The Calm Living Blueprint: Social Anxiety | Anxiety | Stress | Mindfulness | Inner Peace

Ever wonder how to stop ruminating?

Have you ever gotten stuck thinking about a past trauma or negative event, a problem or really any kind of setback… over and over again… you just can’t stop thinking about it… like a hamster running in a hamster wheel in his cage your thoughts just seem to run around and around and around…?

Yeah, that’s called rumination. And the results of a massive study just came out that show rumination – dwelling on the negative – may be the best predictor of depression and anxiety, as well as determining the level of stress people experience.

So in today’s episode we’re going to discuss the results of this study, what the results mean to you, plus we’re going to beyond the results and I’m going to teach you how you can turn rumination in to something to your advantage, a technique you can use to actually lessen anxiety and improve your mood.

Key Points Re: How to Stop Ruminating

* 32 827 people from 127 different countries took part in this online stress test. Here is a link to the study: http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/0/24451567

* Results of the test showed that people who did not ruminate on their difficulties had significantly lower levels of depression and anxiety, even if they had experienced negative events in their lives.

* “Negative” events didn’t cause the depression and anxiety themselves… it was the rumination of these events and people blaming themselves for these events that led to depression and anxiety.

* As you ruminate, you deepen the groves in your brain, intensifying levels of depression and anxiety. Plus, your problem usually remains unresolved and may even become worse due to the fact that you’re probably not acting on it since all your energy is focused on ruminating.

* So the key question is then, how can we reflect on our past experiences and gain insights and meaning from them, without getting caught up in the hamster wheel of rumination?

* When people are able to get distance from their painful memory – when they are able to de-fuse from it – and observe it from a safe place, from a place of pure awareness, it results in significantly less emotional pain, less stress and people are even able to gain better understanding and meaning from their painful experiences.

* And perhaps most importantly, use de-fusion and pure awareness prevents you from falling into the trap of rumination which we know of course leads only to worsening depression and anxiety.

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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Do this the next time you catch yourself ruminating or you can practice it right now by recalling a past experience or memory…

Zoom out until you see yourself within the scene, then zoom out even further so you can see the scene unfold as if you were a stranger who happened to pass by…

Allow the experience or memory to play out in your mind while you maintain that third person, distant perspective.

And use that third person, de-fused, pure awareness perspective whenever you find yourself reflecting on that experience.

Notice if you feel differently looking at things from this perspective. Do you see the event in a different way?

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So, how have you been sleeping? What changes have you made since the last episode to improve your sleep?

In episode 19 we tackled the environmental and behavioural factors that can affect our sleep and what we can do to overcome them and improve upon them to optimize our sleep.

In this episode we’re going to continue to cover the top tips and strategies to help you sleep like a baby, even if you experience anxiety… and we’re going to tackle more of the psychological factors that can affect your sleep.

Key Points Re: How to Sleep Like a Baby

* Saying, “I’m an insomniac” is like saying, “I can’t run because I’m a person who stands still.”

* If you define yourself by what you have done in the past you will repeat the past.If you define yourself as someone who is free to make choices in the present you can change your future.

* Your disturbing emotions and feelings are actually reminding you of what matters to you most.

* There are a variety of simple techniques that work well.

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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Whether you are struggling psychologically with a particular thought, story or feeling that’s making it hard to fall asleep, you now have a way of dealing with it.

Try out the techniques from this episode combined with the strategies from the previous episode… you really have all you need to change your sleeping patterns for the better.

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Let me know how it goes changing your sleeping habits – I’d love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below and tell me about your experience.

Do you sleep like a baby?

Or… Have you ever found yourself lying in bed, staring at the ceiling and wanting to scream out in frustration because you just can’t fall asleep?

You peak at your alarm clock out of the corner of your eye and it reads 3 o’clock! 3 in the freaking morning… And you have to be up at 6! Now you get even more anxious about not falling asleep, thinking, “I have to fall asleep. I’ve got to get those three hours!”

Yeah, I’ve been there, too.

Insomnia can seem hard to cope with and it can be especially draining when you suffer from anxiety.

So in today’s episode we’re going to cover the top tips and strategies to help you sleep like a baby, even if you experience anxiety.

