The Business of Being Yourself with Tiffany Han (formerly Raise Your Hand Say Yes)

It's easy to think of destruction as something negative (and thus to be feared). And our fear around it often limits us and keeps us stuck.     Today, I’m showing a different perspective of destruction, one that can be used to embrace it as a way of unbuilding and a chipping away of things as we rebuild our lives.   Tune in as I talk about the power of destruction, when it is a positive thing, how to welcome unbuilding in your life, where to start in the rebuilding and how to have faith in your personal agency. Enjoy!   What I said:   "You can simultaneously be grateful for what you have and want things to be different and better."   "If you live on a tightrope but are always clinging to the edge, you have nowhere to go."    "If we let fear run our lives and make our decisions, the thing that we're most afraid of usually becomes true."   Those Timestamps:   04:19 - The fear of destruction 12:27 - Self-fulfilling prophecy of fear, The limiting power of fear 17:46 - Unbuilding: Why destruction isn't always a bad thing 22:10 - Chipping away and welcoming destruction 27:14 - Faith in your personal agency   Show Notes:   How to Have the Life You Want Webinar replay   Agency Archetypes Training replay   Take the Agency Archetypes Quiz   Get on the early-bird notification list for the RYHSY Inner Circle   Submit a q or topic idea for a future podcast episode   Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of Fear RYHSY Episode   12 Stages of Burnout RYHSY Episode

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How do you grapple with uncertainty? How do you find your footing when the only thing that feels guaranteed right now is chaos? How do you step into faith when keeping all your current balls in the air feels overwhelming?   This week, I walk you through juggling the unknowns. We are going to talk about moving forward during uncertainty, decision making and why you need to trust yourself, the value of constantly refilling your well, practicing self-care, and how to find faith amidst the unknown.     And a simple reminder: your job is not to have all the answers. Your job is to have faith.   What I Said:   "It's important that you refill yourself so that you have the energy to fully show up."    "Difficulties don't mean you are doing things wrong; it is part of what shows that you are doing them right."   "There is nothing wrong with not knowing. Stop looking for the absolute Right Answer."   "Faith takes practice (and an ongoing commitment to something you can't see)."   Those Timestamps:   02:45 - How to move forward in uncertain times 13:18 - Decision making, discernment, and trusting yourself 19:59 - The 'absolute right answer' dilemma 24:22 - How to start finding faith in the unknown   Show Notes:   RSVP for the How to Have the Life You Want Webinar   Take the Agency Archetypes Quiz   Get on the early-bird notification list for the RYHSY Inner Circle   Submit a q or topic idea for a future podcast episode

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tiffanyhan.substack.com/subscribe

This week, I'm talking all things self-care with Vanessa Mentor, coach, teacher and the creator of Living Unrestrained. 

As an advocate of self-care, Vanessa helps people re-learn how to give without over-giving and love without people-pleasing so they can live the life they say they want.

In this episode, Vanessa and I tackle sanity and self-care, being fierce in attending to yourself and your needs, pausing and easing, how to reframe busyness into intentional choices, and what it truly means to be generous. 

We also talk about how self-care is a radical act that's especially needed right now and flip a few things you might be thinking about taking care of yourself on their head!

Episode Quotes:

"Self-care is a set of learnable skills that starts with self-awareness."

"If you want to help somebody, get yourself together." - Wendy Palmer

"True self-care can never be selfish nor indulgent."

"By caring for ourselves, we increase our capacity."

"Self-care allows us to activate our sovereignty. Every day."

Those Timestamps:

04:42 - Sanity, self-awareness, self-care 10:36 - Self-care tips when life is busy 18:33 - The power of pausing and self-generosity 28:08 - What it (really) means to be generous 33:51 - Ways to start practicing self-care 40:45 - How ease can actually lead to more power 50:33 - The feminine self-care: now not later

Show Notes: 

Vanessa's Instagram   RSVP for the How to Have the Life You Want Webinar   Take the Agency Archetypes Quiz   Get on the early-bird notification list for the RYHSY Inner Circle   Submit a q or topic idea for a future podcast episode

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tiffanyhan.substack.com/subscribe

