The Burt Selleck Podcast

The guys open with a deeply unsuccessful moment of silence before trying to figure out how sound escapes a black hole, what should be thrown into one, and whether the universe eventually snaps back like an old birthday balloon.

From there, the conversation wanders through legendary Metro Detroit beavers, fantasy football addiction, NFL players identified entirely by their knees, sumo wrestlers on the offensive line, and the tactical advantages of a sleep dick.

Then Michael Jackson, music biopics, blind people explaining colors, private investigators, and one extremely ill-advised game of human foosball all collide in the idea that gives the episode its title: no spinnies.

The gang looks back on the final night of the Independent Comedy Club, including who stayed until sunrise, who nearly fell asleep driving home, and who ended the evening listening to Chinese sleep music on a couch.

From there, John launches several confidently questionable history lessons while everyone debates 9/11 coverage, mutual combat laws, data centers, and whether Batman could survive a tiger, cocaine bear, or Komodo dragon.

There’s also elaborate Halloween costumes, seasonal male horniness, a hooker-assisted cat rescue, Alex’s legendary pimp chase story, and the creation of a new podcast nobody asked for: Dan Carlen with John Mahar.

Nick introduces Mr. Crinkle, the tall, smiling creature who lives in the closet, follows you with his eyes and spends the night making unsettling noises with wrapping paper. Naturally, the guys immediately consider making him the official mascot of Boz-Vision.

Before that, they debate whether Wi-Fi is light, build several unnecessary Major League Baseball teams, rank Michigan hot dogs and learn that Alex’s homemade television network cannot survive the awesome power of 10-bit video. They also say goodbye to the Independent Comedy Club and remember the nights when the hang lasted until four in the morning.

The boys kick things off by arguing over Kendrick, Drake, aging into bad music, and whether becoming an adult means surrendering your taste to “Jack & Diane.” From there, a Tigers game turns into a full investigation of stadium waves, baseball heckling, bullpen toys, and the lawless physics of the Silverdome.

They also get into gay bars, tattoos delivered by aliens, missing frogs, rich people buying young blood, questionable wellness routines, and the logistics of identifying breast milk like a wine tasting. Eventually, Alex considers a run for small-town mayor before realizing his Body Zone history would immediately transform him into The Bozodiac Killer.

Alex unveils his homemade cable network, complete with custom channels, vintage commercials, and enough legally obtained media to avoid making another entertainment decision for the rest of his life. Naturally, John and Nick immediately begin renaming the operation, and Boz Turner Media is born.

From there, the conversation wanders through funeral processions gone horribly wrong, suspicious bathhouse business practices, old men reading newspapers, Detroit sports media, and the particular kind of dumb guy Alex prefers.

The guys invent a whole new economy where human waste becomes legal tender, government cheese becomes an investment strategy, and Alex has to explain why the entire system would still collapse into corruption.

From there, they move on to fake lakes, doomed bridges, modular homes, alligator escape plans, football dads, old men working grocery jobs, and the emotional weight of Barry Sanders handing the ball to the ref.

They also get into AI thirst traps, chewing your own mustache, peeping neighbors, Friends being full of creeps, and the important question of whether a mobile home becomes a home only after it puts down roots.

The guys celebrate Daddy Day, discuss funeral-home snack expectations, and figure out whether getting old is the perfect time to start committing crimes.

Alex breaks down the strangest parts of Dragon Ball Z, everyone argues about how The Matrix works, and the conversation turns into an elaborate plan to skateboard across America’s most famous monuments.

They also talk custom TV channels, comedy bingo, violent hiccups, eating contests, and the soothing power of the devil’s balm.

Alex thinks he’s spotted a lynx on the ride home, but the gang decides it was probably just a skinny fox— which somehow turns into ranking the “most cat-like dog” and “most dog-like cat.” From there they wander into lion dating problems, pack tactics, and whether you could actually out-run a bobcat on an average Tuesday.

Halfway through, John drops the fact that certain whales have an honest-to-goodness bone in their junk—something sailors once used as coffee stirrers. Cue fifteen minutes of narwhal cafés, sub implosions, and why nobody should make a deep-sea vessel out of carbon fiber.

Things wrap with summer show plugs, and John wondering if a lanyard chain for his glasses counts as “two chains, one cup.” It’s exactly the kind of loose, late-night hang where animal trivia meets trench-war jokes and somehow makes sense.

The guys dig into the latest UFO files and try to determine why some of the footage is redacted, whether aliens created humanity, and if Earth is just the intergalactic equivalent of an empty parking lot.

They also talk NBA dream teams, Kobe Bryant, Paul Pierce’s most infamous conspiracy, celebrity politics, terrible streaming services, and why Schoolhouse Rock may have secretly been a Jack Black movie.

Plus, infrared farts, alien soul harvesting, unsafe lighthouse enthusiasm, and several confident theories that should never be presented to Congress.

This week, the boys investigate the mysteries of third mic energy, Mario Kart justice, childhood sports trauma, and whether a backyard curveball can technically qualify as a UFO.

Alex, John, and Nick spiral from Detroit Grand Prix pit suites into Whirly Ball, football instincts, hip-hop debut albums, peanut butter and jelly economics, and the deeply important question of whether a glowing baseball over a Michigan lake is government evidence.

It’s an episode about friendship, athletic failure, alien physics, and the kind of conversations that start with baseball and end somewhere near war.gov/UFOs.