaks fluently may not be able to recognize, interpret, or communicate:

"Something doesn't feel right in my body."

Instead, we may see irritability, anxiety, withdrawal, aggression, avoidance, emotional dysregulation, or other changes in behavior.

And that's where curiosity becomes incredibly important.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why behavior can be important information—not an explanation • Sleep difficulties, fractured sleep, snoring, and sleep apnea • How poor sleep can affect behavior and emotional regulation • Headaches and migraines in neurodivergent children and teens • Constipation, GI discomfort, and changes in behavior • Interoception and difficulty recognizing or communicating what's happening inside the body • Medication side effects—including side effects that may appear after a child has taken a medication for some time • Eating, nutrition, safe foods, and restrictive eating patterns • Anxiety, sensory overwhelm, school demands, and environmental stress • Why "they're just trying to get out of class" may be the wrong conclusion • How assumptions about behavior can unintentionally add shame to an already struggling child • Why looking for patterns can help us better understand what a child may be experiencing • When parents may want to involve their child's pediatrician or other healthcare professionals • Why collaboration between parents, therapists, educators, medical professionals, and the child or teen matters

One of my favorite perspective shifts from this conversation is simple:

Maybe our expectation is off.

We often expect children to tell us exactly what's wrong.

"My stomach hurts."

"I have a headache."

"I didn't sleep well."

"Something feels different."

But autistic and ADHD children may experience, recognize, and communicate what's happening inside their bodies differently.

That doesn't mean they aren't communicating.

We may need to get better at recognizing how they're telling us.

And when a child is struggling, instead of immediately asking:

"How do we stop this behavior?"

we can become curious and ask:

"What might be happening that we haven't understood yet?"

This episode is especially important for parents of autistic and ADHD children, therapists, counselors, psychologists, educators, and other professionals supporting neurodivergent kids and teens.

Please share it with someone who needs this reminder: sometimes the behavior we're trying to change may be one of the most important clues we have.

FOR THERAPISTS, COUNSELORS & PSYCHOLOGISTS

Want to deepen your neurodiversity-affirming work with autistic and ADHD children and teens?

I've created continuing education trainings specifically for mental health professionals who want practical, neurodiversity-affirming strategies they can use in their clinical work.

Learn more about my continuing education trainings: hollyblancmoses.com/cetraining

DOES YOUR CHILD OR CLIENT NEED HELP AT SCHOOL?

You'll love the 135 School Accommodations for Autistic & ADHD Students Guide! The guide includes practical, neurodiversity-affirming supports for

• executive functioning,
• academics,
• sensory needs,
• emotional regulation,
• social support,
• self-advocacy, and more, with examples of each accommodation. PLUS - 3 student examples

Parents, click here for the Guide

Therapists, click here for the Guide

JOIN MY FACEBOOK GROUPS

Parents click here

Therapists click here

Learn about my private practice - North Carolina Center for Autism and ADHD

🙋🏻‍♀️ Join me on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube

❤️ If this episode helped you, please follow The Autism ADHD Podcast, share this episode, and leave a five-star review. Your support helps me continue creating free neurodiversity-affirming resources for parents and professionals.

ABOUT THE AUTISM ADHD PODCAST

The Autism ADHD Podcast provides neurodiversity-affirming information and practical strategies for parents, therapists, educators, and other professionals supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens.

Hosted by Holly Blanc Moses—a neurodivergent therapist, psychologist, mom, and speaker—the podcast explores emotional regulation, mental health, anxiety, executive functioning, sensory differences, social interaction, communication, school support, parenting, and more.

Guest - Dr. Purnima Valdez is a developmental behavioral pediatrician and an associate professor in the Department of Pediatrics at Duke University Medical Center.

MENTIONS

• NCPAL
• ASAN

Important: This podcast is provided for informational and educational purposes and is not a substitute for individualized medical or psychological diagnosis, advice, or treatment. Please consult an appropriate healthcare professional regarding medical or mental health concerns for you or your child.

Are they really refusing—or are we expecting their brain to do something it can't reliably access in that moment?

Executive functioning differences can look like laziness, carelessness, defiance, lack of motivation, "not listening," forgotten homework, unfinished assignments, meltdowns, or complete shutdown after school.

But those "behaviors" may be telling us a very different story.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why "try harder" often misses the real problem
• How working memory affects classroom performance
• Why multi-step verbal instructions can fall apart
• Why kids may complete assignments but never turn them in
• Why some neurodivergent kids are completely depleted after school
• How visual directions, checklists, chunking, routines, and external supports can help
• Why accommodations are about access—not special treatment
• Helpful ways to think about support in IEP and 504 meetings

The goal isn't to make neurodivergent kids try harder.