This week, I'm talking about guilt. The guilt of letting people down we try to avoid. The guilt of living out of alignment we try to avoid. The guilt of not doing "enough" we try to avoid. (Yeah. Can you see a theme here?)   In this episode, I'm sharing how to grapple with all of that guilt, the importance of being rooted and grounded in yourself, understanding your core values and what matters most to you, and what it means to live a life in alignment with your values. (And, why, at the end of the day, guilt isn't the most important thing to pay attention to.)   What I said:   "Challenges don't mean it is bad or that you shouldn't be there. Often it means that we are on the right track."   "The moment of guilt doesn't have to define our character."   "When we get grounded in ourselves, we are less likely to live at the whims of trends."   "It is essential that you are aware of your own unique set of core values."   "There is a deeper peace and freedom when we live in a way that is in alignment with our values."   Those Timestamps   02:36 - Summer Learning Lab coming soon 04:26 – Recognize that there's not 100% unbumpy solution  09:38 - The ‘helicopter’ approach to guilt management 14:59 - Get Rooted! Be your own anchor 21:15 - Understand what matters most to you 26:43 - Faith and integrity 29:21 - Be willing to have constant interventions with yourself   Show Notes: RSVP for the How to Have the Life You Want Webinar    Take the Agency Archetypes Quiz    Get on the early-bird notification list for the RYHSY Inner Circle    Submit a q or topic idea for a future podcast episode 

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tiffanyhan.substack.com/subscribe

What do you think about when you hear the word "enough?"

In this episode, I’m going to tackle what I see as two different (and often competing!) realms of being and doing enough and then offer ways to help you redefine the word according to your own standards. (Amen and hallelujah to that, right?!)

First: Am I enough? This is all about YOU and how it feels to be you in your life and showing up to yourself.

Second: Am I doing enough? AKA why having a strong value of service does not mean you have to sacrifice your humanity in order to show up for the world.

I also cover the power of your values, self-alignment, the importance of not measuring your worth based on somebody else's standards, and why those tiny little steps are the way to start. Oh! And then I wrap it all up with talk of seeds, harvest, and how to make an orchard with your life.

Things I said:

"Live your life and prove to yourself what you are capable of."

"If an idea won't leave you alone, that is the sign that you are the person being gifted with that dream and vision."

"Service does not mean that you have to sacrifice your humanity."

"If you're measuring your worth based on somebody else's standards it will be impossible to live up to that." 

"The only starts that we can make are small starts...one step at time."

"Don't let that voice that tells you 'You are not enough' keep you from doing anything at all."

Those Timestamps

00:43 - Am I enough? - YOU, purpose, and service

10:35 - Reckoning with discomfort

14:36 - Are you doing enough? 

18:20 - Values and self-alignment

23:02 - Stop letting others decide for you

28:53 - The power of small steps

32:17 - The apple seed metaphor

Show Notes:

Take the Agency Archetypes Quiz

Get on the early-bird notification list for the RYHSY Inner Circle

Submit a q or topic idea for a future podcast episode

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tiffanyhan.substack.com/subscribe

**RSVP for the Agency Archetypes Training on 6/30 at 11am PST**

This week, I'm talking about doubt and saying yes.

More specifically, I'm going to talk about how, I've shifted from thinking that "doubt means don't" to seeing doubt as a requisite part of the raise your hand say yes process and what it has shown and taught me about living life in integrity and alignment with my values.

I also tackle the commonly-heard phrase "If it's not a hell yes, it's a no" and offer a nuanced approach to both that phrase as well as the 5 different yes's I want you to consider, as well as the one that's the most important and easiest to ignore.

My goal for this episode is to give you insight into things that get in your way that you can shift as well as some new ways to think about your obligations, priorities, and how what you most want is likely found in what you're most likely to avoid.

Episode Quotes

"We have to make peace with the doubt and know that it's a part of the process."

"The hardest part is how to keep going. The hardest part is how to get back up when you've been humbled."

"When we only say yes out of obligation, we are shutting off the flow of spirit."

Those Timestamps

04:05 - Finding faith, Making peace with doubts

13:59 - When you stumble, you get back up 

21:34 - The 'easy' and 'safe' yeses 

26:32 - The 'obligatory' yes

36:56 - The 'OMG! I'll do it!' yes

37:42 - The 'Oh F**k I kinda hate this I kinda love this!' yes

39:55 - Self-communion and self-agency

Show Notes:

RSVP for the Archetypes training

Take the Agency Archetypes Quiz

Get on the early-bird notification list for the RYHSY Inner Circle

Submit a q or topic idea for a future podcast episode

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tiffanyhan.substack.com/subscribe

I am super excited to be bringing Natalie Lue back to the podcast. Natalie is an author, speaker, teacher, and podcaster at Baggage Reclaim Sessions, where she helps people get address all the things - lack of self-worth, habits, relationships - that are standing in their way of living the life that they want. 

Listen to my previous episode with Natalie on boundaries, emotions, and the dark side of people pleasing.  (This episode was such an aha moment for me!)

This episode was recorded the first week of May, so you’ll hear us talk about the COVID-19 lockdown (and what it has to teach us!), what to do when people are continuously letting you down, what it means to sit in our discomfort, the importance of self-awareness and slowing down before we reach burnout, what our relationships can teach us about ourselves, and how to even recognize what we actually want and need.

Nat, you are a gift! Thank you for coming back on the show!