Key Points Re: Sleep Like a Baby

* Insomnia is defined as the inability to fall asleep, remain asleep or get the amount of sleep an individual needs to wake feeling rested. It may involve waking up frequently during the night, waking up too early in the morning, daytime sleepiness, difficulty concentrating and irritability.

* Insomnia can both cause anxiety and be caused by anxiety. Not to mention, sleep deprivation has been linked to increased rates of depression, obesity, diabetes, cancer and heart disease.

* It’s important to address “timing” when it comes to your sleep (ie giving yourself 3 key “pushes”)

* Association is a powerful force; to address it stick to this rule: there are only 2 things you ever do in bed: sleep and make love.

* If you are awake in bed for more than 20 minutes, get up and do something boring.

* There are numerous behavioural changes that impact sleep, such as exercise and nutrition

Stay tuned for part II in the next episode.

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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Your homeplay this week is to start with one of the changes we talked about this episode – whichever one you feel would make the most impact or maybe would be the easiest to get started with.

Our mind and body want to do what they’re used to doing. If you change a little at a time – small steps – and forgive yourself for “messing up” (remember there is no such thing as failure!) the changes will come and you will experience results.

Here’s to a better night’s sleep.

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Let me know how it goes changing your sleeping habits – I’d love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below and tell me about your experience.

 

Would you like to know more about superfoods to boost your mood?

Last episode we talked about how our gut bacteria can affect our mood, including anxiety, depression and how we react to stress. So I thought it would be a good idea to carry over that theme into today’s episode and build upon the specific foods that can help calm anxiety and boost mood.

We’re going to go even one step further than we have in previous episodes and discuss superfoods.

What are superfoods and which ones have mood-boosting properties?

Listen in to find out…

Key Points Re: Superfoods

Super foods are calorie sparse and nutrient dense, meaning they pack a lot of punch for their weight as far as goodness goes. They are superior sources of antioxidants and essential nutrients, which are nutrients that are important to our health, yet the human body cannot make on its own.

The Top 10 List of Superfoods that Boost Your Mood

* Almonds and walnuts

* Asparagus

* Blueberries and acai berries

* Kefir

* Peaches and oranges

* Salmon and mackerel

* Seaweed

* Spinach

* Sunflower seeds

* Turkey

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

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I recommend incorporating at least one serving of one of these foods into your diet on a daily basis. Is there a food on that list that you haven’t tried before? Perhaps start with that one… a new adventure to boot!

Have fun experimenting with new food combinations and recipes.

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Have you tried incorporating these super foods into your diet? Let me know how that has gone for you, what you’ve noticed by leaving a comment below. I’d love to hear about your experience.

Would you like recommendations for recipes? Let me know… leave a comment below. And if you’ve found a great recipe please share it with others by posting it below. Thank you!

 

 

Are gut bacteria causing anxiety in you?

When you think about strategies to calm anxiety or treat depression maybe you think of psychotherapy, medication, hypnosis, affirmations … right, something along those lines. I’m betting that you would not automatically think about your gut.

Well, our guts may very well hold the secret to improving your mood and mental health. That’s what this episode is about: what do your gut bacteria have to do with your anxiety or depression?

I decided to talk about this subject after reading an article called, “Gut Feelings: the future of psychiatry may be inside your stomach” on the website theVerge.com.

 

Key Points Re: Gut Bacteria Causing Anxiety and Depression

* We actually have two nervous systems. The first one – the central nervous system – is composed of our brain and spinal cord. And the second one – the enteric nervous system – is the intrinsic nervous system within your gastrointestinal tract.

* The two nervous systems are connected by the vagus nerve, which is how the bacteria in your gut transmit information to your brain.

* Your gut actually sends much more information to your brain than your brain sends to your gut.

* Just as you have neurons in your brain, you also have neurons in your gut – including neurons that produce neurotransmitters like serotonin. Serotonin is involved in mood control. The greatest concentration of serotonin is actually found in your gut, not your brain.

* When looking for a probiotic supplement, I recommend looking for one that guarantees a minimum of at least 10 billion active bacterial colony units up until the expiration date.

