The Best Friend Project

It’s 1982. You’re the new girl in eight grade, and you accidentally bump into Brenda, the school bully. She tells you she’s going to fight you after school.
You’ve never been in a fight. You barely know anyone. You’re terrified and alone, armed with the one thing you know how to use: your words.

Last week, Brenda told me what happened next. In this episode of The Best Friend Project, Kimberly Pomeroy tells her side of the story, 42 years later. This story brought me right back to Junior High. Whether I was the "Kimberly" or the "Brenda" we all knew these people. But did we really understand them?

Since speaking with both women, I keep wondering, What happens to a kid who’s always ready to fight because no one has ever fought for her? How does a mother decide whether to trust her daughter’s choice of friends? And what might the rest of us miss when we think we already know who someone is?

Listen to Kimberly’s side of the story, then go back and hear Brenda’s. Thank you for listening.

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Learn more about The Best Friend Project:
https://thebestfriendproject.co

Discover your Friendship Archetype:
Take the Friendship Survey:
https://thebestfriendproject.co/signup

Stay in touch:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thebest_friendproject/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheBestFriendProject

Questions? [email protected]

In this episode:

- From a fight to a lifelong relationship
- Finding the person behind the bully
- The night that everything changed
- “I wanted her to know she mattered”
- When the friendship went both ways

Chapters:

00:00 Cold Open
03:26 — The Friendship That Started With a Fight
08:41 — Seeing the Good Behind the Mask
11:33 — “Brenda Has a Knife”
18:35 — “I Wanted Her to Know She Mattered”
21:51 — The Friend That Always Shows Up
25:33 — “Let Me Be the Person Looking in the Mirror”
29:50 — A Life Built Around Love
32:59 — Love Starts With Us
35:09 — Forty-Two Years Later, She Still Has the Bear
40:55 — Friendship Is More Than Most Think

Coming Next Week:

You'll meet Laura, who lost her best friend to leukemia. Along the way, she found a new friend who helped heal her heart.

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After speaking with Brenda this week, I couldn't stop wondering "What was Kimberly's mom thinking." Here she was in the back of a cop car, with her daughter and Brenda - after the knife had been taken away.

I had to talk to her. So I hopped On The Phone with Diane Trisko, Kimberly's mom to hear about the friendship between Brenda and Kimberly from the mothers perspective. 

Take a listen and drop a comment or DM, would love to hear your thoughts on this incredible episode. Next week, I sit down with Kimberly, to get her side of the story. I hope you join us!

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Have you ever wondered if the voice on the other end of the line was actually human? I have, which may be one reason this episode with Brenda Scott on The Best Friend Project stands out to me. Brenda is one of the rawest, realest, most unmistakably human humans I have encountered in a very long time.

This interview is audio-only. Brenda lives way up north in Minnesota without Wi-Fi and with barely enough cell signal to have this call. It can be hard to make out her every word, but I implore you to try. This story is equal parts unimaginable and completely relatable.

From the perspective of the “once” bully, Brenda tells the story of a junior high fight with Kimberly that changed the course of her life. The fight happened 42 years ago.

This week, we get Brenda's side of the story, and next week, we hear from Kimberly. Same story. Two women. Forty-two years later, we find out where things stand between them.

If you have ever been in junior high, been the bully or the new girl, or thought that things that happened in your teens didn't really affect you, you'll want to hear this conversation. After you listen, please send me a DM or leave a comment on Spotify. I would truly love to hear your take on this episode.

Thank you for listening.

This episode includes candid conversations about childhood abuse, drug use and a suicidal crisis.

Learn more about The Best Friend Project:
https://thebestfriendproject.co

Discover your Friendship Archetype:
Take the Friendship Survey:
https://thebestfriendproject.co/signup

Stay in touch:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thebest_friendproject/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheBestFriendProject

Questions? [email protected]

In this episode:

- How an accidental encounter led to an unlikely friendship
- How Kimberly’s fight tactics beat Brenda
- How Kimberly and her mother changed with Brenda's life
- What Brenda still keeps from that time, 40 years later
- How Brenda and Kimberly have continued to show up for each other
- How a little light can be enough to give someone hope

Chapters:

00:00 — Cold Open
01:12 — A story you won't believe unless you hear it
07:19 — A fight that ended differently then Brenda could imagine
11:29 — When Brenda needed help, she asked for one person
15:19 — The Easter basket Brenda still has 42 years later
18:49 — Seeing the good, only Kimberly could see
22:42 — Forty years later, they’re still in each other’s corner
27:40 — The words from Kimberly that Brenda lives by
30:17 — Why a birthday candle can be enough light

Next week, Kimberly shares her side of the story.

