The Calm Living Blueprint: Social Anxiety | Anxiety | Stress | Mindfulness | Inner Peace

What if you could be the hero of your life?

What if I told you that there is formula to living a heroic life? What if there was a basic framework, a roadmap that anybody could follow in order to become the hero of their own life?

Well, there is. In this episode I’ll walk you through the exact formula step by step…

Key Points Re: Hero of your Life

* The mythologist, Joseph Campbell, discovered a pattern in any story in which an ordinary person accomplishes something heroic – what he called “The Hero’s Journey.”

* The journey begins and ends in a hero’s ordinary world, but the quest passes through an unfamiliar, special world. Along the way there are some key events.

* The Hero’s Journey is ultimately a story of personal transformation. An ordinary person becomes stronger than she thought possible in order to achieve a purpose that is bigger than her.

* Joseph Campbell said, “In the cave you fear to enter lies the treasure you seek.” What’s the symbolic cave you fear to enter?

* It’s about learning the vital truth about yourself and confronting what scares you most.

* There are five things every hero needs in order to complete their quest:

* Purpose

* Allies

* Skills

* Challenges

* Inspiration

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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Listen for your call to adventure. Or maybe you’ve already heard it, but are ignoring it.

Accept the challenge. Start cutting your own path into that forest.

Conquer your fear.

Claim the treasure that is yours to claim.

And then, do it all over again.

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I want to know what you thought about this episode…

Leave me a review on iTunes or send me a message on the Calm Living Blueprint Facebook Page (are you a fan yet? If not, what are you waiting for, come join our community).

What’s the only problem you really have?

What is the one illusion that most of us believe, that if we were to question it, to let go of it, would solve all of our so-called problems?

Big set-up, I know.

Have a listen to this podcast episode and decide for yourself if I “deliver’ on the answer 😉

Key Points Re: The Only Problem

* Have you ever done, thought, or felt anything outside of the now? Is it possible for anything to happen or be outside of the now?

* Nothing ever happened in the past. Nothing will ever happen in the future. It all happens in the now, in the present.

* Time is an illusion.

* All suffering stems from resistance to what is in this moment, an unwillingness to accept the present moment and allow it to be as it is.

* Right now you may believe that your suffering or problems are due to specific situations in your life, but your so-called problems are interchangeable. If all of your problems were miraculously removed from your life today, but you did not become more present, you would soon find yourself in a similar set of circumstances, with a new set of problems, but problems nonetheless.

* Ultimately, there is only one problem: buying into the illusion of time, believing the past and future as reality.

* When you eliminate time, you eliminate ego. Because ego can only exist in the past or future. Ego cannot exist in the present moment.

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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I encourage you, right now, in this moment to make a choice for yourself: No matter what happens, I will create no more pain for myself. I will create no more problems.

Say it aloud. Say it until you mean it. Say it until you feel it as truth deep down in your soul.

Say yes to whatever is happening in the present moment. Let go of any resistance to being in the here and now, to experiencing this moment just as it is. It already is, so why fight it?

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I’m interested in hearing how things go for you, how you make out living in the moment. I invite you to leave a comment below…

Is loneliness a choice?

Now, I know the title of this podcast episode may be controversial.

I mean no offence by it and I think you’ll understand that, along with what I mean by it once you’ve listened to the episode. So, as always, I just ask you to keep an open mind and notice if what I say resonates with you or not. If it does, wonderful, I encourage you to put it into practice in your own life. If not, that’s okay, too.

Key Points Re: Loneliness is a Choice

* Our false self – our ego – only really ever finds itself in the reflection of others. That’s why it doesn’t tend to do very well when it’s alone because it’s not getting any reflection. And, as a result, it tends to go inside and the reflection it gets inside is usually not very pretty… a negative reflection usually – we tend to be very hard on ourselves.

* What creates these feelings inside us though? Is it the situation itself – being alone, the present moment that you are living in? Or is it caused by believing the thoughts and the stories that your mind is telling you – by believing what your mind is telling you about being alone?

