Love or fear? Which do you choose?

As I was reflecting on what the topic could be for this podcast episode I became aware that we’ve talked a lot about fear. And, rightly so… I believe that at the heart of all anxiety, depression, self-hatred, feelings of unworthiness… if we go deep enough, if we peel back enough layers… we always find fear at their root.

But I find myself being a bit concerned about focusing on fear so much… I liken my concern to the same reason I don’t believe all those anti-whatever campaigns will ever be effective – anti-drugs, anti-cancer, anti-war and on and on. All the focus of those campaigns is on the darkness. Fighting, battle. The energy behind all those campaigns is fear. And what are you ultimately going to get with fear? Where are you going to get by trying to get rid of the darkness?

So in today’s episode I want to bring in the light.

In a sense we’re still talking about fear… but we’re approaching it differently. We’re not trying to rid ourselves of the darkness, we are bringing in the light.

And to do that I want to talk about love.

Let’s talk about love.

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What is your love manifesto?

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Okay, fess up. We all do it. I’m talking about comparing ourselves to others.

Yeah. You ever catch yourself doing that while you’re browsing Instagram or Facebook? When you overhear someone’s good news about a job promotion or a vacation that they are taking?

How does comparing yourself to others make you feel? Generally not good, right? So in this episode we’re going to explore why we compare, how we compare and, most importantly, how to break free from this heartbreakingly futile habit.

Key Points Re: Comparing Yourself to Others

* We look at what others are doing and we wish we were doing that too. We look at how others look and we wish we looked the same way. We look at how others act and we wish we acted the same way.

* And all this comparing just makes us feel bad. It’s one of the most common reasons why people are not content with their lives – because we compare ourselves so much to others.

* What we don’t consider or realize, however, is that the truth is we’re comparing ourselves to an ideal, a fantasy. We’re comparing ourselves to something that doesn’t even exist, an illusion our mind has created.

* What is going to serve you better? Wishing you were someone else or loving where you are, loving what you are doing and loving who you are with?

* And think about what we are doing, too, to the person we compare ourselves to… in a sense, we’re doing them a disservice, aren’t we? We end up feeling resentful towards not only ourselves, but towards them, too. A comparison is a type of judgement. We’re judging them. And when we judge someone are we truly loving them?

* How to break free from this habit:

* Bring awareness

* Pause

* Shift your focus

* Accept

* Find inspiration

* There’s a freedom in knowing – in truly knowing – that what we have, who we are – is already enough.

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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Be aware. Pause. Shift your focus. Accept. Find inspiration.

Catch yourself the next time you’re comparing yourself to others and practice these simple steps.

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I want to know what you thought about this episode. Leave me a review on iTunes or send me a message on the Calm Living Blueprint Facebook Page (are you a fan yet? If not, what are you waiting for, come join our community).

What if you could be the hero of your life?

What if I told you that there is formula to living a heroic life? What if there was a basic framework, a roadmap that anybody could follow in order to become the hero of their own life?

Well, there is. In this episode I’ll walk you through the exact formula step by step…

Key Points Re: Hero of your Life

* The mythologist, Joseph Campbell, discovered a pattern in any story in which an ordinary person accomplishes something heroic – what he called “The Hero’s Journey.”

* The journey begins and ends in a hero’s ordinary world, but the quest passes through an unfamiliar, special world. Along the way there are some key events.

* The Hero’s Journey is ultimately a story of personal transformation. An ordinary person becomes stronger than she thought possible in order to achieve a purpose that is bigger than her.

* Joseph Campbell said, “In the cave you fear to enter lies the treasure you seek.” What’s the symbolic cave you fear to enter?

* It’s about learning the vital truth about yourself and confronting what scares you most.

* There are five things every hero needs in order to complete their quest:

* Purpose

* Allies

* Skills

* Challenges

* Inspiration

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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Listen for your call to adventure. Or maybe you’ve already heard it, but are ignoring it.

Accept the challenge. Start cutting your own path into that forest.

