" You always have three choices - either parent, abortion, or adoption." – Kiami Merritt

Kiami chose adoption.

The decision to place a child for adoption, is not one taken lightly by birthmothers, although society tends to shame them as if it was. Black birthmothers, in particular, also battle with their choice due to the continued belief that Black people don’t adopt and they certainly don’t relinquish their children. This back-and-forth battle with oneself is extremely stressful as one weighs the pros and cons of this ultimate sacrifice.

In this episode, Kiami shares with us her choice as a Black birthmother to select a single, white, adoptive mother for her child. We take a dive into the legal aspects of adoption, as well as how the notion of open adoption has traumatized birthmothers.

Kiami’s “heart work,” is now empowering and mentoring birth mothers to heal from their adoption experiences. In particular, she is seeking to expand her work with Black birthmothers and is calling these women to action because it is her belief that keeping one’s story locked inside of them, “is a toxin within your body, and it’s going to resonate in other areas of your life.”

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#BLACKANDADOPTED #BLACKADOPTION #ADOPTIONPODCAST #BLACKBIRTHMOTHERS #HEALING

"This should have and could have at any moment taken me out, too, all the stuff that I talked to you about." - Patrice Martin

But God. There are more than two sides to a story when it comes to adoption, and when you hear Patrice Martin's story you'll understand that God is truly the Author and Finisher of her story. In Season 2 Episode 6 we introduced you to Patrice's sister, Sarah Murphy, and her diligent search for Patrice. The two sisters met for the first time on the TLC show, "Long Lost Family" (Season 6 Episode 8). 

In this episode, Patrice walks us through life before and after the show. Patrice not only met her sister that day, but also her birth mother - the woman who birthed her alone at home, cut the cord, surrendered her baby behind a mall, went to work and then carried the secret for years. 

"Adoption is trauma" and Patrice's "divinely ordered" journey is one that has led her to use her incredible story to advocate for other adoptees and mothers.

Take a listen and check out the Recommended Resources in the Show Notes!

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SUPPORT BLACK TO THE BEGINNING: THE BLACK ADOPTION PODCAST

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#BLACKANDADOPTED #BLACKADOPTION #ADOPTIONPODCAST #FAMILY

“One day I would just wake up, like, let me look for my sister.” – Sarah Murphy

Have you been touched by an Angel? If not, get ready to hear from one, as she takes us through one of THE MOST epic and fantastic voyages through identity and sisterhood that one could ever imagine.

Sarah Murphy, after spending years in foster care, is reunited with her mother at 14 years of age, only to find out that she has a sister that she has never met. Suspicious and doubtful of this story, she delves into crates of newspapers and scans microfilm, searching for truth and clues about the baby that her mother abandoned behind a mall, wrapped in her clothes.

After years of what appeared to be a fruitless mission, the introduction of DNA tests (Ancestry) finally cracked the door to her sister, Patrice. Ironically enough, Patrice was looking for her too, but in a VERY different way. The two were reunited on Long Lost Family, a TLC Network series aimed at reuniting family members after years of separation.

Listen in, as we discuss Black maternal health, systemic inequities, empathy, communication, people pleasing, generational curses, and the love of siblings, despite their parents. For the first time ever, we get to hear the biological sibling perspective on adoption.

These two sisters were lost, found, and have been working toward building their sisterhood.

SNEAK PEAK: Patrice Martin (Sarah’s Sister) will be featured on Season 2, Episode 7, next week!

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SUPPORT BLACK TO THE BEGINNING: THE BLACK ADOPTION PODCAST

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#BLACKANDADOPTED #ADOPTIONPODCAST #BLACKBIRTH #BLACKWOMENSHELATH

"There's things in your family that you're just not going to be able to do anything about, because it's really not up to you. It's up to them to want to be a part of this healing, too, and everybody doesn't want to be a part of healing." - Dr. Phoenix

In radio, they call it dead air, but on this podcast we call it holding space. There is healing on the other side of the discomfort of listening to the silence. Thank you, Dr. Phoenix, for reminding us of that. Forty years ago at the age of 17, Pamela Phoenix learned that her favorite aunt was actually her biological mother. Learning she was adopted devastated her, and in the process of losing who she believed she was she also lost her family.

Since 1998, Dr. Phoenix has been going "Black to the beginning" to the roots of her trauma and helping others along their own healing journeys for more than two decades as the facilitator of the Sankofa Rites of Passage program for youth and adults (Sandria is a graduate of the 2021 adult cohort). Dr. Phoenix's life and work underscores the fact that adoptees are SURVIVORS, there is power in (re)writing your life's story, and being rooted in the divinity of Blackness and your purpose can feel like a return home.