* Be willing to slow down and question it. Get very specific – what is the specific thought, the specific sentence that is causing the feeling of loneliness in you? Not just, my thoughts in the general sense or as a vague notion – what is the exact, specific thought that is creating this discomfort for you?

* The emotion – loneliness in this case – is not who you are. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking there is something wrong with you. The ego loves making yourself into a problem. You’re not a problem that needs to fixed.

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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Take action to first understand the loneliness, to allow yourself to feel whatever it is you’re feeling, to question its validity, to cultivate self-awareness, and to connect with the unlimited love and peace within yourself by showing unconditional love toward yourself. Then take action towards connecting in this same way with others.

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Are you having trouble finding focus amidst distraction?

Is it just me or does it seem like we are becoming more and more bombarded by distractions?

Email notifications, Twitter and Facebook messages, ringing phones, beeps from mobile devices. As I’m writing this I probably have a dozen tabs open in my internet browser. All these gadgets, all this information battling for our attention. Not to mention other possible distractions like noises in the environment, the chatter of co-workers, crying children, someone calling a meeting, all the papers scattered all over our desk, advertisements, the television blaring, and on and on.

In a sense, it’s an addiction.

There’s instant positive feedback – right away you’re rewarded with something pleasurable – saying laughing at a friend’s post on Facebook – and you don’t feel the negative consequences until much later. The negative feedback – time lost, more important tasks being put off – all that is delayed.

In addition to preventing us from getting done what we want to get done, distractions and lack of focus can affect our peace of mind, our stress levels and our happiness.

The fact is we need some quiet, we need time to reflect and contemplate, some time where our minds can rest. Those distractions are stresses our minds were not meant to handle. We’re not adapted to dealing effectively with all these distractions.

So what can we do about all this?

Listen on…

Key Points Re: Find Focus Amidst Distraction

* Break the addiction by breaking the cycle of positive feedback

* Identify your triggers

* Identify what you’re getting out of the addiction

* Is the addiction meeting some emotional need?

* Find a new, positive habit to break the old habit

* Change each trigger one at a time

* Create negative instant feedback for the old habit

* Improve your focus by creating rituals

* Schedule out “blocks of focus”

* Modify your environment to support focus

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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Find something awesome to focus on.

Clear everything else away.

Focus on that awesome something.

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Have you had thoughts of suicide?

I want to have an honest conversation about suicide.

I know there’s many people who work in suicide prevention that say you have to be careful about this kind of thing. I get that. But I think sometimes we’re a little too careful… so careful that little ends up being said. People feel like they can’t talk about suicide… or can only do so behind closed doors.

Unfortunately, I think suicide – even now in this day and age – is a taboo topic.

We have to talk about this. How else are we going to help reduce the suicide rates if we don’t have real, honest conversations about suicide?

If you’ve thought about suicide, if you’ve attempted suicide know that you’re not alone.

What if all of us – from the student to the doctor to the artist to the stockbroker to the tech worker to the teacher and on and on – shared our story?  Because we do all have a story.

I know for myself and from speaking to clients, people are relieved to know they are not alone.

The fact is anyone can have suicidal thoughts. Anyone. Even the so-called “best of us” or “strongest of us.”

What if being open about suicide could make us stronger?

What if by talking about it we made suicide one of those things that years from now we’ll look back and wonder why we ever whispered about it?

So it’s in that spirit that I want to share my own story with you…

Key Points Re: Thoughts of Suicide

* You are not alone

* Sometimes we can’t possibly imagine the amount of pain that the people around us are in.  It’s why we can’t possibly overestimate the importance of kindness and empathy.

* Listening with our hearts matters. Advice rarely matters. Listening to the story that perhaps the individual themselves isn’t even able to tell – that’s what matters.

* The thing with suicide is that even though it seems so personal (and of course it is), it is also part of our collective. Even if it seemingly manifests through one person, it’s carried by our entire community.

* I want you to know that if you feel suicidal it doesn’t mean you are a bad person or weak or flawed in any way. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die. It only means that in this moment you have more pain than you can cope with right now.

* People turn to suicide because they seek relief from pain. That’s why I did… but I want you to remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it.  You can feel relief, but only if you’re alive.

