In this episode, I introduce you to the history behind the new name of the podcast.

It all has to do with a Trinidadian story. 

Have a listen,

Ophelia 

The word disappointment originates from the Old French word désappointer which means “to deprive of an office or position.” In relationships, when we feel disappointed in a person - we are feeling we have been deprived of the potential (the hope) we had in them and for them. This is the grief of disappointment. 

We had hope in that person, and they did not live up to our idea of who they should/can be. Is it about them, or is it about YOU?

I have no problem with you seeing the bright sides of things, or being optimistic or having a positive personality. I am a very positive person. However, when we don't let others sit with their pain, share their pain - and rush to put a fancy bow on their pain - we are 'SILVER-LINING IT". 

We do this for a variety of reasons.  When we insist on finding the silver lining to a deep sorrow in someone, we are actually robbing ourselves and of the opportunity to build connection and empathy -  instead, we build disconnection and distrust. 

“Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another and feeling with the heart of another.” – Alfred Adler. 

“You can only understand people if you feel them in yourself.” – John Steinbeck. 

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” – Mother Teresa.

It’s not about saying the right things. It’s about doing the right things. 

All loss is tragic however, there are some that are horrific, sudden and unnecessary. 

For example:

The World is shocked. We ask ourselves "How does this happen?"

Then all of a sudden we pull away - and go back to our world - because to think of it - to sit in it - makes us feel vulnerable.

 As Martin Luther King, Jr. reminded us more than 50 years ago, “a riot is the language of the unheard.”  Reports of hate crimes are surging in Canada during the COVID-19 pandemic and are on the rise in Muslim, Asian and Jewish communities. Indigenous Communities are dealing with another deep wound of finding over 335 murdered children. Black and Indigenous people are disproportionately amongst the victims of police deadly shootings than White People. We view these stories on social media and the news - we are shocked - we are disgusted - we can't believe it - we become uncomfortable - and then what do we do?  We send our thoughts and prayers and get on with our day. 

It's time to do more. 

Gaslighting is a type of emotional manipulation where one person manipulates another person into questioning or doubting their own reality. Gaslighting occurs in the workplace, in relationships and even occurs when someone is grieving. It's when people say:

“Calm down, it did not happen that way.”

“Stop being so sensitive or You are overreacting.”

“You’re turning this into a bigger deal than it is.”

All of these are examples of gaslighting statements. The speaker is intentionally or unintentionally undermining your confidence, which makes you question your perception of reality. 

Gaslighting is destructive and it is a type of emotional manipulation that is based on power and control. 

Vicarious grief refers to grieving and experiencing pain and loss that is stimulated by someone else's loss. It is generated by another individual's loss who is the actual griever, but you are also "feeling" the pain "vicariously". It's real and it's normal. 

Not everyone is having a 'Hallmark Card' moment on mother's day. It can be challenging for many.