* You want to look for one that contains multiple strains. The two most important strains, in terms of research related to anxiety and depression, seem to be Lactobacillus rhamnosus and Bifidobacterium longum, so look for those on the label.

* A great way to get healthy gut bacteria through your diet is to eat fermented foods.

 

The probiotic I use and recommend in my practice is HMF Neuro powder.

And here are some great recipes for fermented foods.

 

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

 

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Start adding a few fermented foods into your diet.

Consider a 6 month trial of supplementing with a good quality, high dose probiotic.

What we’ve talked about is just a small part of gut health, but combine this with the information from episode 5 and you’ll be off to a great start.

 

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Have you ever experienced an emotional crisis? Where you were flooded by a storm of difficult thoughts and feelings. What did you do?

A crisis can present in many different forms, from the death of a loved one, to loss of a job, to collapse of a marriage, to financial disaster.

When you’re hit by a crisis, an emotional storm is likely to whip through your mind and body, tossing painful feelings and thoughts in all directions.

What you should do when you find yourself experiencing an emotional crisis? What can you do to not only survive, but to thrive? It’ll be handy to have these techniques in your back pocket so you can use them whenever needed.

 

Key Points Re: Surviving an Emotional Crisis

* If we want to act effectively then we can’t allow that storm to carry us away. The first thing we need to do is “drop anchor.”

* Consider practicing the “Grounding Breath”

* The next step is to take note. Take a moment to scan your body and notice what you’re feeling. Find the most painful feeling, observe it, breathe into it, expand around it, and allow it to be.

* After that, take a step back and notice all the thoughts whirring around in your head. See if you can “name the story.” Give a name to the story your mind is trying to tell you. For example, “Here’s the ‘I can’t cope’ story.”

* The last step is to pursue your values.

* To remember what to do in an emotional crisis remember the word STOP.

* Slow your breathing

* Take note

* Open up

* Pursue your values

 

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

 

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You don’t get to choose the deck of cards you are dealt in life; you only get to choose how you play with them. So a useful question to ask is: ‘Given this is the hand I’ve been dealt, what’s the best way to play with it? What personal strengths can I develop or strengthen as I go through this ordeal? How can I learn and grow from this experience?’

Be compassionate to yourself. Ask yourself, ‘If someone I loved was going through this experience, feeling what I am feeling – if I wanted to be kind and caring towards them, how would I treat them? How would I behave towards them? What might I say or do?’ Then try treating yourself the same way.

Again and again come back to those four basic steps, using them over and over until the crisis has resolved. STOP. Slow your breathing, take note, open up, pursue your values.

 

To help keep this near you, to have this knowledge wherever you go, so you don’t have to worry about remembering, I’ve created a wallet size printable 4 Steps to Survive an Emotional Crisis handout for you.

Click here to download it now.

 

And check out episode 9 for a more detailed walk through of the breathing exercise.

 

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In this episode what I’ve decided to do is answer a couple of questions from listeners.

Question #1 from Jacqueline: ““I’m confused about what you call acceptance. Are you saying we should just live with the pain, to tolerate it? I don’t understand how that would be helpful.”

Question #2 from Kevin: “How do I know if something is really, truly holding me back? I’m trying to figure out what things are stopping me from being more confident and some of the things I’m coming up with I don’t know if it’s actually true or if I just think it’s true? Do you know what I mean? I appreciate any help you can give me.”

Have a question? I’m happy to answer it… please send me a message through the Calm Living site or our Facebook page.

 

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

 

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Save your seat for our latest online workshop here.

 

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In this episode you’re going to discover a technique, that when used optimally, can actually help you create your own reality. Everyone who has achieved great success in life has used this power consciously or unconsciously.

What is this simple technique?

Have a listen to the episode to find out…

 

Key Points: Create Your Own Reality

* Our mind brings up stories all the time and we have the choice whether to fuse with them, to get entangled by these stories or not.

* Visualization is a way to take control over the story.

* Brain scans show that visualization activates those parts in our brain responsible for carrying out actions.

* It’s not necessary to know how to get there. You just need to be able to see and feel that desired outcome, that goal for yourself.

* The key difference between what I’m talking about here and what a lot of people do when visualizing is what I mean by “successfully programming” this into your subconscious … is that you see and feel it as already having happened. That’s it’s a done deal.