Conquer your fear.

Claim the treasure that is yours to claim.

And then, do it all over again.

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I want to know what you thought about this episode…

Leave me a review on iTunes or send me a message on the Calm Living Blueprint Facebook Page (are you a fan yet? If not, what are you waiting for, come join our community).

What’s the only problem you really have?

What is the one illusion that most of us believe, that if we were to question it, to let go of it, would solve all of our so-called problems?

Big set-up, I know.

Have a listen to this podcast episode and decide for yourself if I “deliver’ on the answer 😉

Key Points Re: The Only Problem

* Have you ever done, thought, or felt anything outside of the now? Is it possible for anything to happen or be outside of the now?

* Nothing ever happened in the past. Nothing will ever happen in the future. It all happens in the now, in the present.

* Time is an illusion.

* All suffering stems from resistance to what is in this moment, an unwillingness to accept the present moment and allow it to be as it is.

* Right now you may believe that your suffering or problems are due to specific situations in your life, but your so-called problems are interchangeable. If all of your problems were miraculously removed from your life today, but you did not become more present, you would soon find yourself in a similar set of circumstances, with a new set of problems, but problems nonetheless.

* Ultimately, there is only one problem: buying into the illusion of time, believing the past and future as reality.

* When you eliminate time, you eliminate ego. Because ego can only exist in the past or future. Ego cannot exist in the present moment.

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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I encourage you, right now, in this moment to make a choice for yourself: No matter what happens, I will create no more pain for myself. I will create no more problems.

Say it aloud. Say it until you mean it. Say it until you feel it as truth deep down in your soul.

Say yes to whatever is happening in the present moment. Let go of any resistance to being in the here and now, to experiencing this moment just as it is. It already is, so why fight it?

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I’m interested in hearing how things go for you, how you make out living in the moment. I invite you to leave a comment below…

How do you know if you have trouble dealing with expectations? Well…

Ever have thoughts like “I have to be this, “I should be that,” “I must do this or that?”

Or perhaps you perceive external pressure from others believing that they think you should, have to or must?

Or maybe you say that of others… he or she should, has to or must…

Yeah, we all have had these thoughts at points in our lives. These are expectations – expectations that we put on ourselves, we perceive that others place upon us or that we place upon others.

We can have expectations when it comes to ourselves and others, and we can have expectations when it comes to the situations that we find ourselves in.

Have you found yourself wishing that your current situation was different than what it is?

How often have you wanted a relationship to be something that it is not?

How often have you wished you were something that you are not? Or that someone in your life was different than what they are?

How do you feel when you believe those thoughts? When you believe and apply these expectations?

You feel bad, right? At the very least, not good. Perhaps you feel less than, no good, that you didn’t live up to the expectations. Often the primary emotion is disappointment – disappointment that you didn’t live up to your own expectations or others’ expectations or that other people didn’t live up to your expectations or that your life situation isn’t living up to your expectations.

Ultimately, all expectations end in disappointment or heartbreak.

So, how can we deal with expectations – expectations of ourselves, from others, that we hold others to and of our life situations – so that we no longer feel disappointment as a result?

Key Points Re: Dealing With Expectations

* Let go of judging. Think of nothing that happens as being either “good” or “bad.” Release yourself, others and the situation from judgments.

* Accept the present moment as is. Meet yourself where you are. Meet others where they are.

* What happens when you are no longer burdened by thoughts of judgement?

* Without the human mind, when we aren’t entangled up in our thoughts, things just happen, free of judgment, free of expectations. It’s only when we apply our filter of judgements and expectations set out by our minds, by our egos, that things become disappointing, that people can ever disappoint us.

* When people disappoint you it’s not really their fault. They are just being who they are. It’s no one’s fault. Just be aware that it’s your expectations, which are a function of ego that caused the feelings of disappointment in you.

* When we judge we don’t seek to understand. When we judge we’ve already made up our minds, we’ve already come to our conclusion. So when we stop judging we allow ourselves the opportunity to understand and when we understand better we can make wiser choices, and, as a result, take more effective action based on those wiser choices.