This extended episode is not for casual listening. Grab your journal, a cup of tea, and settle in for this intimate conversation. May it shine a light wherever you are on your healing path.

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RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

SUPPORT BLACK TO THE BEGINNING: THE BLACK ADOPTION PODCAST

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Podcast Guest Questionnaire

#BLACKANDADOPTED #BLACKADOPTION #ADOPTIONPODCAST #PERSONALDEVELOPMENT

“I’ll probably say this until my last breath, but adoption is one of the best decisions I've ever made.” – Courtney Cook

Whether or not we feel WORTHY in our lives, even as children, has an impact on the relationships we have, our ability to chase or discard our dreams, and the overall manner by which we make decisions. Unfortunately, Black birth mothers – young and more mature in age, have grappled with their worthiness and have had to make the life altering decision to place their children for adoption. Most have shared that they were at a crossroads in their lives where they knew that even if they placed a lower value on themselves at the time, their unborn child deserved to have more than what they were prepared to offer.

A 17-year old Courtney Cook was pregnant, unsupported by family, deserted by her child’s father, and on her way to college. As a child herself, she made the ultimate sacrifice to enter a semi-open adoption with her son, counting each pain-staking year that went by in the hopes of a reunion. This story continues to solidify why transparency is a necessity, healing – not an option, and the importance of birth mothers and adoptive mothers forging relationships (when possible).

Class is in session on Episode 4. Listen in and take some time do a self-check on your “worthiness” meter.

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SUPPORT BLACK TO THE BEGINNING: THE BLACK ADOPTION PODCAST

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Podcast Guest Questionnaire

#BLACKANDADOPTED #BLACKADOPTION #ADOPTIONPODCAST #BLACKBIRTHMOTHERS #COURTNEYTIERRA #WORTHY

“People are going to talk about you, regardless.” – Denise Hendricks

All the single ladies! *cues Beyonce and hits an 8 count right quick* These days, it seems like coming into motherhood later in life - particularly as a Black, single woman - bothers folks more than becoming a mother too young. What in the Being Mary Jane is a woman to do? Denise Hendricks will be the first to tell you to listen to the desires of your heart and not to any negative energy around you. 

In her early 40s, Denise decided to pursue adoption as a single woman. With the support of her "tight village" of family, friends, church family and a growing sister circle of Fabulous Adoptive Black (FAB) moms, Denise persevered through the many ups and downs of the unpredictable adoption process and today, her son Luke is her greatest blessing.

Real motherhood. Real transparent. Real unapologetic. Real inspiring (several people in her circle, including couples, have followed her lead).

Mess around and take a listen to Episode 3 and she just might inspire you, too!  

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SUPPORT BLACK TO THE BEGINNING: THE BLACK ADOPTION PODCAST

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#BLACKANDADOPTED #BLACKADOPTION #ADOPTIONPODCAST #DENISEHENDRICKS

“I could never replace his mom no matter how good of a job that I think I'm doing” – Latonya Minor

Was it luck? A chance encounter? Or simply God, that would not allow the connection between Latonya Minor and her nephew to be broken? While being raised by blood relatives is not always in the best interest of a child, this amazing testimony is a prime example of what love and “want to,” can do to change the trajectory of someone’s life.

As a woman of faith, Tonya took a serious self-inventory of her life and made the conscious decision to parent, when she could have continued living her best “no kids attached” life. Tonya illuminates for us how life’s challenges can be reframed into opportunities – if we let them. Every twist and serendipitous turn within this story demonstrates why we must “stay woke,” because you never know what’s coming for you.   While it is certainly not easy raising her nephew, as a single mother, it is, indeed, HER PURPOSE!

Get into this Kinship Adoption Conversation!

Get into ANY conversation that is going to help you, and someone else heal. Struggle is overrated.

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RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

SUPPORT BLACK TO THE BEGINNING: THE BLACK ADOPTION PODCAST

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Podcast Guest Questionnaire

#BLACKANDADOPTED #BLACKADOPTION #ADOPTIONPODCAST #KINSHIPADOPTION

"All the time that I thought I was saving my nephew, he was saving me..." - Theresa Thames

She get it from her mama. And her mama's mama. Theresa Thames (Rev. Dr. Theresa Thames, put some respek on her name!) comes from a lineage of Black women deeply rooted in Biloxi, Mississippi who modeled taking care of our own. In this Season 2 launch episode, Theresa takes us back to the roots of Black Adoption, weaving with grace the interconnected beauty and complexity of three generations of kinship care.