Episode Quotes:

"Burnout is not just a cause of work, burnout can occur in any area of our life."

"We have to learn to read our surroundings and not just live in the past." 

"We have to recognize that each of us have our own personal bandwidth that encompasses our emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health."

"The more things that we say YES to that really we don't need to is the less bandwidth we have."

"If we are always being all things to all people, we lose that self-connection."

"Stop saying YES to things that make you feel like s**t."

Those Timestamps:

04:37 - Quarantine life reflections, slow down and dodge burnout

14:24 - How to deal with relationship anxiety

24:07 - Self-awareness and paying attention to one's needs

37:54 - Professor Life: understanding life's bandwidth 

46:23 - Task numbing and what it means to sit in our discomfort 

51:50 - When to say YES and when to say NO

Show Notes:

Connect with Tiffany on Insta

Get Tiffany's newsletter and stay in the know

Inner Circle VIP list (for early-bird applications)

Connect with Natalie
Site | Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Baggage Reclaim Podcast

Nat's previous RYHSY episode

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tiffanyhan.substack.com/subscribe

This week, I'm tackling a question I get a lot: how do I balance slowing down with the big goals that I have for myself? Do I have to choose one or the other?

Short answer: no.

Longer answer: there's a lot to consider here.

We’ve been programmed to think that BIG is BETTER. The thing is, playing big is often what our ego wants. And it's easy to demand of ourselves that we do ALL THE THINGS IMMEDIATELY. (Which only leads to burnout and not being able to make progress on much at all!)

So where do you go instead? What if focusing on playing small is actually the starting place?

If you’re someone who feels disconnected to your life, or you feel connected to your life but feel disconnected to yourself, then this one's for you. You'll hear about the value of getting granular with your life, why ‘sitting still’ could be empowering, keeping your focus on the life that you want, self-compassion, and taking bold actions. Enjoy!

Things I said:

"We can actually get closer to the lives that we want by learning how to play small in order to play big."

 

"The things that feel small might actually be the most powerful expressions of you and your gifts in the world."

 

"How we do one thing is how we do everything."

 

"In the hard moments, your number one job is to stay put."

 

"The core of the life you want is rooted in your values, personal agency, self-care and compassion."

Those Timestamps:

02:00 - You've got big work to do

07:40 - Playing Big vs. Playing Small

15:10 - Getting granular with your life

22:38 - The power of 'sitting still' in hard moments 

25:11 - Personal agency, self-care, self-compassion

34:25 - Ditching your "Yeah, But" 

38:05 - Go play small, get granular!

Show Notes:

Take the Agency Archetypes Quiz

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tiffanyhan.substack.com/subscribe

Rather than this week's regularly-scheduled episode, I'm using this time to address my commitment to learning and growing and being anti-racist. Please check out the resources in the show notes for further insight on how you can help and get involved.

Show Notes:

Anti-Racism Resources

75 Things White People Can Do for Racial Justice

Black Lives Matter

NAACP Legal Defense Fund

How to be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

White Fragility by Robin D'Angelo

I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tiffanyhan.substack.com/subscribe

This week, I’m joined by Gina Senarighi, relationship coach, retreat leader, speaker, and author specializing in human connection, intimacy, authenticity, shame-resilience, and alternative relationships. Yes. She does a lot and is so smart!

Y'all are for a treat this week as we talk about how to live in relationship with ourselves and others, why putting all your eggs in the self-love basket may not be serving you, how to make the changes in your life (that actually stick!) and do the things that you love (even if you're not sure where to start!), what self-alignment at home and at work looks like and why pleasure is essential -- but shouldn't feel like a daunting endeavor. Enjoy, enjoy!

Things that were said:

"It's the micro changes that we make that builds whatever change we want long term." 

"Our relationships with other people are founded in the relationship we have with our self.”

"Shame never motivates long term behavior change or sustainable changes in people's lives."

"Sometimes learning to love yourself comes in learning along with somebody else." 

"When we start to savor the pleasures that we can add in to our day then it becomes less like all or nothing."

Those Timestamps!

04:44 - Importance of micro changes to make big changes in your life 

08:17 - How your relationship with yourself sets your relationship with others

10:31 - Practical tips to find your way back to yourself

14:05 - How to not shrink yourself in relationships

20:46 - Self-alignment at work and at home

27:38 - Exercises for self-checking

30:18 - How to take action on things that will make you feel better

36:34 - Why chasing self-love before thinking about relationships may not be serving you

38:11 - Ways to improve motivation and reliability in the things you do

45:23 - Permission to pleasure amidst our busy lives

Show Notes:

Take the Agency Archetypes Quiz

Connect with Gina:
Site | Instagram | Facebook

Gina's podcast: Swoon

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tiffanyhan.substack.com/subscribe