“I’ve always thought of myself as an adoptee…that’s the main part of my identity.” – Maya Holmes

Maya’s birth mother was deliberate in ensuring that her adoptive parents were Black. She recognized that it was necessary for her child to see representation of herself within her family. As Maya matured and the time came time to really dig deep into what it meant to be adopted, there wasn’t a community that supported that need to explore the intersections of all aspects of her identity. It left her asking “Where is the community for Black adoptees?”

We feel you, Maya. We’ve been asking that same question!!!

While some adoptees may find themselves in loving homes and raised in what may seem like the best of circumstances, this still doesn’t minimize that longing of wanting to know where you came from. A search and reunion process doesn’t mean that you’ve somehow been healed and that the elapsed time spent away from your biological family is suddenly erased. While the stopwatch begins, one can’t help but to reflect on what’s been lost.

THIS is why Black adoptees require a space to share and support one another around our unique experiences. While Black Adoptees adopted by Black adopted parents (BABP) appear to be an anomaly, they really aren’t. And while our fellow Black adoptees who have been adopted transracially have a plethora of support groups to choose from, the BABP is left to go it alone.

NOT ON OUR WATCH!

Listen in to S1E12 available on your favorite podcast platform right now!

Reach out to us and share your ideas on how we can build our community as Black Adoptees adopted by Black Parents (BABP).

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RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

· Black Adoption Collective

· Black Adult Adoptee Alliance

· Black Adoption Matters

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"I love my story...Maybe this is something that can make somebody think or help somebody." – Christina Lopez-Pegg

As a biracial adoptee, born to a white mother and a Black father, Christina Lopez-Pegg was taught from a young age that she didn't have to choose a side. Instead, she could choose HERSELF. Christina gives thanks that, "my parents always raised me to be me...I never felt that I needed to pick Black or white." Raised by an African-American mother and a Black and Hispanic father, the mantra that was passed on to Christina and her siblings was "no race is better than another." Christina found comfort in identifying with all the pieces of her heritage - Black, white, Polish and more.

However, just because she didn't feel the need to choose a side doesn't mean life and society didn't try to choose for her. She experienced the isolation of being the only one who looked like her throughout school as a child and a hurtful lesson rooted in Black colorism.

Christina's story and this conversation invites us to explore the possibilities in self-acceptance. When it comes to the search for identity, perhaps we should look no further than full acceptance of all that we are: the known, unknown and everything in between. 

Take a listen to S1E11 available on your favorite podcast platform right now!

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RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

#BTTBREADS: Climbing Life's Mountains: Overcoming Challenges of Biracial Birth, Adoption, Gender Identity, and Depression by Jala A. McKenzie-Burns

#BTTBREADS: 50 Shades of Brown: Mixed Kids and Colorism in the Black Community

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“You don't have to walk in shame anymore. You don't have to feel guilty.”  – Chana Timms

What you won't do, do for love

Chana’s faith and unwavering love for her daughter reinforces that a child being gone, does not mean that they are forgotten. Time may have elapsed, but it’s highly possible to reunite and be present in the here and now. The courage to tell the truth and give her daughter the full story of how she came into existence was one of the best gifts that she could have given.

The birth mother’s story, much like their children, is complex. It is often judged, ridiculed, and picked apart by a lack of understanding. What is lost in this misunderstanding is that the choices that were made in the past are not to be held over these women. Like a lot of decisions, we choose what we believe to be best at the time. Sometimes, our decisions are coerced – either forcefully or based on our own sense of self and worth at the time.

Birth mothers and their children are aligned in their healing process. When birth mothers/adoptees engage in a search and reunion, the process may be eased when both parties are open and willing to communicate and be transparent about their emotions. When we don’t give ourselves permission to acknowledge our past trauma(s) they may manifest themselves in a myriad of ways that are detrimental to us showing up in life as our very best selves.

Episode 10 begs us to answer the following question(s) – What will you do for love? What are you willing to sacrifice in order to heal?