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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I encourage you to test this out for yourself… are you willing to find out what happens when you let go of expectations and judgements, of yourself, of others, of your life situations?

Let the love in. Give the love out. See how that changes your life.

Let me know how it goes by leaving a comment below, on iTunes or Facebook. I look forward to hearing about your experiences.

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Is loneliness a choice?

Now, I know the title of this podcast episode may be controversial.

I mean no offence by it and I think you’ll understand that, along with what I mean by it once you’ve listened to the episode. So, as always, I just ask you to keep an open mind and notice if what I say resonates with you or not. If it does, wonderful, I encourage you to put it into practice in your own life. If not, that’s okay, too.

Key Points Re: Loneliness is a Choice

* Our false self – our ego – only really ever finds itself in the reflection of others. That’s why it doesn’t tend to do very well when it’s alone because it’s not getting any reflection. And, as a result, it tends to go inside and the reflection it gets inside is usually not very pretty… a negative reflection usually – we tend to be very hard on ourselves.

* What creates these feelings inside us though? Is it the situation itself – being alone, the present moment that you are living in? Or is it caused by believing the thoughts and the stories that your mind is telling you – by believing what your mind is telling you about being alone?

* Be willing to slow down and question it. Get very specific – what is the specific thought, the specific sentence that is causing the feeling of loneliness in you? Not just, my thoughts in the general sense or as a vague notion – what is the exact, specific thought that is creating this discomfort for you?

* The emotion – loneliness in this case – is not who you are. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking there is something wrong with you. The ego loves making yourself into a problem. You’re not a problem that needs to fixed.

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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Take action to first understand the loneliness, to allow yourself to feel whatever it is you’re feeling, to question its validity, to cultivate self-awareness, and to connect with the unlimited love and peace within yourself by showing unconditional love toward yourself. Then take action towards connecting in this same way with others.

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What if your ego is contributing to your anxiety? Find out how to prevent your ego from holding you back…

Our ego, when we let it, has a tendency to hold us back from living the life we truly want to live. If we’re not aware of how it traps us, we can easily fall under its illusion of reality. And when this happens there’s the risk of furthering uncomfortable feelings like anxiety.

Key Points Re: Prevent Your Ego From Holding You Back

* The problem with a fixed identity is that we have to rearrange reality to conform to this fixed view of ourselves.

* It’s an ineffective attempt at dealing with the uncertainty of life and by trying to hold on to that fixed identity it just causes more struggle and pain for us in the long term.

* Everything is filtered through our fixed identity.

* How attached are you to your opinions of yourself? Who would you be without these opinions?

* We create these fixed ideas – these unchanging views – about ourselves and others as an attempt to escape the ambiguity of being human, the impermanence of life.

* We need to stay present with our uncomfortable feelings and experience without the storyline attached.

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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Remember, when you feel uneasy it’s just a signal you’re contacting the fluidity of life. Don’t hide from these feelings by feeding your ego, your fixed identity… let yourself experience life as it is. See these moments as opportunities.

Be fully present.

Feel your heart.

And engage the next moment without an agenda.

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Are you having trouble finding focus amidst distraction?

Is it just me or does it seem like we are becoming more and more bombarded by distractions?

Email notifications, Twitter and Facebook messages, ringing phones, beeps from mobile devices. As I’m writing this I probably have a dozen tabs open in my internet browser. All these gadgets, all this information battling for our attention. Not to mention other possible distractions like noises in the environment, the chatter of co-workers, crying children, someone calling a meeting, all the papers scattered all over our desk, advertisements, the television blaring, and on and on.

In a sense, it’s an addiction.

There’s instant positive feedback – right away you’re rewarded with something pleasurable – saying laughing at a friend’s post on Facebook – and you don’t feel the negative consequences until much later. The negative feedback – time lost, more important tasks being put off – all that is delayed.

In addition to preventing us from getting done what we want to get done, distractions and lack of focus can affect our peace of mind, our stress levels and our happiness.