It's to give their brain what it needs.

🎒 Need school accommodation ideas?

You'll love the 135 School Accommodations for Autistic & ADHD Students Guide! The guide includes practical, neurodiversity-affirming supports for executive functioning, academics, sensory needs, emotional regulation, social support, self-advocacy, and more, with examples of each accommodation.

Parents, click here for the Guide

Therapists, click here for the Guide

Join me in my Facebook Groups!

➡️ Parents click here

➡️ Therapists click here

Learn about my private practice - North Carolina Center for Autism and ADHD

🙋🏻‍♀️ Join me on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube

Please leave a review! Your 5-star reviews help other families and professionals find The Autism ADHD Podcast. Thank you:)

About Holly Blanc Moses: Holly Blanc Moses is an AuDHD psychologist with 28 years of experience. She is a speaker, consultant, continuing education provider, and host of The Autism ADHD Podcast, Autism ADHD TV, and parent masterclasses.

About The Podcast

The Autism ADHD Podcast is for parents and professionals who want a neurodiversity-affirming approach to supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens — with a focus on emotional regulation, executive functioning, mental health, and connection.

Could One Page Change Your Child's School Year? A Free Tool to Help the Adults in Their World Truly Understand Them

If you're the parent of an autistic or ADHD child, you know how exhausting it can be to explain your child to every new teacher, therapist, physician, coach, tutor, or camp counselor. You hope they'll understand your child's strengths, communication style, sensory needs, executive functioning challenges, and what helps them thrive—but those conversations don't always happen the way you'd hoped.

In this episode of The Autism ADHD Podcast, I'm introducing a brand-new FREE resource designed to make those conversations easier.

The Get to Know My Child Snapshot is a one-page, fillable tool that helps the adults in your child's world understand who they are before assumptions, misunderstandings, or unnecessary struggles begin. Whether your child is autistic, ADHD, or both, this practical resource can help create stronger relationships, reduce anxiety, and support better outcomes at school, in therapy, at medical appointments, during extracurricular activities, and beyond.

As a psychologist who has spent nearly three decades supporting neurodivergent children, teens, and their families, I've seen firsthand how understanding changes everything. When adults understand why a child communicates differently, struggles with executive functioning, experiences sensory overload, or responds in unexpected ways, they're far more likely to respond with compassion, support, and effective accommodations instead of frustration or correction.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why autistic and ADHD children often begin the school day already feeling anxious or overwhelmed.
• How misunderstandings can increase anxiety, self-esteem challenges, and school avoidance.
• Why communication differences are often mistaken for defiance, disrespect, or lack of motivation.
• How sensory differences and executive functioning challenges affect learning, participation, and emotional regulation.
• Why understanding a child's strengths is just as important as understanding their challenges.
• How therapists can use the Get to Know My Child Snapshot to support self-awareness, self-advocacy, and collaboration with families.
• How one simple tool can help teachers, therapists, physicians, coaches, tutors, camp counselors, and other caregivers better support autistic and ADHD children.
• What's Included in the FREE Get to Know My Child Snapshot?

Your download includes:

• Three one-page fillable PDF formats.
• Completed examples to make completing the Snapshot simple.
• Sections for strengths and interests.
• Communication preferences.
• Executive functioning.
• Sensory needs.
• Emotional regulation.
• Social interaction.
• Helpful supports and accommodations.
• Behavior as communication.

It takes about five minutes to complete and can be updated as your child grows and their needs change.

This Episode Is Perfect For:

• Parents of autistic and ADHD children and teens.
• Mental health therapists, psychologists, counselors, occupational therapists, and speech-language pathologists.
• Teachers, school counselors, and other educators.
• Pediatricians and medical professionals.
• Coaches, tutors, camp counselors, caregivers, and anyone who supports neurodivergent children.

Download Your FREE Get to Know My Child Snapshot

• Parents Click Here

If you're getting ready for a new school year, beginning therapy, meeting a new physician, starting a new activity, or simply want the important adults in your child's life to better understand them, download your FREE Get to Know My Child Snapshot today.

Therapists, are you ready for real, neurodiversity-affirming continuing education trainings? If you thought, "YESS!" CLICK HERE.