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SUPPORT BLACK TO THE BEGINNING: THE BLACK ADOPTION PODCAST

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"This is bigger than babies.” – Regina Townsend

Little Black Girls are told to follow the blueprint: don't have sex, focus on your education, then focus on your career, get married, and THEN start a family. Easy! We're taught to control our fass-tailed bodies, inundated with messages about hypersexual and hyper-fertile Black teenage mothers. But no one tells us about how our bodies work; about fibroids and miscarriages and infertility. No one told Regina Townsend. No one told her that she could follow the blueprint perfectly and it would result in her feeling imperfect. Broken, in fact. 

Regina's journey to motherhood began as a long, dark and lonely road, but along the way she discovered she wasn't alone. The more she talked, finding her voice through blogging about her experiences with infertility, reproductive health, adoption and foster care, the more light was shined on a whole secret sisterhood of Black women living with pain and shame.

"Black women suffer with infertility at twice the rate of white women, but we're least likely to seek treatment because we're embarrassed." We're also tired of being dismissed by doctors, poked and prodded by doctors, and experimented on by them, as so many of our foremothers were. The Broken Brown Egg blog has since grown into a platform for Regina to advocate for Black women's reproductive justice and healing. 

This conversation explores the many layers of reproductive health, life and motherhood that so many of us had to learn the hard way. THEY aren't coming to teach us. Press play - class is in session.

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RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

The Broken Brown Egg Website

#BTTBREADS: Hold On to Hope: Stories of Black Women's Fertility, Faith and Fight to Become Mommies

Fertility for Colored Girls (FFCG)

Fertility Coaching with Rev. Dr. Stacey L. Edwards-Dunn (Founder of FFCG)

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"Keep it real…” – Jonathan Funderburk

As simple as these three words may seem, keepin’ it 100% can have lasting effects on adoptees. Advocates of open adoption believe informing children about their adoption status as soon as possible is in the best interest of the child. However, Jonathan Funderburk shares that for him, ignorance may have been bliss.

Jonathan grew up in a Black family alongside his older sister, who was also adopted. His community and church home were anomalies, in that the Black Adoption Experience was not a secret or shameful. In fact, it was commonplace! This didn’t mean that the impact of his adoption was not ever present as he navigated identity issues and how to become a man.

We learn that checking ON you, is not the same as checking FOR you. While some adoptive parents may feel as if lavishing their child(ren) with material things serves as a replacement for the separation from one’s biological tie, it’s not enough. Getting to know your child’s likes, dislikes, hopes, and dreams will allow for you to nurture their nature. Providing guidance and tough love may really be the key to showing that you care.

Join us as we explore love, search and reunion, parenthood, and mental health. It's not easy for a Black man to say “I needed therapy a long time ago.” By publicly sharing his story and listening to others, this artist and writer is committed to his healing and is unapologetically “doing my own journey.”

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RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

Therapy for Black Men

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

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"Falling apart is such a level of vulnerability that I think, as Black women, we have never been given permission to have." - Trey Anthony

When Trey Anthony got "the call" to bring home her son - a dream come true after several heartbreaking adoption attempts - she never imagined her dream would include the love of her life ending their five year relationship (over text!), nearly ending up homeless, and raising her beautiful baby boy as a first time mother solo (and in a damn pandemic!). 

She wasn't prepared for the postpartum depression, or the feelings of insecurity, fear and jealousy that arose while honoring her commitment to parent in an open adoption. For the first time she had to take a hard look at all of her friendships, her family, her finances, her career, and what she truly wanted out of life. Falling apart in the midst of grief and struggle is not what she was raised to do, but in the surrender she learned some of her greatest lessons and fell in love again - with herself. 

This conversation takes you behind the scenes of some of the most pivotal life moments and lessons found in her new book, Black Girl In Love (with Herself), published by Hay House, and what's helped her heal her own Black girl pain. Black Girl in Love is a love letter to Black women. In 2021, we're coming for ALLLLL the love and Trey reminds us to accept nothing less!