The fact is we need some quiet, we need time to reflect and contemplate, some time where our minds can rest. Those distractions are stresses our minds were not meant to handle. We’re not adapted to dealing effectively with all these distractions.

So what can we do about all this?

Listen on…

Key Points Re: Find Focus Amidst Distraction

* Break the addiction by breaking the cycle of positive feedback

* Identify your triggers

* Identify what you’re getting out of the addiction

* Is the addiction meeting some emotional need?

* Find a new, positive habit to break the old habit

* Change each trigger one at a time

* Create negative instant feedback for the old habit

* Improve your focus by creating rituals

* Schedule out “blocks of focus”

* Modify your environment to support focus

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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Find something awesome to focus on.

Clear everything else away.

Focus on that awesome something.

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Have you had thoughts of suicide?

I want to have an honest conversation about suicide.

I know there’s many people who work in suicide prevention that say you have to be careful about this kind of thing. I get that. But I think sometimes we’re a little too careful… so careful that little ends up being said. People feel like they can’t talk about suicide… or can only do so behind closed doors.

Unfortunately, I think suicide – even now in this day and age – is a taboo topic.

We have to talk about this. How else are we going to help reduce the suicide rates if we don’t have real, honest conversations about suicide?

If you’ve thought about suicide, if you’ve attempted suicide know that you’re not alone.

What if all of us – from the student to the doctor to the artist to the stockbroker to the tech worker to the teacher and on and on – shared our story?  Because we do all have a story.

I know for myself and from speaking to clients, people are relieved to know they are not alone.

The fact is anyone can have suicidal thoughts. Anyone. Even the so-called “best of us” or “strongest of us.”

What if being open about suicide could make us stronger?

What if by talking about it we made suicide one of those things that years from now we’ll look back and wonder why we ever whispered about it?

So it’s in that spirit that I want to share my own story with you…

Key Points Re: Thoughts of Suicide

* You are not alone

* Sometimes we can’t possibly imagine the amount of pain that the people around us are in.  It’s why we can’t possibly overestimate the importance of kindness and empathy.

* Listening with our hearts matters. Advice rarely matters. Listening to the story that perhaps the individual themselves isn’t even able to tell – that’s what matters.

* The thing with suicide is that even though it seems so personal (and of course it is), it is also part of our collective. Even if it seemingly manifests through one person, it’s carried by our entire community.

* I want you to know that if you feel suicidal it doesn’t mean you are a bad person or weak or flawed in any way. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die. It only means that in this moment you have more pain than you can cope with right now.

* People turn to suicide because they seek relief from pain. That’s why I did… but I want you to remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it.  You can feel relief, but only if you’re alive.

* My experience with suicide has taught me that our greatest needs can also be our greatest strengths… we learn to give that which we need.

Resources to Reach Out To

1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) – National Hopeline Network

1-800-273-TALK (8255) – National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

To find a crisis centre nearest you…

Canada: http://suicideprevention.ca/need-help/

United States: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/our-network/

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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So there’s something that I’ve been reflecting on lately that I thought I would share… this aspect of life that sometimes the hardest thing to do is to live exactly where you are and as who you are.

Have you ever felt that?

It’s a funny thing… growing up no one teaches you how to do that – to just live.

Each morning we wake up caught between the person we once were and the person we are becoming, between the life you once lived and the one you are creating.

And you’re kind of left to wonder if it’s possible to ever find some peace in that space between yesterday and tomorrow.

So that’s what this episode is about – how we can embrace where we are right now and the fact that that is exactly where we need to be.

Key Points Re: Where You Need To Be

* An important question: “Why do I really want to change this part of myself?”

* How can you come to self-acceptance? What does that path look like? Here are a few things that I’ve found that helped me:

* Love Your Yesterdays

* Dream of Tomorrow

* Embrace Today

* It comes down to self-acceptance

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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Reflect upon the questions posed in this episode.

How can you apply the three suggestions in your own life?

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