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I can’t help feeling like Kristy brought Anne to life. I’ll never have the opportunity to meet her, but through the love that lives on in Kristy, and in the stories she shared, I feel like I know Anne.

But what was it like for Kristy to hear their friendship told back to her? I hop On The Phone with Kristy to talk about the episode, the response from her community and an unexpected comment from one of her coworkers.

If you haven’t heard Kristy and Anne’s remarkable story of friendship, loss and the heart transplant that gave them more time, listen to the full episode first.

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When Kristy met Anne, she knew her new friend had a failing heart. She would most likely die without a heart transplant. Not a lot of people would rush into a friendship with someone who might not be around long, but those would be people who didn't know Anne. Kristy says she was almost impossible not to be her friend.

Which only made it harder as Anne grew sicker. She desperately needed a heart and almost didn't qualify for the transplant list because she didn't have family living nearby to support her recovery.

But she had her friends.

This is a story about the family we choose, the lengths we'll go to keep someone we love here, and what it means to be a good friend when you know you can't keep them forever.

Plus: Anne was a passionate advocate for organ donation. Stay through the end for a simple way you can potentially help save someone else's Anne.

Connect with Go Red for Women on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/goredforwomen?stkn=MXYxOTV0ZHpvcWE4cA==), Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/GoRedWomen/) & Their Website (https://www.goredforwomen.org/en/)

Connect with The American Heart Association on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/american_heart/?hl=en), Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/AmericanHeart/) & Their Website (https://www.heart.org/)

To learn more, visit The Best Friend Project.co. While you're there, discover your Friendship Archetype by taking the Friendship Survey (https://thebestfriendproject.co/signup). We'd also love to stay in touch—come say hello on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/thebest_friendproject/) and Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/TheBestFriendProject)(we will follow you back!) If you need to reach us, you can always email us at [email protected].

In this episode:

- The friend who pulled everyone into her universe
- When friends became family
- What happens when friendship becomes caregiving?
- “She was just my person.”
- The decision Kristy was “never more proud of her” for making
- Living—and dying—on her own terms
- One last home-renovation decision
- One final, perfectly Anne sendoff
- What Anne taught Kristy about being a friend

Chapters:

00:00 — Cold Open
1:13 — Would You Let Yourself Love Someone You Know You Could Lose?
04:17 — A Jigsaw, Jackie O Sunglasses & an Ordinary Monday Night
10:24 — “I Have a Family. They Just Aren’t Related to Me.”
16:21 — “She Was Just My Person”
21:16 — When Caregiving Starts to Bury the Friendship
32:31 — “That’s It. I’m Done.”
37:29 — “Let’s Do What You Want”
42:54 — “I Don’t Like Your Countertops”
44:43 — All Her People Were There
46:47 — “The Greatest Honor of My Life Was to Walk Her Home”
58:30 — Outro

Coming Next Week:

Brenda and Kimberly met nearly 40 years ago because Brenda was going to fight Kimberly. What came out of that moment was one of the most fascinating friendships I’ve ever encountered—a story involving a knife, the police, and four decades of friendship. You’ll have to hear this one for yourself.

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So, what happened? Did Barb call the old friend she hadn't talked to in years? Has her neighbor FKABF (formerly known as Best Friend) heard the episode? And what was it like for Barb to hear that incredibly real, still raw conversation between us. 

Find out all of this on this episode of On The Phone where we call the guest from this week to see what they thought about their episode of The Best Friend Project. 

If you haven't yet taken The Best Friend Project survey, you can do so at https://thebestfriendproject.co/signup/

Follow The Best Friend Project at https://thebestfriendproject.co/

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By age 68, you’d think friendship drama would be behind you. For Barb, it wasn’t. And what she learned from a painful friendship breakup could help all of us think differently about friendship and loneliness as we age.