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RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

#BTTBREADS  Black Girl in Love (with herself) by Trey Anthony 

Motherhood So White by Nefertiti Austin (memoir)

All Families Are Special by Norma Simon (children's book)

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"Don't go digging because it's only going to cause problems." – Ami McReynolds

One lie, two lies, three lies, FOUR! Since the age of seven, the precocious and inquisitive Ami McReynolds could sense that she had a story that was not being told to her. Deep in the crevices of linen closets and hidden baby books were the roadmap to her past, her truth, as an individual that was adopted.

Like most children, when we have questions, trust is placed in our caregivers to provide us with the answers we need. Because we don’t know any different, we ACCEPT what is told to us. However, every five to six years of Ami’s life, she would get that nagging feeling in her gut that something just wasn’t quite right. When she would address these questions with her parents, they would be “settled,” with an omission of truth or blatant elaboration of it.

Once Ami reached her 20’s, she’s then told one of the most damaging lies that any young woman might hear about a parent. For two decades, she holds onto this lie until she steps into her own power to search for what is owed to her – THE TRUTH! What does she find? Listen to find out.

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For Illinois Residents

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"If my mother lit me on fire, I would still want my mother...my connection to my mom cannot be broken." - Quandra Boston/Ashley Pickens

It's one thing to believe in theory that the mother and child bond can never be broken, but it's another when missing links feel so deeply the chain from which they came. Since the age of 3, Quandra Boston has been asking, "Where's my mommy?" She's felt her presence and smelled her scent since she was a little girl and always believed that one day her mommy was coming back for her. Quandra's own journey to motherhood led her to her first mother and another hidden woman:  Ashley Pickens - the name her birth mother gave her...and still calls her. Today, she lives within the dualities of loving two mothers and living two identities inside of one life. Whew chile! Quandra's story is a fantastical ride through search and reunion. 

They say nothing is stronger than a mother's love, but this story begs you to consider the possibility that nothing is stronger than an adoptee's love for their first home. 

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RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

#BTTBREADS The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child by Nancy Newton Verrier 

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"Since the age of 15, I have allowed unresolved trauma to run my life." – Christopher LeMark

Christopher LeMark takes us on his journey to manhood, allowing us to feel the struggle and heartache of a little boy that simply wanted to be seen and loved. We gain a glimpse into the child welfare system that so many Black people are fearful of.  It is this very fear that has served as the catalyst for Black families informally adopting their kin. However, blood relatives may not always be in the child’s best interest. At the hands of his own family, Christopher endured physical, mental, and emotional abuse. His isolation and anger had him bound to be a statistic. But God! Christopher’s ability to tap into his imagination, express himself through writing and music, have built a foundation of resilience. Today, he is channeling his life experience and passions into his nonprofit organization – Coffee, Hip-Hop, and Mental Health where he seeks to normalize therapy.

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RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

Find a Therapist– locate a mental health professional in your city to receive therapeutic services

Donate or Volunteer – support CHHAMH to provide 500 Miracles on Christmas Eve 2020!

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#BLACKANDADOPTED #BLACKADOPTION #ADOPTIONPODCAST #CHRISTOPHERLEMARK #CHHAMH #NORMALIZETHERAPY #SELFLOVE

"We're two Black people that love each other, wanted a family, and this was the way God chose us to have our family. That's it." - Chantal Smith

Normalizing and advocating for Black people formally adopting is a ministry for Darren and Chantal Smith. The two began their relationship as high school sweethearts and now 14 years into their marriage they are the proud parents to a daughter and twin boys through agency adoption. In this episode, The Smiths share why despite challenges with infertility, adoption was never their plan B; their pre- and post-adoption struggles; being the "token" Black family for agency outreach; how they built bonds with their children before they came home; and Darren's latest children's book based on their family, "Together Forever."

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RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

Christian Family Adoption Aid (CFAA) - grants for adoptive families

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