When does ambition build resilience and when does it become survival?

In this episode, I talk with former competitive athlete Jessie about growing up in an elite sports household while navigating significant childhood trauma. For her, movement wasn’t just competition—it was regulation, control, and identity.

We explore how high-achieving teens can tie their worth to performance, how anxiety often shows up physically before mentally, and why mental health isn’t a detour from performance—it’s the foundation for sustainable performance.

From a nervous system and family systems lens, this conversation unpacks athlete mental health, performance anxiety, childhood trauma, and what it looks like to build resilience without sacrificing psychological safety.

Jessie has taken her lived experience—both the pain and the growth—and transformed it into a powerful coaching philosophy. Today, she’s a devoted personal trainer and a grounded, intentional mom, bringing awareness and empathy into both spaces.

If you’re raising a driven teen or untangling achievement from identity yourself, this one is for you.

👉 Follow the podcast, share this episode with someone who needs it, and connect with me for parent coaching, speaking engagements, or family systems support.

In this episode, Ellen shares her story of growing up high-functioning on the outside while quietly struggling on the inside.

Diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes as a teenager, Ellen describes how constant monitoring, food calculations, and pressure around her body slowly shifted from medical necessity into something more serious. What began as management turned into control, secrecy, and an eating disorder—long before anyone realized what was going on.

Living with Type 1 diabetes doesn’t just affect blood sugar — research shows people with T1D are more likely to experience anxiety and emotional distress, and girls and women with T1D are over twice as likely to develop an eating disorder compared with those without diabetes.

Together, we talk about:

• How anxiety often shows up as control rather than panic

• Why eating disorders are rarely about appearance

• The complicated intersection of Type 1 diabetes and disordered eating

• Why teens can seem “okay” even when they aren’t

• What finally made Ellen choose treatment and what healing actually looked like after

This is a conversation about identity, fear, survival, and learning how to live in a body again — without romanticizing struggle or rushing recovery.

🎧 Listener note: This episode includes discussion of eating disorders, anxiety, chronic illness, and mental health. While nothing is graphic, please take care of yourself while listening.

🧠 Companion episode available: After listening, you may want to check out the companion episode where I offer reflection questions and a psychology and family-systems lens to help parents and teens make sense of the themes in this conversation.

🎶 Music credit: All of the music in this episode was created by Ellen. You can follow her and hear more of her work on social media at @elliezelie.

Resources:

• National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)Information, screening tools, and support
  https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

• Academy for Eating Disorders (AED)Evidence-based education and treatment resources
  https://www.aedweb.org

• National Alliance for Eating DisordersTreatment referrals and education
  https://www.allianceforeatingdisorders.com

• Child Mind InstituteAnxiety, perfectionism, and regulation in teens
  https://childmind.org

• National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)Anxiety disorders in adolescents
  https://www.nimh.nih.gov

• Diabulimia HelplineSpecialized support for people with Type 1 diabetes and eating disorders
  https://www.diabulimiahelpline.org

• We Are DiabetesEducation, peer support, and resources for Type 1 diabetes and disordered eating
  https://www.wearediabetes.org

• American Diabetes Association (ADA)Mental health and diabetes resources
  https://diabetes.org

• National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases (NIDDK)Research-based information on diabetes and mental health

  https://www.niddk.nih.gov

• In the U.S., call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

• If you’re outside the U.S., local crisis resources can be found through your country’s health services

This episode is a companion to “When Control Feels Like Safety: Ellen’s Story.”

After hearing Ellen’s story, many parents and teens are left holding a lot of questions, emotions, and moments of recognition that don’t always have words yet.

In this episode, I slow things down and offer a therapist’s perspective to help make sense of what was happening underneath the behaviors discussed in Ellen’s story. Through a psychology and family-systems lens, we explore why anxiety so often shows up as control, how the body can become a place to manage uncertainty, and why teens can appear “fine” even when they’re struggling deeply.

This conversation is designed to add context, reflection, and depth. I include gentle reflection questions for parents and caregivers to examine their own experiences and responses.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why eating disorders are rarely about appearance and often about regulation

• How chronic illness and constant monitoring can increase risk for disordered eating

• Why comparison, secrecy, and high-functioning can function as survival strategies

• What actually helps teens feel safe enough to accept support

• How parents can stay present without carrying or fixing everything

🎧 Listener note: This episode includes discussion of eating disorders, anxiety, chronic illness, and mental health. Please take care of yourself while listening.

🎶 Music credit: All of the music used in both this episode and Ellen’s interview was created by Ellen herself. You can follow her and hear more of her work on social media at @elliezelie.

If this episode brought up concerns for you or your teen, these are trusted, evidence-based resources:

• National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)
  https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

• Academy for Eating Disorders (AED)
  https://www.aedweb.org

• National Alliance for Eating Disorders
  https://www.allianceforeatingdisorders.com

• Child Mind Institute (Anxiety & teens)
  https://childmind.org

• Diabulimia Helpline — specialized support for T1D + eating disorders
  https://www.diabulimiahelpline.org

• We Are Diabetes — education and peer support
  https://www.wearediabetes.org

• American Diabetes Association (ADA) — mental health & diabetes
  https://diabetes.org

• In the U.S., you can call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

• If you’re outside the U.S., local crisis resources are available through your country’s health services

What does it actually feel like to be a high-achieving teenage girl right now?