* Visualization helps you find the information and means to carry out the necessary actions. You still need to take action. What you need to do and how to do it will become clear because of visualizing, but you still need to act.

* Begin with the end in mind.

* Here’s a general outline or step by step process (for those of you that like that kind of thing) that might be helpful to start with:

* Get clear on your intention.

* Eliminate distractions.

* Experience your intention or endpoint as already having been manifested into reality.

 

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

 

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Incorporate visualization into your daily practice. Even if it’s just a couple minutes to start with.

 

“Most people do not know that they are motivated by the pictures in their heads and have no idea of how powerful and specific they are… The power of pictures is total … and when we change the important pictures, we change our lives.” – William Glaser

 

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Have you tried visualization before? What has been your experience? I’d love to hear about it… please leave a comment below.

 

In this episode you’re going to discover why self-esteem is overrated. Yes, I said OVER-rated. I know a lot of self-help books and programs out there are all about boosting your self-esteem.

Well, I’m going to tell why those don’t work and why you don’t need to waste your money on them.

 

Key Points: Why Self-Esteem is Over-rated

* Most people can relate to the core belief of “I’m not good enough as I am. There is something wrong with me or lacking in me.”

* No matter how hard we try or how much we achieve, our thinking self can always find something to dislike, some way in which we are lacking, deficient, not good enough.

* What exactly is self-esteem? An opinion you hold about yourself.

* Here’s the reason why self-esteem is overrated: self-esteem is not a fact; it’s just an opinion.

* It’s nothing more than a highly subjective judgement.

* For most people, including myself, the more positive the thought, the more resistance there is … thoughts like “Yeah, right!” “Who are you kidding?” “Maybe in your dreams” automatically pop up.

* The reality is you can find an infinite number of good and bad stories to tell about yourself and as long as you’re invested in self-esteem you’re going to waste a lot of time in this chess game, fighting an endless battle against your own limitless supply of negative thoughts.

* What if you completely let go of judging yourself as a person? What would life be like if you were to let go of self-esteem altogether?

* The good news is that leading a rich, full and meaningful life does not depend upon self-esteem at all.

 

Episode Transcript

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

 

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Are you willing to try this?

Let go of trying to prove yourself. Let go of thinking of yourself as a “good person.” Let go of trying to justify your self-worth. Whatever judgments your thinking self makes of you – positive or negative – see them for what they are (just words) and let them go.

When you choose to leave the battle with self-esteem, here’s where you end up: Self-acceptance.

Being okay with who you are. Treating yourself kindly. Accepting that you are a human being and therefore imperfect. Allowing yourself to mess up, make mistakes and learn from them.

Instead of judging yourself you recognize your strengths and weaknesses and you do what you can to be the person you want to be.

 

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What did you think of the podcast episode? Please let me know by leaving a comment below. I GREATLY appreciate the feedback!

 

This podcast episode is going to be one of the most important things you listen you.

No hype here. It just is.

In my opinion this is the most important step of the Calm Living Blueprint, of setting yourself free from fear, free from your struggles with anxiety.

Key Points

* Values alone aren’t enough. Our journey begins only when we start taking action.

* When we move forward guided by our values, we feel a sense of meaning and purpose, even in the face of major challenges.

* Even if we think a goal is impossible we can still keep moving towards it. You don’t have to believe that you’ll achieve it. You just need to take action.

* Every little step counts. Each and every step is an important part of the journey.

* Oftentimes, moving in a meaningful direction will give rise to uncomfortable feelings – fear, self-doubt, anxiety. Therefore, we better learn to make room for those painful feelings if we want to achieve our goals.

* We can’t stop the difficult thoughts and feelings from popping up, but we can stop investing our energy in struggling with them and instead focus on the task at hand.

* Commitment doesn’t mean you never give up or never go off track. Commitment means that when you do give up you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on track again.

* The actions of social confidence come first. The feelings of social confidence come later.

Episode Transcript

You can download a copy of this episode’s transcript by clicking here.

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If you chose option 2, it’s time to get moving …

Take a moment to clarify your next step and then take action. Take the action you commit to.

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