About The Autism ADHD Podcast

The Autism ADHD Podcast provides neurodiversity-affirming information for parents, therapists, educators, and other professionals supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens. Each episode combines practical strategies, current research, and lived experience to help adults better understand neurodivergent children while supporting their mental health, emotional well-being, relationships, and long-term success.

If This Episode Helped You...

Please follow The Autism ADHD Podcast, leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts, and share this episode with another parent, therapist, educator, physician, or coach. Every review and share helps more families discover neurodiversity-affirming support and resources.

And if you know someone who's preparing for a new school year, starting therapy, or meeting new providers, please send them this episode—and don't forget to download your FREE Get to Know My Child Snapshot.

Why does your autistic or ADHD child struggle with things that seem easy for everyone else?

Maybe they can't keep their room organized. Maybe they lose things constantly. Maybe they seem overwhelmed by tasks that other children complete without much effort.

And maybe you've wondered...

"Are they just not trying?"

In this episode, I share a personal story that completely changed the way I think about strengths, executive functioning, and why some tasks feel impossible for certain brains.

When I opened the door to a cluttered closet at my clinic, I felt immediate overwhelm, shame, and paralysis. The teenager I hired to organize it had the exact opposite reaction—excitement, energy, and endless ideas.

Same closet. Different brains. Different strengths.

Using my own experiences as an autistic and ADHD psychologist, I discuss how visual-spatial differences and executive functioning challenges can impact organization, problem-solving, learning, navigation, daily living skills, and self-confidence.

We also explore why shame doesn't help autistic and ADHD children develop skills, and how repeatedly being told they're lazy, or not trying hard enough, can have lasting effects on their mental health and self-esteem.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why some autistic and ADHD children struggle with organization, planning and cleaning their rooms

• How executive functioning and visual-spatial abilities affect daily life

• Why shame is not a strategy

• How to identify and build on strengths

• Ways parents, educators, and therapists can provide support without damaging mental health

• Why different doesn't mean broken

If you're a parent, educator, or therapist supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens, this episode will help you better understand what's really happening beneath the struggle—and how to respond with compassion, understanding, and practical support.

Sincerely,

Holly Blanc Moses, The Mom/Neurodivergent Therapist

Check out these resources!

The 135 School Accommodations for Autistic & ADHD Students Guide is now available, including three detailed cases with accommodations for ONLY $27.95

What's Inside:

📚 Academic Supports (45 accommodations) From pre-teaching strategies to assistive technology, the tools students need to access the curriculum without barriers

🎨 Sensory & Environmental Supports (22 accommodations) Create a learning environment where your child can focus, regulate, and engage—not just survive

🧠 Executive Functioning & Self-Advocacy (24 accommodations) Build the skills that will serve them for life—organization, time management, and speaking up for their needs

🤝 Social Supports (21 accommodations) Turn recess and group work from nightmare to opportunity with structured, supportive approaches

💚 Mental Health & Emotional Regulation (23 accommodations) Because learning can't happen when a child is overwhelmed, anxious, or in crisis

🌟 3 Detailed Student Examples With Individualized Accommodations

Plus: ✅ An example of each accommodation

✅ Tips on how to identify areas of need

✅ Free helpful education resources

Don't miss this opportunity to access 135 neurodiversity-affirming accommodations for only $27.95

➡️ Parents click here

➡️ Therapists click here

➡️ Educators click here

Join me in my Facebook Groups!

➡️ Parents click here

➡️ Therapists click here

Learn about my private practice - North Carolina Center for Autism and ADHD

🙋🏻‍♀️ Join me on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube

Please leave a review! Your 5-star reviews help other families and professionals find The Autism ADHD Podcast. Thank you:)

About Holly Blanc Moses: Holly Blanc Moses is an AuDHD psychologist with 28 years of experience. She is a speaker, consultant, continuing education provider, and host of The Autism ADHD Podcast, Autism ADHD TV, and parent masterclasses.

About The Podcast

The Autism ADHD Podcast is for parents and professionals who want a neurodiversity-affirming approach to supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens — with a focus on emotional regulation, executive functioning, mental health, and connection.

The Small Language Shifts That Protect the Mental Health of Neurodivergent Kids

What if some of the most common words we use with autistic and ADHD children are actually creating confusion, shame, masking and self-doubt?

Words like:

• Respectful • Responsible • Pay attention • Motivated • Trustworthy • Nice • Confident and on and on

Most of us use these words every day without thinking twice. But for many neurodivergent children and teens, these words can feel vague, confusing, and impossible to understand.

When children don't know exactly what is expected of them, they aren't learning the skill we hope to teach. Instead, they may begin to believe they are constantly getting things wrong.