* My experience with suicide has taught me that our greatest needs can also be our greatest strengths… we learn to give that which we need.

Resources to Reach Out To

1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) – National Hopeline Network

1-800-273-TALK (8255) – National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

To find a crisis centre nearest you…

Canada: http://suicideprevention.ca/need-help/

United States: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/our-network/

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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So there’s something that I’ve been reflecting on lately that I thought I would share… this aspect of life that sometimes the hardest thing to do is to live exactly where you are and as who you are.

Have you ever felt that?

It’s a funny thing… growing up no one teaches you how to do that – to just live.

Each morning we wake up caught between the person we once were and the person we are becoming, between the life you once lived and the one you are creating.

And you’re kind of left to wonder if it’s possible to ever find some peace in that space between yesterday and tomorrow.

So that’s what this episode is about – how we can embrace where we are right now and the fact that that is exactly where we need to be.

Key Points Re: Where You Need To Be

* An important question: “Why do I really want to change this part of myself?”

* How can you come to self-acceptance? What does that path look like? Here are a few things that I’ve found that helped me:

* Love Your Yesterdays

* Dream of Tomorrow

* Embrace Today

* It comes down to self-acceptance

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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Reflect upon the questions posed in this episode.

How can you apply the three suggestions in your own life?

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Do you set New Year’s resolutions? Do you know how to make resolutions so that they actually stick?

I know some people laugh off the idea of setting resolutions and I don’t blame them… I think the statistic is that by the end of January something like 92% of resolutions have already failed.

Doesn’t exactly conjure up hope, does it? If most people fail when it comes to sticking to their resolutions no wonder so many decide not to set any resolutions at all.

Well, I want to share with you how we can improve our lives, why change is possible and how we can prevent ourselves from getting in the same rut again this year.

It’s just a matter of knowing why typical resolutions don’t work in the first place and how a shift in your perspective about resolutions can make all the difference…

Key Points Re: How to Make Resolutions Stick

* People tend to try to accomplish too much all at once. A study done at Stanford University showed that the more goals the subjects in the study made, the less likely they were to achieve them. So remember, you can always add a new action step or goal at a later time.

* People will try to do the really hard habits right away, which makes it much more likely for you to become overwhelmed or intimidated by the difficulty and then quit.

* A really common mistake is when people depend on discipline to get them through. Unfortunately, this isn’t how human nature works… if we really don’t want to do something we won’t be able to force ourselves to do it for very long.

* Resolutions are often too vague. Like people say they are going to exercise. Where’s the concrete plan in that statement? What kind of exercise? For how long? On which days? For the purpose of what?

* 5 simple resolution stickiness strategies are:

* Use the snowball effect

* Program your habits, not your effort

* Build in automatic accountability

* Tweak your default

* Avoid the happiness trap

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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Pick a habit for the new year. Just one habit to start with.

Commit as publicly as possible to creating this new habit in the next 2 months.

[Hint Hint: Why not tell us about it in the private Calm Living Community on Facebook?]

Break the habit down into at least 8 baby steps, starting with a ridiculously easy step.

Choose a trigger for your habit.

Do the first, really easy baby step for one week, right after your trigger.

Each week move on to a slightly harder step.

Then just repeat the process with habit #2.

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I often find myself incorporating Nelson Mandela’s story and how he approached life, his attitude, into the Calm Living Blueprint because I think it offers a wonderful example of taking committed action even in the face of fear, pain and discomfort.

So that’s what I want to examine in this podcast episode – five lessons I’ve learned from Mr. Mandela’s example.

Key Points Re: Mandela’s Example

Lesson #1: The actions of confidence come first; the feelings of confidence come later.

Lesson #2: Self-acceptance.

Lesson #3: Practice being in the here and now.

Lesson #4: Clarify your values and use those as your motivation, your guiding compass towards taking committed action.

Lesson #5: Persist. You can keep taking committed action even after you’ve so-called quit or given up or gotten lost.

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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Is it ever too late?

The other day one of my clients said, “Maybe it’s too late for me.” She felt defeated, like things had never gone right for her and she felt hopeless that things would ever go right for her.