After years of close friendship, a seemingly simple misunderstanding created a divide between Barb and her best friend. She was devastated and confused. And to make matters worse, they were neighbors.

In this conversation, Rachel presses Barb to look beyond what happened and consider why it happened. Together, they explore grief, friendship, self-protection and the assumptions we make about the people closest to us, leading Barb to consider something she hadn’t in four years.

It’s a conversation about friendship at an age we don’t talk about nearly enough—and an epiphany you’ll want to hear for yourself.

If you are a younger listener, consider sharing this episode with your mom. Talk about it together. You might learn things about her, and about her friendships that could bring you even closer. 

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What happened after the episode? The one where Ali talks openly about her biggest hater being the one who birthed her. Where I disclose a disconnect between me and my own mother that just might explain the gap that prevents me from trusting?

Find out on this episode of On The Phone with Ali Lohman. This is the bonus content from The Best Friend Project, where I call the guest from this week to ask them about their episode, reflect and share. 

If you haven't yet taken The Best Friend Project survey, you can do so here. 

Follow Ali Lohman at https://www.instagram.com/ali.lohman/

Follow The Best Friend Project at https://thebestfriendproject.co/

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“My biggest hater gave birth to me.”

When I came across Ali Lohman's Instagram posts about the years she spent trying not to go no contact with her mother, I knew I wanted to have this conversation. Research from The Best Friend Project suggests a strong connection between trust in our mothers and our ability to build healthy adult friendships. In this episode, Ali and I talk about mother wounds, breaking generational cycles, trust, and the ways childhood experiences continue to shape us long after we've left home. Along the way, I uncover a possible reason I've struggled to feel the sense of sisterhood and safety I've been searching for. As Ali told me, "That's how you get to sisterhood. You just share."


Connect with Ali Lohman on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/Ali.lohman) and TikTok (https://www.tiktok.com/@ali.lohman)

To learn more, visit The Best Friend Project.co . While you're there, discover your Friendship Archetype by taking the Friendship Survey (https://thebestfriendproject.co/signup). We'd also love to stay in touch—come say hello on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/thebest_friendproject/) and Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/TheBestFriendProject)(we will follow you back!) If you need to reach us, you can always email us at [email protected].

In this episode:

- Why comparing trauma can keep us from telling our own stories
- Ali’s decision to break the cycle with her daughter
- Packing everything into a trailer and starting over
- How childhood wounds can quietly show up decades later in friendships
- Why Rachel believes she sabotaged a friendship she desperately wanted
- Ali’s approach to boundaries, loyalty, and friendship breakups
- The vulnerability Rachel believes has been missing from her friendships
- A simple lesson from Ali: “That’s how you get to sisterhood. You just share.”

Chapters:

01:15 — "My Biggest Hater Gave Birth to Me"
05:03 — The Mother Who Never Protected Ali
10:20 — Becoming the Mother She Never Had
17:35 — How She Broke the Cycle
22:01 — Leaving Home to Start Over
26:00 — Packing a Trailer & Driving Across Canada
27:24 — Building a New Life—and New Friendships
29:29 — How Our Mothers Shape Our Friendships
32:27 — Loyalty, Trust & Friendship Breakups
36:37 — Knowing When It's Time to Walk Away
39:20 — What Real Friendship Actually Looks Like
41:06 — Rachel Opens Up: Why I Can't Cry
43:55 — The Wounds We Carry Into Every Relationship
44:46 — Can a Broken Friendship Ever Heal?
46:33 — Breaking the Cycle Together
47:23 — Apologies, Accountability & Moving Forward
49:29 — "That's How You Get to Sisterhood"

Coming Next Week

Rachel talks with Barb. Barb is 69 years old, and she’s dealing with a friendship breakup that has rocked her world—even four years later. She never thought she’d still be dealing with this kind of heartbreak at 69. But what makes it even harder? Her former best friend is also her immediate neighbor.

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What did Jackie's former coach think of Jackie's comments? Find out as we hop On The Phone with our guest to hear her reaction, her experience with Jackie, spotting friendships as a coach, and much more.

Stay in touch with Jackie Kashian by following the links below:

• YouTube: https://youtube.com/@jackie_kashian
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jackiekashian
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JackieKashianJokesmith/
• Website

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