Over time, that misunderstanding can impact mental health, learning, and relationships.

In this episode, I'm covering why and how commonly used words cause damage and how small shifts in communication can create more clarity, connection, safety, and understanding.

In this episode, you'll discover:

✔ Why vague language creates confusion for autistic and ADHD children

✔ How words like "respectful," "responsible," and "motivated" can unintentionally hurt neurodivergent children

✔ The connection between communication, mental health, and emotional safety

✔ What many neurodivergent children are actually trying to communicate

✔ Specific language shifts that improve cooperation and understanding

Whether you're a parent, educator, therapist, psychologist, or someone who supports neurodivergent children and teens, this episode will help you communicate in ways that foster understanding instead of confusion and connection instead of shame.

Because the goal isn't to make neurodivergent kids guess what we mean.

The goal is to help them feel safe, understood, capable, and supported.

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with another parent, educator, therapist, or psychologist who supports autistic and ADHD children and teens:) Thanks for joining me for this episode, Holly Blanc Moses - The Mom/Neurodivergent Therapist

Check out these resources!

The 135 School Accommodations for Autistic & ADHD Students Guide is now available, including three detailed cases with accommodations for ONLY $27.95

What's Inside:

📚 Academic Supports (45 accommodations) From pre-teaching strategies to assistive technology, the tools students need to access the curriculum without barriers

🎨 Sensory & Environmental Supports (22 accommodations) Create a learning environment where your child can focus, regulate, and engage—not just survive

🧠 Executive Functioning & Self-Advocacy (24 accommodations) Build the skills that will serve them for life—organization, time management, and speaking up for their needs

🤝 Social Supports (21 accommodations) Turn recess and group work from nightmare to opportunity with structured, supportive approaches

💚 Mental Health & Emotional Regulation (23 accommodations) Because learning can't happen when a child is overwhelmed, anxious, or in crisis

🌟 3 Detailed Student Examples With Individualized Accommodations

Plus: ✅ An example of each accommodation

✅ Tips on how to identify areas of need

✅ Free helpful education resources

Don't miss this opportunity to access 135 neurodiversity-affirming accommodations for only $27.95

➡️ Parents click here

➡️ Therapists click here

➡️ Educators click here

Join me in my Facebook Groups!

➡️ Parents click here

➡️ Therapists click here

Learn about my private practice - North Carolina Center for Autism and ADHD

🙋🏻‍♀️ Join me on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube

Please leave a review! Your 5-star reviews help other families and professionals find The Autism ADHD Podcast. Thank you:)

About Holly Blanc Moses: Holly Blanc Moses is an AuDHD psychologist with 28 years of experience. She is a speaker, consultant, continuing education provider, and host of The Autism ADHD Podcast, Autism ADHD TV, and parent masterclasses.

About The Podcast

The Autism ADHD Podcast is for parents and professionals who want a neurodiversity-affirming approach to supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens — with a focus on emotional regulation, executive functioning, mental health, and connection.

I was in the hospital for seven days recently.

Scared. Exhausted. Completely out of control of what was happening to my body. In the middle of all of it — a nurse walked in and asked if I wanted a blanket.

It sounds small. It wasn't.

Because in that moment, someone was asking what I needed. And I couldn't stop thinking about how rarely that happens... especially for neurodivergent kids.

We tell them to use their words. We say, "Come to me before it gets to be too much." But when they do — when they say it's too loud, the clothes are itchy, I can't handle the cafeteria — too often what follows is a sigh, an eye roll, a "you'll be fine."

They learn to say they're fine. They mask harder. They stop coming to us. This episode is about one simple, radical thing we can do differently. Ask. And then really listen. I'll share what this looks like in real life — real examples — and what to do when your child, student or client says "I'm fine" or "I don't care" (because that's also a sign).

❤️ Holly, The Mom/Neurodivergent Therapist

P.S. I've got more goodness for you! 🥁🥁🥁🥁

The 135 School Accommodations for Autistic & ADHD Students Guide is now available, including three detailed cases with accommodations for ONLY $27.95

What's Inside:

📚 Academic Supports (45 accommodations) From pre-teaching strategies to assistive technology, the tools students need to access the curriculum without barriers

🎨 Sensory & Environmental Supports (22 accommodations) Create a learning environment where your child can focus, regulate, and engage—not just survive

🧠 Executive Functioning & Self-Advocacy (24 accommodations) Build the skills that will serve them for life—organization, time management, and speaking up for their needs

🤝 Social Supports (21 accommodations) Turn recess and group work from nightmare to opportunity with structured, supportive approaches

💚 Mental Health & Emotional Regulation (23 accommodations) Because learning can't happen when a child is overwhelmed, anxious, or in crisis

🌟 3 Detailed Student Examples With Individualized Accommodations

Plus: ✅ An example of each accommodation

✅ Tips on how to identify areas of need

✅ Free helpful education resources

Don't miss this opportunity to access 135 neurodiversity-affirming accommodations for only $27.95

➡️ Parents click here

➡️ Therapists click here

➡️ Educators click here

Join me in my Facebook Groups!

