Store regular and resident crazy Roger returns and throws an increasingly fragile Captain Dipshit into panic while the Captain tries to find damning evidence against Bingham's. Philip calls a store meeting to reveal how close the deli is to being closed.  

Captain Dipshit flees a mysterious Mickey Mouse and ends in an unfortunate collision and subsequent pepper spraying incident. Once recovered, the Captain uncovers an old Bingham's rival and potential ally to his cause. 

Captain Dipshit's impatient, jackass of a backstory is revealed, in which he discovers the keys to both long life and whatever's healthiest. In the present, Captain Dipshit is assaulted by Drunken Little Johnny Redbeard, who might have a sinister second identity. 

Ryan, manager of Bingham's Bagel Deli, is dealing with the everpresent problem of the restaurant's unprofitability. Meanwhile, a crazy homeless man returns, Captain Dipshit frustrates the crew, and the deli's immortal rat is killed yet again in a most unpleasant way.