Theresa's mother took pride in being an adoptive mother, legally adopting her niece. For Theresa, they were sisters first and not first cousins. "It wasn't until I was older that I learned that she was adopted, but because she was my uncle's daughter, it didn't even seem like adoption." Granny Ruby (and the small, honeysuckle-scented Biloxi community where she lived) raised Theresa and her older sister after their beautiful, vibrant mother battled drug addiction. And when Theresa's sister unexpectedly passed at the age of 40, Theresa - at age 32 and newly divorced - raised her grieving nephew as a single parent through legal kinship guardianship. Or rather, they raised each other. 

"I didn't know that parenthood and motherhood would look like this." Theresa made her motherhood and womanhood journeys her own and found strength in the women who came before her, whose legacies she celebrates in "In Our Mothers' Gardens," a new documentary now streaming on Netflix.  

Theresa is a self-proclaimed joy enthusiast and you'll hear it all throughout her story, even the hard parts. Welcome to Season 2, take a listen!

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RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

SUPPORT BLACK TO THE BEGINNING: THE BLACK ADOPTION PODCAST

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Podcast Guest Questionnaire

#BLACKANDADOPTED #BLACKADOPTION #ADOPTIONPODCAST #ADOPTION #THERESATHAMES #INOURMOTHERSGARDENS

“End, Scene.”

Join your self-proclaimed movie critics as we dissect and reflect upon the 2011 romantic comedy, “Jumping the Broom.” For all the laughs and giggles at some very cute moments, the topic of adoption finds itself inserted at a very critical time, leaving the characters and viewing audience feeling “sorry” for the protagonist (Paula Patton’s character). Why is that? It’s as if the word “adoption,” itself is the Scarlet letter.

This movie takes us through ALL things “Black to Beginning,” – Black family, Black love, Black adoption, Black traditions, and Black culture. We encourage conversations around all of these topics, but we also suggest that you to begin to critically look at movies, television shows, and magazines to understand how adoption shows up in popular culture. Is it accurate? Are you provided with a different frame of reference by being able to externally view these situations?  Is there an opportunity to rewrite the narrative? These are all questions that we are asking ourselves and look forward to continuing our “For the Culture,”episodes to dig deeper into the Black Adoption Experience.

This is the Season 1 Finale! Thank you for listening and for your support. We look forward to seeing you soon, for Season 2.

RECOMMENDED RESOURCES FROM ALL 13 EPISODES (review past episodes for additional resources)

SUPPORT BLACK TO THE BEGINNING: THE BLACK ADOPTION PODCAST

SHOP Black to the Beginning 

SHARE YOUR BLACK ADOPTION STORY

Podcast Guest Questionnaire

#BLACKANDADOPTED #BLACKADOPTION #ADOPTIONPODCAST #ADOPTION #BLACK FAMILY #NOSECRECY #NOSTIGMA #NOSHAME #REWRITETHENARRATIVE #MENTALHEALTH

“...another story needs to be told about transracial adoptees." - Robin Alexander

The Black adoptee experience is not monolithic and the same can be said about the Black transracial adoptee (BTRA) experience. Robin Alexander recalls always searching for who and what she was, never feeling at home in the "Indian, Mexican, French, and Spanish" origin story her white parents told her and anybody who would listen. 

There was a piece missing from her biracial identity and an inner knowing confirmed for her that the missing piece was hiding in Blackness. There was no turning back for Robin once she fully identified as Black. A Black person who happened to be adopted into a white family. 

Where some Black adoptees raised in white families may feel internally disconnected from their Blackness and maybe unworthy of fully owning their Blackness #Impostersyndrome, Robin leaned all the way in, even in the times her Black card was put into question (she can't play Spades, y'all, but her invite to the cookout is still intact!). 

Now, at 51 years old raising four grandchildren, her adoption journey is uncovering new questions. Where does her adopted self end and her authentic self begin? The searching continues, but this conversation is a reminder for us all that showing up authentically can start with boldly telling our stories.

Get into Episode 13 on your favorite podcast platform. There's only ONE MORE EPISODE remaining in Season 1!

SHOW NOTES

CONNECT WITH US!

RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

SUPPORT BLACK TO THE BEGINNING: THE BLACK ADOPTION PODCAST

SHOP Black to the Beginning 

SHARE YOUR BLACK ADOPTION STORY

Podcast Guest Questionnaire

#BLACKANDADOPTED #BLACKADOPTION #ADOPTIONPODCAST #ADOPTION #BIRACIAL #IDENTITY #MENTALHEALTH