➡️ Parents click here

➡️ Therapists click here

Learn about my private practice - North Carolina Center for Autism and ADHD

🙋🏻‍♀️ Join me on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube

Please leave a review! Your 5-star reviews help other families and professionals find The Autism ADHD Podcast. Thank you:)

About Holly Blanc Moses: Holly Blanc Moses is an AuDHD psychologist with 28 years of experience. She is a speaker, consultant, continuing education provider, and host of The Autism ADHD Podcast, Autism ADHD TV, and parent masterclasses.

About The Podcast

The Autism ADHD Podcast is for parents and professionals who want a neurodiversity-affirming approach to supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens — with a focus on emotional regulation, executive functioning, mental health, and connection.

This episode is deeply personal.

Today, I'm sharing a part of my story that I've hidden for a very long time.

Elizabeth Le Forest is walking with me through painful topics such as anxiety, perfectionism, chronic illness, masking, people pleasing, burnout, and what happens when a neurodivergent person spends their life trying to prove they are worthy of love, belonging, and support.

For years, I wore a heavy mask.

I learned to push through it all with a smile

• Rejection
• Exhaustion
• Pain.
• Fear.
• Overwhelm.

I learned to disconnect from my body and my needs because somewhere along the way, I absorbed the message that who I naturally was wasn't "acceptable."

So I kept trying to prove that I wasn't:

• "lazy"
• "bad"
• "selfish"
• "annoying"
• "weird"
• "stupid"
• "a brat"
• "dramatic"

I spent years chasing scraps of approval, hoping that if I achieved enough… helped enough… worked hard enough… pushed through enough…

maybe I'd finally be "good enough."

Meanwhile, my body was breaking down.

I pushed myself far beyond my limits and it almost killed me

This conversation is vulnerable, emotional, and honest.

If you are parenting an autistic or ADHD child… if you support neurodivergent kids and teens professionally… or if you are a neurodivergent adult who has spent your life trying to prove you are enough…

I need you to hear this:

Autistic and neurodivergent children need to be deeply loved, supported, protected, and reminded of their value exactly as they are because they are growing up in a world that constantly tells them they are wrong.

• Too sensitive.
• Too emotional.
• Too loud.
• Too weird
• Too annoying and on and on

Children absorb those messages.

And when they spend years believing they have to earn love and belonging by masking, overachieving, people pleasing, and ignoring their own needs, the cost is dangerous

You do not have to destroy yourself to prove your value.

You were never supposed to spend your life chasing scraps of approval.

And I hope this episode reminds you that your needs matter too.

You are valuable. You always have been and you always will be.

❤️ Holly, The Mom/Neurodivergent Therapist

P.S. I've got more goodness for you! 🥁🥁🥁🥁

The 135 School Accommodations for Autistic & ADHD Students Guide is now available, including three detailed cases with accommodations for ONLY $27.95

What's Inside:

📚 Academic Supports (45 accommodations) From pre-teaching strategies to assistive technology, the tools students need to access the curriculum without barriers

🎨 Sensory & Environmental Supports (22 accommodations) Create a learning environment where your child can focus, regulate, and engage—not just survive

🧠 Executive Functioning & Self-Advocacy (24 accommodations) Build the skills that will serve them for life—organization, time management, and speaking up for their needs

🤝 Social Supports (21 accommodations) Turn recess and group work from nightmare to opportunity with structured, supportive approaches

💚 Mental Health & Emotional Regulation (23 accommodations) Because learning can't happen when a child is overwhelmed, anxious, or in crisis

Plus: ✅ An example of each accommodation

✅ 3 detailed cases along with accommodations

✅ Tips on how to identify areas of need

✅ Free helpful education resources

Don't miss this opportunity to access 135 neurodiversity-affirming accommodations for only $27.95

➡️ Parents click here

➡️ Therapists click here

➡️ Educators click here

Join me in my Facebook Groups!