In this deeply honest episode, I sit down with a 17-year-old teen girl for a raw, thoughtful conversation about body image, anxiety, self-harm, and the relentless pressure to succeed. She shares—in her own words—what adults may miss: the constant comparison, the fear of disappointing others, the quiet internal battles, and the longing to feel understood rather than fixed.

This episode is not sensationalized. It’s grounded, reflective, and real.

If you’re a teen, parent, educator, therapist, or anyone who cares about teens, this conversation offers rare insight into the internal world of adolescent girls today—and why empathy, listening, and emotional safety matter more than perfection or performance.

Content note: This episode includes discussion of self-harm, eating disorders, and mental health struggles. Listen with caution.

🎧 Listen with an open mind.
💬 Share with someone.
⭐ If this conversation resonates, please rate, follow, and leave a review—it helps this message reach more families.

You can find me on Instagram at @parentingteengirls_ and learn more about my work, resources, and community impact at dkevolving.com—where every purchase has a purpose, and 50% of profits support nonprofits doing vital, often invisible work.

Every family is still evolving.

In this powerful conversation, I sit down with Emergency Shelter Services (ESS) volunteer board member, Sarah Eades, to shine a light on the realities of family homelessness in our community—what it actually looks like, why so many children are impacted, and how support systems can change the entire trajectory of a family’s life.

We talk about:
• the challenges caseworkers face as they support families through crisis, trauma, and major life transitions
• the emotional and developmental impact on children and teens
• the misconceptions about who becomes homeless and why
• the various facets of ESS, including emergency shelter, housing navigation, eviction prevention, case management, and the partnerships that make long-term stability possible
• how unstable government grants and fluctuating funding cycles make it difficult for shelters to plan, staff, and deliver consistent care
• the critical role community support plays when grant funding falls short
• the small, meaningful ways any family can get involved and make a tangible difference

Research shows that when parents model volunteering and talk about caring for others, kids are far more likely to volunteer themselves. Youth who participate in service also show better mental health, stronger emotional regulation, and higher rates of “flourishing.” Even small acts of family service help children build empathy, community connection, and lifelong compassion.

ESS shares both heartbreaking and hopeful stories that reveal how invisible this issue can be—and how transformational the right resources are. Their perspective on funding instability is especially eye-opening: when grants shift or disappear, essential services for children and families are directly at risk.

As a therapist who works with parents, teens, and families every day, this conversation reaffirmed how essential it is for communities to understand the pressures many families are quietly navigating. You’ll walk away more informed, more compassionate, and more empowered to take action.

Learn more or support ESS through the Coldest Night of the Year fundraiser here: https://secure.e2rm.com/registrant/FundraisingPage.aspx?registrationID=5550043&langPref=en-CA

or dkevolving.com where you can purchase apparel collabs! 50% of all DK Evolving apparel profits are being donated directly to ESS.

social media affects teen girls differently than teen boys — and the newest research finally explains why. in this episode, we break down the four biggest evidence-based risk factors for girls in 2025, the hidden pressures most parents never hear about, and the protective habits that actually support healthier digital wellbeing. practical, research-backed, and grounded in real teen insight. this is part 3 in the social media reset series!!

Is YouTube actually social media? In this quick episode, I break down what research shows about how YouTube shapes teens’ mood, identity, and mental health — even when it feels like “just watching videos.” If you’re a parent trying to understand your teen’s online world, this short listen gives you clarity, language, and practical next steps.

For more evidence-based parenting resources, visit my blog at dkevolving.com — and explore our mission-driven apparel that supports local mental health initiatives. Every purchase helps us give back to organizations serving youth and families in our community.

in part two of “resetting your teen’s relationship with social media,” therapist Dillan Koch digs deeper into what actually helps teens build healthier digital habits. we explore the three pillars parents ask me about most: boundaries that work, age-appropriate expectations, and limits that support—not punish—your teen.

you’ll hear practical strategies you can start today, ways to collaborate instead of collide, and the evidence behind why a reset doesn’t have to be extreme to be effective. we also talk about delaying social media, choosing the right apps, using parental controls, and how to protect mental health while still respecting your teen’s growing independence.

this episode is designed to help you feel clearer, calmer, and more confident as you guide your teen through a digital world that changes fast.

for more resources, group offerings, and blogs, visit dkevolving.com. you can also find me on instagram at @parentingteengirls_.

in this episode, therapist Dillan Koch discusses what it means to help teens—and families—reset their relationship with social media. based on her evidence-based blog post, this conversation explores practical, research-supported ways to build awareness, improve sleep, and reconnect offline.

learn more about dkevolving's mission, explore mental health resources, and discover products that give back to local families at dkevolving.com.