Now, this wasn’t a one-time thought. This particular person had this thought before. I’ve had other clients share similar hopeless thoughts and feelings before. I myself have had these thoughts before.

Maybe you have, too. Maybe you’ve gotten to a place where you start questioning yourself…

Are my best days behind me? Is it too late? Have I missed out on my life? Have I missed my big opportunity? Is the rest of my life just more of the same old same old?

Well, as I told my client: nothing could be further from the truth. And I actually know that to be a fact. And in this podcast episode I’ll share how I know that to be fact and I’ll offer some tips to handle these types of hopeless thoughts and feelings so that they don’t inhibit you from doing what you want to do.

Key Points Re: Ever Too Late

* You are not alone in your doubts and struggles

* For scientific proof check out the Positive Aging Newsletter

* I encourage you to check out the book, The Noticer, by Andy Andrews

* Here’s a quote I love from the book:

If you are breathing, you are still alive. If you are alive, then you are still here, physically, on this planet. If you are still here, then you have not completed what you were put on earth to do . . . that means your very purpose has not yet been fulfilled. If your purpose has not yet been fulfilled, then the most important part of your life has not yet been lived. And if the most important part of your life has not yet been lived . . That is my proof of hope.

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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To strengthen your resiliency practice elevating your perspective. There’s a significant difference between having big problems and making your problems big. By elevating your perspective you’ll be able to see your problems for what they are: hurdles to be scaled, sure, but not “end of the world” catastrophes that are insurmountable.

Another thing you can do is ask yourself, “Am I letting my situation define me?”

Have you allowed yourself to be defined by a past event in your life? And is that definition holding you back from being the person you want to be?

Focus on what’s in your control. Why waste your energy complaining about what you can’t do, don’t want or can’t have? Make the most of what you can do with the resources you currently have.

And, finally, don’t go it alone. Research shows that people who have stronger support networks cope better in difficult times. Don’t let false pride, timidity, or trying to avoid appearing needy keep you from reaching out, sharing what you’re dealing with and asking for support. It could literally add years to your life.

So if you don’t have that in your life right now, if you don’t have a support system, seek it out. That’s one of the big reasons why I created the Calm Living Blueprint – to create a safe, non-judgemental community of people who can support each other.

Join our private Facebook group for a safe place to come and to be around people who “get it.”

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What do I mean by the seeds of calm lie in anxiety?

Well… the idea for today’s podcast episode came to me as I was reflecting on how to better help people open up and make space for feelings of anxiety rather than continuing to struggle with them. That’s something we’ve talked about in previous episodes, however it’s also one of those things that can be easier said than done.

So upon reflecting on my own experience I realized that the biggest shift for me in regards to being able to make space for anxiety came when I shifted my perspective of anxiety – when I changed how I viewed anxiety.

In today’s episode I’d like to share how I shifted by perspective on anxiety, how I shifted my consciousness and how I came to look at it as a gift.

Yes, I said “a gift.”

Key Points Re: Seeds of Calm

* Yin and yang are opposite sides of the same coin so to speak. They are opposites, yet they are interdependent upon each other. They can’t exist without one another. And one can be transformed into the other and vice versa.

* Yin and yang are rooted in one another

* There are seeds of sadness in happiness and opportunities in every risk. And there are seeds of calm in anxiety.

* Just as yin can be transformed into yang, we have the power to transform anxiety into calm.

* As Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”

* Change the way you look at anxiety and the anxiety itself changes.

* What if viewing anxiety only as a curse or an unhealed wound sets us up to be dominated by a sense of resentment and fear?

* When we have this kind of relationship with anxiety, do we not then tend to look at it as an enemy, and so we become defensive towards it? And when we become defensive, don’t we get even more tense instead of calm like we really want to feel?

* What if, instead, we chose to shift our perspective and view anxiety as a source of healing, as a gift?

* If anxiety is a message born within you, speaking to you through you, then it’s within you to heal.

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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From a healing intention, I encourage you to join me in observing anxiety differently.

What if anxiety is a doorway to healing?

What if instead of a curse or unhealed wound, anxiety is a gift?

What if the seeds of calm lie within anxiety itself?

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