➡️ Parents click here

➡️ Therapists click here

Learn about my private practice - North Carolina Center for Autism and ADHD

🙋🏻‍♀️ Join me on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube

Please leave a review! Your 5-star reviews help other families and professionals find The Autism ADHD Podcast. Thank you:)

Thanks to Elizabeth Le Forest for interviewing me for this important episode! Elizabeth only has a few 1:1 spots available for her Sacred Creatrix program. This program is for neurodivergent women who are healers, creatives or moms. Inside this dedicated container, clients get the high-level, customized support to heal and expand their nervous system so they finally feel safe enough to be fully present in their body, show up as their most vibrantly authentic self, and shift into sustainable alignment in every area of their life. Click here to learn about the program!

About Holly Blanc Moses: Holly Blanc Moses is an AuDHD psychologist with 28 years of experience. She is a speaker, consultant, continuing education provider, and host of The Autism ADHD Podcast, Autism ADHD TV, and parent masterclasses.

About The Podcast

The Autism ADHD Podcast is for parents and professionals who want a neurodiversity-affirming approach to supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens — with a focus on emotional regulation, executive functioning, mental health, and connection.

If you've ever felt that gut punch…

The side eye. The comment. The subtle (or not so subtle) message that your child is "too much"… or that you're somehow getting it wrong as a parent…

I get it!

In this episode of The Autism ADHD Podcast, I'm talking about something that so many parents and therapists experience… but we don't talk about enough:

• The "good kid / bad kid" narrative
• The "they were raised right" comments
• And the damage this causes for autistic and ADHD kids — and their families

This episode was inspired by two real-life moments that happened just days apart… and they both reminded me how deeply rooted these beliefs are in our society.

Here's what we dive into:

• Why behavior is often misunderstood (and what's actually underneath it)
• How neurological differences are mistaken for "bad behavior"
• Why shame is NOT a teaching tool (and what it actually does)
• The emotional toll on parents of autistic and ADHD children
• How masking develops — and why it can be dangerous
• Why families begin to withdraw and isolate
• The invisible, extraordinary work of neurodivergent parenting

This episode is for you if:

• You're parenting an autistic or ADHD child and feel judged or misunderstood
• You're a therapist, counselor, or psychologist supporting neurodivergent kids
• You've ever wondered why your child's behavior doesn't "match" expectations
• You're trying to understand meltdowns, shutdowns, and emotional regulation
• You want a neurodiversity-affirming approach

You are going to LOVE this episode:)

Sincerely, Holly Blanc Moses, The Mom/Neurodivergent Therapist

P.S. I've got more goodness for you! 🥁🥁🥁🥁

The 135 School Accommodations for Autistic & ADHD Students Guide is now available, including three detailed cases with accommodations for ONLY $27.95

What's Inside:

📚 Academic Supports (45 accommodations) From pre-teaching strategies to assistive technology, the tools students need to access the curriculum without barriers

🎨 Sensory & Environmental Supports (22 accommodations) Create a learning environment where your child can focus, regulate, and engage—not just survive

🧠 Executive Functioning & Self-Advocacy (24 accommodations) Build the skills that will serve them for life—organization, time management, and speaking up for their needs

🤝 Social Supports (21 accommodations) Turn recess and group work from nightmare to opportunity with structured, supportive approaches

💚 Mental Health & Emotional Regulation (23 accommodations) Because learning can't happen when a child is overwhelmed, anxious, or in crisis

Plus: ✅ An example of each accommodation

✅ 3 detailed cases along with accommodations

✅ Tips on how to identify areas of need

✅ Free helpful education resources

Don't miss this opportunity to access 135 neurodiversity-affirming accommodations for only $27.95

➡️ Parents click here

➡️ Therapists click here

➡️ Educators click here

Join me in my Facebook Groups!

➡️ Parents click here

➡️ Therapists click here

Learn about my private practice - North Carolina Center for Autism and ADHD

🙋🏻‍♀️ Join me on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube

Please leave a review! Your 5-star reviews help other families and professionals find The Autism ADHD Podcast. Thank you:)

About Holly Blanc Moses: Holly Blanc Moses is an AuDHD psychologist with 28 years of experience. She is a speaker, consultant, continuing education provider, and host of The Autism ADHD Podcast, Autism ADHD TV, and parent masterclasses.

About the Podcast

The Autism ADHD Podcast is for parents and professionals who want a neurodiversity-affirming approach to supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens — with a focus on emotional regulation, executive functioning, mental health, and connection.